Tales of Toons: Rorikon no Kishi
by maestrodelvuelo
Summary: Knight of Lolicon's English version! Accompany Mike and Linda into a galactic adventure in search of the Anime's guardian spirits to restore the Goddess of Lolicon... all while they fight the darkest follower of the Lolita Complex.
1. The beginning

AUTHOR: Hello, readers. Some time ago, there existed a fanfic story by the name of 'Knight of Lolicon'. My loyal reviewer Mike M helped me with it, and so the main character was named after him. Such story scored a solid 200+ hits per month, but something was amiss... that work was written in spanish! And so, my # 1 fans in the english-speaking populace, Storm and Roc are helping me put it in Shakespeare's mother tongue. Hoping that it becomes just as popular, I present you the NTSC version: 'Rorikon no Kishi'!

YAMI-AUTHOR: With more deleted scenes, dummied out dialogue, unused songs and overall extra content!

* * *

_A teacher is one who lectures. __A teacher is one who devotes oneself. A teacher is one who does his best to make the students reach the top. This is a story about a career-less teacher and the ones who get in the way of his dreams. _

Not half bad, isn't it? This is the headline of some story that I wanted to put on paper a long time ago. I came to me by looking at my own lifestyle, which was in need of some fantastical spicing-up. Oh, wait, I didn't even introduce myself...

I could tell you my name, but what I am going to tell doesn't require it... and it gives it a good mysterious boost. Yep, Im a regular guy, what our interwebs would call Christmas Cake: 'no one wants it after the 25th'. This isnt an old age, geez! But living in your parents' house along two crazy sisters and an all-too-permisive grandma, you would say: 'okay, it's time to leave them'. I like my home, got it? I am comfortable there. I leave the hole only a select few times, but this one would be a memorable one...

I dressed up to leave –but not by night time, I don't quite like it like today's youngsters- and you could really tell my lack of enthusiasm: a white T-shirt with some sauce taints and leather trousers, ones too large to fit my noodle-like legs. I looked like your typical Ben Tennyson, although I don't really cosplay as often as such fetish would dictate.

But enough about me. The one who started this story was a girl. Sooo clichéd, right? It's always a girl or a bad guy who starts up all the plots... okay, let's resume. I went to the bridge that crosses up the highway near my home, and she stood there... in the highest point. She was looking to no defined points, never spending too much time looking in the same direction. She looked as if she didn't know where she was. After approaching her, I could tell by her features that I had never met her.

The disappointment felt because of that foreigner lasted only a bit. A split second where our eyes crossed was enough for me to feel her sadness... wherever she was from, she missed someone or something, as she was about to cry. Again the feeling was very short lived, because a vehicle passed zooming behind her and made her trip... she was gonna fall down the bridge! The height wasn't much, but if she ended up cracking her head she could die!

Any other person would have just stood there unable to move because of the shock. And many ones would have ignored her and left the place, fearing... something. I hate those kind of people. Only one thing crossed my mind: Going Hero! I jumped forward and ran under her, stopping her fall with my own body, a crash whose damage still haunts me... but I had saved a life, guys! The blood rush helped me get her to a sitting position and let her rest on a more comfortable arrangement. Now we were face to face.

She was still more impressive when seen from such short distance. Her hair was red, very red, as red as fresh ripe tomatoes... and nonetheless it looked natural, there was no trace of hair dyes. Her face was slim and elongated, as if someone tried to pull it off. She had a funny mole in one side of her forehead, like a bug lost in a big desert. Ah, thank god, she was finally opening her eyes. They were sky blue, contrasting with...

With everything, geez. Those eyes reflected a calmness and kindness that clashed with what her hair shouted, 'shine', 'fire', 'passion'... her puppy eyes didn't match with her ragged leather clothing, as if Asuka Langley tried to play as the rude Travis Touchdow...

GIRL: Aug... where am I... did you catch me?

ME: Whew, looks like you awakened... yep, I catched you mid-fall. If not, you would have cracked your head!

GIRL: Oh, thanks...

ME: What were you looking for? Before falling you were looking everywhere, as if waiting for someone.

GIRL: I don't know. In fact, I know nothing... why am I here? And WHO am I, then?

ME: Now we have really done it! The poor thing has lost her memory, between the fall and the shock!

GIRL: _But I didn't know anything about me even BEFORE falling... not even how I got here, it's so weird..._

ME: Can you at least tell me your name? It would be a start, we'd continue from there...

GIRL: No, sorry... this thing here is a total blank. (points to head) It's a real drag!

ME: **Que linda**... [So pretty] (GIRL: What?) Er, I meant that you are pretty! It's true!

GIRL: Sounds fitting... we will leave it like that.

ME: How, what? You can't wander around with no name, what if I need to call you?

GIRL: No, I mean 'that'. Linda. As long as I don't remember my name, now I'm Linda.

ME: Gee, good choice... _that way I can compliment her without her noticing, lucky me._

GIRL: And you? What's your own name?

ME: Ahem, well... you can call me 'Mike'. (GIRL: Come on!) Well, if you allow me...

GIRL: Don't worry, you are entitled to use a nick... I myself am doing it.

ME: Okay then! Say, you dropped something during all the mess. Looks like a letter!

Effectively, a very nicely adorned envelope slipped out of her pocket. It sported a quite complicated crest and a wax seal. It seemed to be there for an emergency, and this was a crude one. Having no other clues, we opted for opening it and see where it could lead us

LINDA: (reads) 'If you ever lose your past, just sleep a night and you will be alright'.

MIKE: 'And then everything will be clear... love, Mom and Dad'. Now this is helpful!

LINDA: Then this had happened before... maybe some disease had left me like this?

MIKE: Looks like it is temporary... you only need to rest the night and tomorrow we'll know all about you.

LINDA: But where? Im lost, I know no one in this town and I hardly have anything but the clothes I'm wearing!

MIKE: Look, about that issue... _Ahem, this is difficult to say without looking crazy..._

If someone was saying that I took her in to my house, whoever it they are, they are not gonna earn any prizes... it was too easy to guess. Luckily, the rest of my family was away, celebrating Holy Week in another province altogether... so I didn't need to explain anything. After dividing the food between us (I swear, when I get better at cooking I will laugh at all the times I needed easy-bake meals) we were getting ready to sleep, but wait! It was Sunday and so I had to bathe, it is a nag of mine. We had a problem: along her memories Linda had also lost her manners! Only she would have dared appear before me wearing... arg, can't say it! After throwing her a pyjama, I tried to wash myself and un-see such a life-scarring image, then remembered to check on my father's computer, eternally switched on. This would be the beginning of it all...

LINDA: What are you watching?

MIKE: Oh, this is my father's computer. It is always like this, I only need to check it once in a while.

LINDA: Well, let's go to bed at once, Im dying to sleep...

MIKE: Are you upset about something I did? Maybe about before? I didn't want to!

LINDA: No, you are right... the bodily secrets of boys and girls should remain so until they both agree to it... and I don't deserve to know yours, right? Because you don't even know who I am... not even I know myself!

MIKE: Come on, tomorrow you will be cured and you will be able to put me up to day.

LINDA: Of course! You really do deserve it. You saved me from something worse than amnesia... you are a hero!

MIKE: Don't spit out that word so lightly... I am no hero. Only a guy who did what he had to. A true hero is one who does his daily chores without fault, no matter how hard they may be. Not one who does something special just once...

LINDA: You are weird... but I guess that's why I like you. *blushes* Because you are very kind... very human.

MIKE: Er, okay, then let's go to bed already, so tomorrow we can get up early...!

I didn't exactly figure what was her impression of me, a good guy or a weird loon, but at least she didn't care. After many hours I got up to go to the bathroom, but I heard a noise in the computer's room. The house was supposed to be empty! With the claws on hand, I entered the room and saw her: a strange light was emerging from the screen and she stared at it as if she was sleep-talking.

FLUUUSH! The flash engulfed us both and that's the last thing I remember from that night. When I awakened I was wearing again the clothes I had when I rescued Linda, and a funny bugger was staring at me in the eye, penetrating my soul and analyzing it.

MIKE: What is this thing? It's looking funny at me! And its presence is even weirder!

BUG: Don't shout, you human being. I guess that's what you are, according to my data.

MIKE: What are you, tell me! You look like... let's see, how can I define it... you look like a Yoshi, but drawn in a very realistic style. And you are small as an imp, but at the same time you sport two fairy-like wings... arg, that's crazy!

VOICE: (far away) KYAAAH! (MIKE: The heck was that!)

BUG: It was that girl who landed with you... looks like she found something dangerous?

MIKE: We aren't home, we aren't even in my town... I don't know where we are, but I will go get her. Again!

BUG: Are you gonna play hero, boy? I am not sure you are up to my world's dangers...

MIKE Lookie bugger, a hero is one who does whatever has to be done, so I am helping her no matter what!

BUG: I have a name, kiddo! Im Shonenji, Genderiel of the Shonen Galaxy. If you want to do something useful for Lady Linda, I have the way to help you stop worrying about her safety all the time: if you want to pact with me.

MIKE: What can I do? (looks at the distance)

SHONENJI: To become the Knight of Lolicon, use the vast powers of the Goddess of Lolicon to strengthen yourself!

MIKE: Wait, what? Isn't that Lolicon thing regarded as... some kinky stuff, you know?

SHONENJI: Will you do it or no? I haven't got all day! And it seems she hasn't either. (faraway cries)

MIKE: Arg, let's do it! I can withstand whatever you got!

The weird animal released a puff of energy and I felt a strange force revolting inside my body, to grant me a costume... and one very worthy of a shining knight. Not even thinking it twice, I started running towards the screaming. Linda wasn't going to die now, not after having saved her once! But back then, I didn't know what I had gotten myself into...


	2. Shonen 1: Dragon Ball

AUTHOR: There, five chapters in a row. That will give people something to read until we get the corrections.  
YAMI-AUTHOR: Expect the final version soon. If not, this translation will feel like Ted Woosley all over again!

* * *

_THE FEARSOME BOO IS RETAKEN BY DARKNESS._

Hey, hello there. You still reading? As you should know, the beautiful foreigner and the boy with funny glasses who saved her in the real world were now very far from Kansas –figurately speaking- and a danger was looming over the redhead: a fat dinosaur wanted to taste her! Mike sped off a hundred meters when he saw the beast and its crying prey.

MIKE: _Now the plot would dictate for me to use a cool superpower to save her and..._ (LINDA: KYAAAH!) I'm coming! Wait, where did I pull this blade from? Ha, I know! Hey monster, look here!

After getting its attention, he positions himself behind a boulder and they begin playing 'Four Corners' and obviously the monster gets disoriented. So the boy takes the chance and uses the beam part of his unexpected sword to slash its tail off, by losing its balance he can do the same to the head, and he's finished the reptile without too much thinking. Such unnecessary carnage...

LINDA: Mike, is it you? Oh god THANKS! This makes two rescues... thank goodness.

MIKE: I told you, it was nothing... I only do what I must. Hey, Shonenji or whatever is your name, come out!

SHONENJI: I am here, you noisy lad. So did you like those Knight's powers, huh?

MIKE: Apart from pulling out a sword from nowhere, they are rather lame, mind you.

LINDA: I didn't knew it was you at first sight... that armor looks cool on you, where...?

MIKE: Where did I get it? This little animal gave it to me, in exchange of something...

It was true, wearing that suit the boy actually looked like someone pretty powerful. It had, from bottom to top: black boots from the Leaf Village, kimono pants with red and green zebra pattern, golden chestplate similar to the Sagittarius Cloth, white gloves just like the Disney characters and a metallic visor on his head blatantly equal to Prosecutor Godot's, with a flowing blue bandana. A true mish-mash of coolness-stuffed items.

LINDA: Can you explain me what are we doing here? Who is that bugger, and well... everything else?

MIKE: Last thing I remember is having fainted in front of my dad's computer...

SHONENJI: Must I presume you don't know where you are? Let's see: this is the Toon World, specifically the Shonen Galaxy... and if you are here it must be because a certain entity summoned you from this plane, most probably the Goddess of Lolicon herself... a short while ago the goddess banished from her rightful place, and her servants, the Genderiels found themselves in charge of restoring her soul to her former glory. I'm Shonenji, the ruler of this one galaxy.

MIKE: Let's see if I understand. This world is composed by parts and characters from the toon lore, specifically the Shonen style... and my powers as Knight are based on the Lolicon philosophy... am I right until that?

SHONENJI: Certainly, if you follow the path of the Lolicon and fulfil your vows, the power will never leave you.

LINDA: Say, tell me what's that 'toon', 'lolicon' and all that stuff... it's all a big mess!

SHONENJI: (sheet) I guess this document can clear your doubts. It's from a digitalized encyclopaedia from your world.

LINDA: (0_0) Ah, okay. (reads Wikipedia entry) And what was the 'vows' part about?

MIKE: Well, that part... is a bit embarrassing. First one is that I must find and heal the goddess...

LINDA: That's so nice of you. (^_^)

MIKE: And the other is a promise I made myself... that I would always take care of you.

LINDA: Aw, you are so kind with a girl you hardly know! You really are a true hero...

MIKE: *blushes* Okay, leave it be already! Let's look for some civilization or perhaps some human settlement.

(Just like that, the sky seemed to darken and music was beginning to be clearly heard.)

LINDA: What's that thing I am hearing?

MIKE: Looks like... yes, it's an opening song, and I already know where we landed!

LINDA: (?_?) That was fast...

(And they could clearly listen to Dragon Ball GT's op, Dan Dan Kokoro Hikare teku!)

[Song lyrics were here. Go play it in your favourite player/browser.]

MIKE: Cooool! We are no longer lost, guys! Come on, we need to find the nearby city!

LINDA: The song was pretty good... I think I am gonna try and learn it.

SHONENJI: You have ample time, Lady Linda. Until Lord Mike finds his purpose...

Then, after a short while they reached Satan City thanks to the boy's visor's new and cool gadgets, like a radar, a map, a scanner... he was like a kid with his new toy. Before anything else they needed to find well-known characters, and where better than Capsule Corp: there they could check on Bulma and the gang, if they hadn't left already looking for balls... when they arrived they learnt about where in the plot they had landed.

MIKE: (doorbell) Let me talk with them, I think I will manage fine.

SHONENJI: Don't forget, Lord Mike, that you need to further your Lolicon mission by recruiting some lolis.

MIKE: Yes, I know. Theoretically, if I pact with them I will get stronger, I suppose...

LINDA: Why the pact ritual implies **hugging** those girls? Whose idea was it? *grunts*.

SHONENJI: Do I detect a small taint of jealousy in your character, Lady Linda?

LINDA: (ò_ó.#) I am NOT jealous!

MIKE: _Yowzers, the animated environment is starting to affect her. She's even growing out emoticons and stuff_.

(The doorbell is heard inside, and soon the blue haired doctor appears before them.)

BULMA: Oh, hello boys. What do you want?

MIKE: Ahem... you are Doctor Bulma, aren't you? We are looking for Son Goku-san...

BULMA: How do you know of him?

MIKE: Well, you see, let's say we are distant friends... ones you didn't know he had.

BULMA: Oh, sorry, it happens to be that he is out... he went with my son to outer space.

MIKE: Don't tell me they left already! How much time ago was that journey?

BULMA: It was more than a month ago. I was worried, a spaceship part broke and I didn't know what it was...

MIKE: Calm down then, I have a hunch that they're okay. And by the way, *whisper*.

BULMA: (0_0) Why are you telling me you need an 'attractive underaged girl'...!

LINDA: Mike, really, you were a bit too honest... (¬_¬) (VOICE: Maybe he is talking about me!) *door opens*.

(Bra has entered the room where they were chatting, she had returned from shopping.)

VEGETA: Heh, so that was the weird aura I have been sensing when we were on the way home... A cheeky weakling is asking my girl out. If it wasn't for the fact that I know she can pwn you herself, I would grab and skin you whole, you stupid wuss.

BRA: Daddy, don't be so rash to a foreigner! You must first let them try and court me.

MIKE: Yeah, well, I just wanted to... (whispering) I swear, it doesn't hurt in the least.

BRA: So you need someone like me to power up your ki level? Such lame idiocy, boy!

VEGETA: I will tell you again: you aren't worth half a punch, you can't possibly aspire to win out Bra.

LINDA: Mister! If I am the one asking, will you give him a chance? It's very important!

VEGETA: (ò_ó) _She called me 'mister'! What does this punky-haired lass think she is?_

VOICE: Heya, Vegeta! I think you should agree, I would like to see that boy try once.

BULMA: Son Gohan? You could have rung the bell, these two kids here already did!

GOHAN: Heh heh, yes, okay... it's because we are already like a big family, so I don't really bother anymore.

VEGETA: Do you honestly think a wuss like him can improve, or are you kidding me?

GOHAN: Look, he already has a strong heroic presence. And the costume reminds me of when I was his age...

MIKE: So you want to teach me how to do the crazy stuff Saiyans can do? (0_0) Cool!

BRA: _This guy knows a bit too much about us..._ Lesee, I propose this: Train with Gohan whatever amount of time you deem necessary, and if you beat daddy I'll let you do that ritual thingy. But no dirty stuff, ever!

MIKE: Of course, I would never bring myself to hurt you. I am a nice guy, right Linda?

LINDA: Mike will grow strong and beat you, I'm sure! Because he is brave and daring!

MIKE: Wow, you are very convinced... do you think the Time Chamber would be free?

GOHAN: Hey, you even know it exists! You are no regular guy. But yes, it would come handy! I will ask Popo.

SHONENJI: Lord Mike, I will keep you informed of whatever you need meanwhile, so you can freely leave.

MIKE: (?_?) I can't see you. Did you become smaller, or invisible or something else?

SHONENJI: I can do both, for you and Lady Linda too if you wanted to, and if it was convenient also.

LINDA: Oh, no, better be where I can see you! I get nervous if I am alone for a while.

GOHAN: Well, then let's mosey! Did I already tell you I love your suit's design? (^_^)

In another place but still inside the city, the fighting champion Mister Satan walked around happy with his life, although he wouldn't be as happy knowing who awaited him around the corner: FANGIRLS! His loyal Majin Boo is always near him, and luckily, because this time they were quite ferocious.

SATAN: Hello, my loyal and thankful citizens! Thank you for your unshakable support!

GIRLS: (*v*) SATAN YOU HOT STUFF! WE WANT YOUR BABIES! KYAAAH!

SATAN: Well, well, my ladies! Don't fight, today I will sign some items and then I will have to leave, okay?

BOO: Matters got thicker... the human women are fearsome. (^_^) Money = Candy...

(Satan signs some items, at the end the pink monster needs to turn him into a cookie and hide him in his jar.)

COOKIE-SATAN: Well that was cutting it tight. Har har, the women adore me, and the men want to be LIKE me!

BOO: You should be careful, Satan. *eats* What if I wasn't near you to stop your fans? Or something worse?

COOKIE-SATAN: You mean the thugs? Geez, maybe I can't do the crazy things that Goku and his friends can do, but I'm still fit to give those guys a beating! You just watch.

(Boo turns him into a human again and he does some karate poses, quite lame-looking.)

VOICE: Are you the Earth's martial arts champion, Mister Satan? I was looking for you!

A sinister looking guy has entered stage from the right. It's a young man of the same age level as Mike, as are his looks, but his suit is gobbled by the colour black. They are similar in everything, except for the newcomer's head, covered in a closed helmet much like Dark Samus'. To his side we can see a butterfly girl just like the Poncle fairies from the Ponc'tan village, sporting a long lemony-yellow dress. They were about to introduce themselves when they though it would be funnier to brag a bit more in the presence of someone as incapable as that phoney called Satan.

BOO: Who are you? Your looks are mighty suspicious. And Boo doesn't like thugs!

FAIRY: Show some respect, fictional critter! He's Master Xiglem, future overlord, and he can do as he wants!

XIGLEM: Leave it to me, Shojonoe. No matter if you are the Genderiel of Shojo, this is out of your field's job.

SATAN: I can't let you break the law, kiddo! Not on my city, on my planet, or even in my own universe!

XIGLEM: And you too, shut the hell up! You liar... This city can't be called your own, as you never earned it. A superpowered being threatened the planet and you could only watch how a Saiyan warrior gave it away to you after killing it! And then again, when a demon pulverized Earth and you could only manage to build time, while your ignorant lackeys finished him off! You are no hero. You are no champion. You are nothing! But you do have something I need now... the demon that you turned into a butler just after befriending him.

SATAN: Enough, you can't badmouth Boo! You will face me, I am still fit to beat you!

BOO: No, Satan, back off. This evil guy wants me. I will turn him into chocolate!

XIGLEM: Hum, just go and try it...

Then a street fight starts! True to his words, the pink demon fires the famous Chocolate Beam, but the villain pulls out a big, round mirror shield from his back and the attack is completely nulled. After reducing its size to that of a regular shield, Boo flies to strike at his face, but Xig-lem flash-steps after blocking and gets to his behind to start his own combo of punches. Boo's propelled backwards and upside-down, but sees his rival off with a Flamethrower that didn't really hurt the enemy...

BOO: Dang, this guy isn't kidding. You should flee from here while you can, Satan!

SATAN: I can't do that! I have a job to fulfil as this city's honorary citizen, you know.

BOO: (ò_ó.#) If you get killed you won't be a hero anymore, dead people can't be such!

SATAN: (0_0) Ops, I think there is no point arguing with that... I know, I will look for reinforcements!

XIGLEM: Never mind, this is done. Mirror of Shadows, extract his true, dark essence!

BOO: Uuuuurg! *pain*

The weird mirror shield owned by the evil lad aims its reflection at the monster, and soon a black puff of smoke comes out of him, taking the shape of the character who had looked at it. A new Majin Boo, black as a wolf's maw, one which was otherwise indistinguishable from the real one!

BLACK BOO: Booo-booo, tee hee! (^_^)

SATAN: (0_0) Today it's just one thing after another... feet, don't fail me now! *flees*

BOO: What do you want, you fiend? *still pain*

XIGLEM: This Majin Boo is just like you, but his killer instincts still dominate his childish mind...

SHOJONOE: Such nice job, Master Xig-lem! (^_^) That's why I enjoy your company.

XIGLEM: Don't distract me. This creature will help me reach my goal in this world: the loli who rules over the goddess' power will be mine! She will be the first in my galactic harem, my sequitur of obedient lovers!

SHOJONOE: Me too, right, master? (^_^) I want to be the first at feeling your love!

After all that mess, the Saiyan prince couldn't take it anymore. He had been monitoring the fight from his gym, while he was training. A weird ki had arrived and made Boo's energy decay, and then another identical aura appeared there, but way creepier and more dangerous. Looked like the little bet he had with the foreigner boy would have to wait... he sped off flying towards the city centre where he sensed the strange aura, and a beam of energy that almost blazed him confirmed his worst suspicions.

VEGETA: Who's there? Don't make me go out looking for you or you will regret it!

BLACK BOO: Booo-booo! (^_^) Someone came to play with me, that's nice.

VEGETA: Who the hell are you? And how did you make a black, Boo shaped bugger?

XIGLEM: I salute you, Prince Vegeta. I know you are a strong and proud fighter, you'll be the perfect trainer for my creation. If you are defeated, I am afraid nothing will keep me from adding your precious daughter to my collection.

VEGETA: _Why is everyone trying to grope Bra today? This is madness!_ You won't be taking anyone, I swear!

XIGLEM: You can't know for sure! Black Boo, give him a thrashing and then take the girl to my presence!

BOO: Ho, ho, ho. Boo doesn't like you, so Boo is gonna kill you now.

VEGETAL: I will finish you! IAAAARG! (Super Saiyan)

The Z warrior started by releasing some stress in the form of ki balls, that were easily deflected by the monster... but among all that burst a sudden Galick Ho landed on his face, one he couldn't have possibly blocked. After recovering, he fired an energy beam from his mouth, the sharp prince could deflect it and approach the rival with a charged up punch that seriously hurt him. He flash-stepped to his back and answered his same throw sending him to the hard floor. Among the rubble a Chocolate Beam was fired and turned the nearby buildings into such thing... the distraction worked, because the black bugger grabbed the Saiyan by his collar and gave him some gut-punches, to finish him by frying his face with ki.

VEGETA: ARG! *pain* He is not half bad... this is not the monster I knew before...

BLACK BOO: Booo-booo! Let's keep it up!

VEGETA: You won't mock me, black demon! (Super Saiyan 2) FINAL FLASH!

(And with a big noisy BROUUUM!, the special attack disintegrated Boo's lower half.)

BLACK BOO: Auuuf... *regenerates* I don't like the looks of this, nosireee...

VEGETA: This thing is as hard as Majin Boo himself... but much more of a pest!

XIGLEM: And be thankful that I am not helping him, 'prince'... You won't be able to prevent my goals.

VEGETA: I still have this! (rushes) AAAARG! (BRUUUM!) Try and stop this!

He rushes with yet another charged punch that leaves the monster shocked, and keeps at it with many more quick hits from every angle, to finish the beating with another Galick Ho that makes him stop in mid air and fall down badly burnt.

BLACK BOO: Uuuurg... *regenerates* You have fed me up, I am gonna kill you now!

VEGETA: My best move couldn't take him out... looks like I will have to deal with you in the first place!

(He flies toward the new villain, but again he pulls out his shield from his back...)

VEGETA: Aaaarg... BIG BANG! (Fluuum!)

XIGLEM: Naïve fool, you can't even scratch me. (pose) ETERNAL... COMEBACK!

(The frightful mass of energy clashes against the mirror's surface, and it bounces back.)

VEGETA: NO! (explosion) AAARG! *much pain*

In another place, forsaken by Time and Space itself, Goku's eldest son and our main character were having a friendly match and Mike moved his bladed weapon more and more efficiently, although he still couldn't take off flying as the Z warriors he was able to gracefully jump out of harm's way. The redhead was waiting for them outside... and still didn't understand how they had stayed only a few minutes training.

LINDA: And that's that? Then this chamber must do wonders to one's body... how did you do in there, Mike?

MIKE: Son Gohan has been working on my swordplay, just like when Trunks still was training his own... but he hasn't managed to teach me how to manipulate ki correctly. It would be overdoing it, so I am happy as I am.

GOHAN: You see? And he's done it in four scarce days! You won't defeat Vegeta, but you'll give us a show.

MIKE: We'll see about that! He is in for a shocking surprise... huh? Why are ya looking at me like that?

GOHAN: Some ki auras, they are on the verge of collapse... let's go to the outside yard!

(All of them go out to Heaven's garden, and see who had brought those people there.)

MIKE: Golly, if it is Kibito Shin! (0_0)

KIBISHIN: Gohan, thank goodness you're here! I don't know what I would have done with these two if not...

GOHAN: They are Vegeta and Boo! Who has left them like this? It must be a monster!

KIBISHIN: A weird creature and a suspicious guy are in Satan City now, they seem to be looking for someone.

MIKE: Take me there! I am gonna check just how much power the Knight of Lolicon actually possesses.

GOHAN: You sure? They have even beaten Boo, and he was like, our trump card...!

MIKE: Something tells me I will be able to solve this. Vegeta, our bet will have to wait...

VEGETA: Aurg... that invader, wants to find Bra and make her his slave, or else... *pain*

LINDA: We can't let him! The Knight of Lolicon exists solely to defend the lolis and to restore their goddess!

MIKE: Well said. Kibito, please take me there with the Instant Transmission, there is no time to lose.

KIBISHIN: Let's go then... just grab me. (shuuush!) *they left*

LINDA: Son Gohan, please, I wanna go too... I want to be sure Mike won't perish there.

GOHAN: Not a good idea... a battle of superpowerful beings isn't a sport that's exactly safe for the 'audience'.

LINDA: I promise you I won't get in the way! We will only watch, but if something happens, you intervene!

That made sense, so the half-earthling picked her up and flew away, while Popo healed the injured with Senzu Beans. Mike soon got to see the new menace and the kidnapped girl.

BRA: Heeey, Mike! This ugly guy wants to do dirty stuff to me! Give him a beating!

XIGLEM: Not quite, my dear. A glance into my mirror and you won't be able to live apart from me, I'm sure.

BRA: (0_0) KYAAAH! He wants to mind rape me! (struggles) Let me go you pervert!

MIKE: What she said, you intruder! I knew that my mission couldn't be as easy as just arrive and hug the loli...

XIGLEM: You have got talent to thrash-talk, boy, but let's see if you can back up your words with facts...

BLACK BOO: Hu, hu, the ones who bother me are gonna die, and I don't like you...

GOHAN: (hidden) It's the new monster... but he's identical to Boo, I can't understand it!

LINDA: Don't let anything happen to him, please. (prays) I don't want to be alone ever again...

The clash begins. The enemy attacks with his gum-gum arms and Mike blocks them the best he's able, to counter with slashes in his weaker joints. He infuses more power to his sword and turns it into a beam. Now uses his newfound agility to look for the enemy's behind and damage him a lot. But the monster resists more than it's permissible, and if he wastes too much time the blue-haired lass is going to fall victim to the mirror's spell.

MIKE: I must end this quickly! Let's see how he handles this: BURNING... SLASH!

(Chas-chas-chas! He pulled out Future Trunk's special tech, and the bugger is sliced.)

BLOBS: Glglgl... (attack) (MIKE: Aug! *gobbled* If I can't move I can't get out of this predicament... (bzzz!)

(They give him a good zap, but I can't quite remember if the real Boo could do that.)

GOHAN: That's enough! (Super Saiyan)

(The young man throws off his glasses and flies towards the villain, fires a ki ball.)

XIGLEM: Hum? (BROUM!) She's getting away!

(The Mirror of Shadows has blocked the shot, but the clash made him leave his prey.)

LINDA: Bra, come with me! (hug each other) We are fine, you both keep fighting!

GOHAN: I promised not to meddle in this, but this is going too far... (pose) KAME!

MIKE: Whew... (looks) Son Gohan, that is not the way! If you attack head on, he will just bounce it back!

GOHAN: (charges) HAME... HA! (Fluuum!) (XIGLEM: You will pay for this.) *bzzz*

(The mirror has eaten the energy beam and then puked it out again, but way stronger...)

GOHAN: AAARG! (calcinated)

SHOJONOE: And this is a present from me, for having messed with Master Xig-lem! I will skewer you all!

(The girl Genderiel pulls out shiny crystals and throws them as needles, if she lands just one of them...)

LINDA: (jumps) Bra, get back! (chas!) AUG!

(Oh, dang it. One sole needle has ended up sticking inside the girl's head, very deep...)

MIKE: NO! LINDA!

SHOJONOE: Bah, that stupid lass has preferred to have her head skewed instead of the loli's...

MIKE: How could you... she had no part in this fight... no matter if you are a Genderiel, I WILL CRUSH YOU!

XIGLEM: Heh_, looks like my natural enemy is going to reveal what he's made off_...

Everything happened fast as lighting, although the boy clad in cool armor did his job very calmly. His now spiky hair was tainted white, and his electrified aura turned those black blobs into bubbly gunk, finally breaking free. In slow motion and negative colors he started brutally slicing any obstacle between him and the fairy. Then he snatched her with one hand and zapped her, then threw her away. His blade grew bigger until escaping the planet's atmosphere and then slammed it down towards Xig-lem a-la Blasting Zone, who couldn't hold it back even with his shield. After grabbing his thrashed helper, they both escaped the battle field...

GOHAN: Aug. (stands up) He became ruthless... just like the Legendary Super Saiyan, but not quite...

BRA: Help me! Linda has this thing stuck on her, and she has not moved since! *panic*

MIKE: Aaaag... (normalized) I failed... I did not keep my vow... now Linda is gone...

SHONENJI: _Shojonoe... why did you defect to the wrong side? What you feel for that Xig-lem guy is dangerous... and self-destructive. _No, wait! Mike, if you still are wearing the Knight armor, there is a possibility...

MIKE: And which? The power has left me for sure! I won't be able to find the goddess and I will be stuck here...

SHONENJI: I know it sounds cruel, or inconsiderate, but make the pact with Bra. If you haven't lost the armor...

MIKE: (?_?) It's true... if I still have it the vow hasn't been broken! Linda has a chance!

BRA: I want to help... never mind what daddy thinks, I don't want anyone to die...

SHONENJI: Come on, do the pose already!

The two hug each other over a magic circle, and a ghostly sword similar to Mike's ends up skewing Bra's back and the guy's belly, effectively passing her lolita essence to him.

BRA: Ow... you said it wouldn't hurt, but still... I am happy to be of service.

MIKE: Look, Linda is moving! The crystal has sparkled and returned her to her senses.

SHONENJI: That is correct, the powers of the Genderiels are linked, so the pact made by me passed some energy to Lady Linda through that crystal, which is Shojonoe's.

LINDA: (awakens) What's going on... I have a terrible headache... AH! What's this!

MIKE: Well you see, that stupid Genderiel threw crystals to try and put you out of the way, and one landed...

LINDA: KYAAAH! My head! I'm bleeding! My eyesight is blurring, I will die! (x_x)

BRA: You won't, gal, those two have saved you. (^_^) Well, I helped them a bit.

LINDA: (?_?) Ops, it's true... I am not dying. (GOHAN: Of course not, so don't panic!)

(The poor girl throws herself to the swordboy's arms and then sheds some needed tears.)

MIKE: By the way, if I attacked a Genderiel... which is a servant of the Goddess, won't that count as 'hindering the Goddess resurrection'... and I would lose my Knight's powers? (0_0) Oh snap!

SHONENJI: I don't think so. Shojonoe, the ruler of the Shojo Galaxy, has chosen to sever her bonds with the Goddess to pursue that evil moron's acceptance... although she can't hide the origins of her powers.

LINDA: Yeah, so that's why she's passing energy to Mike although she doesn't want to... whew, what a shock.

BRA: Hey guys, how about we check how's daddy doing? And the other, plumper guy...

GOHAN: I second the motion. Let's go rest what's left of the day, I was getting hungry!

'Like father, like son' says the proverb. So they picked up Bulma and Videl and went to Heaven's palace, where the injured where getting better... Vegeta was still frowning for having lost in such a shameful way, but the others only laughed the matter off. After a dinner where the (male) Saiyans were eating like beasts, the redhead was lamenting her new asymmetric looks.

LINDA: Sheesh, it's so ugly... now with this thing stuck I look like a hideous monster.

MIKE: Calm down gal, you lost your funny mole, but this crystal gives you a quite, erm, 'original' look.

LINDA: Don't mock me, silly... and to boot, I can't even try to pull it off because it is rooted very deep...

SHONENJI: That won't be a wise move, Lady Linda. According to my analysis you need all the fragment's length to prevent the Shojo energy from invading your body and turning you into something... let's say 'non-human'.

LINDA: (0_0) Don't scare me! (MIKE: Shonenji, geez, don't be a bird of bad omen.)

VEGETA: Hey, foreigner. Our bet is still up. If you want to lay a hand on my daughter you'll have to beat me!

BRA: Daddy, give up already! That bet has no point anymore. But I am telling you, he did NOT do dirty stuff!

VEGETA: GRRR! I'd have liked to see that moron Kakarotto in my same predicament...

GOHAN: Okay, just forget this matter. (calls) Honey, Bulma, we are going outside!

(They go to the garden, where Kibitoshin is waiting, but he needs to part immediately.)

KIBISHIN: Don't give me such shocks ever again, guys. We already have our hands full with the Dragon Balls...

MIKE: Say, before seeing you off, I'd like to give you a sweep with my special visor.

(He does so, in front of the Kai God's shocked face, and then announces his discovery.)

MIKE: (beeps) Cool, after that scanning sweep I have learned the Instant Transmission!

KIBISHIN/GOHAN: Wow, then that gadget is really wonderful! (0_0)

SHONENJI: Come on, we need to go look for more lolis. If we gather enough of them and the rest of Genderiels the restoring of the Goddess will be as good as done... and Mike will be able to return to his world as well.

LINDA: (^_^) Yes, we are going to help him, always! And we'll return back together!

SHONENJI: I will lend you some energy. Locate the lolicon aura, and pull towards it!

(Everyone grabs the main boy's arm and he puts two fingers to his forehead. Seriously)

MIKE: So, ahem... IKU ZE! (shuuush!)

SHONENJI: _I can only hope he never succumbs to that super-powerful and merciless frenzy again... or he'll fail. _

(next episode's preview's music)

GOKU: Hi, friends, I'm Goku! In the next episode we approach a very weird planet... but meanwhile, Goten has managed to get a date. He is in for a great surprise when he discovers his buddy Trunks... stepping out of his time machine! Even he doesn't know how he landed there... don't miss on the next episode of Dragon Ball GT!


	3. Shonen 2: Transformers MF

_TODAY WE PRESENT: A NOT-SO-JUNIOR HEADMASTER._

The transportation technique has left the two partners and their guiding little animal in a rather crowded urban zone. Curiously enough, no one paid attention to them, except for some kids' dumbfounded stare. Our main man started to scan the place with his visor to try and find the trace of the next loli ally, but the signal was weak... They started walking.

LINDA: Mike, you knew how to find the way last time because you could identify this universe, right?

MIKE: Exactly, the moment I put the clues together, I figured out where we were. If we had some just now...

SHONENJI: You think you could do it again? As you would know, I can't always be guiding your every step.

LINDA: Hey, listen! A melody is starting again, just like when we landed the first time.

MIKE: Everyone be quiet... with my anime knowledge I'll surely recognize it, I bet!

(Then they can listen to the first notes of the voiced-over Transformers Theme!)

MIKE: Woohoo, yay! I thought we'd never arrive here. _Wait, why was that version from Transformers Animated?_

LINDA: It would seem you know everything! Come on, take us to the good characters.

MIKE: I am afraid they will soon get to us without even having called them... in there!

(Correct, mister, around the corner they sense the smoke coming from an arson, and our group heads towards the accident's place. In a few seconds a police car, a fire engine and a Porsche-ambulance arrive there.)

LINDA: Is it okay for us to not intervene? (MIKE: Calm down, they have it controlled.)

(Well, yes, the Junior Headmasters fix the mess: Shuta keeps people at a safe distance, Cab puts out the fire and Minerva tends to the injured. In a minute the accident becomes a bad memory and Mike approaches them.)

MIKE: Heya, kids! You could help us find a certain person, couldn't you?

SHUTA: Ops, sorry, mister... but despite my policeman looks, I am not actually one.

MIKE: It doesn't matter, I know I'm before the Junior Headmasters, from the Autobot team, so it's even better.

CAB: Gee, this guy knows who are we, must be because we're already becoming famous!

LINDA: You see, we want to find the girl who better fits this description... *whisper*

SHUTA: *whispered* WHAT? (0_0) Do you have any idea of what you are asking for, madam? *blushes*

CAB: Why the uproar, Shuta? *whispered* Ah! This is embarrassing... but I guess it's...

SHUTA: Yes, it must be Minerva... At least she is the only one who... *sighs* who fits in such description.

MINERVA: (arrives) What are you discussing, boys? *collective blushing* What were these people saying?

MIKE: Look, my girl, we're on a very important mission to save this planet, and maybe a bunch more, from a dreadful fate. As you are in contact with the Autobots' faction we supposed you would be able to help us.

MINERVA: We'd love to! We will bring you to our leader. The matter sounds dire...

SHUTA: I can carry you on my car... Minerva, I hope you don't mind carrying the lady.

After that encounter, a dark figure approaches the Decepticon lackeys' submarine base, the Evil Juniors. Wilder, Bullhorn and the little boy Cancer had to keep watch until the brothers Hydra and Buster ended their patrolling. They had no luck finding new Power Masters, and their bosses Giga and Mega's patience was growing thin...

CANCER: Aww, sheesh... I'm getting bored. Since those two arrived we don't get to go out and annoy people!

BULL: You can swear it. We could always go out on our own and make some trouble...

WILDER: Stay here you two! If we disobey them we will be in a fix. Moreover, there exists the chance that they had failed again. I don't understand why the bosses had them on a pedestal if they didn't hold up to even ONE Powermaster.

BULL: Come on, that Ginrai guy is a tough cookie! He became the Autobot's leader...

CANCER: What nerve! And with his Transtector trailer, they have even less chances... Huh? It's them!

HYDRA: (transformed) You three, stop blabbering! The trap we laid for the Juniors did not work at all...

BUSTER: Yeah, that stupid Ginrai came before them, so he fought us... and the arson was put out too.

CANCER: Wahaha, what lame excuse, rookies! You may be very strong, but they keep outsmarting you...

BUSTER: Shut up, brat! We are still too few in number. If the bosses Giga and Mega went out to fight too...

HYDRA: Don't provoke them. What we need to do is to find some damn new Power Master warrior!

VOICE: Gentlemen, if you allow me, I can help you to rapidly expand your armies...

(The overlord Xig-lem has entered the place a bit too easily, and his fangirl has grown up a bit just in case.)

WILDER: Who are you? And the lady with the funny wings? This is no disguise party!

XIGLEM: I am Lord Xig-lem, Seeker of 'Lolicon' Power and collector of lolis, if that's enough data for you.

HYDRA: You know you are meddling with the Decepticon Power masters, don't you? We are dangerous, sir!

(He tries to nail him with a rifle shot, but the everlasting Shadow Mirror rebounds it...)

XIGLEM: If I were you I wouldn't do that again... you will get hurt, and I don't want to lose you that soon...

BUSTER: Don't talk like that to my brother! (fsssh) **Transform... Power On**! (clunc!)

(The black jet proceeds to switch to robot form and step on the insolent guy, but again he stops their moves.)

XIGLEM: Ugh, that's better, yes... but I stand my point: my offer is too interesting for you to pass.

BULL: Those two, he could stop them cold! I am afraid we will have to give him the benefit of the doubt...

SHOJONOE: Master Xig-lem wants to expand your forces, if in exchange, you manage to get... HER!

(The butterfly girl, now of standard human size, shows them a pic of the Autobot girl.)

WILDER: It will be cake! Brothers, if you agree to cooperate, we will have this matter taken care of quickly!

BUSTER: No problem on my part... but first I want that guy to fill his part of the deal.

XIGLEM: Heh, so you still do not trust me. I will show you what the Seeker of Lolis can actually do!

To the shout of 'Transform, Power On' the bad guys watched in awe how a mechanical beast appeared before them... something terrifying which transformed into a yet-more terrifying robot form. In the city, the Juniors had taken the foreigners to his commander, Ginrai. There they would try to explain themselves and leave without too much hassle.

HAWK: These two youngsters knew who we were? It's weird... we used to act hidden from plain view.

GINRAI: Ha, ha, I am to blame for that... you remember how I appeared on TV to ask for information?

HAWK: Yes, and it was an imprudence. But well, I don't want to stir up the past... so what was your petition?

MINERVA: They wanted to do a ritual of Chichokon-energy transferring to that boy. I see no problem with it.

SHUTA: You don't? You will let a newcomer do something as intimate as hugging you!

CAB: Etto, don't misunderstand us... but you are acting quite cold towards us as of late.

MINERVA: Because you are two immature goons! I don't want what happened there to happen ever again!

GINRAI: Please, Minerva, leave the teen drama out of the headquarters... you are giving a bad impression.

MIKE: Ahem, well, doesn't matter, I too had an embarrassing moment with my female partner here...

LINDA: _Ooooh, he blamed himself for that! I didn't think he would be so considerate with my mistake..._

MINERVA: But you look trustworthy, mister. So I will hug you, and screw those two!

SHUTA/CAB: Daaarn! (big tears)

HAWK: She's going to transfer her Chichokon energy, but if it gets destabilized with the Tenchokon, maybe...

(What they said, they hug over the magic circle and the blonde feels how the sting has passed energy to him.)

LINDA: Yikes! (?_?) My crystal is shining again. And Mike's visor is too!

HAWK: This is a curious phenomenon. Do you have any proof of something similar having happened before?

SHONENJI: Looks like the Loli energy flux has activated both symbols of a link with a Genderiel.

MIKE: Hey, you, the visor is pulling me to some place... inside this base! Follow me!

(They go to the hangar where the kids' Transtectors are stored, to see what happens.)

SHUTA: What's happening? Our vehicles are pulsating, as if they were disturbed by...

CAB: You think they try to warn us of something, commander? (GINRAI: Yep, maybe.)

HAWK: Look, the lights emitted by the visitors have focused on one point! It's just like that time before...

MIKE: (poof!) Golly! These are a Headmaster's Master Braces, I would recognize them anywhere, Linda.

LINDA: Are you implying that you can now use a vehicle just like those kids, then...?

MINERVA: It's amazing! Looks like the act from before is already giving good results.

CAB: But if the new guy has the Braces, he should have a vehicle too... and he hasn't.

MIKE: Wait, they're shining. They're pointing the place where the Transtector is, sure!

GINRAI: Let's go outside!

(They go to the outside yard, and see a recycling plant near the wall that is adjacent to the headquarter's.)

MIKE: Is this what I think it is...? IT'S A FRICKING GARBAGE TRUCK!

LINDA: I don't see anything wrong in it... (MIKE: IS IT SOME KIND OF JOKE?)

SHONENJI: Keep your cool, Lord Mike. The powers of the Knight of Lolicon know all that needs to be done.

GINRAI: But don't throw a fit, dude. Just try it and then we'll see what happens, okay?

MIKE: If you say so. Hope it works, dang it. (pose) **Master Force! **(fssh!) **Transform, Power On**!

(The garbage truck gets split into the cab and the cage, the first one forms the body, and it's very alike robot-form Optimus, but green and white. And the cage splits to form two pimpin' propeller wings.)

LINDA: (^_^) Yay, so cool! See how you didn't need to make such a fuss over it?

MIKE: Well, okay... but if the pact has caused this transformation, then I'll have...

(A sign appears over the screen with his code name: Thrash Talker. Immediately after, a explosion is heard.)

MIKE: I was gonna say that I would have to return the favour... and it seems that sooner than we expected!

GINRAI: You'll probably have a hard time maneuvering in your new form. Juniors, you will be heading there!

SHUTA: Yes, captain! (HAWK: Don't pick unneeded fights, but if you perished, Mike and Ginrai will help.)

MINERVA: _Something tells me we will need them, and soon... I have a bad hunch. _

The three kids left again for the urban centre, and watched how the bad guys had pulled no stops this time: the army headquarters were a complete mess... as well as the nearby airport. The blonde girl went to tend to the injured, while the boys headed for the close-by landing strip, which looked suspiciously empty that day... that was not a Decepticon attack like they were used to.

MINERVA: **Transform, Head On**! (clunc!) Wait there, I will remove those girders!

SOLDIERS: Be careful... two mechanical monsters... they're like nothing we have met...

MINERVA: Don't worry, I won't leave you here. (shots) AH! Who is there? Come out!

(A police car arrives on the scene, and the presumed driver asks the gal for her ID card.)

MINERVA: Why do you ask me for that? I'm Minerva, an Autobot Junior Headmaster. You should know!

CAR: That can work as a valid identification, too. (crec-clec) I am a servant of Lord Megatron: Barricade!

MINERVA: It's clear just by looking at you that you are another stinking Decepticon! But you don't scare me.

(They exchange some rifle shots and the bad guy switches to car form during a second to try and run her over... he almost does, because a missile has trashed her before that. It came from a nearby tank.)

TANK: (crec-clec) Barricade, leave her to me. I will blow to pieces that junk she calls a 'body'!

BARRICADE: Devastator, I remind you that you need to bring her in one piece to that organic guy, Xig-lem!

DEVASTATOR: GRRR! But when he takes the girl I want to crush her scrap remains.

MINERVA: Don't sell your junk before collecting it! (shoots) I won't give up easily!

BARRICADE: You human brat! How can you pretend to be on par with two complete Cibertronians!

(They thrash her a bit more, to the point of causing her to un-transform and the enemy car traps her inside it.)

DEVASTATOR: I want to wreck some more havoc. We'll soon meet our leader, right?

BARRICADE: That organic man says he knows where Lord Megatron is being hidden. We'll have to trust him.

(He leaves with the blonde as his prisoner, meanwhile the two boys removed the rubble.)

CAB: That was the last one. Darn it... it's very weird that the Evil Juniors hadn't come, it's bothering me.

SHUTA: I sense something... in the sky! (look) Come on, the captain didn't say about escaping any ambushes!

CAB: Very true. I was eager to get at those morons' faces, let's entertain them for a bit!

(They switch to robot form and get ready for everything, which is a jet trio this time.)

SHUTA: The heck? Were the evil Powermaster jets triplets, or am I getting the numbers wrong?

CAB: Of course not, it's because they're actually three! But the third doesn't look like them at all.

(Effectively, the white F-22 gets a head start and transforms into... Movie Starscream!)

HYDRA: Behold the instrument of your defeat, pair of useless Autobots!

BUSTER: A bird told us how we can smash you for good... and brought this friend to us as a present too!

STARSCREAM: Don't talk again, you are sounding pretty desperate. You, hear me and tremble, bunch of Auto-dorks! We're going to take the Loli girl who is with you and we will finally know where is our lord, Megatron!

CAB: (?_?) What is that fool talking about? I didn't know the Decepticon faction had a lord called Megatron.

SHUTA: But we can be sure about one thing: if they are referring to Minerva as the Loli it means that the villain called Xig-lem is helping them! Mike already told us during his visit... that the guy is a monster!

STARSCREAM: You two, charge! I don't want them to leave this place alive! _Heh heh, and if I play my cards just right not even that defective electronic brain called Megatron will be able to... this is my best chance. _

There's a crossed fire. The evil brothers approach to melee range soon after, and give them a hard time. The boys try to focus on one each time, but their Tenchokon energies prove too much for them. Starscream flies off and bombards the field where they fight, propelling them to a nearby prairie... they won't find the Juniors so easily in there.

SHUTA: That newcomer is too brutish... you think we should be sending a SOS signal?

CAB: Time is a wasting! We don't know how many more toys those two have brought.

(A black army helicopter is hovering above them, with a transforming sound, another robotic monster arrives.)

BLACKOUT: I can't let you do that, shortie. (aims weapon) Lights out... pretenders.

(BANG! A pretty big explosion is felt even in the Autobot quarters, but the SOS signal actually arrived.)

LINDA: (laid down) Have you figured out anything about the crystal I have stuck? The ignorance is killing me...

HAWK: (analyze) I won't know more until I receive the report I asked Grand Maximus for, I am sorry.

MIKE: (beep!) Ops, my visor has received a signal... it's a SOS from the Headmasters!

GINRAI: Looks like they will need our help after all... Mike, let's go there at once, boy!

MIKE: Maybe I'll have a chance to use the combined form we have rehearsed... the one that uses your trailer.

BOTH: **Master Force**! (fsssh!) **Transform, Power On**! (clunc!) *take off*

Thrash-Talker lifts up the trailer and carries it flying, in the same vein as Ginrai himself will do with God Bomber. The Autobot leader grabs him by his back to tag along, but they travel slowly... they hope there's something left to rescue. In the battlefield the evil Juniors keep watch over the tied-up girl, and the brothers do the same with her Porsche.

GINRAI: I should have guessed you would fight dirty. Taking hostages is a cowardice! Release Minerva now!

WILDER: Today we have an ace up our sleeves. No matter if you rescue her, our new friends will retake her.

BULL: Yeah, they are what we were needin'! **Transform, Head On**! (CANCER: *he does too*.)

(Now everyone is in robot-form, but Cancer still holds the poor prisoner on his claws.)

GINRAI: You aren't even good as appetizers, you fiends. (shoots) I will defeat you!

WILDER: Don't count on it! (shoots) (MINERVA: Captain, take care of them, I will escape by myself!)

(She gets strength from nowhere and escapes her warden's grasp, but he miscalculates and tackles her.)

CANCER: Geez, I overdid it! If that weird guy loses his prize he will slice us to pieces...

GINRAI: Heaven's Energy! (fsssh!) And now get out of my sight! (BROUUUM!)

BULL: We still have her vehicle. You can't win, idiot! (GINRAI: Then you are in for a nasty surprise... Hah!)

(He summons his trailer and it runs over the evil guys, they finally release the blonde girl's ambulance.)

MINERVA: It's now or never. *jumps* (CANCER: Where do you think you're going!) **Transform, Head On**!

GINRAI: (shooting) This is almost done. You think you can escape, lass? Go and meet with the others, quick!

(To the shout of **'Transform, God On'** the good guys' leader combines with his trailer to form Super Ginrai. Meanwhile, our robotized rookie has already found his partners in that nearby prairie.)

MIKE: Whew, I finally found you. The one who did this to you must be terrific, I know no Decepticon like that...

SHUTA: But they were, they were huge and merciless! They're a black helicopter and a white jet, owch...

CAB: They can't be far. But we need to rest a bit more, I say we should wait for Ginrai.

MIKE: (looks) Too bad, they are already here... but they aren't the ones you described!

(They aren't, the ones who arrive are the terrestrial members of the movie Decepticons.)

BARRICADE: There they are. This is gonna be easier than I thought. Devastator, your turn!

DEVASTATOR: GRRR! I won't even leave their pretty Sparks intact! I'm so eager!

(The robot tank fires missiles, the kids take cover and the new guy takes off flying.)

MIKE: Take this! (shoots) But I will need something a bit fiercer. How about this!

(He pulls out his robot sized Knight sword, and he divebombs towards the police car.)

BARRICADE: (crack!) Graaarg...! You will pay for this! (moar shoots) (spiky wheels)

MIKE: Yowzers, that stings! Let's see if the technique from your rival is useful here...

(He fires piercing soundwaves to break his inner engines, leaving him essentially KO.)

CAB: That was deafening... but I think there is one less of them, isn't it?

SHUTA: Yeaaah! Let's support Mike from a distance. Those morons won't even know who shot them!

GINRAI: Hey lad, I see you could use another pair of hands, if you don't mind!

BOYS: Good, the captain's here! (MINERVA: Leave me some room, guys, I won't be on my feet much more...)

GINRAI: Let's see what they think of this. Heaven's Energy! (fssh!) Buzz off, monster!

(BOOOM! The sudden burst, together with Mike's beam slash, cleaves the tank in two.)

MIKE: Whew, now only the ones mentioned by the Juniors are left... the helicopter and the white jet.

(To prove him right, the guest villains arrive there, the leader-bot gives some orders.)

GINRAI: Kids, you cover us with anti-aircraft weapons! Mike and I will attack them head on.

STARSCREAM: There's the main meal left, Earthling crap. The moment our associate arrives here...

BLACKOUT: We will finish off that bunch of organic phoneys! And we will witness Lord Megatron's return.

MIKE: Ginrai, I know those grunts! We will handle them fine if you do as I tell you!

They look for a cover for their backs, so the jet is forced to fly at them from the front, Super Ginrai punishes that mistake with a good burst, and makes him flee... then Mike clashes his sword with Blackout's rotors, and when he finally finds his back he forces him to switch to helicopter and take to the skies, where Mike has the field advantage. A good slash is what's needed to finally take off that heavyweight pest.

VOICE: You are worthy of my applause, pilots... but you still don't know the meaning of true 'vertigo'...

(Lord Xig-lem appears, riding what looks like the biggest, fattest Gotcha Borg ever: the Cyber Dragon!)

MIKE: This time we foiled your plan, hateful rat. I already pacted with the Loli a while ago, so screw you!

XIGLEM: Not quite, my counterfeit hero. If I can make her mine, I don't really mind she's already 'taken'.

SHOJONOE: Master Xig-lem will snag every girl he wants, and realize his romantic goals, silly!

GINRAI: That is despicable... Mike, let's give him a lesson, just like we practiced!

(He splits apart from his trailer and leaves it to combine with Thrash-Talker, into the superb Thrash Convoy!)

MIKE: **Transform, God On**! (clunc!) What now? I just grew up to your size, dude!

XIGLEM: This will make it interesting, indeed. **Master Force**! **Transform, Power On!**

(Dang, something very big has appeared, even a little more than Thrash Convoy. It's the space dragon Borg.)

XIGLEM: Drake Borg! I love how it sounds. And if you ever make the mistake of using your little blade...

He pulls out his shadowy mirror, to show that he can still use it in robot form, like Mike and his sword. He was right, no hit can land through that item, but Mike understands the catch pretty soon: Drake Borg can't stop the hits that come from anywhere but his front, and the Autobot leader figured as much, so he ordered a fire-at-will without remorse.

SHOJONOE: Sheesh, this isn't right! Master is being smashed, and I can't do a thing!

MIKE: And this one's a present from me: HEAVEN'S ENERGY! (fsssh!) HAAAH!

(A brutal sword thrust, that couldn't scratch him, yes, but propelled him skywards, to the outermost space...)

GINRAI: Looks like the threat is over. (radio) Hawk, gather the technicians, some of the boys have...

HAWK: (radio) Yes, they've received a beating. Sorry for not having helped more, let's see what says...

MIKE: Grand Maximus, right? I was told that you were investigating Linda's crystal...

GINRAI: Dude, enough with ending each other's sentences! You are creeping me out.

(After some silly laughter, the team returned to base to fix the Transtectors, which had received quite the beatdown except for Mike's, and in the case of Ginrai, an excess of energy waste.)

SHUTA: What a drag. The Decepticons' new toys gave us an unforgettable thrashing...

CAB: Our only solace is that the evil Xig-lem was behind them, so they won't return ever again.

MIKE: Minny, I must thank you again for the pact... thanks to it, I had my own Autobot vehicle to fight.

MINERVA: I'm glad to have served you, unlike these two, who didn't do much... (¬_¬)

CAB: You aren't being fair! We had never seen those Decepticons before, and you also know that we can't even compare with the captain, power-wise! (SHUTA: Yeah, we're just lowly Headmasters after all...)

LINDA: Don't feel so down, kids. You took good care of her in the trench, and helped with the bombardment.

HAWK: And I have just finished your vehicles' repairs! Damn, if we have had a couple more Powermasters...

GINRAI: I will keep looking, Hawk! I have the hunch that our allies will soon appear.

MIKE: Me too. You will need to store my Transtector, I can't exactly take it with me...

MINERVA: Ah, what a pity. But you will be taking this with you. *smooch* (BOYS: Hey, what was that for?)

(Shonenji laughs the matter off, but everyone else is green with envy. Yes, Linda too.)

LINDA: _Those half-pints won't beat me! Mike found me first, and I want him to value me as such!_

SHONENJI: (¬_¬) Does some unspeakable fantasy roam your mind, Lady Linda?

LINDA: (ò_ó.#) Of course not! (MIKE: _What I said, she's starting to weird me out_...)

SHONENJI: My apologies. Everyone, get ready, we should leave in search of another Lolicon source.

MIKE: Come on! And don't worry, I am sure we will soon meet again! (shuuush!)

NARRATION: The Decepticon creeps have failed once again, even with those new and improved warriors. The Powermaster team needs to gather together with their Autobot friends, if they are to defend their planet...

(next episode's eye-catch's music)

NARRATION: Don't miss on the next episode of... TRANSFORMERS!


	4. Shonen 3: Inuyasha

_THE DEVIL WHO SURPASSES NARAKU._

After landing from the Instant Transmission's area of effect, both travellers could see there were now in a forested zone, not even comparable with the urban places they had visited until then. As the radar showed no loli energy, once again they were without any clue. It was pitch dark, and only on the distance some tiny lights marked the existence of a village. If they were to start walking they would get lost, so they opted to just sleep outdoors for that night.

MIKE: Ah, shucks... this armor is not as comfortable if you are forced to use it as a pyjama, I swear...

LINDA: How do you think this matter will end? (MIKE: What?) I mean, we can only wander aimlessly...

SHONENJI: Don't worry, Lady Linda. As long as you are guided by the Shonen Galaxy ruler –that's me- you'll never be completely lost, only... travelling with an unclear goal.

LINDA: You are so nice. (¬_¬) But well, if I am with Mike, I know I will recover from my illness someday.

MIKE: Yes, we'll need to heal your brain, as well as that loli girls issue! How's things?

LINDA: Still a blank. What will happen to me if it never comes back? I don't wanna be an ignorant forever!

MIKE: Linda, it that ever happens... I will take you in. I know that somehow my family will accept you.

LINDA: You are very kind... (^_^) Heh, now I'm still more eager to get back than ever!

MIKE: (noise) Hey, be quiet. Again it's some music! If I can identify it we will have a great advantage here!

(So then, the original version of Inuyasha's very first OP song, 'Change the World'!)

MIKE: Wau! This one is among my favorites. (LINDA: Then I'll try to learn it. (^_^).)

SHONENJI: Yeah, well, if you don't mind... let's go to sleep already, Genderiels also need their beauty sleep.

(And they go to sleep just there, in the field. Trusting Mike's judgement, they get up because of a ruckus.)

MIKE: What the fuzz? (0_0) The lights were far away... but the village is smack dab HERE!

LINDA: To think we could have used a common bed... gack, this isn't cool at all!

KAEDE: (arrives) You are foreigners, I presume? You don't seem to know the village, nor its customs...

MIKE: Lesee, let me guess: the lights positioned far from the village are a measure to distract the demons who hunt at night, aren't they? It's to be expected from the village that was protecting the Shikon Jewel.

KAEDE: Why, it seems you know the story... let's go to my hut and we'll chat a bit more.

(Inside old Kaede's hut. They have introduced and explained themselves already.)

KAEDE: So you too are acquainted with the dog boy, Inuyasha and his partners... but the quest you have explained to me will be difficult. I don't know any sort of 'loli girl' among our demonic friend's party.

SHONENJI: Shippo, perhaps... but he is a Shota, an entirely different being. They have no place in our quest.

LINDA: Haven't you become a little too picky? By the way, madam, this is quite tasty.

(Suddenly, Linda drops the chopstick and slaps herself. No one is startled in the slightest.)

LINDA: What the? A bug has stung me and no one has bothered to ask me if...!

KAEDE: It's Inuyasha's demon servant, Myoga the Flea! (MIKE: I suspected as much.)

MYOGA: Owch, what a welcoming... I wanted to suck some blood from that girl who smells like Kagome...

MIKE: Myoga, that is because we hail from the same time era as her. (KAEDE: Then it was clear...)

MYOGA: It's very curious... well, master Inuyasha's party is returning to the village.

LINDA: Gee, thanks for warning us! Mike told me he has funny dog ears. You think...?

(Before she can end the sentence the aforementioned one and his colleagues enter the hut through the door.)

INUYASHA: Hey, old hag Kaede! Guess what: I have killed Ryukotsusei in order to...

LINDA: *flops ears* Tee hee, it's true that they're dog ears, and they're soft and fluffy!

INUYASHA: (ò_ó.#) Who is this crazy girl and why is she harassing me?! She wears a very weird kimono...!

KAGOME: Sit down! (PLAM!) (INU: Ack!) This is no way to treat a lady, shouting at her without any reason...

MIKE: Wow, I see you're handling him fine... we are from your time period, I'm Mike and she's Linda.

MIROKU: A rather meaningful name if I dare say... (hands) Miss, would you like to bear my...? (PAF!)

SANGO: *backhands* Don't you dare finish that sentence, you lecherous monk, or you'll pay for it!

LINDA: What was he gonna say? (?_?) _He has left me on tenterhooks..._

MIROKU: Arg, excuse me, it was a reflex. So then... (SHIPPO: About the 'coming from the future' part...)

MIKE: You see, it's somehow true. Well, I don't look like it because of my pact with this... 'specimen'.

SHONENJI: Indeed, he's a Knight of Lolicon, and works under me and the Genderiels in order to...

(They give more explanations, and leave the white-haired boy some time to recover from the spell.)

INUYASHA: Well, what I said... I've killed Ryukotsusei and mastered the Wind Scar.

KAGOME: And that Koga guy isn't bad per se, just very stubborn towards some things he holds dear.

LINDA: (^_^) Heh, sounds like Mike when he worries about me! But that's why I like him that much.

Let's leave those ones chatting for a while and see what's happening with Sesshoumaru and his merry band: his servant Jaken is watching over his lord's treasure, the little Rin. She is the only thing the dog demon has shown any affection for, so if anyone lays just one hand on her they would be signing their Death Certificates. Yours truly is afraid the girl will be the key for resolving our heroes' stop in the feudal era.

JAKEN: Not so fast, my lord, I am quite short-legged! Why are we near that village?

SESSHOU: Rin needs the humans' food. Here we'll find something. If they resist, you can attack them.

JAKEN: That won't even be needed, my lord. Using my staff I will scare them and she will steal something.

RIN: What a drag, having to hide away from them... but I must be thankful to my dear Lord Sesshoumaru.

(After a short hug that the demon hardly reacts to, the brunette enters the village along with Jaken and...)

PEOPLE: AAAAAH! *panic* A demonic imp is burning away our farms!

INUYASHA: (runs) What happens? The demonic scent was so soft that I didn't give it any importance...

KAGOME: Does not matter now! I will use my arrows to purify the arson, so help me!

INUYASHA: I hope you get it right... well, here goes: **Kaze no... KIZU**! (fffsssh!)

(The combo has enough wind force to put out the flames, but they see the intruder snag some fishes.)

KAEDE: A thief! In the village located to the East... it was said there was one like her.

MIKE: No, wait. I recognize her, don't ask why, but I know perfectly who she is!

RIN: Eeep, they busted us, Jaken! (JAKEN: My lord Sesshoumaru, your brother Lord Inuyasha is here!)

(After the calling, the bishie arrives there with a jump, and the others set off the alarm.)

MIROKU: Sesshoumaru's here... I didn't know he now fancied kidnapping little girls.

SANGO: If we leave her on his hands she could end up the same as Kohaku... we must take her away from him!

SESSHOU: Do not meddle with us, humans. She is of my property, because Tenseiga brought her back to life.

SHIPPO: It can't be true! Such action would be very out of Sesshoumaru's character!

MIKE: Hey, Sesshoumaru! The part where you said 'she's mine' is clear, but I have a mission to fulfil. If you lend her to us for a while we won't bother you ever again, okay?

SESSHOU: You want me to lend YOU one of MY possessions, puny human? Have you grown tired of living?

MIKE: I was afraid you would say that... but inside the girl exists a power I need to get.

LINDA: Mike, be careful! This guy doesn't look like he'd let pass such impertinence...

INUYASHA: May I give you a hand? I am eager to settle our scores. (MIKE: No, wait, it needs to be me.)

Mike pulls out his blade, and before Sesshou's laughing face tries to skewer him like an olive, but he attacks the weapon's edge to disable it and he only manages to enrage his owner and cause its lighting. The demon tries to use his poisonous lasso without much success, due to the beam sword cutting even his reinforced skin. And only then Tokijin was pulled out, sword he used to balance things out...

SESSHOU: What sort of sorcery is this? That sword... is emitting a very powerful and weird aura...

MIKE: It's the power granted to the Knight of Lolicon! I won't let you mock me or my weapon... HAAAH!

RIN: Don't fight, Lord Sesshoumaru! (JAKEN: Damn, to think that I let this happen by letting her be seen...)

MIKE: _Quick, I need to think about something shocking, paradoxical... two completely opposite things..._

(And suddenly, it came to him: the image of Lord Xig-lem, and his own, reflected on a body-size mirror.)

MIKE: NO! I AM NOT LIKE HIM! HAAAH! **KAZENO KIZU**! (fluuusssh!)

SESSHOU: UARG! (knocked back, slammed down)

INUYASHA: The heck happened here? (0_0) He released the Wind Scar as if it was the easiest thing ever!

MIROKU: Not so fast... looks like our guest does know the trick to cause such a burst of smiting energy.

JAKEN: My lord Sesshoumaru! Stand up, don't leave us...! (RIN: How could you!)

LINDA: Calm down, we won't hurt you, my friend only wants a bit of your time. If you grant his petition, we'll leave this place and leave you alone forever. Can you trust my words, if I am the one who begs for it?

(The little girl doubts a little... but Linda's crystal shines at the same pace as Tenseiga.)

SANGO: Come on, dearie... I am begging you too, looks like it's important for them.

SHIPPO: Tenseiga is helping him recover, can't you see? They don't want more fights, and the redhead lady is very nice... and about the food issue, I'm sure the old Kaede can lend you some provisions...

KAEDE: I don't like to leave a child like you in the hands of Inuyasha's brother, but I can do that much.

RIN: Okay then... but Lord Sesshoumaru is not evil! It's just that the humans have done bad things to him.

MIKE: (awakens) Aug, what a badass technique... huh? (?_?) Did I miss something?

(He finally does the loli-energy pact with the brunette, and she is glad of having saved his demonic tutor.)

SESSHOU: You can't impress me only by doing just one good move in a fight, human. Don't think you beat me.

INUYASHA: Sesshoumaru, don't be a pest and leave already! The boy doesn't want to fight, but I'm dying to.

SESSHOU: Hum. I see, we will settle our scores in another moment. Watch your back, dear brother...

SANGO: Whew, he's finally leaving. Thank goodness it was just a misunderstanding, not unlike back then...

MIROKU: Don't torture yourself thinking about that again. Your brother is in the hands of a worse yet demon, but we're too in a better position to save his soul once and for all. Well, I will clean this...

(Yelling 'Wind Tunnel!' his black hole swallows the burned rubble and leaves the area a bit more trafficable.)

KAGOME: I didn't find appropriate words to say this, but you two aren't quite 'normal' people, are you?

SHIPPO: Yep, the lady has a shard of something akin to the Shikon Jewel on her head and the boy unleashed the Wind Scar without having seen it even once. Not even I have courage to classify you as 'just humans'...

MIKE: Pseee, truth be told, we are, but we are 'cheating' a little. I have the powers of a Knight of Lolicon, and Linda was struck with a crystal full of energy from a Genderiel called Shojonoe.

KAGOME: I see, it would be better for you to have dinner here. I'm afraid this is going to be a long explanation.

During the meal, the foreigners tried to explain their mission and their 'peculiarities', as well as the extensive knowledge they had about that universe... that was taken care of by the galaxy ruler, Shonenji. About the miraculous activation of the Wind Scar, Mike said that he just tried to clash two opposing thoughts, in the same way the half-dog used two clashing demonic auras. And speaking of demons... the cause of all his rages was now roaming inside Naraku's castle, to see what he could salvage.

SHOJONOE: Master Xig-lem, this area reeks of evil demons, I don't think it's safe to be marauding here.

XIGLEM: To earn what I wish for, I need the help of the strongest being in all of Feudal Japan: Naraku!

(Hearing his name be called, a guy clad in a baboon skin appears in the castle's yard.)

HOODED GUY: Who dares enter my realm... and so insolently call out my name?

XIGLEM: Bah, it's not even the real you, it's only one of your lame wooden puppets.

HOODED GUY: So you know me well. But I'll say it again: who are you and what do you want from Naraku?

XIGLEM: I am to be called Xig-lem, the Seeker of Lolis. I want to give you some information.

HOODED GUY: (pause) Hum. That fool Inuyasha has gotten a brand new friend, right?

XIGLEM: Exactly. The most probable event is that they have met each other already, if I am to be honest, such bond does not beneficiate us. But I can get rid of him and leave the board as it was before... if you agree to give me a loan. If you lend me your servant Kanna and her skills, your game with the dog boy will resume where you left it, maybe with a few less players on his side. It's an offer you can't refuse.

HOODED GUY: I have another idea. You will tell me how to defeat that new threat... and I'll let you live.

(After saying so, he uses his tree-branches attack against the dark lord, but his usual move of bouncing back the dangers with his Shadow Mirror makes him evade the pain without even messing his hair, and Shojonoe's furious.)

SHOJONOE: Don't try to outsmart us, you weasel! Master Xig-lem is very capable of thrashing you good!

HOODED GUY: Incredible, but I sense his power isn't any less than that. I have taken a liking to you, kid, so you will have what you want: mi first and strongest servant is at your service. Take good care of her.

XIGLEM: (Kanna arrives) Good girl. Come on, we have a hard work ahead of us...

KANNA: Master, this person... is just like me. He lacks a soul, a heart... or an identity. He is indefinable...

(After that exchange, the hero of this tale is dreaming about something rather awful...)

_MIKE: Augh... it can't be... the moment I thought about it, it hasn't left my mind, nor it has let me rest..._

_XIGLEM: (stares) Come on, don't tell me you think it's that improbable... what you and I actually want is..._

_MIKE: I said, I am not like you! The Loli Con must incite tenderness and beauty... and not that accursed lust! _

_XIGLEM: You are the same as everyone... you just won't admit that when the moment arises, you'd DO it. _

_MIKE: I am not crazy! I know perfectly well what I can do and what not! LEAVE ME!_

(The poor dude springs to an awakening and the others get a scare. Inuyasha will be the spokesman.)

INUYASHA: You can't forget it, right? Don't worry, I can't either. But the best action is to head forwards.

MIKE: You know that my sword uses my willpower to increase its strength, much like your own. But that entails a big risk... I only did that to unleash a power similar to your Wind Scar.

INUYASHA: Look, everyone in here carries a burden in their hearts... My brushes with Kikyo, Miroku's curse, Sango's brother... but by being together, we managed to take the pain and suffering and withstand them.

MIKE: I understand... Thanks, now I know that if I had to use that power again I must strike without remorse!

KAGOME: (stands) Right, we will support you. (LINDA: Don't fail me now, I want to see you in best shape!)

MIROKU: This gives me an idea... shall I teach you some secret monk arts of my own?

SHIPPO: You won't teach him how to set up a false exorcism to con foolish villagers, will you?

MIROKU: (¬_¬) Shippo, sometimes you are prettier when silent... (SANGO: You reap what you sow, monk.)

MIKE: It's cool! (^_^) At least I won't need to rely on a power that proved to be, ahem, a bit unstable.

(In a nearby hill, Xig-lem has been planning his next move, the day has turned to night.)

XIGLEM: The sun is setting... when it's completely dark, the critter we are gonna make will be unstoppable.

KANNA: My mirror won't be able to contain Kagome's soul, this is a serious handicap.

XIGLEM: Never mind, just focus your mirror's energy in this point and I'll do the same with mine, hu, hu...

(By doing that, a ghostly mass acquires the shape of a horned, one-eyed ogre, that can still be seen fine.)

XIGLEM: We will let them to see him clearly... until the sun sets, then nothing would possibly detect him.

KANNA: It will be the last thing they get to see before dying... Master Naraku will be finally satisfied.

(Jeebus, what a dull girl... Mike is using Miroku's magic charms on the grown up Kirara.)

KIRARA: Groaaar!

MIKE: Thanks for being my punch bag, kitty! That way I will learn fast, in case some threat reared its head.

MIROKU: You know, you have to focus your blade's same purifying energy on the charms.

SHIPPO: Miroku, Master Mike! A giant beast is on the village's outskirts... wrecking them even more!

MIKE: (0_0) Me and my big mouth. Isn't this village gonna have just one day of rest?

INUYASHA: I hoped you wouldn't need to grow accustomed to it, but this time era is like this. Get the girls!

(The girl partners of the dog boy have already unsheathed their weapons, the guys get there to join them.)

SANGO: It's some sort of horned ogre... Kagome and I will cover you with arrows and my Hiraikotsu.

MIKE: Linda, Shippo, you stay back! If we need you, and heavens forbid we do, we'll give you a signal!

(The ogre smashes the few houses that were intact after Jaken's incursion, the heroes act accordingly.)

MIROKU: You will see... Wind Tunnel! (ffsssh!) It's useless, it doesn't move an inch. It's like he...

INUYASHA: Yes, as if the monster didn't have a solid body, but the destruction he is causing is very real. Bah, if he is a ghost, Kagome and I have the answer. Kagomeee!

(The schoolgirl fires a holy arrow towards the ogre, and the dog boy mixes it with his own Wind Scar.)

INUYASHA: What the hell? That eyesore should be biting the dust by now! What if...

MIROKU: It could be that he isn't a ghost after all... maybe an illusion. Where could be the true one?

MIKE: Just open the Wind Tunnel again... It will suck in the true one, the fakes and everything. (looks) Wait!

(A very well known bunch of venomous wasps makes them drop out that plan, then...)

SANGO: Those are the Cursed Wasps! Does that mean that Naraku is after all of this?

VOICE: Heh heh, you are hot on the trail, but still very cold. Want some more tries?

KAGOME: HEY! Isn't he that Xig-lem guy, the one who was driving you crazy? He's with Naraku's servant!

SHIPPO: It does not matter now. We need to get rid of the wasps asap! Fox Magic!

(The tiny one helps a bit and bursts the annoying bugs, but the damage is already done.)

XIGLEM: The wasps were only to buy us time, fools. Now that the sun has completely set...

KANNA: Our demon will be totally invisible to anything... and you can't kill what you can't find.

INUYASHA: I don't need to have it in front of me to use this! (hops) **Kaze no KIZU**!

MYOGA: No, my lord Inuyasha! That villain knows how to reflect your attacks many times fold!

(BROUUUM! As he said, the poor guy has eaten the blast whole and then more.)

XIGLEM: Give up, boy. The demoness to my side is another Loli. If you bust that ogre dead, she'll die!

MIKE: Curses! I don't think Naraku actually agreed to that, but I can't do both things!

LINDA: Of course you can! (cheers) You need to find a way of thrashing the ogre without harming Kanna.

KANNA: Xig-lem, that was not in our deal. Out pact is broken. I will do it by myself...

MYOGA: Lord Mike, master Inuyasha...! The white-haired demoness is gonna unleash a big energy load!

MIKE: _Wait a sec, there is a way... if I counter all that energy with the Backlash Wave, we will be killing two birds in one shot. We will get rid of the ogre, and Kanna will be rendered defenseless. Here goes nothing!_

INUYASHA: Hey, if you didn't already notice, the monster is giving us a beating! Do you have any ideas?

MIKE: I think I do. I need to bounce back all the power Kanna is about to release!

INUYASHA: Say no more, then... (pause) Here it goes! **BAKU RYU HA**!

Between the two of them manage to return back the horrific beam that the little girl has fired, disobeying her temporary master. He opted to turn tail and flee, seeing as his plan had failed. The burst trounced the ogre to tiny bits and the albino ended up laying on the floor, without even her mirror to defend herself. Absolutely at the good guys' mercy.

INUYASHA: Well, she's out cold... now Naraku is just one Iron Claw away of losing his best servant.

LINDA: Wait a minute, we still need to get the power inside her Loli essence...

KANNA: (stands) Why did you do that? Why didn't you want to kill me back then...?

MIKE: Look, we only want something that's inside you. After that, I can't care what they do to you...

LINDA: Mike! You saying you don't care about what happens to her? Don't be so cruel!

MIKE: It's not that... I can't change what is fated to happen. It's something you'll have to forcefully learn.

SHONENJI: I am glad to see that you understand your duties and responsibilities, lad.

LINDA: Ah, I see... look, I don't want to leave you as you are, Kanna. No one deserves being Naraku's slave.

KANNA: It's the same thing... if I were to die, Naraku would make another like me. We are just his toys...

LINDA: I think there is hope for everyone. If someday you choose to defy your master, they will support you.

MIROKU: Heh, well, I don't think it will be easy... but I like the idea, if it was possible to realize.

KANNA: I will do it... I've been used once already, so it doesn't matter... do what you want with me...

(The boy and the white-haired child do the hugging-pact and the demoness feels better.)

KAGOME: Why, she's recovered... in the end we have done a favour to that evil-doer!

KANNA: Naraku will know this. I won't be able to stop him even if I tried. You have dug your own grave...

MIKE: Don't worry, my partner and I are leaving this era to not return ever again! So, don't fret about us!

SANGO: Well, I think we should be going back, if you wanna know where's the bone-eater well Kagome knows.

KAGOME: Yes, you can go to Kaede's to heal yourselves, I will lead them to the well.

(The party splits up, so the schoolgirl and the two travellers go to the part of the village that houses the well.)

KAGOME: What you said earlier... about not being able to change the future, I guess you understood it?

LINDA: Yes... it wasn't sensible on my account, wanting to save her without gauging the consequences.

SHONENJI: Worry not, Lady Linda, because Lord Mike knows very well what he can do and what not.

MIKE: That's it, people! We can't leave any trace of us ever existing here, so we are leaving right now.

KAGOME: If you meet my family, tell them I am okay! And that I will spend some more time here!

MIKE: Of course, girlie... we'll tell them if we meet them. Although it would be very improbable, I say.

LINDA: (^_^) I will promise not to say nonsense ever again, if not I will look like an ignorant loon!

SHONENJI: As always, right? Grab each other, and let the Loli essence guide you...

MIKE: Onwards to another Shonen adventure! (shuuush!)

(ending music would start now)


	5. Shonen 4: One Piece

_SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE GARDEN: SHE IS THE PRIZE!_

This time the teleporting tech send them to an oceanic zone, in the middle of a watery nowhere, so the baby-dragon Genderiel had to tell his Knight how to temporally switch off his armor in order not to sink down... and curiously, the lass floated as if she had lived near water all her life. Maybe it was a clue to her forgotten past, or maybe not. Thing is, they had to call for help at the first ship they saw, it was the colourful Going Merry.

MIKE: Thank goodness, I was screaming for a while and didn't know if you had heard me, pirate guys.

LINDA: They are pirates? They are supposed to be salvager rogues or else! I think I'm better back at sea...

MIKE: They aren't, hunny, they're only travellers looking out for their dreams of fame!

LUFFY: Yep, he's right! Look, he is Zoro, my second-in-command. Sanji, the cook and Usopp, the gunner.

SANJI: Glad to have another pretty damsel in our ship, that would make three... (^_^)

LUFFY: Ah, yes, in the cabin you'll find Nami, our navigator, and Vivi, a queen that recently joined us.

USOPP: Etto, Luffy, it would be better not to spread the fact, it's best for us if no one knows about her.

MIKE: Bah, don't worry, let's say we are up to day regarding your feats... I like them very much myself.

LUFFY: Right, as you probably heard, I am 'Straw Hat' Luffy and I am gonna become King of Pirates!

LINDA: Well, in the end they don't act quite like bandits... and they took you seriously even with no armor.

MIKE: Yeah... geez, without it I look like Ben Tennyson all again... Shonenji, you have to re-summon it.

SHONENJI: Haste makes waste, Lord Mike, when you yell a key phrase chosen by you the power will return.

LINDA: Huh? (listens) It's music all again! Maybe it will clue us as to where we are?

(It starts the song from the second opening from One Piece, 'Believe'!)

MIKE: Cool, I am already situated! And we even were featured in the intro, that's gotta be an honour...

LINDA: Does it ever! (^_^) Then you know which part of their story we are playing...?

MIKE: Yes, if they amount to those that they described... and Chopper is nowhere to be found, and the loli...

(The boy grows out a worryness face, because he guessed who will be the chosen girl.)

MIKE: Listen, from now on you must do as I say... it looks ridiculous, but there will be a big danger...

SHONENJI: Must I presume that the Loli essence is inside someone of harsh character?

LINDA: You are scarring me! (0_0) But I guess this is part of 'being able to fuck up the future events'...

MIKE: Yes, and there's no guarantee that we won't cross paths again with that devil and his stupid fangirl.

LINDA: Lord Xig-lem, and the Genderiel of Shojo... seriously, I don't know what they want, or why...

SHONENJI: Don't think too much of it, Lady Linda. Let's just accomplish our mission and keep onwards.

(After a quite long while, the pirate ship arrives at Little Garden's river bank's beach.)

VIVI: I still remember what Miss All Sunday told us...

_MS-SUNDAY: But the worst of it all... is the direction your compass is pointing to: Its name is Little Garden, and I doubt you will ever reach Arabasta... if you must go there in the first place._

USOPP: (0_0) So, is some monster gonna appear or something?! Why don't we pass through this place?!

NAMI: We need to wait for the compass to be charged with another place's direction.

SANJI: Furthermore, we need to stock up on provisions, the warehouse's almost empty.

(Some bird-saurus sweeps down to annoy them, and they see bigger and bigger beasts.)

LUFFY: Hu, hu... hey Sanji, make me a lunchbox. (SANJI: Lunchbox?) Yeah, to come down and get food. I will spend all day, so put a lot of meat and not one veggie, okay? Proteins and stuff, heh, heh!

LINDA: I don't think this is exactly healthy, but then again I don't know squat about the pirate diet.

NAMI: Luffy, where do you think you are going! (ò_ó.#) Don't be so thoughtless!

LUFFY: (^_^) Does this face look thoughtless? (MIKE: I'd say what it looks like, but you'd smash mine...)

USOPP: (0_0) Are you gonna get in there with all these monsters around?

LUFFY: What I said, Sanji! Make me that lunchbox! (SANJI: Okay, wait a second, you loon...)

VIVI: Luffy, would you let me accompany you? (USOPP: Huh?) (LUFFY: Good, come along if you want!)

NAMI: Vivi, have you gone nuts?!

VIVI: Of course not, if I stay here then I will surely go mad... I have to kill time in some way. (NAMI: Don't do it, let Luffy go alone, gal!) Calm down, Carue will protect me.

MIKE: To say the truth, I am also curious... _but much less than him..._ so count me in.

(Despite the protests, the trio prepares their picnic and enter the shrubbery, Zoro arrives.)

ZORO: Well, as there isn't anything interesting to do, I will take a walk. (USOPP: (0_0) Take a walk?!)

SANJI: Zoro, wait. (ZORO: Huh?) The most food we get the better, so try to hunt some wild beast for us.

ZORO: Ah, worry not... (smug face) I will bring what you couldn't have ever brought.

(The challenge starts and they lash at each other, after which Linda thinks she needs to talk them out of it.)

LINDA: _Lesee, trust Mike's advice... he always does what's best for me._ Sanji, do you think I can go too?

SANJI: I don't like the idea, my precious... but if you are with me, I'll protect you from the beasts, heh heh.

LINDA: _Okay, it's done... Mike told me that I'd have nothing to fear alongside Sanji. I only hope he does just as fine... as he said, the loli won't be an easy target to pact with._

(Usopp and Nami stay there, to check on the books that will clue them into this island's catch, and Linda...)

SANJI: I don't like to be drooled over! Learn some manners! (PLAF!) (LINDA: AAAH! I don't like them!)

(After kicking a tyranno Linda has so bad memories about, the explorers see a bronto.)

LUFFY: Wow, what a big neck this bugger has! (MIKE: It's a dinosaur, dude. A flesh and blood one!)

(Vivi explains that the passage of time is different among islands in Great Line, and this one was stuck as this.)

LUFFY: Sounds cool. (stretches arm) (VIVI: (ò_ó.#) Grrr, why do you act like this...!)

MIKE: Don't worry, her majesty, with this guy... you better take everything lightly, or you will end up crazy.

VIVI: (¬_¬) You talk as if you had already seen living dinosaurs elsewhere... or met this clumsy pirate.

MIKE: Something of the sort... _if I'm not mistaken, Brogy should be scarring those two wusses by now._

LUFFY: Yeehaa, what a pretty sight! Say, let's go to that field there! Is that a volcano?

MIKE: Geez, he's such a childish guy... but that's why I fancy his presence. (^_^) Don't you agree?

VIVI: Get down from there now! Despite its non-aggressive looks, it's still a dinosaur!

(Luffy messes with the dinosaur, until it is fed up and gobbles him... Dorry arrives and cuts its neck.)

DORRY: Har har har! I have to admit, you are brave. I had not seen any human fight these beasts since long ago. It's been a pleasure to save you, so consider yourself my guest, har, har!

LUFFY: Whoa, you are so big! Are you human? (MIKE: Luffy, dear, sometimes you are just too naïve!)

DORRY: Har, har, har, I am Dorry, the best warrior from Erab in this whole island!

VIVI: He's a giant... (knees down) I knew they existed, but never seen one in the flesh.

LUFFY: Well, I am Luffy. The next King of Pirates! (MIKE: Hey! I am Mike, a Knight of Lolicon!)

DORRY: The next Pirate King? Har, har, it's such an honour! And a Knight of whatcha call it? You're funny!

VIVI: For God's sake, how can you take a giant so slightly? Carue, please, stand up...!

(Luffy ends doing the introductions, although Vivi doesn't like him... Mike resumes his mental plot check.)

MIKE: _Well, now Usopp and Nami will be crapping their pants, but it's for their own good, and Linda's safe..._

LUFFY: Heh, heh, say, big guy! This is very tasty! (MIKE: I'm much obliged to agree!)

DORRY: Ho, ho, you see, yer pirate picnic is not half bad! Although it's so tiny, ha, ha!

LUFFY: Of course it's good, our cook made it. If you had said it was bad, I would have busted your face.

DORRY: Har, har, what did ya say? You were gonna hit me? (VIVI: *pure fear*.)

MIKE: Calm down, majesty, the poor lad is just too honest for his own good, he didn't do it with malice!

DORRY: Wa ha ha, you are mighty funny, kids! (VIVI: I see, in the end they will even be best friends...)

(Dorry explains his duel's conditions, and he's been at it these last hundred years, guys.)

VIVI: Your drives to fight hadn't diluted in all these years? What about your motives?

MIKE: Don't even ask, Vivi. A rivalry between men is something we don't even fully understand ourselves. I have one of my own, and I never understood what I did to him, although my case is easier to comprehend: we both fight for humankind's most ancient prize: the right to speak to the woman who stole our hearts.

DORRY: It's a pretty good reason, if you don't mind my rashness! (eruption) Oh, right, I have to go...

MIKE: To your duel, right? Heh, I wish I just had something to warn me of that hateful guy's arrival.

DORRY: Without even realizing it, it became a routine... every time the volcano erupts the duel is to start.

VIVI: It's such a stupid thing! I can't believe that after a hundred years you still have a big enough grudge!

LUFFY: Shut up. (hidden eyes) Our friend of metal glasses has put it very clearly, you can't argue with that.

DORRY: This is for my pride! (advances) Although there is no motive! (clanc!) I just HAVE to beat him!

MIKE: _A motive, huh...why do I run from Xig-lem? Why don't I fight him head on? At least I have a good motive: I have to gather all those lolis to obtain the power that will send us home..._

SHONENJI: (whisper) Lord Mike, I sense a Loli's energy nearer and nearer, maybe it's our 'little friend'.

MIKE: Ah, yes. Comb the skies to see if the Baroque bandits appear. They can't be too far away...

He feels bad for having to follow this plotline, but if his newfound rival dared to appear he swears to fight with honesty and pride... maybe he could get him to see the wrong in his attitude. And get along with him just as much as those two giants. But it's still very soon to celebrate anything.

MIKE: Bah, I would like to search for lolis to befriend them, not by obligation... this is such a drag.

SHONENJI: In that sense, Lord Xig-lem does follow his heart's guidance... he wants to love them, right?

MIKE: That's no love, that moron wants to enslave them, I'm sure! And Shojonoe still thinks he loves her?

SHONENJI: I see that your minds won't be ever able to reconcile... and that's a pity.

(While Mike keeps badmouthing his rival the Baroque agents have arrived to the island.)

MISTER-5: Amazing skills are your own, for having built such a manor in the midst of the undergrowth... but I have to warn ye, this job is ours to accomplish. (VALENTINE: We have never failed any assignment!)

MISTER-3: Never? I am afraid you don't speak the truth... Or what would you call the Whiskey Peak fiasco?

VALENTINE: Wha?! (ò_ó.#) Grrr!

MISTER-3: Heh, don't make such a face and look at this... (poster) In fact, I should be thanking you for making me come to this island. (MISTER-5: 'Dorry and Brogy', from the band of the Giant Pirates...)

(The plot is all set up: this bunch would to Hell itself to get their preys... just after them)

DORRY: (sweats) That's why I'll kill you! To return to Erab as soon as possible! GRR!

(PLAAAF! The fight ends with a mutual cross punch and a double KO, but Mike knew that already.)

MIKE: _It's incredible... until now, I have been able to stop that girl molester, but the day I slip up... I have been turned into a hero without even asking... I guess I will have to follow this quest until the end._

(The giant has brought a couple crates, a present from his rival, in return a present from Usopp and Nami.)

DORRY: Wa ha ha, your friends are his guests! A guy with a long nose and some girl...

LUFFY: Those are Usopp and Nami! Didn't they say they won't leave the ship? (^_^) They started adventuring!

(Vivi is worrying, if they have to stay a full year, then Arabasta will go down the flush.)

DORRY: Once, a guy left this place without having charged his compass... but I didn't hear from him again!

VIVI: _Grrr, I don't get what's so funny! _(BOTH: Ha ha ha!) _I don't understand them!_

MIKE: _The poor woman is disheartened for not being able to return home. I understand how she's feeling._

(KABOOM! The crate's contents explode inside the giant's belly, leaving him busted.)

LUFFY: Giant Dorry! What does this mean? Why did the crate explode? It came from our ship...

VIVI: The explosion came from inside his belly... maybe the enemy giant hid a bomb!

LUFFY: NOT TRUE! Haven't you seen them fight? Do you honestly think two guys that had been battling a hundred years would do something like this? (VIVI: Then why this happened?) (MIKE: _If you only knew..._)

DORRY: (hidden eyes) It's been YOU... (ALL: (0_0).) Brogy couldn't be, we are Erab's warriors... and there's no other suspect but you... dang, I had given you my trust...

(The rubber boy understands that fleeing, nor apologizing will work. The injured is not gonna even listen...)

LUFFY: **Gomu gomu**...! (plam!) Urg! (stretches arms) **Gomu gomu**... **Rocket**!

MIKE: _Shucks, and me with no powers! Thank goodness I still keep the visor. _Shonenji, give me the report!

(The bug gives him the location of the Loli essence, while the redhead is still frolicking with the blonde.)

SANJI: (eruption) Bah, time's out... I don't want the hunt to end so soon. I had no fun!

LINDA: Come on, Sanji, you have hunted enough! I wonder what the others are doing...

(The giant leaves Luffy crushed on the ground, and the glasses boy and the queen can only watch in panic.)

DORRY: I know a hundred years have passed... but I started a fight and now I can't back out of it. It would be like dishonouring myself. Sorry I doubted you... but now I clearly see my mistake, this was the veredict...

LUFFY: What stinking guardian god is yours?! It's idiocy! Do you believe your god would want you to die?!

MIKE: _Gosh, he's gonna do it for real... he looks much crueller in the flesh... and the bandits will intervene now._

BROGY: Har, har, hey Dorry! How did you like the beer? Was it good? (DORRY: It was truly **explosive**!)

LUFFY: Damn it... there's someone here who's using dirty tricks! (MIKE: And I know who they are...)

VIVI: Wha?! Why didn't you tell us sooner?! And where has Carue gone to, I wonder?

USOPP: *panics* Luffy, Luffy, a dinosaur has eaten Nami! (LUFFY: What did you say?!) We were running away, the dinosaurs were hot on our tails then I looked back and poof, she was gone just like that!

VIVI: But did you stop to confirm the fact?

USOPP: You are nuts! How would I have stopped if I was dead afraid? If it wasn't a dinosaur, then it will have been another huge beast. Who else do you think is roaming around this place?

VIVI: If the Baroque Works agents managed to follow us here... maybe they caught her!

(They put the long-nosed up to day about the beer issue that could have moved the scales, and in fact it did.)

DORRY: (hits) AAARG! (slips on wax) (PLAM!)

USOPP: Okay Luffy, I don't know who can be so cheap, but I am gonna get them now!

VIVI: I will tag with you, Usopp. (MIKE: Hey, majesty! You remember your questions from before? Look.)

(Just as she feared most, Mister 5 and Valentine arrive there with the kidnapped duck.)

MISTER-5: (throws) I return him to you, he has outlived his usefulness. (VIVI: Carue!) (LUFFY: Bastards...) We tried to make him scream to guide us to you and that rubber moron... but the feathered one has no manners.

VIVI: Carueee! (CARUE: (x_x) Klu klu...) (VALENTINE: Wa ha ha, poor birdie!)

MIKE: I can tell with absolute conviction, that pest with cool shades was the one who did the bomb trick!

MISTER-5: Heh, yes, it was us. Who are ye? Does someone want you? (VALENTINE: He has to be a Straw Hat.)

MIKE: I am so sorry to disappoint you, people, but I am my OWN band. And I won't forgive you for this!

(The queen, the gunslinger and the Knight-who-is-not-anymore head towards the evil guys, and are bombed...)

MISTER-5: We have orders from Mister 3, that is, catching you alive. (VIVI: Is Mister 3 here, then...?)

(They carry her to where the rest of hostages are, already stuck in the lethal wax castle.)

BROGY: I will see you in Hell! (MISTER-3: Don't make me laugh. You won't be able to make it alive!)

LUFFY/USOPP/MIKE: (sprinting) HAAAH! (MIKE: _Gasp, what a rush I've gotten!)_

BAROQUES: Ahem? (0_0)

LUFFY: Let's get them guys! (USOPP: Master Brogy, we are here!) (MIKE: **Master Force**!) *flush!*

(Our boy has put his armor on using such magic phrase, and the others also sport a kill-friendly face.)

ZORO: By the way, Luffy, could you break apart this entire contraption? You would do us a favour!

MIKE: As good as done. With my armor full of Lolicon power theres no act of brutality I can't muster!

(The boy in metal glasses increases his blade's light part and proceeds to shout his special: COSMO BREAK!)

USOPP: What a beast! He broke that wax wedding cake in millions of pieces as if it was actual meringue!

LUFFY: It's true, man... you could have told us, we wouldn't have looked so useless.

MISTER-3: Grrr, I supposed that nothing could drill through my hardened-as-steel wax! But this is meaningless now, you dunces! You have buried your own friends alive under all the rubble!

MIKE: Dang, he's right! (0_0) My sword's energy can cut through anything, no matter how far away hidden...

USOPP: Are you saying your weapon is able to reach even things out in space?! (?_?)

MIKE: Er, well, I will tell you the details later, if we get out of this mess. No, I am sure we will be fine!

LUFFY: Right! (USOPP: You've gone too far, swines! You will pay! *backs off*) Hey, that's not the way.

MISTER-3: You'll see... **Doru Doru Lock**! (LUFFY: (chlof) My gosh, what's this! It is heavy as hell...)

(But he figures out how to do his **Gomu Gomu Hammer** and breaks yet another piece of the wax cake.)

LUFFY: Lucky, the lock is broken... ack, I made matters worse! (MIKE: Geez, you did even worse than me!)

MISTER-3: Stupid morons! You have let more wax fall over your comrades... you have hastened their demise!

NAMI: *echo* Stop messing around and pull us out of these ruins...! (MISTER-3: Over my hardened corpse!)

(Soon the fight becomes a cross fire between Three, Luffy, Five and Usopp. And finally, April joins the fray.)

MS-APRIL: **Colour Trap..**. (eats) (MIKE: It's her, the one I came looking for! But...)

(Yep, Luffy has fallen under the first of her hypnotic colors: the Black of Betrayal.)

USOPP: Haaaah! (VALENTINE: He's fleeing along that duck!) (MISTER-5: Get 'em!)

MIKE: Miss April Fools, as expected... Guys, please, I can't tell you why, but I need to fight her alone!

(Before such unexpected statement, the pirate captain takes it as having to let his friend solve this matter...)

MS-APRIL: **Colour Trap**: **Black of Betrayal**. Everyone under its influence will feel like betraying his friends.

MIKE: Lesee, what I must do is... oh yes. Luffy, get outta there! Help me already man!

(He does as expected: he doesn't move a finger... Which is what Mike needs, to try and recruit Miss April.)

MIKE: (spasms) Pfff... HAHAHA! Devilish brat, you are one of a kind! Wa ha ha ha! _Gosh darn it to heck... she got me with her yellow trap... if I can't stop laughing I can't concentrate to land any attacks!_

MS-APRIL: **Colour Trap**: **Yellow, colour of Laughter**. With it, you are gonna laugh till you fall dead.

USOPP: *runs* Kyaaah! (CARUE: Klu klu!) (MIKE: And those two are still playing Tag...)

(With an enormous effort, he jumps in the way of Mister 5's explosions and his pants catch on fire.)

MIKE: Augh! I overcame the laughing fit, but if anyone sees my shorts, then they will start their own!

MS-APRIL: Here only I can see you. You don't fancy the Laughter symbol? I can paint others if you like.

MIKE: Only one, you artist hack! If you nail which is my favourite, maybe I won't have to spank your butt!

MS-APRIL: (¬_¬) **Color Trap: Red, colour of a Target**! (fsssh... BROUUUM!)

(That was a small-scale Cosmo Break, it has ended up crashing against the red symbol.)

MS-APRIL: I can't let you remove those wax boulders. Mister 3 would not like that you saved your friends, you know. Now you're going to crave throwing yourself against the red colour, like a bull in a bullring. Enjoy.

MIKE: And now she disabled my swordplay! Geez, I can't unstuck it... no matter, I will keep fighting with bare hands! _I have no actual intention of hurting her, but eagerness is flooding me... she only has one escape..._

MS-APRIL: Now I'll mix Yellow of Laughter with Blue of Sadness: **Soothing Green**!

MIKE: _YESSS, it's the one I wanted! The only way to talk to her out of this big mess..._

(He proposes the girl to go far from there, knowing that Sanji and Linda are about to find something big.)

SANJI: I couldn't stay there to cook knowing the girls could be in danger!

LINDA: I know Mike thought ahead of everything! He told me to search for... THAT!

SANJI: Huh? And what is this?

(They have found Mister 3's wax hideout... everything goes just as planned. Usopp is going to free Luffy from the hypnosis, although the candle man doesn't count with his girl accomplice's help anymore.)

MISTER-3: It's already too late, Straw Hat. You have wasted too much time, there is nothing you can do...

(In a place far away from the jungle itself, the knight boy asks her to do the ritual pact.)

MS-APRIL: And I will get to have tea with you? (MIKE: Yes, honey, I already said I hold no grudges.)

(BROUUUM! In the distance they see a flaming inferno, because the hostages have already escaped.)

MIKE: _Okay, no matter if they were boulders, being made of wax have caused them to finally melt away..._

VOICE: Where do you think you go with my girl, molester? (MS-APRIL: Wha, who?)

XIGLEM: (jumps) You saved me a lot of work, silly: now the loli's far from her partner and close to my mirror.

MIKE: Too bad, **true** molester! If you pretend to hypnotize her like the last one, you are in for a beating!

XIGLEM: What makes you think you can beat me? As I remember, last time you fled without finishing me.

MIKE: I have a new trick, and unluckily for you, this one never misses: I have named it COSMO BREAK!

(Unleashes the obliterating swordslash assured that not even his mirror will block it, but suffers a letdown...)

MIKE: What the...! Where did all that sawmill material come from? I know we are in a jungle, but still!

XIGLEM: See this? (shows fruit) This Devil Fruit will give me the power to cloud your sanity with what you hate most: Wood! Hard, rotten and splintery. Yes, I know you hate it with all your might...

MIKE: How did he know?! There is nothing that gives me even worse vibes! Get out of my sight, weasel!

(But the bad guy isn't gonna let him go as easily. He makes shrubs and splintery trunks, the hero suffers.)

MIKE: Arg, I really abhor them... tree trunks impossible to break, heavy as rocks... they don't stop coming!

XIGLEM: You don't like them, right? Then wait, there's more. Uncontrolled grass, that invades the ground...

(Now he grows rotten and sticky grass, which he uses to tie him sticking it to his body.)

MIKE: Such a dirty trick... I can't manoeuvre here. GRR, I will get rid of it by slashing!

XIGLEM: This time you can't win. I'll bring the girl with me, she'll be MY slave, who will please my wishes...

SHOJONOE: You forgot something, master. I am still here. (zombi'ed) I won't lose the status I yearn for...

(The Poncle-like fairy uses an energy beam to blast the tree trunks, and the villain has to jump outta the way.)

XIGLEM: Shojonoe! What was that for? You swore to always be with me! Do you plan on eloping with them?

MS-APRIL: **Colour Trap**: **Black of Betrayal**. Your servant isn't anymore, so leave us alone at once.

XIGLEM: GRRR! You will see me again, Knight of Lolicon! We will compete again!

(He grabs his fangirl with a dark barrier and escapes melting into data. Mike tells Miss April his plan.)

MIKE: When we return, it must look as if I had fought you. _Good, if Linda followed my advice, she will be..._

SANJI: ARG! What am I doing! Nami will be in danger, and I am here having tea like a useless twit!

LINDA: No, Sanji! You can't leave yet. You have to check this weird noise in here...

SANJI: Huh? (looks) It's a Snail Phone. (picks it) Hello, good morning? Who is there?

VOICE: Leave the nonsense out, fool. It's me: the Zeroth Agent. (BOTH: (?_?).)

(After the scare provoked by the Unluckies, the blonde cook and the redhead lass return to their friends.)

SANJI: Hey, Nami, Vivi! How did you do along these morons? Wow, you are alive...!

USOPP: (ò_ó.#) And the guy has the guts to appear just now? About flippin' time...!

(They explain the incident, and the cook contributes with data about that mafia's boss.)

LUFFY: Anyway, giant friends... we have to leave. (DORRY: It's a shame, but if you really have to...)

MIKE: Say, guys, I know this will sound crazy, but we are staying. (ALL: Huh?) What we were looking for has been found... so you can keep onwards on your ship. The lady and I have a different transportation method.

SANJI: Farewell then, my sweet redhead! (^_^) The time I spent with you shall be engraved in my heart!

LINDA: Please, don't make it harder for us... come on, Mike, I hope next time you will let me watch!

MIKE: Whew, that sounded quite dirty... (LINDA: Hey!) Well, they left... shall we do the same, hunny?

SHONEJI: (glint eyes) I sensed a Loli essence very near from another Genderiel's! So be on your guard!

(next episode's preview music starts)

NAMI: I feel tired... (VIVI: Nami, are you okay? She's burning with fever!) (LUFFY: Gasp, Nami's sick!) (VIVI: We need to find a doctor fast.) (LUFFY: Have you seen any doctors nearby? Quick, let's hurry! Because if I lose my friends... I won't want to be the next King of Pirates!)


	6. Shonen 5: Naruto

_A KIDNAPPING BEFORE THE TEST? BE AWARE, TEAM 10!_

After Shonenji detected the disconcerting presence of another Genderiel that wasn't the corrupted Shojonoe, the travellers-by-need arrived at a forest zone similar to the one back then, but now it was morning. Because of fate's quirks, our main boy had no idea of where they were, so they would need to resort to the usual musical clue. However... guessing was a free action, so they played Twenty Questions until the first notes came to interrupt such lame-assery.

MIKE: Ufff, I was getting fed up with that nonsense... whose idea was it, anyway?

SHONENJI: (whisper) Ahem, Lord Mike, I believe it was YOUR idea...

LINDA: Bah, just forget about it, and listen to the music! Let's see if this one is as pretty as the others...

(Then it started: the third OP song from Naruto, 'Kawashimi Wo Yasashisani'!)

LINDA: Whoa guys, this time I didn't get a single word... what sort of language is that?

MIKE: It's pure Japanese, my girl... as I said earlier, let's start the journey... so we will not miss the 'boat'.

(They follow the forest's road way and soon they arrive at the civilization: a tall fence.)

MIKE: Here we have it, the Leaf Village! For all that 'hidden' stuff, we didn't take that much to find it.

VOICE: Hey, who are you? (they turn around) You don't look like our villagers, I had never seen you before!

MIKE: _Ah, well, the pink-haired one..._ psss, Shonenji, tell me if you sense Loli-energy in the yelling lass.

SHONENJI: Unfortunately, she is not our goal. I am sorry about it, we wouldn't have had further trouble...

SAKURA: You didn't answer me. Who are you? You have very suspicious looks to be part of a ninja town!

LINDA: Ops, no, my darling, we aren't anything of the sort... we hail from a far away place, that's sure.

MIKE: Well said, Linda. We want to check the village as our future residence, if it's not too much to ask.

SAKURA: Well, I don't know... everyone is quite busy with the Chunin exams stuff...

MIKE: Don't tell me they were held already! I won't want to miss the thrilling finals!

SAKURA: Well, no, the last trial will be held in a month from now, it's like some sort of tournament or else.

MIKE: _Hum, then we have ample time to work... that is, locate the loli girl and get our asses out of here._

LINDA: Tell me, pretty... could you find us a place to, well, to stay the night for once?

SAKURA: _She thinks I am pretty!_ (^_^) Oh, yes madam, anything for you, tee hee...

(The kunoichi –I think that's it- brings them to her house and they promise her parents to repay them.)

SAKURA: You already heard my parents... if you do some ninja missions you can earn the right to stay the night into a Genin's home. Such missions will be Genin-ranked, so it will probably be a pet rescue or sinks washing...

LINDA: Wow, they are very strict. (0_0) Your parents are so nice, however. How about your friend's, honey?

SAKURA: I can't really compare myself to them, both of my team partners are orphans.

MIKE: Linda, dear, you could think a bit before asking... ninja are accustomed to death.

LINDA: Ow, sorry... then how are things going among your people? _I hope I'm helping Mike..._

SAKURA: Ah, yes... a short while ago I returned from the hospital, I visited Lee... poor guy is in no position to fight. And to think he grossed me out... but now I can't help but pity him. Maybe I should befriend him at the least...

MIKE: Then Naruto and Sasuke are missing... worry not, I have a hunch that they are in very good hands.

(Glasses Boy winks towards Redhead, as a signal that she asked something useful, then they are interrupted.)

INO: Hi, Sakura-chan, I see you've got company. I was gonna give you some, but I see you are well served.

SAKURA: Don't bother us, Ino-piggie! For your knowledge, they're my parent's guests!

INO: (is explained) So they found you in the forest? Heh, you will never be good at the hiding-away stuff, you know? I could see your huge forehead from my own home, they would have had it even easier, ho ho ho!

LINDA: Geez, stop it, won't you? She was very kind to us, you could learn from her...

INO: I need not your advice, foreigner. It's obvious I'm the better pick of the two... so Sasuke will choose me!

SAKURA: In your dreams, Pig-chan! I told you during the fight: as long as I'm around I'll step in the middle!

SHIKA: (enters) Hey, you parrots! Stop babbling, Asuma-sensei has to give us a briefing on our new mission.

CHOJI: Ino, you shouldn't act like this. And don't skive off, the missions are for all the team's members.

SHIKA: Bah, sometimes I would like to ignore girls forever... they are a drag. See you tomorrow, then.

SHONENJI: Lord Mike, don't let her slip away! The blonde girl hides a Loli essence!

MIKE: Whoa, wait a sec, Team 10! You are # 10, right? I have a matter to discuss with the blonde kunoichi.

INO: (listens) I have to do WHAT? It's very bold of you to ask for such a thing, mister!

MIKE: _Sheesh, I was expecting that reaction._ Listen, there is no second meanings, I can swear you.

INO: I would only allow Sasuke to lay a hand on me! Now I am on a hurry, Shikamaru said about a mission...

(She totally ignores them, her two team partners follow her in awe. Her rival fumes.)

SAKURA: Meh, you heard her... nobody can stand her. Although it is very weird they were sent on a mission during the Chunin exam waiting period. It's not something that sounds very plausible, knowing our rulebook.

MIKE: Lookie, let's not pay attention to her for now... tomorrow things will be clearer.

(In the outside, a shadowy figure looms over the pink-haired's house, with a tiny critter as his only light...)

SHOJONOE: I am very ashamed, Master Xig-lem. I won't fail you again in such a shameful way, I swear...

XIGLEM: It doesn't matter now... heh, those cretins have really believed my 'surprise mission' scam. All the available Genin teams has one, but now that I located my favourite ninja girl my scheme got even simpler...

SHOJONOE: _Master Xig-lem is being cold to me since that brainwashing I suffered... I don't want him to hate me!_

(Sun rises over the Leaf Village, and the temperamental Yamanaka goes for an early stroll.)

INO: Bah, the foreigners from yesterday were quite presumptuous... and that stupid Forehead made it worse.

(But she has just seen the object of her love cross the street, Sasuke! He has weird eyes.)

INO: _Ooooh, it's HIM, the first time I see him since he left the hospital! He looks just as gallant as ever... although it's unusual of him to have left the place and not tell anyone. Kyah, and me with my hair in a knot! Yes, I know..._

(She goes behind a tree to put some make-up, and only then she tackles the Uchiha kid.)

INO: Ahem, hi, Sasuke! Tell me, are you okay now? Where have you been? Could I, er, accompany you?

SASUKE: Why not. (INNER-INO: (^_^) _YAY_!) Before we leave, would you like to take a peek at this?

(The lass looks at what he has on his hands: seems like a mirror for a powder compact.)

INO: So what? (?_?) Are you gonna give a powder compact to some girl or...? (FLAM!)

(From the mirror came a blinding flash that only caused the destruction of the blondie's Shadow, so there.)

SASUKE: What's this? She wasn't the true one, only a worthless clone! If I had grabed the real thing...

INO: (arrives) If you had got me then what, imposter? I was behind that tree the whole time, just so you know. Being a useless fighter doesn't deprive me of being a genius in everything else! Who the heck are you?

SASUKE: Looks like there's no point in keeping my disguise. (flop!) You can call me Lord Xig-lem, babe.

INO: That trick could have hurt me. Why did you impersonate Sasuke and why did you want to kidnap me? I can think of many reasons, though. *wink* Now you will tell me about your plan, intruder! And if not, I'll just pull it out of your mind.

(She tries to do the Mind Transfer Jutsu, and it happens... yep, you guessed: it clashed right into the mirror.)

INO: Augh! (faints) (XIGLEM: It never fails... heh, the day someone manages to drill through my defenses...)

SHOJONOE: Yes, I know: we'll have to award them. I have to take her away, right?

XIGLEM: But we won't do anything yet, my plan won't be ready until tomorrow. Until then we'll leave a clone.

(Shikamaru and Choji pass through the area looking for their girl partner. The mission is worrying them.)

SHIKA: Bah, where could she be... she wasn't at her home. And I still can't understand why they do this to us.

CHOJI: The mission stuff? Yes, it's odd that we are even sent on missions during the Chunin exams. Huh?

(They have just seen the blonde gal, or who's supposed to be her, with her back towards where they are.)

CHOJI: Ino? Why didn't you go straight to the guild office? The mission our team has to take care of is...

SHIKA: Stay back. It's not her... (CHOJI: What?!) I know you used to fall asleep in our Genjutsus' class, but...

(The clone spins around and turns completely black, she attacks with a zombie groan.)

CHOJI: Heavens! Ino never knew how to do that, I am sure. (SHIKA: Will you help me out?) Well, of course!

(The fattie uses Multisize Jutsu to roll over the monster, and the ponytailed kid throws some kunais at it.)

SHIKA: Dang it, she splitted into black blobs... Choji, keep rolling, I will guide you to where you need to aim! _If I manage to do Shadow Bind Jutsu over all of them, maybe they will regroup together as one again..._

(What I said: Akamichi runs over however many he's able, and Nara pins them down.)

SHIKA: I got her. This monster won't go anywhere as long as I have my shadow active. Now, start talking!

CLONE: You were late, Team 10... (CHOJI: (0_0) She **does** speak!) If you want to see your female friend again, you will hand over to me those two foreigners who arrived at Sakura Haruno's home, tomorrow at 13:37 PM.

(After saying such, the clone explodes in a sticky gunk cloud, leaving only a note with all the instructions.)

CHOJI: Do you think he talks about that armor boy and the redhead girl who had to stay overnight at Sakura's?

SHIKA: I know of no more foreigners, so it has to be them. Do you know where could they be right now?

CHOJI: Lesee, let me remember... Hum, the boy is doing a wood-chopping errand for Asuma-sensei, about the girl... Sakura told me she brought her to the hospital when she realized that the crystal in her head was NOT exactly a hairpin...

SHIKA: Perfect, then. I see Asuma-sensei has a hard work ahead of him, and not 'cause of that fake mission...

(Aha, they go to their leader's, and the ones there discuss how to tackle such a crime.)

IRUKA: I knew this couldn't be true. The missions during the promotion exams are to be put on hold... or at least they're severely limited. There exists a legal gap regarding that matter, because...

ASUMA: Don't waste breath, Iruka, we need to study the conditions described in here. What do you think?

MIKE: He wants us, that's clear, and I only know one person who would be interested in getting rid of us.

LINDA: Why does he do this? We always have to find him everywhere, what a nuisance!

ASUMA: Looks like he is an old rival, right? We will do all we can, I plan on teaching you some jutsus.

MIKE: Yay, good! (^_^) The Shadow Clone, and the Substitution, and... ops, sorry, I'm getting jumpy already.

LINDA: But here says that only Team 10 members can go to the date. Won't they be... I dunno, insufficient?

ASUMA: We have a lot of time until the date, we can even have lunch... Mike, you are coming with me now.

SAKURA: (enters) Linda! What did the ANBU medics tell you about that stuck crystal?

LINDA: Don't worry, dear, people with better technology than yours already tried, and they didn't find anything harmful... it does not hurt me since the day I got it stuck, so I stopped worrying altogether.

SHIKA: Okay, sensei! We are off to prepare our part of the plan. Choji, let's get going.

CHOJI: Geez, I'm coming, what a hurry...! (munches)

(The members of Team 10 in one hand, and their teacher and Mike on the other, went to different places to take appropriate measures. Next day, in the early morning... everyone has gathered again and they head off to the date's place.)

ASUMA: Okay, I see that you more or less mastered the Shadow Clone and Substitute jutsus, it will suffice.

MIKE: And if not, I can always use my trusty blade, there's nothing it can't cut, except for THAT one mirror.

SHIKA: It's decided, Choji and I will be the scouts along with Linda, the villain will see we broke the deal...

CHOJI: And he will attack us like a stupid rookie. I only hope we are enough people...

(The group notices something moving in the forest near the date's place: the evil guy!)

XIGLEM: I see you paid no attention to my request. You only bring the silly lass who was along with Mike.

SHIKA: He doesn't need to dirt his hands, ugly guy: because 2 Genins are more than enough to deal with you!

LINDA: Yes, I'm sure! (CHOJI: When this is over, you will only be good as fast-food sauce for Ichiraku's!)

XIGLEM: I expected he would do something of this sort, that coward... but I reserved a special foe for you!

(From the back part of his mirror, a black smoke comes out... and takes the shape of the last living Uchiha.)

LINDA: Is he that Sasuke guy? He looks quite emaciated... and he was tainted black!

SHIKA: Of course he isn't! It's a clone just out of the Shadow Clone jutsu, deployed to hinder our advances...

CHOJI: We need to pull the big guns from the very start! (kunais) Human Bullet Tank!

(He rolls with kunais tied to his body, so that the giant flesh mass can also sting hard.)

SHADOWSUKE: Grrr! *Sharingan* Multi size Jutsu! (inflates arm) (PLAF!)

CHOJI: Arg...! (stops) The bastard also knows how to imitate our own jutsus, just like the true Sasuke!

SHIKA: But he hasn't escaped unhurt from the clash... he's having a hard time moving the arm. Take this!

(Attacks to try and make him use the other arm and skewer him, but the black foe can block projectiles.)

SHADOWSUKE: Great Fireball Jutsu! (FLAAAM!) (SHIKA: Dang, not even I have expected that!)

CHOJI: If something works, why fix it... Human Bullet Tank! (jumps) Here goes your other arm, imposter!

(Incredibly, the fake kid does a Lion Combo to poor Shika and then throws Choji away.)

SHIKA: Just as I planned, monster... if you leave your back unguarded, you are risking my shadow to grab you!

(He moves his body the best he can after the combo... to put him in the receiving end of the Human Tank.)

SHADOWSUKE: Grrr! (poof!) (SHIKA: He did the Substitute Jutsu!) (LINDA: Where has he gone to?)

CHOJI: I won't let you escape, bugger! (bounces) Today's meal are meatballs, and you will eat them all!

(Rebounds in a tree to boost himself and crush the enemy after all... his partners congrat him for the idea.)

SHIKA: Now is my turn to have a good idea... Shadow Bind! (it grabs a trunk) I always believed that the trees had to be someone's spies. They are always immobile, deceiving you, waiting for the best second to strike! (PLAM!)

(He used shadows to push down a tree and further crush the black clone, but it resists.)

LINDA: Aw, shucks... this monster is more of a pest than the Egyptian Plagues. What is he trying now?

SHIKA: Again he uses the Sharingan... what is he trying to pull off? Be very careful, he moves too fast...!

(The foe throws shurikens and the others jump away, which is what he wanted: they're pinned by shadows.)

SHIKA: The heck? He tricked us! He copied my shadow manipulation... now he's got us at point blank!

(He is right, but there is a catch: if they manage to make HIM move, they can still win.)

CHOJI: You think you are strong, fiend? No matter how resilient is your spine, you cannot imitate THIS move!

(He struggles to roll in his Tank form to break the clone's spine... but everything's over already.)

SHIKA: Linda? (0_0) Since when can you use these Genjutsus...? Ah, boy, now I get it!

CHOJI: (?_?) What thing? (LINDA: The fact that Linda has not been here at all, kids...)

(The redhead vanishes in a puff of smoke to reveal the female teacher, Kurenai-sensei!)

KURENAI: This clone won't move an inch until I let him to, it's trapped in a very strong illusion.

XIGLEM: Damn it, she's the Team 8 leader! I didn't expect the attendance of a Jonin!

CHOJI: Kurenai-sensei, have we any contact with the others? No one had told me about that switcharoo tactic!

KURENAI: I did this favour to Asuma... to grant him more time to perfect the foreigner boy's abilities.

SHIKA: But we still don't know where Ino is being held! We need them to arrive fast...

(After saying that, another group of trees explodes to give way to Glasses Boy, Cosmo Break just unleashed.)

ASUMA: (arrives) Look, guys! Now Mike is on par with you Genin, so he will be able to fix this mess!

MIKE: He speaks with truth, pals. First, look how I demolish this eyesore into oblivion.

(CHAS! After a clean cut, together with Asuma's cross blades, that freak is no more.)

XIGLEM: Very well planned, suckers, but I still have the upper hand here: the girl is in my hands, and only by deploying two Jonins you can't even aspire to defeat... the creature I am about to summon!

(Very far from there, in the missions' guild, Sakura is sitting near Linda to put her mind out of certain matters... but somehow they get the same horrible gut feeling at the same time, and start sweating uncontrollably.)

LINDA: I have just felt something terrible... this crystal warned me, I don't know how.

SAKURA: Then it's like a chakra storing device? Ops, sorry, I know you get bored with my explanations...

LINDA: Nothing of the sort, you're very smart to memorize all the ninja rules. I could not study that much.

SAKURA: But it's the only thing I'm good at... Aaaaaagh, Ino you are a bitch and I hate hate hate you, but...! If she died, I would not know what to do with my life... I am what I am thanks to everything we competed for!

LINDA: Let's go there, the two of us! I want to check on Mike too. And someday, I will stop being a burden!

(She is serious... the two leave the office, while in the forest battle, the villain is weighting their chances.)

ASUMA: (blades) Give up, Xig-lem! We're able to bring death to you if it was necessary!

XIGLEM: Oh, I know you won't dare to, Sarutobi! Or better said, I won't even let you.

MIKE: Less chatting like housewives and more ass kicking! What do you think could defeat us, swine?

XIGLEM: I'm gonna bring a toy you know very well... and give it a thousand level ups.

(From the undergrowth appears a giant beast, Drake Borg! Perched above it we can see Ino and Shojonoe.)

SHOJONOE: Master, I already brought what you wanted! What do I do with the blonde girl, anyway?

XIGLEM: Enter the robot, you will be safe inside... meanwhile, I will put my own 'magic' into motion.

(After doing some hand gestures a dark aura taints the machine and turns it into a spider dragon, huge and metallised... with nasty ferocity, it beats the Genins with savage claw swipes.)

SHIKA/CHOJI: AAARG! *pain* (ASUMA/KURENAI: Boys, get out of its reach!)

MIKE: Great, two down and we've just started... and to boot, this machine does not even feel my slashes!

XIGLEM: Mwa ha ha! I told you before, numbskull... If you can't drill its iron hide, you can't possibly save Ino!

(Even the Jonins feel useless watching how their jutsus only do scratch damage to him.)

MIKE: The moment has arrived, when I have to use this trick... I don't know if it will work, as I never tried...

ASUMA: Won't you pretend to use Forbidden Jutsus? I didn't teach you that way, this is not the answer!

KURENAI: Don't jump to conclusions, Asuma... I get the feel that your friend's gonna take us outta this fix.

MIKE: Pay attention to her, sensei! First is using the Shadow Clone. (struggles) *poof!* Yeah, I nailed it!

XIGLEM: (0_0) What do you intend to do with only one helper, fool? It is worth squat!

MIKE: But here comes the second step. (pose) Does it ring any bells, bastard? FUUUSION, HA!

(The Knight of Lolicon has done Fusion Dance with his own live photocopy! Everyone has a WTF face, while the new costume does wonders to emphasize his newfound muscles.)

MIKE: It was such a silly idea... that it HAD to work. Now you're truly doomed, HAAAH!

(Finally his punches manage to do more than tickling the metallic beast. Shonenji acts!)

SHONENJI: Lord Mike, I have already slapped that arrogant Genderiel silly, and I have rescued the loli!

MIKE: Okay, now I'll finish this mechanical nightmare... (XIGLEM: Just keep dreaming, Glasses Boy.)

(The bad guy applies some more chakra to his machine monster, and it stands back up.)

XIGLEM: It's only a matter of time that I recover the blondie, and you will be back in square one, loser!

MIKE: Not if I don't let you! (charge) Uuugh... (energy ball) Here goes: Soul Crusher!

(He doesn't even know how he could pull it off, but the ball is unleashed with enough strength to demolish the robot into millions of nuts and bolts, making its reparation be an impossible ordeal. But he wasted a lot of ki, and is un-fused...)

MIKE: Curses! (0_0) They don't do the Fusions like they used to... this looks awful!

XIGLEM: You are mine, lame excuse of a ninja. (grabs, chokes) At the end, my plan is going to work, goon...

VOICE: We have yet to intervene in this smack fest!

(A sole kunai flies and strikes the bad guy to make him release the hero, Sakura and Linda have arrived.)

SAKURA: We have made a vow, intruder... we won't be dead weight to anyone, not me nor her, ever again!

KURENAI: Sakura! Why did you bring Linda here? (ASUMA: Its dangerous, leave her in our hands!)

LINDA: Senseis! What was of Mike? (looks) Kyaaah! They have left him like a tissue in a boogers' party!

XIGLEM: It does not matter how many of you come at me. Genins are no match for me, and the Jonins are weakened. Say, Sakura-chan! Do you want to fight? You can't aspire to come out of this mess alive.

SAKURA: I'll beat you! I don't know how. But I'll win! Ino would never forgive me...

XIGLEM: Her? She is as much a load as you, maybe a little less. At least she could see through my disguise. You're always waiting for your partners to do all the work! They were right, you were only a hindrance...

(The ugly guy keeps picking on the pink-haired one, he's dangerously popping her veins.)

XIGLEM: Even if you managed to land a hit with your toothpickers, my mirror would bounce everything back to you, following my movements... it's the perfect defence, as the Hyuga clan would say of his own techs.

SAKURA: Grrrr! (ò_ó.#) *Inner Sakura* You won't dare mock ME! HAAAH!

(The berserked girlie does a fulminating punch combo on the villain's shield, and taking everyone by surprise, manages to crack it! She keeps punching, but the magical artifact can't withstand a woman THAT enraged.)

SHOJONOE: Huh? She cracked it! Master, we now have to award her! (PLAF!) Kyaaah!

(The second-to-last punch lands on her and propels her skywards, and the last one, right in the shield's center, causes an explosion. After that, our hero remembers nothing. The redhead awakens him, he's in a bedroom.)

LINDA: Mike, wake up. The Haruno girl has saved us all... and the villain has escaped.

MIKE: Arg, what a beating... hum, this is the Leaf's hospital... I see we are all thrashed.

SHIKA: More or less, some of us will leave the place before others who arrived earlier.

ASUMA: You did very good, guys. All of you, starting with you, Mike, and Sakura too. Kakashi would be proud if he could have seen you. But now we have another authority figure to congratulate you on his behalf...

KURENAI: You have saved us from a threat comparable to the Nine-tailed Fox itself...

HOKAGE: (enters) That's right, outsiders. Although you brought a great misfortune to our Leaf Village, in return you were very skilled in dispatching it. For that, I'm going to promote this lad to Chunin... you'll always be able to use your new rank if you return to our village. And everyone else has 10 more points towards the promotion. Congrats!

CHOJI: Cool, I hope they're still cashable when we do next year's test, because if not...

SAKURA: Linda, thank you... without your cheering, I wouldn't have had the strength to do the impossible.

INO: (interrupts) You said it, Sakura-chan! But I have a score to settle with the outsider.

(Both do the power ritual and the only girl in Team 7 grows out a face like this: (0_0.)

INO: You see, I'm still better than you. Because I snuggled a hot boy way before you! Ho ho ho!

SAKURA: Aaarg, Ino-Piggie! You're a bitch that gropes men without their permission!

(While we leave those two to solve their matters, the girl with a leather jacket opens it.)

LINDA: Mike, look at this. This kind of pink egg fell from the robot's innards... It was shining eerily...

MIKE: Wait, let's go outside. (they do) I'm mostly recovered, so they won't miss me. I told them we had to part with urgency. Well, Shonenji, what do you think it is?

SHONENJI: Amazing! (0_0) This is the egg that holds Mahorita, Genderiel of Maho Shojo!

(next episode's eyecatch music starts)

NARUTO: Wow, the ramen from this bar is to die for! I could eat it until I fell dead... (JIRAIYA: Well, then eat it, because this is the last one.) What did you say, pervy-sage? (JIRAIYA: Ops, nothing, you can keep at it.) In the next episode: 'Life or Death: risk it all for the mastery!'


	7. Maho 1: Sailor Moon

_A UNKNOWN__ SAILOR FACES BLACK LADY!_

Matters had made a turn for the complex! Lady Linda had found the egg containing no more and no less than another Genderiel, this time the ruler of the Maho Shojo galaxy... thrilled by the discovery, they were nonetheless afraid that their new recruit would flop like it had happened before. Shonenji commanded the girl in leather jacket to focus her crystal energy onto the egg and he would to the same with his own. After few seconds, the new critter emerged from the pink egg.

MAHORITA: (yawns) Uaaah... Golly, I see that a very pretty girl has found me!

MIKE: _And this 'thing'? Looks like a bunny-eared girl... wearing a witch-trainee dress like the Maho Do's..._

MAHORITA: Glad to meet ya. I am the ruler of the Magical Girls galaxy, Mahorita... but you can call me Rita D. Witch. Hum? Shonenji, you rascal! I see you have bothered to come and awake pretty me!

SHONENJI: Yes, well, it's not like I had many choices, you know? This human lad is the new Knight of Lolicon, he is now helping me gather loli energy to restore our dear Goddess. If you want to help our cause...

LINDA: I do want! (MIKE: Wha?) Mike, for some time now I have been feeling quite useless for not being able to help you in your mission... you are doing this for both, to have us return to our world... and I want to take part in the battles. Shonenji, is there no way to make you turn me into a warrior? Maybe women just can't become... fighters?

SHONENJI: Erm, well, this is out of my field's reach... as my specialty is the Shonen.

MAHORITA: I can give you a push towards your goal, beauty! If you want to be up to par with the men put out your wand and show all those brutes that magic, fancy dresses and catchy songs are just as effective!

LINDA: Yaaay! (^_^) You heard, Mike? I am gonna be powerful... so you won't have to worry about me!

MIKE: (thinking) I finally figured it out! (ALL: Hum?) Genderiel's wings are based on the Pixl called Tippy... you know, with all those rainbow colors. Sorry, that matter was seriously bugging me! (^_^)

MAHORITA: (¬_¬) Ahem. Well, darling, make some suitable vows and then spell with me: **Magikaru Chang-e**!

(While Linda is transforming a la Pastel Ink, the boys are distracted with the notes from Moonlight Densetsu!)

MIKE: Yeah, how could I miss the fact! Your magical change has transferred us to the first stage of...

MAHORITA: Hai, the Maho Shojo galaxy! Now you are in my territory. Male heroes have no business here!

MIKE: Aw, don't be so stern... I promise not to steal the spotlight from your new pupil. _Man, she is bold..._

SHONENJI: Etto, Lord Mike... if you don't mind looking there, you'll see Lady Linda's new appearance.

Wow, if the boy in nerd glasses turned out impressive wearing his armor, the poor lass is now unrecognizable. From bottom to top: metallic grey boots, gloves to fit them, blue sailor skirt, your typical sailor-senshi mesh but sporting a big pink heart in the chest too, with shoulder pads robbed from the Virgo Cloth. And the weirdest item of them all was a rosary made of shiny beads...

LINDA: You saw? (^_^) Is this pretty or what? (MIKE: _My pants got suddenly tighter._) And this rosary, Rita?

MAHORITA: It's the Rosary of Dawn, like the Light Blade and the Shadow Mirror, it's your pact's weapon.

LINDA: You're so nice, thanks! And mine has cool powers like those other two, right?

MAHORITA: You got it, pretty. If you want to speak to me again, I will be holed inside that crystal. (zas!)

SHONENJI: Ah, it must be to assure Shojonoe's power doesn't interfere with her own.

MIKE: Come on, with the music that played before I have already made a plan to look for the next loli. Huh?

(Shush! Their powered forms vanish and they look like common people all over again.)

MIKE: Oh, right, in the Maho Shojo art the heroes –sorry, heroines- can only transform during a fight.

LINDA: You are too much fight-happy, boy. (¬_¬) Lookie, my rosary already has some kind of shining bead.

SHONENJI: Interesting, it's the Restore power... using it you will be able to heal things in a pinch, milady.

(As there is nothing more to discuss, they head for the city, Juuban District... they wait for the proper cue.)

LINDA: How will you know what house is the correct one? (MIKE: I only need to hear the magic words.)

VOICE: (indoors) SHINGOOO! I never allowed you to touch that! CHIBIUSA! Don't enter here without me!

MIKE: And that's that. (LINDA: Geez, they are so noisy. And you said it's there where we need to go?)

(Yes they do. And they do something few people think of: ring the doorbell, 'cause they are well educated.)

MOTHER: Yes, who's there? Oh, what a nice looking couple... are you friends of my daughter, by chance?

MIKE: Erm, let's say we know her very well, but the same can't be said about ol' Usagi ever knowing us...

LINDA: Anyway, we are here to see the small one... is her cousin Chibiusa home now?

MOTHER: Oh, yes of course. Girls, here are some people that know you, come at once!

(The two Tsukino girls who live there arrive at the door and the travellers receive mixed reactions about them.)

USAGI: Who are you? (pause) _Hum, the boy looks hot from here, but you can't see his face, what a pity._

CHIBIUSA: Do you know them, Usagi? Wow, what a beautiful girl... and you, are you her boyfriend?

MIKE: (0_0) Ops, you see, well... _man, what do I do now? If I answer wrongly Linda will surely kill me!_

LINDA: **Yes he is**! (MIKE: (?_?) I am?) Psss, it's better that way, because they won't make stupid questions.

USAGI: You brat, learn not to make indiscreet questions! You have no manners at all. (riiing!)

CHIBIUSA: I say what I think, I am very honest, baka Usagi! Go get the phone, please.

(With an angry groan, the blondie goes to get the speaker, and the little one stays alone with the outsiders.)

CHIBIUSA: I am sure that under these ugly glasses your boyfriend must be handsome. You are so lucky.

MIKE: Etto, I need to ask you something, my girl. We look for someone who fits your description.

CHIBIUSA: (shock) Why do you want me? (LINDA: Calm down, it's not for anything dubious, kiddie.)

MIKE: Yep, we only need... (USAGI: Chibiusa! Rei says we need to go to her shrine, and immediately!)

CHIBIUSA: Can they come too? They won't bother us, if needed they will wait in the entrance. Is it OK?

USAGI: Bah, okay... *whisper* This is a matter about the Sailors... Rei had some kind of premonitory dream.

(They head for the Hikawa Shrine and the others are there already. As they promised, they let the girls discuss their own problems. Let's get the camera indoors, to see what they are talking about... looks mighty interesting.)

USAGI: What's wrong with you, Rei? Making us come here so early in the morning...

REI: Don't be silly, I dreamt about something that can have unexpected consequences! In my vision, a knight in golden armor and a Senshi I could not identify arrived to our city... a being entirely made of evil power was facing them, and in the midst of all the confusion... stood poor Chibiusa. Something made her reflection come to life and split apart from her, leaving her in a quasi-vegetative shape. This is serious business, girls!

USAGI: Was the knight any handsome? (^_^) Maybe he's a relative of our dear Tuxedo Mask, would be cool!

AMI: Usagi, that's not the point... (¬_¬) Have you noticed something weird as of late?

CHIBIUSA: Well, not quite. We received some visits this morning, but I don't think they are related to it.

MAKO: And who might be those foreigners? The bad guy doesn't matter, we'll have to nuke 'im at the end...

MINA: Hey, stop a second and rewind. Did you say you got some visitors this morning?

USAGI: Ah, well, they are back there, in the entrance. Should I let them enter, then?

(They let them, and they get similar reactions to the ones before, but nothing alarming.)

MIKE: Heh heh, hello. (^_^) (MINA: _He is SO hot!_) (MAKO: _Just like my sempai...!_)

REI: This is strange... I notice an unusual energy aura around these two. But they look like regular people!

LINDA: Truth is, we aren't. (ALL: What!) If we are to work all together, it's best for us to trust each other.

MIKE: Okay, I'll say it: *sighs* I am the Knight of Lolicon, my mission is to find girls who hold a Loli essence and transfer it inside my body in order to feed the Goddess of Lolicon. There, I said it all!

SHONENJI: (poofs in) Impressively fast speech. Did you learn it by heart, Lord Mike?

MAKO: This bug is talking! (0_0) And it's very weird! (MINA: But who is that Loli?)

MIKE: Mina is acting a bit sharper than her usual today. (¬_¬) We believe Chibiusa is the one. He's Shonenji.

SHONENJI: Ruler of the Shonen galaxy. She's Lady Linda, a new witch trainee under Rita D. Witch.

USAGI: Owch, this is so confusing... (x_x) Ami, make me a summary when everything is over.

CHIBIUSA: Then what do I have to do? (AMI: Let me, Chibi. Somehow, I feel they are reliable people...)

(The bookish one tells their backstory as sailors, and the heroes answer the vote of confidence with theirs.)

REI: Therefore, the ones in my dream were you after all! There could not be two people like you anywhere else in the world. (LINDA: Why not?) Well, for starters, the metallic glasses your boy possesses, and your stuck crystal...

MIKE: Maybe you saw our powered forms, they are quite different from the civil ones.

REI: Then the other piece from my vision... means that something bad is gonna happen to Chibiusa soon!

CHIBIUSA: (0_0) Rei, don't scare me! And moreover, this boy wants to do a 'ritual' to me...

MIKE: Don't worry, little one, it's only a hug. Okay, it stings a bit, but no one yet has died from doing it...

LUNA: Look, now that I can talk... it's better for you both to return home, Chibiusa's in danger, is not she?

MINA: Usagi and her should return home, we better stay together to think of something.

LUNA: Artemis. (¬_¬) Has your owner taken any dubious substance? She is seriously creeping me...

ARTEMIS: Must have been those Focusyn pills... I told her she can't do certain things with old medicines!

(However, the idea is rather good, so the new guys go with the Tsukino gals back home and the rest stay.)

USAGI: I'll tell my parents if they can house you while the mess is solved. (looks) Oh, they aren't home...

MIKE: I am sorry to be so insistent, but if we don't do the ritual we won't be able to fix the mess we started.

CHIBIUSA: I dunno, if Mamoru busts me with another boy, will he call me a 'cheater'?

USAGI: What are you saying brat! (ò_ó.#) Mamoru is MY boyfriend and he's also your you-know-what!

CHIBIUSA: I still can't believe it! You are very different! And besides, the pretty girl could get angry...

LINDA: Of course not, dear, we both will be glad with this deal. (¬_¬) _I wouldn't want to stand one like her..._

(But before they can do anything, some lesser demons out of the Power Rangers studio attack the group! The princesses get alarmed and Mike tries to stop them with his light blade, but for some time now, it doesn't want to activate!)

MIKE: **Master Force**! (pause) Shucks, my armor didn't appear! Something's going very wrong here...

SHOJONOE: (enters) Ho ho ho! You are out of your jurisdiction, Knightie. Inside this galaxy, you're nothing!

MIKE: Enter the house, quick. I still can do some tricks even with no powers. (poof!)

(He makes stationary Shadow Clones, they are enough to divert the monsters attention until the Senshi of Love and Justice makes her grand entrance. The one from the future too, as well as the one from the present!)

S-MOON: Stop right there! You dare disturb the peace of this calm neighbourhood and the people who live here. Although you are a divine figure, you had the guts to serve the powers of Darkness! I'm the sailor who fights for love and justice: Sailor Moon, in the name of the Moon, I'll punish you!

CHIBIMOON: And in the name of the Moon from the future, I Sailor Chibimoon will punish you too!

DEMONS: Guuuh... (zombie groans)

(The first part of the battle doesn't go like they expected. The monsters are many, and the girls don't know how to truly damage them, but they do: they spit acidic vomit that burns and melts everything it touches.)

S-MOON: Aaaagh! *pain* Chibimoon, whatever you do, don't get caught! Escape...!

CHIBIMOON: But I can't leave you! Geez... take that, bugs! Pink Sugar Heart Attack!

(This doesn't stop them, of course, but a tune of guitar cords marks the entrance of their reinforcements.)

T-MASK: You dared perturb the peacefulness of this town and its inhabitants, I won't have mercy, invaders!

S-MOON: Tuxedo Mask! (^_^) Can you take care of Chibimoon? If she gets caught the enemy will have won!

MIKE: Finally a helping hand. Come on, Tuxie! Let's give them a run for their money.

SHOJONOE: You insolent lot! This is what happens when you meddle in other peoples' affairs. (crec!)

(She uses a crystal cage to leave the two men frozen in place... while the lass who was missing arrives now.)

VOICE: I can't leave things like this! I am not like the senshis you know, Genderiel...

(Finally the powered form of Redhead enters the stage! We are gonna see her in action.)

LINDA: You won't take this child away. Because I swore to help the Knight of Lolicon in his noble quest! As long as I keep it this way, the powers from Rita will be always with me. I am, etto... Sailor Dawn, yes!

DEMONS: Guuuh... (more zombies) (SHOJONOE: I won't fail Master Xig-lem again, don't forget it!)

LINDA: Let's see. Yomitama! *healing* At least those two won't drown in their cage. Dawn Rosary Action!

(Throws the jewel like Usagi herself did with her Moon Tiara. But the butterfly girl just escapes its grasp.)

SHOJONOE: (clac) Silly, you can't use Rita's spells to subdue me. I know them all!

(And finally, the evil guy comes to the fight with his damn mirror, to finish the group.)

XIGLEM: Thanks for buying me time... my mirror was in the workshop. Now you will witness its terrible power! (grabs Chibiusa) Hu hu... I always believed those red eyes of yours were the eyes of a demon... look at this!

(With her deafening cry, the figure of Black Lady escapes from the eyes of the little girl leaving her blind. Right away, the Small Lady dress appears over her body and a shiny aura cover the kid leaving her safely protected.)

XIGLEM: Bah, I didn't count on that... (LINDA: (?_?) He has splitted her two halfs... the Good and Evil.)

(Trying to do the same rosary trick to the ugly guy, he does as always and taunts her.)

XIGLEM: You'll never learn, cretins. Hum? (VOICES: **Earth Shaker**! **Deep Submerge**!) (BOOM!)

(The earthquake shatter the remains of the crystal cage and the tsunami sweeps the rest of the zombies.)

URANUS: I am to be called Sailor Uranus. (pose) And I don't stand the evil people!

NEPTUNE: And I am called Sailor Neptune. (pose) And I also hate evil people!

T-MASK: Uranus and Neptune... your entrance has come in useful. Mike, stand up!

URANUS: That was a pathetic performance, whoever you are. Leave this to the pros.

NEPTUNE: Don't worry, it's her way of saying 'hello'. But seriously, leave him to us.

LINDA: Mike! Are you okay? I did what I could with my rosary... huh? Another bead is shining now...

MIKE: Must have been due to the proximity of the element it represents. Quick, use it!

LINDA: Here I go... (concentrate) Ooohm... Tachitama! _What can come from this...?_

(She unconsciously draws a line on thin air with her finger, straight away the evil guys feel a strong slash.)

MIKE: Wow, man. (0_0) That could have been the magic version of the Wind Scar...

XIGLEM: Dang, that spell was able to pass through my mirror... because it had nothing to 'block'. Bye-be!

(After an evil cackle, both leave the place knowing they obtained a good compensation.)

S-MOON: It's terrible! In the end they managed to kidnap Chibimoon, and they made her free Black Lady!

T-MASK: I see, the Future Silver Crystal protected her... Black Lady may be free, but as long as she doesn't return to Chibiusa's body she will not be able to get out of that protective field. At least I hope so.

MIKE: At least she's safe from Xig-lem's hypnosis, although Black Lady's a dangerous consolation prize. Let's go warn the others, but seeing what has happened a minute ago...

LINDA: I'm sorry. The senshis won't be of much help during this one conflict, but they could teach me...

NEPTUNE: About that issue, we can help you. (URANUS: What didja say?) Of course, we can't stay idle where there is a menace looming, Uranus. And teaching the insides of our job to the new recruit will be crucial.

URANUS: I didn't see it that way... well, leave Linda with us. We will make her a man!

LINDA: (0_0) But I am a woman! (NEPTUNE: Uranus, enough of these kind of jokes.)

(After laughing the matter of and releasing stress, Mike and Mamoru went to the latter's city flat, Linda went to Haruka and Michiru's, and the Inner Sailors to Rei's shrine to do some more calculations.)

MIKE: How do you manage to appear whenever Sailor Moon is in danger? It has to be difficult to foresee...

MAMORU: I can only say that something calls for me when she fights evildoers, we're somehow... linked.

MIKE: Wow, so romantic. But today I felt useless, just like Linda should have felt until now. I know you don't even lay a finger on the monsters during fights... you let her feel the joy of being victorious. I am a bit spotlight-stealer.

MAMORU: Hey, you need to let them test their mettle once in a while. Girls can win fights, only sometimes they need a little push. If you understand that, Linda and you will get along better than ever, I am sure.

MIKE: Oh, right. So in the end she left with Haruka and Michiru... what will be of her?

(In the building owned by the yuri-lovers, the redhead's getting life-scarring shocks...)

LINDA: Mike told me about you. (HARUKA: Pfff, what can he possibly know...) Is it true you are THAT?

MICHIRU: I'll tell you something: what we feel for each other is deeper than what you can feel for him...

HARUKA: We ended up together because of fate... and everything grew up from there. You can't understand.

LINDA: I do understand! I made myself a vow to follow him to the end of his mission... or until I die, whatever comes first. We have been through a lot together. So I am sure you can love in such a deep, meaningful way...

HARUKA: I see you understood us, pretty face. You are ready to go to the backyard...

LINDA: (?_?) What? (MICHIRU: She meant 'in order to train'. Haru, what did I tell you about our jargon?)

(In the shrine, the two allied Genderiels are putting the scouts up to date about the war.)

LUNA: Then that Xig-lem character had already tried kidnapping children aside from Chibiusa, right?

SHONENJI: You don't know half of it... but my Knight always managed to save them. Even so, this galaxy nulls his skills to a certain degree... we'll have to leave everything in the capable hands of Linda and Mahorita.

ARTEMIS: On this side we have the ever intelligent Ami... and my owner, stuffed full of Focusyn. (¬_¬) It's only a matter of time until they analyze the behaviour patterns of the villains and we will fall over them!

MINA: Attention all our cute talking animals! (THEM: Ahem.) Ami has pinpointed the place where the bad guys are. We only needed to measure the Silver Crystal's energy... and there you go!

MAKO: Bah, I can't accustom myself to a Mina who can follow the heist of dialogue...

REI: I helped somewhat, with my visions... they were rather confusing, but Chibiusa's image was clear.

AMI: Of course, the enemy has a nigh invulnerable defense at his disposal, according to what you told me.

SHONENJI: Oh, that. Mahorita and I hope to work around the problem using both Mike and Linda's weapons.

MAKO: Agh, it makes me sick not being able to go kick some butts! But if we want to save Chibiusa...

(Beyond all that banter, the dark warrior and his bratty follower try to get some support from Black Lady.)

XIGLEM: No good. The Future Silver Crystal has caged this child inside a force field.

B-LADY: It won't vanish until our bodies fuse again. But in that case, I'd vanish too.

SHOJONOE: Don't talk to Master like that! Thanks to him you are alive again, so show some gratitude.

B-LADY: Of course. I'll finally put things in order, the things that I couldn't back then!

XIGLEM: (beep!) I sense Genderiel energy 5 degrees South... looks like you will have your revenge.

(In the end, the two teams have gathered in a park on the outskirts, the sun is setting...)

XIGLEM: Look who's here... your moron of a partner couldn't beat me, so now you are the one trying.

LINDA: Watch your words! _Uuf, I am getting ahead of myself._ We three are enough to deal with you!

URANUS: Pretty Face speaks the truth. It was a shame we didn't get an invitation to the party back then!

B-LADY: But this time you'll dance with me... it's a dance I was dying to finally enjoy!

(She morphs her Luna-P into a lethal umbrella and tries to skewer her. After some jump the Senshi of Dawn pulls out her rosary and tries to snatch the evil female. She escapes immediately and brags about her rival's inefficiency.)

B-LADY: It won't do you any good. I challenge you to try again, beauty! (dark beams)

URANUS: Aren't you forgetting about someone? **Earth Shaker**! (NEPTUNE: **Deep Submerge**!)

B-LADY: Arg! *tied up* (LINDA: Yep, those two play on my side. Tachitama!) *ras!*

(Their combo does good damage to her, but she gets furious and still does not let the rosary tie her up.)

B-LADY: I didn't return to this world to leave so soon! If I am to die, the whole world will fall with me!

VOICES: No, Black-Lady! You can't die, you have to go back to your proper body!

(The Inners have arrived, and explain how their bodies can't survive without the other.)

S-MOON: Black-Lady, you can't exist outside of Small Lady much more time or then both will die!

S-MERCURY: You are able to coexist thanks to the gaps you fill in each other's souls.

B-LADY: You can't order me to return now! I am going to fulfil what I came to do!

(She fires more dark beams, she leaves the sailors thrashed. Heads towards Linda with kill-happy intentions.)

B-LADY: Somehow I feel I have to kill you... but I don't even know you. Why, tell me!

LINDA: I will try to explain... but from a safer place. Come on, everyone at once!

(The others get up just to throw their flames, thunder, beams... and leave her exhausted, now she'll fall!)

LINDA: Dawn Rosary Action! (chas!) Ag, finally. Black Lady, your actual existence is hollow and transient!

S-MOON: The evil Xig-lem freed you from your prison in Chibiusa's heart... but if he were to vanish...

S-VENUS: The spell will break and you would be one again with Small Lady anyway! Please, leave him...

S-JUPITER: What I said, I can't accustom myself to a smart Venus... (0_0) Bah, well.

B-LADY: So that's the way he wanted it? (S-MARS: They are the true enemy, they've been using you!)

(Now the pink haired grownup goes towards the two partners in crime, with even worse kill-friendly looks.)

B-LADY: Your scheme didn't work, intruders. I don't want a limited existence, nor one at someone's shadow!

SHOJONOE: Stay back! We still have your other half. So you must obey us!

(With a sharp noise, two roses went through her wings and pinned her to the hard floor.)

S-MOON: Tuxedo Mask! (^_^) Hey, wait a sec... who is the other one? (?_?)

T-MASK: As long as one defenseless girl suffers from injustice, the Knight of Lolicon will appear to protect her innocence and childish beauty. So evildoers won't ever have their perverse, lustful ways!

MIKE: Gosh, you have a talent for doing cool introductions. Well, thanks for distracting them. Linda, strike!

LINDA: Don't tell me twice. (^_^) Sailor Moon, let's do this: Dawn Rosary Action!

S-MOON: **Moon Spiral**... **Heart Attack**! (BOOM!) (XIGLEM: Noooo... AAAARG!)

(The mess is solved... the villain and his servant have been knocked out to the skies, and the creature born from Chibiusa's darkness must bid them goodbye... so both can keep existing as one. She is awakening now.)

CHIBIUSA: Augh... who is he... he's a handsome knight... hey, those glasses! Then you are Mike! (0_0)

MIKE: (holding her) Now what? You think this knight finally deserves a hug from the girl that praised him?

CHIBIUSA: Yep he does! (^_^) Mamo-chan, don't get angry, but right now the knight I love the most is Mike.

LINDA: (pact done) Hey, don't wear him out, he's mine. You'll have to keep rivalling with Usagi, I'm afraid.

S-MOON: Linda, don't give her ideas! (puffy face) One day this brat is gonna provoke a time paradox or else.

MIKE: Heh heh, then listen to this. Chibiusa, I am sure someday a knight will appear, one only for you.

SHONENJI: Well, we are out of here. Lord Mike can still use the Instant Transmission.

MIKE: For once, this is a place I would like to return to! But well... see you later!


	8. Maho 2: Card Captors

_SAKURA AND THE REBELLIOUS CARDS._

At the beginning, our merry band thought they hadn't moved from place, as they were still in a park, only this one was slightly different. While they waited for the intro song to start moving, Mike commented that he didn't like to leave the Scouts in such abrupt manner. He enjoyed the presence of pretty girls -that would make him a real pimp in the human world- but his girl partner tried to convince him otherwise.

LINDA: Don't worry about it, as long as we are in their world... those girls are as real as you and me. I can only remember my parents, and quite vaguely, since I accepted the offer from Rita and empowered myself too.

MIKE: Oh, right. You are making friends too, although you don't remember more I see you like them, ne?

LINDA: I hope to remember everything else someday, until then, the fact that they live in another world doesn't make them less of your friends. And I am sure they think the same, despite the fact you can't return to check on them.

MIKE: Don't say that, hunny... but you are right, I must treasure the time I spent with the lolis I recruited, if not, I won't have any good memories to take back home! 'Cause we are going to return. Now we are two in this battle!

LINDA: I am making beautiful memories along you. (^_^) Listen, it's the intro music!

(Effectively, they get to hear the first OP from Card Captors, 'Catch you Catch me'.)

MIKE: Done, I know where we are! Although I was suspecting it since a while ago.

LINDA: You were? (0_0) How did you recognize the place without the musical clue?

MIKE: Well, the geographic coordinates, the thermic and barometric measurings, and that frikkin slide.

(He is right: that big penguin slide can only be part of Tomoeda City's playpen area!)

MIKE: Heh heh, after doing an Ibañez-like easy joke, one's eager to see what this world can offer us.

LINDA: (raises fist) Onwards then! (SHONENJI: _Heavens! Lady Linda's confidence is reaching them..._)

(The trio of misfits heads towards Tomoeda's school, if knightly Mike is correct about his assumptions they will be able to find the Card Captor and her friends around there. On the way out of the school...)

MIKE: Okay, there they are. Let's act naturally, and Shonenji, don't poof in if I don't tell you so.

LINDA: Heya girls! Are any of you called Sakura Kinomoto? We are looking for her.

SAKURA: Yes, it's me. _Wow, she is very pretty._ Are you from last year's class, friends of Touya?

MIKE: Erm, no, we are looking for a 'girl of short age, of great innocence and childish beauty'.

TOMOYO: That's Sakura's entry! (^_^) But leaving favouritisms, all of us could fit in that description...

CHIHARU: Yamazaki-kun could learn a thing from you about properly treating girls. (NAOKO: Chiharu, you should give him some quarter... he can't express himself as adequately.) (RIKA: _If Terada-sensei had said that to me_...)

(The brunette blushes furiously, the others pay no attention to her and Glasses Boy is still describing.)

MIKE: Ahem, lesee, we were told she is a relative of Amamiya-san. _Whew, I've just made up that info..._

SAKURA: (?_?) Who did he say? (TOMOYO: It's your mother's maiden name... and mine's as well.)

LINDA: Good, we have narrowed it down! But don't let that bother the rest of you, ok?

NAOKO: Don't worry, we were leaving anyway. (CHIHARU: But I keep thinking that Yamazaki is tactless.)

(They take the beet red Rika, still holed in her own fantasy, and leave the place. Our two travellers explain it.)

MIKE: I must do a magical pact with the child my advisor tells me to, to return home...

TOMOYO: Then you are mages too, like Sakura! (^_^) Why don't we make 'em meet?

(Kero and Shonenji enter the stage. After looking funny at each other, they decide the other can be trusted.)

SHONENJI: Please understand, Guardian Kerberos. We could not speak freely around non magic people.

KERO: Okay, I get it. Then when you do the ritual you will buzz off, right? We're quite busy around here.

MIKE: We know about your quest to find the Clow Cards, somehow it reached the ears of my close family.

SAKURA: Hum, it's weird. (0_0) But it doesn't matter! (^_^) Say, which of us two you have to hug?

SHONENJI: Both, I am afraid. (MIKE: Wha! It can be done?) Calm down, the essence is somehow splitted between them. According to your data, we should go to Tomoyo's house in first place.

TOMOYO: Well, yes, if you need to stay overnight I can accommodate you. My mom surely won't mind.

MIKE: Ah, I get it... first with Tomoyo to keep a low profile, then with Sakura when we have a spare minute.

SHONENJI: Then guide us to your manor, miss Daidoji. There we will do the Loli pact.

LINDA: You are acting rather bossy, aren't ya Shonenji? (MIKE: Psss, he would rather be called 'methodic'.)

SAKURA: That said, see you tomorrow. _Ah, I know! The girl has the same presence as Mizuki-sensei. They are similar from afar... and very nice when close. (^_^) Ops, hurry up, I must make dinner! _Well, I am off!

The evening passed routinely, although Mike didn't like to stay overnight with the little brunette cause certain weasel was following them closely. Somehow Xig-lem managed to catch up to them in that galaxy. That was disconcerting... ended the dinner, the Card Captor made balance of how many she was missing.

SAKURA: What do you think Kero? This deck is pretty big... have you any idea of how many we're missing?

KERO: Let me count them. One, two, three... eighteen, those are the basic ones... forty and... ONE more to go!

SAKURA: Yes? How cool! Soon our mission will be over! I am so eager to finish it!

(They hear a noise outdoors, and simultaneously another inside the house, maybe it's what they look for.)

KERO: I sense a very strange magic! It's not a Clow Card, but maybe it's caused by one...

SAKURA: Then there is no time to lose! Use Tomoyo's walkie, we need to call them.

KERO: The brat too? (SAKURA: Him too! *puffy face*) Bah, but perhaps some of his minuscule strength would help. At least we don't have to stand that stupid Chinese girl anymore. You plan on leaving like this? Your bro will bust you!

SAKURA: Of course not. Don't you remember the day I was sick with cold? (staff) Oh key that holds the power of darkness, show your true form to me, the one who accepted this mission... RELEASE!

KERO: Dang, I only hope that what caused the noise was not very important! Hurry up!

SAKURA: Mirror, take on my form and substitute me in front of my family... now!

MIRROR-C: (fsssh!) As you wish. You can leave at peace. (transmuting)

SAKURA: (jumps) FLY! (poof!) Let's go. This time Tomoyo won't have a dress ready for me, but well...

(Grave mistake. When she arrives at the source of the weird magic, her cousin and the other heroes are already there, alarmed by a Genderiel's presence. It's the meddlesome Shojonoe, who came to pick on them for a while.)

SHOJONOE: Ho ho ho! Don't think I had forgotten about my eternal rival, Mahorita. This is my trial!

LINDA: Then we should accept her challenge. (jap accent) **Magical chang-e**! (poof!)

SAKURA: Hoeee, now that's magic! (0_0) I would like to dress up just as quickly...

TOMOYO: You will have to manage with this. (^_^) Look, I fashioned it just like the Tsukimine's mikos.

SAKURA: *sweatdrop* Really, you shouldn't have bothered... but I must admit that it is easy to wear!

(After that the reinforcements arrive: Shaoran and Mike join the action swords in hand.)

SHOJONE: I see you have brought your friends. Now I will bring mine! Hop! (magic)

(She unearthes some statues shaped like Buddhist monks, like those common in shrines.)

SHAORAN: This thing isn't even a Clow Card. I don't see why we'd need to lose time dealing with it!

MIKE: Believe me, this is no joke. Whoever else who can cut things, follow my lead!

(Shaoran attacks with his blade, Sakura with The-Sword and Linda with her Tachitama)

MIKE: Why doesn't it work? Lesee... COSMO BREAK! (BRUUUM!) It can't even dent them!

SHOJONOE: I told you, this trial is for Mahorita's magic. Let's see if you can figure out how to win, girlie!

LINDA: _Come on, think a bit... their skins are tough, but they are actually hollow, so an attack that can..._

SAKURA: I'll try this. Watery! (fsssh!) Enter them through the cracks and flood them!

STATUES: Guuuur! (dampened) (SHAORAN: My turn. God of Thunder, strike them!)

(The lightning runs through the wet rock, cracking it from the insides out. Mike uses ki to crack those golems.)

MIKE: It will never end at this rate. Linda, a bead is shining! Maybe we awakened it!

LINDA: I'll check it... _come on, I need something to solve this mess!_ (pose) Bakutama!

(Kaboom! Just by laying her hand on the statue... she's making their guts explode open! Yes, I know they don't have innards, but you get the idea. After having a great idea she ties all of them with the rosary and starts a chain explosion.)

STATUES: Guuur! (BOOM!) GRUUR! (BOOM! BOOM! KABOOOM!)

SHOJONOE: Grrr! (ò_ó.#) Shucks. This won't be the last time we meet, witch trainee!

LINDA: You better believe it! You are more of a pest than my new stink-bombs. Buuu! (sticks out tongue)

MIKE: Hey, it's a good see-off one-liner, Linda. I think I will steal it, heh heh... (^_^)

TOMOYO: And I recorded everything with my special night-mode camera! Now I'll go home to edit it.

SAKURA: *sweat* Erm, ok... guys, let's meet at my house first thing in the morning. Looks like the problem you told us about is not only yours anymore... Kero thinks we should get rid of it before getting more cards.

KERO: All in all, we are only missing one more. We could as well clean Tomoeda of evil guys meanwhile.

MIKE: Sounds good. I've already pacted with Tomoyo, so the less she gets in their line of fire, the better.

TOMOYO: It's a pity. By the way, thanks Lee! You were a big help, you know? (SHAORAN: Bah...)

(After giving them a patronizing look, the Hong Kong native leaves the fuzz outta there, while the travellers board Tomoyo's boxcar parked not far from the place and return to sleep the night away. During that night...)

XIGLAM: How was it? After the girl left, I took care of my favourite card: the Mirror!

SHOJONOE: More or less okay... they beat me, but if you did your part of the deal then we're good to go.

XIGLEM: What can be seen in a mirror which reflects another? Do you know? It looks like she didn't know!

(The Mirror card appears there, shaped like Sakura and holding a handful of cards! Next morning...)

MIKE: Whoa, what a well served breakfast. That Daidoji girl surely lives in luxury, I'm green with envy.

LINDA: Don't let that bother you. I liked what you did for me, despite your house being more modest.

MIKE: Well, we're finally here. According to her, her brother should have left for work, as had his father.

(Poor kid answers the doorbell in an uproar, because of the news her guardian told her.)

SAKURA: Guys, this is horrible! It's the end...! I lost a handful of Clow Cards! *cries*

MIKE: WHAT! How could this happen? Yesterday you had almost the full set...! Who could have done it?

LINDA: Lord Xig-lem... (MIKE: Go figure!) Shojonoe was distracting us yesterday, it was his best chance.

KERO: (arrives) Let's see, I checked and we still keep the 18 basic cards, and some of the others as well.

LINDA: (ring!) *phone* Ah, this is the walkie designed by Tomoyo, isn't it? (answers) Are you Shaoran?

VOICE: (Shaoran's) Kinomoto! Since yesterday I lost a couple cards! Won't you be the culprit? Answer!

SAKURA: Of course not! I wouldn't do something so cheap! (puffy face) What can we do now, Kero?

SHONENJI: Wait... the Clow Cards have a fortune telling power, although it's rather limited, correct?

KERO: Well, yes, it would be worth a try to use them to figure out the evil guy's plans.

(They do the fortune telling session with the cards they still keep, and try to make sense of the message.)

KERO: Lesee, what we got here: the Shadow. Not a surprise, we already know the evil guy acted last night.

MIKE: The Maze... maybe it means that he is trying to confuse us with other hazards...

KERO: Good observation. And the last one: the Song card... so, anyone has any ideas?

SAKURA: Oh god... I already know who! That evil man wants to take Tomoyo away, if he didn't already!

(Shaoran enters through the door, left open because of the ruckus, and gives bad news.)

SHAORAN: Hey, Kinomoto! Have you watched that zone a few streets from here, the Daidoji's estate?

SAKURA: Hoeee, she was kidnapped! *big tears* And it was my fault... I didn't leave her well protected...

MIKE: I am afraid our pact will have to wait. After the way she tended to us, the least we can do is rescue her. We haven't brought nothing more than trouble for you since we arrived... we are gonna return you the favour!

(They go to her manor and the bodyguards are unnerved, they don't think it's one of her usual get-aways.)

BODYGUARD: Someone left this letter. Weirdly enough, they don't ask for money, it's only a date.

LINDA: At 13:37, in the Tomoeda playpen area. Mike, this has happened before, right?

MIKE: Right. That scoundrel was so smug as to give us a head start... and he paid for it. Linda, go with Saku.

LINDA: Look, dear, I know it's hard to ask you such thing, but now you must help me with my magics.

SAKURA: I'll try my best... your necklace uses a magic similar to my elemental cards.

KERO: Point taken. We can increase the redhead's repertoire if we train her. We must!

(Once again the good guys team arrives at the date's place in an incomplete fashion: just Kero and the girls.)

XIGLEM: I see this time you abided to my rule. This will be a magic duel... against her!

MIRROR-C: *zombie'd* I'll be your opponent. (SAKURA: How could you do that to my cards, villain!)

LINDA: Sakura, don't wear out yourself... now we need to make use of the ones we still keep to beat her.

KERO: You made a mistake, ugly! My Sakura-chan caught those cards once, and she'll do it again!

XIGLEM: Let me doubt it, stuffed bear. The difficulty level has risen by a few points...

LINDA: No matter, you taught me how to use my Wood, Water and Wind beads, that's not half bad.

XIGLEM: Aw, sorry Lady Linda, but a tango is a couple's matter! You have no ticket to today's dance!

(Copy Sakura uses the first card: Silence, it forms a dome where no one else can enter.)

MIKE: (hidden) _Dang it... he must have expected it. We can't enter that barrier to help them if it was needed. If we try, the Silence card will inevitably kick us out... now she'll have to do her best if she wants to win! _

XIGLEM: Inside this cage no one will know what we are doing. I want no meddlesome people. Start now!

MIRROR-C: Flood this cage with the mist that haunts, the all melting gas... the Mist!

(I must say, poor Mirror will keep this zombified voice until the end, just so you know.)

SAKURA: (coughs) Agh... she wants to knock me unconscious... shake the tainted air and clean it: Wind!

XIGLEM: The next moves won't be so easy. You'll need to squeeze your brains, pretty!

MIRROR-C: Give me the strength to beat all magics, to move all mountains... Power!

(Gosh, she suddenly grew out muscles, because she grabs the park's swings and wields them as polearms.)

SAKURA: Kyah! (0_0) She's very able to crack my head open! I can't let her land any hit on me...

(She pulls out her Shield and resists for a moment, only lowering it to try to counter the blows with Sword.)

SHAORAN: (hidden) _She won't make it. Kinomoto is useless when striking physically. Let's do this..._

(Uses the Time card to do the same trick as the episode they captured her in, everyone else watches him.)

LINDA: _Shaoran's here! Maybe now we can have a chance to participate in the fight. Sakura, keep going!_

MIRROR-C: (chas!) Augh! *slashed* (SAKURA: Yay, I stopped her!) Find my rival and fire at will...

(Ops, she knows which card is that: the Shoot card is no joke. She has nowhere to hide!)

SAKURA: Hoe...! Today I can't use Mirror to beat Shoot! I must improvise... Shield!

(She gains some precious seconds, to use Shadow and hide away in the darkness... and try a sneak move.)

MIRROR-C: She hid among the shadows... Shoot, light the park with a shining bullet.

(It readies a massive bullet that, when it impacted, lighted the few shadows of a playpen out at midday.)

SAKURA: Knock knock, who am I? *grabs her* You didn't have time to pull me out of my hiding spot!

(The Wood's vines attack the rebel card, but she has casted something and flees at neck breaking speed.)

SHAORAN: It's the Dash card! And she still has the Power card's side-effects... she is beating her!

(Correct, in a closed space such as this she can run and hit the brown haired lass and she can't do a thing.)

SAKURA: _Come on, think a bit... that card is fast as crap, but she still is a living being. There has to be something that runs even faster. There is no living creature that can run faster than LIGHT speed!_

(She's thankful for Mizuki-sensei's wisdom, who has helped her so many times. Pity she isn't here now.)

SAKURA: Thunder card: tremble inside this cage and glow in the night, hunt my rival!

(Yeah, it's not night time, but if not the spell's charm is lost. The shiny tiger jumps and bites the mirror girl.)

XIGLEM: Enough, playtime is over! Do as we planned earlier... smite them using pure, unstoppable SIZE!

(With a sad face, the copycat card pulls out another and after the poof of smoke she has grown 10 fold.)

SAKURA: What a beast, she even broke the barrier cage! _As I see, she too becomes shy from being a giant..._

(The giantess steps on the heroes and leaves them thrashed... but Glasses Boy manages to stand up.)

MIKE: Wait there, Saku, this time leave her to me! (jumps) Shadow Clone Jutsu! (poof)

(He dones a flipping BIG photocopy of himself, it does not move but it does attract the giantess' attention.)

MIRROR-C: Hump! (punches) (MIKE: _Good, she doesn't know the clone feels no pain, but she'll feel a lot!_)

(He puts monk charms on her feet, and Shaoran helps activate them with his thunders.)

MIRROR-C: Augh! (BOOM!) Kyaaah! (PLAM!) *fell down*

SAKURA: Yay, that made her shrink! Turn into chains that bind: Wind! Water! (flush!)

LINDA: Wait, I can help with that! Nuretama, Kazetama... (pose) Here you go!

(She reinforces the witch kid's elements with her own. Now Lord Xig-lem is gonna use his trump card.)

XIGLEM: Not too shabby, elemental magics... but these ones are every bit as good as yours. Mirror!

(The hypnotized card uses the Sand to adopt the consistency of gravel, the good guys think an easy victory is near, but when she's going to strike chooses to infuse her body with the thickness of the Ice card.)

KERO: That continuous switching of body matter must be exhausting! Sakura could not aspire to do it...

SHAORAN: But it's true, the card is slowing down. Maybe we could wait until she had no more strength.

SHONEJI: We don't have that much time! She'll beat us before that. (SHAORAN: Heh, I have LOTS of time.)

(He again activates the Time card to isolate them from the time flow, the girl pulls out the devastating Fire and makes her alternate her hits with Wind and Water. Linda wants to help, but doesn't know what with...)

SAKURA: It's a three to one... if we strengthen my magic with yours, we can still win!

LINDA: _Maybe one of my beads can control fire, but which? I can't stop in mid battle to try and guess!_

MIKE: Call it! (LINDA: Who?) Call the Fire Bead, make it sense the danger you are in!

(She does so, she focuses on the Fire card's power and tries to find the same feel among her own beads.)

LINDA: It must be this one... (pose) Moetama! (fluuum!) *arson* Yeeha, I nailed it!

MIRROR-C: Kyaaah! (burns) (SAKURA: She can't keep going. Return to your normal form, Clow card!)

(She finally recovers the kidnapped card and the others, who were stolen. The bad guy flies away fast.)

XIGLEM: Today's your win, but this show's far from over. (SHOJONOE: You can rest assured we'll return!)

TOMOYO: (arrives) Thank god those thugs have fled! They didn't know I escaped and was filming everything.

SAKURA: (0_0) WHA! After all's that happened! *sigh* That's the reach of Tomoyo's dedication to me...

(Mike finally pacts with the Card Captor, as well as congrats the courageous brunette.)

MIKE: Well, we have to leave. We have our own collection quest, you know.

TOMOYO: (^_^) Best of luck! (SAKURA: Do the same as Tomoyo: never give up!)

(next episode's preview music starts)

SAKURA: Yukito will be in an archery tournament, everyone has come to see him, but Kero suddenly vanished! He's so careless. Kero! Why are you alongside Mizuki-sensei? All this on the next episode of Card Captors, join us next time! RELEASE!


	9. Maho 3: Powerpuff Girls

_BERET, A POWERPUFF IN TRAINING._

After leaving the charming park where the last battle took place, the landscape switched all of a sudden to a city street with buildings so tall they didn't let the sun shine. Despite the fact, big construction sites were sprinkled here and there, so it looked like a city still in development. The travellers shielded themselves from indiscreet eyes and tried to figure how to find the next loli recruit, or even who could be, because they again had no idea of where had they landed.

MIKE: Guess we will have to wait. Today I can't be the know-it-all, sorry. And by the way, Linda...

LINDA: What's up? (SHONENJI: Another suggestion? Lord Mike never loses a chance to show off.)

MIKE: No, I meant, about how you did back there. You've changed since I found you... maybe the real you wouldn't have dared to do things like they happened before. Maybe you are rubbing it off me or else?

LINDA: Well, you went out of your way to help me... I am only returning the favour, nothing more.

SHONENJI: It's true that Lady Linda is a literal absent mind, yes, but that courage, that honesty and that brashness... (MIKE: HEY!) As I was saying, those are features you got rubbed off Lord Mike, no doubt.

LINDA: Heh heh, surely they are. (^_^) Keep teaching me cool things, Mister Teacher.

(And to interrupt that sweet scene, starts the first opening of Powerpuff Girls Z, 'Pieces of Hope'.)

[They need to be the latin-american translated lyrics for the next part to make sense.]

(The knight has adopted a puzzled face: on one hand, he recognizes the music, but the lyrics confuse him.)

MIKE: Oh well. (0_0) If I am not mistaken, this is New Townsville... and I know, it sounds quite lame.

LINDA: Then let's move our gears! This place's big, it will be hard to find the new loli.

MIKE: Don't think so. In fact, I am afraid she will come to us without even calling her. We only must wait.

(The redhead remembers her trek with the Headmasters, so its possible that such chance will happen again.)

PEOPLE: Waaaaaah! *panic* A big evil robot is on the loose around the city! Call the Powerpuff Girls!

LINDA: (?_?) Said who? (MIKE: Ah, I knew the trouble would not take long to arrive.)

(As it is tradition, the super lasses arrive flying and Linda gets to see them in action.)

MOJO: Numbskull Girls, don't think you will win-mojo! My Robo-jojo wants a piece of action-mojo!

BLOSSOM: Time to send you back to the zoo, Mojo. And here goes, the Hunter Yoyo!

BUBLES: You never learn, do you? Fishnet Bubble! (BUTTERCUP: Call the junkyard men. Drill Hammer!)

(They tie him with the yoyo, the bubbles clean away the rubble and the hammer blow... leaves him scrapped.)

MOJO: Arg! (flies) Just wait to see my latest modeeel! *twinkle* (BUTTERCUP: Yep, in your garage sale.)

MIKE: *waves* Girls, here! (BLOSSOM: What's up with him?) (BUBBLES: Maybe he ended up hurt?)

(As they aren't sure, they descend and talk with the foreigners, the weird looking ones.)

BLOSSOM: Who are they? Are they wearing some kinda cosplay? Those things in their heads aren't normal.

MIKE: Thing is, I'm sort of a scientist... (LINDA: Wha?) Psss, just play along for now.

BUBBLES: (^_^) Oh my, just like the Professor! They could talk about scientific stuff. Shall we guide them?

BUTTERCUP: I think they have no business there. (MIKE: It's her crystal.) Hey! (0_0) It looks painful!

(In the end the brunette's the one who's most in a hurry about it. A dark figure talks to the genius chimp.)

XIGLEM: They gave you a beating, I see. How do you allow this? You are way smarter than them, right?

MOJO: And why are you sticking your nose in this-mojo! But yes, I am much smarter than the stinking trio you just saw-mojo! Although it's served me little purpose. *sigh* They surpass me in strength and numbers-mojo... sometimes.

XIGLEM: You should try to fix that fault, I know of more people like you who want to get rid of them.

MOJO: Ah, yes, Mojo has his contacts... (^_^) But they know how to beat them too, we don't match well.

XIGLEM: This was until I arrived... you'll never look like an idiot in front of those show-offs ever again!

MOJO: Mojo doesn't work well with humans-mojo. (¬_¬) Although most of the Power Dunce Girls' enemies are actually such-mojo. What the hell, I'll look for my boys-mojo! They are the ones who were the closest to beat them-mojo.

(Meanwhile, our dimensional sliders had arrived to Utonium's lab to check what's new.)

BLOSSOM: Look, here is where we coordinate our heroic feats from. The Professor has anything you could want!

BUTTERCUP: How can you be so calm seeing that thing the lady has stuck in her head!

BUBBLES: My, I though you wanted to be a masked fighter, not a nurse. (BUTTERCUP: Shut up!)

PROF: (arrives) What's this ruckus? Oh, girls, I hope you solved that little emergency...

MIKE: Yep they did, they brought us to you because you may tell us what effects this thing can cause...

PROF: Heavens! (0_0) It's a fragment of a crystal-shaped, enriched, alkalized silicon isomer!

LINDA: Yeah, well, whatever... the truth is, it doesn't hurt me in the least. I hope this fact isn't bad...

PROF: Lenme check it. (magnify glass) It didn't seem to reach vital organs, but I am detecting certain readings in the quantum-energy gauge, so it could affect this lady's cells and their metabolism...

MIKE: If you mean it could cause mutant powers, you must know she had them way beforehand. Me too.

BLOSSOM: Wow, they said to have super powers! Like Galactic Man! (^_^) Could we see them now?

MIKE: Erm, I don't see why not. My special visor is part of them, as well as that shard. Shonenji, come!

SHONENJI: (comes) You should know, Lord Mike, that this shard isn't exactly helping Lady Linda...

BUBBLES: What a cute animal. (^_^) Professor, you didn't give us any as part of our team.

POOCHIE: (enters) Then what am I, girls? A coffee maker? (BUTTERCUP: Only kidding, Poochie.)

KEN: (behind) Girls, let me handle the science stuff! Now you need to take care of the black Chemical Z!

PROF: Leave Linda to me, kids, I will keep analysing her while you face whoever is this time.

BLOSSOM: Ah, what a pity. Looks like you will be seeing ours in first place, Mister Guy-with-powers!

(To the yell of **Hyper Blossom, Rolling Bubbles** and **Power Buttercup**, they morph and fly off.)

BLOSSOM: The trace of black Chemical Z was weaker than the other times... are they laying it low?

BUBBLES: Bah, don't think so. It must mean they aren't the strong ones, perhaps the Amoeba Boys.

BUTTERCUP: Or the Rowdyruffs! (BOTH: Of course not, gal, how can you think...) It's true, they're there!

(Well, the brunette is right, cause the rowdy lads are vandalizing some shop windows.)

BRICK: Arg, man, they are those Meddlingpuff Girls! (BUTCHER: Then, let's rock!)

BOOMER: But remember what Mama Monkey told us: we need to distract them for a while or something.

BUTCHER: Don't spit out our plans, idiot! (GIRLS: Huh?) No matter, they won't get out of here unscathed!

(I dunno what they mean by 'unscathed', because their attacks are as gross as ever. In another place, the dark lord is looking for the perfect victim, one who can cause trouble and the Girls won't dare to lay a hand on...)

XIGLEM: Good day. I was told a girl called Annie serves meals in this place, correct?

ANNIE: (enters) Yes, it's me, the owner. _What a weird costume..._ did you want to order something special?

XIGLEM: In fact I do. I want a ration of fresh Sedusa, with the extra lipstick promised. (grabs it.)

ANNIE: Excuse me, but that isn't in our menu! That lipstick was a present from Jason, you can't use it!

XIGLEM: I'd say I can. (smears her face) I'll have my special order, and with interests, you foolish girl!

ANNIE: Agh! *transforms* GRRR! No dressed-up wimp plays like that with Sedusa!

(He stops her tentacle hair bangs with the mirror, then pulls and makes her crash onto the hard floor.)

SEDUSA: Ugh... how could he stop me... no man can resist Sedusa's womanly charms.

XIGLEM: I give you that, but someone else could overshadow your fame: that trio of super-kiddies, right?

SEDUSA: Curses, is he right! (ò_ó.#) Those brats, always meddling in my best plans!

XIGLEM: I am gathering people like you. That way we could show them they are only some super-posers.

(In another place, the butterfly girl enters through a balcony to a pretty big manor, the Morbucks' home.)

PRINCESS: Oh, yes, sis... those girls think they're the hottest stuff since sliced bread. I wanna beat them!

DUCHESS: I see they didn't learn their lesson. Then I will just use my fighting costume prototype again, ok?

PRINCESS: That would be awesome! (^_^) Geez, I wanna have super powers like those damned brats...

SHOJONOE: (enters) That can be worked around. (PRINCESS: Who is she? My fairy godmother?)

DUCHESS: What do you want? Are you willing to help us or you only planned to peep, weird critter?

SHOJONOE: My lord has a masterful plot to help all those who suffered because of the Powerpuffs get their revenge... but we need your absolute collaboration. If you accept our terms, your sister will need to come with me.

PRINCESS: We will do it! Come on, sis! If they want to help us they can't be bad guys.

(After the acceptance, the Genderiel does a gesture to banish the elder sister from there.)

PRINCESS: And that's it? What do I need to do? (SHOJONOE: Something very easy: open those ears!)

(She pinches her cat, Sapphire, and causes the transformation of the rich kid, who gets convinced easily. With the bad guys team gathered, the good gals return to the lab after their encounter with the Rowdyruffs.)

MIKE: Ah, I see you are back. How were things? Are you eager now to see my skills?

BLOSSOM: Anything is better than dealing with those devils! Eeeww... they threw us **everything** they had...

BUBBLES: I think they weren't vandalising shops for the fun of it... Boomer said they had to distract us.

BUTTERCUP: Impossible, that trio isn't what you'd call a teamwork prodigy: Mojo is their frikkin dad!

SHONENJI: Leave that for later. (explains) We need a girl of your age, and great purity...

BLOSSOM: She'll NOT be Buttercup. (BUTTERCUP: Don't shit me, gal!) (LINDA: _Is she actually a girl?_)

(To the yell of **Master Force**!, the boy puts his armor on and the redhead –no, the other one!- goes (*v*).)

BUBBLES: Ops, the Mayor's secret alarm: it had to be a very big catastrophe this time.

MAYOR: (screen) You can swear it, Bubbles! There's a big concentration of the black Chemical Z nearby!

KEN: This one's way thicker than the one before. (?_?) I can't make sense of all these weird numbers...

PROF: It's the same, I am finishing the analysis, so I hope you can buy me more time.

(With a tired sigh, they 3 leave again... just when the doc was reaching the good parts.)

KEN: Professor, the activation of Sir Mike's powers has caused an interesting reaction!

SHONENJI: The kid is right. It's because both are infused with a Genderiel's blessing.

PROF: The Chemical Z container machine has gone nuts! (shocked) To the ground...!

(With a timely jump, the foreigner lady had to cover the poor kid from being blasted to bits by the tank.)

LINDA: (flash) Ugh! (fsssh!) **Colouring... Beret**! *transforms* (THEM: Holy cow!)

Now their patient has swallowed white energy and her witch costume has been changed: the gloves shorten, the boots are shaped like Homer's **Assassin** trainers, the shoulder pads gave way for a Powerpuff vest, and the whole thing had a gaudy purple color. Her friends are the most shocked about the new duds, of course.

MIKE: By all my gadgets! (0_0) Now the Chemical Z powers have changed her own!

LINDA: Don't worry... it doesn't hurt me. In fact, I feel better than before. What is this? (paint brush)

PROF: Ken! What were you doing right now? Looks like when she saved you, her new powers were 'chosen'.

KEN: Heh, it's funny, you see... I was in the hangar, giving it another hand of paint... I was getting bored.

LINDA: Don't get mad at him! Thanks to him, I now have a cute paint brush to fight crime, correct?

MIKE: These are amazing news! We should go get the girls to tell them. Maybe they're in need of help.

PROF: I also think it's the best choice... let me give you a sweep with the particle beam and we're off.

(After that Linda returns to her street-cowgirl looks and they board the boxcar to leave.)

BUBBLES: Didn't you feel explosions back at the lab? (BUTTERCUP: Surely Poochie bit another wire.)

BLOSSOM: Leave the chit chat! We can't allow the Princess to resume her rampages, so move yer butts!

(The spoiled girl uses her bazooka to try and drill the heroines another asshole, but they find yet another!)

BLOSSOM: Wha? (?_?) There are two Princesses? (BUBBLES: She never said she had a twin sister.)

BUTTERCUP: How can there be two! I am gonna fix this mess. (PLAF!) (SEDUSA: *poof* Ack, busted!)

BLOSSOM: Double Strike! (BUBBLES: Recurring Bubbles!) (BUTTERCUP: Two-headed Hammer!)

SEDUSA: Aug! (attacked) Ho ho ho... the worst is yet to come, girls! (PRINCESS: The surprise's coming soon!)

(She puts makeup again and the battle resumes with two Princesses, one at the shadow of the other.)

PROF: (drives) Girls, finish them off already and we could absorb their dark energies!

KEN: They're almost done. Come on dad, we have to use the particle beam so they can't know they're evil...

(After the beatdown, the two ladies are finally on the boxcar's couch and they absorb their evilness.)

PROF: This is done. We will take Princess and Annie to her homes, so that they won't feel unsettled.

BUTTERCUP: Goodness... today we have fought the Rowdyruffs and those two, I want to rest already.

BLOSSOM: (explosions) Blast it... I am afraid we still have the desserts left, Buttercup. (BUBBLES: What a day!)

(They get lost in the distance, but suddenly the medium sized Robo-jojo arrives there to give trouble!)

KEN: It's Mojo Jojo! (PROF: He will want to take the particle beam! We can't let him!)

MOJO: Mwa ha ha, you have no right to talk back to me, stinking human! If you don't have that beam you won't be able to heal the victims affected by the black Chemical Z and everything will be as before! Lord Xig-lem will be happy.

MIKE: I was afraid he would be behind all this... vanish, you oversized Lego Playset!

MOJO: Arg! (Cosmo Break'ed) Another masked guy-mojo... but this one wants to hurt me-mojo. I won't let you!

(Takes a couple Mojo Helmets and morphs the Utoniums into common chimps, they're visibly bothered.)

LINDA: What are you doing to these two! (MOJO: And who is this one-mojo?) _Lesee, think of a cool name..._ I am Beret! I am the fourth Powerpuff, or something along those lines. Now, take this: Identikit Brush! (poof!)

(Her friend is surprised that she is able to speak the Powerpuff jargon, but oh well. She makes a Robo-jojo portrait and it comes to life, it dispatches the other one and its owner and they take off flying for the second time now.)

MOJO: (PLAF!) Aaaarg! Now my health is decaying too, I'm seeing double! *twinkle*

MIKE: Wow, Linda! That was a show of pictomancer calligraphy! You have the Paint Brush Ability!

LINDA: I can't believe it myself. (0_0) But we are in a fix! That monkey turned those two into dittos!

MIKE: At least he didn't get the particle beam. But we don't know how to contact New Townsville's favourite trio by ourselves... so we better go to the city hall and put their dear Mayor –and his assistant- up to date.

(They do so. They drive the boxcar and take the chimpified –I love to make up words- professor and his son, along the fainted ladies, to the big boss' office. The black clouds loom over the place right as the night is approaching...)

MAYOR: This is a disaster! If the professor isn't cured from his transformation he will not be able to fix this terrible mess! And to boot, we have two victims here we need to tend to and carry home! (BELLUM: Calm down, Mayor.)

ANNIE: (awaken) Ugh, what am I doing here... I had to serve a client's order, but all of a sudden I fainted.

PRINCESS: I felt just the same. Hey, wait a sec! A weird fairy entered my room and took Duchess away!

BELLUM: Despite the distorted statement made by young Morbucks, I must assume it was a kidnapping.

MIKE: Geez, man! Is this galaxy gonna be composed of just kidnapping plots? It sucks.

LINDA: Worry not, there is still one active Powerpuff Girl... or the most similar thing to them. I will help!

ANNIE: Glad to meet you! (^_^) Please save them, they're very important for all of us.

PRINCESS: This lady is like them, you say? Arg, they are all over the place! Although I need one now...

MIKE: Pay attention, Morbucks. I suspect who took your sister away, and you will not like the answer.

PRINCESS: _Hum, looks like this dunce knows them very well... bah, I only intend to hold this truce till Duchess is safe and sound. _Please, only you can help my sister now, do something already!

MIKE: I have a slight idea of why they took precisely her away... maybe for possessing a certain weapon.

BELLUM: It could be. The last time the Morbucks' heir came to New Townsville was just to dismantle Mojo Jojo's schemes... and to come up on top of our favourite trio of peace-defenders by doing so.

PRINCESS: You must mean the power suit prototype my sister designed to teach them a lesson... you will be able to save her, I am sure! And well, I won't oppose to the idea of saving the Powerpuffs too... (¬_¬) For now.

MAYOR: It's decided then. These outsiders will be our saviour lights in this, our city's hopeless moments...

LINDA: You love her very much, right? You would do well as a Powerpuff. I wish this power was yours.

(After cheering up the child and making her eyes go (*v*) –well, she always has them that way- they return to the lab with just the two scientists. They try to find an invention to help them counteract the helmets' effects.)

POOCHIE: The horror! Both were turned into monkeys! *tear rivers* Please save them!

MIKE: How about this? (BOOM!) Dang, it didn't work... then this one. (BOOM!) *coughs*

LINDA: *more coughs* Are you gonna try all the machines in here? Then we'll be here forever and ever...

MIKE: See, as someone I knew said once, 'as long as there are cauldrons, there's hope'. And the one to blame is the same as always! Didn't you listen? Xig-lem has set out to hypnotize all the girls he pleases, pestering us while at it!

LINDA: Agh, what a thick smoke... I think we are running out of chances. Eh? One of my beads is...!

MIKE: It will have activated because of the explosions... Try it, we've got nothing to lose!

LINDA: You surely are desperate, boy. (¬_¬) Well, here goes: Kasutama! (fsssh!) *coughs*

(The magical smoke short-circuits the Mojo Helmets, breaking the two Utoniums free.)

PROF: Ah, finally! Still, this was a barely scientific method of restoring our own bodies...

KEN: That gas should have fried the circuits of Mojo's invention. Quick, we must leave and find the girls!

POOCHIE: Not so fast, I need to check on something. **Powerpuff Z da-wan**! (poof!)

(And to the shout of **Colouring Beret**!, our grownup redhead returns to her powered up form.)

POOCHIE: This will help you against the danger. Still, I realized you're more than able to hold up your own!

MIKE: Perhaps we are actually in need of help, Xig-lem has been a genius at distracting us until now.

PROF: What a twisted plan. Distracting our girls with minor annoyances to undermine their strength looking forward to the decisive battle. I am a step short of giving that guy a piece of Power-Prof's mind. (ALL: Hey!) Sorry, just kidding. (^_^)

(But yes, they have though of something... in the battle field, the 3 heroines are about to fall down defeated.)

BLOSSOM: Come on... *breaths* She's strong, but we are three... we can't let her keep smashing us!

BUBBLES: But she was controlled by some kind of darkness... now she is just like her sister Princess…

BUTTERCUP: Back then we didn't even last five minutes... and now is the same nag! Think of something!

XIGLEM: You can't do anything, lasses. The only fault of Duchess Z was her limited durability, but now that my dark power has charged up her batteries she will last as long as needed! She was designed just to defeat you, fools!

VOICE: But she never fought with me. (GIRLS: Ein?) She never fought with the fourth one, Beret!

(Their spare heroine goes out of the Blossom Z airship, as well as the Professor waves his hand from the Bubbles model and Ken and Shonenji drive Buttercup's. The airships form Blossom-Mode Dynamo Z, and puts the injured inside her cockpit.)

BUBBLES: Professor? How did you find us? (BLOSSOM: Wasn't the Dynamo Z of no use in robot battles?)

PROF: I didn't take it here for that. She will protect you while our new Powerpuff Girl saves the day!

XIGLEM: Allow me to laugh my ass off! You have read too many self-inserts, pretty... let's see what you got!

LINDA: Duchess, you must forgive me for this... Kasutama! (fsssh!) _Ye who loves you will make you cry..._

(While some noisy PAF! resound in her ears, the traveller gives the elder Morbucks girl a beating while she is shielded by the smoke screen. Tries to do the same with Xig-lem, but clashes with something hard: the Robo-jojo from episode 51!)

MOJO: Not so fast, bunch of brats-mojo! Be it four or forty, Robo-jojo will crush you!

LINDA: Kyah, I didn't expect that! (0_0) Girls, leave some room for us! (enters ship)

(The big heap of white Chemical Z inside there has broken Duchess free, she is now asleep.)

BUTTERCUP: Dang it... if I wasn't aching that much I will go out there to kick his big metallic derriere...

BUBBLES: But the Dynamo Z can't even fight... (pauses) Or maybe she can. We can always try, can't we?

BLOSSOM: It worked once, and it's the only chance we have! (VOICE: Hey, wait for me!) Huh? It's Mike!

(Against all odds, the boy has gone in a flash to the Shonen Galaxy to grab his Transtector.)

SHONENJI: You should thank me, Lord Mike. This move has used too much energy...

XIGLEM: A garbage truck, how convenient. I will need one when I finish with you all!

MIKE: Girls, join all your white Z energies, it will power up your robot! Meanwhile I'll distract the crazy chimp.

(After doing so, the time machine acquires combat prowess and the Transtector joins in.)

MIKE: Linda, give me a paintin' hand here! (LINDA: Coming!) This is the Beret-Mode Dynamo Z!

(The recolored truck parts stick themselves to Dynamo Z as an external armor, and she beats down Mojo!)

MOJO: (PLAM!) Uaaaagh, not again-mojo! (flies) Looks like bad things also come in threes! *twinkle*

XIGLEM: Don't ever forget it, wimps. I too get stronger each time. And I will fulfil my dreams! *flees*

MIKE: Whew, it's finally over... Shonenji, do me a favour. Return the Transtector to its place, but before that leave a magic circle drawn for me: I must do a ritual with a special person... (BLOSSOM: _It must be me! (^_^) He's my hero!_)

(The three descend from the robot, that has come back to ship form... and Mike makes his choice: Bubbles!)

BUBBLES: This is embarrassing... and with a grownup boy... (BLOSSOM: Grrr! I said it had to be me!)

KEN: (^_^) I see, Bubbles is the one who always gets all the boys! (BUTTERCUP: _Thank god it wasn't ME._)

MIKE: It was a pleasure, gals. But we must leave now. Keep saving New Townsville!


	10. Maho 4: Pretty Cure

_AN INCREDIBLE OPPONENT: THE CORRUPTED GUARDIAN, CURE GREY_

After doing the Instant Transmission attached to Shonenji, they arrived into an enclosed space: a hotel's hallway. It surely was the strangest place they had arrived at, that is for sure. Linda was thankful that they could rest the night in there, but at the expense of the characters they were fated to meet... after scolding her for such a unsuitable attitude, the Genderiel of Shonen tried sensing nearby loli energy. Mike sat down on a chair, he was exhausted. The lass whined about having to use a physical and direct approach, that was not her style. They witnessed how some black clouds covered the sky...

MIKE: Those clouds don't bode anything good... by the way, I like the repainting you did to my truck.

LINDA: I do what I can. (^_^) Mahorita will be shocked when she sees I now have two transformations.

MIKE: Do you really dislike fighting close? You did a good performance against those past villains...

LINDA: It isn't like me... I know I don't remember anything, but I don't feel it is really necessary, it only causes pain. The Genderiel that blessed me knows it well, the magical girls follow a different ruleset... and they accomplish the same, right?

MIKE: I can't argue with that. (ears spring) Huh? I hear voices in the room next to ours.

(The stick the ears to the wall and yes, they can overhear someone monologuing about admiring others.)

VOICE: Although I was known as the 'Madonna', you always acted naturally towards me. It was amazing... I could say that I envied you. Deep below I wanted to be myself, just like you do. And that's why I came to this trip...

VOICE 2: I'm scared-popo. (VOICE 3: You're too loud-mepo!) (VOICE: Eh? Don't scare me, Misumi-san!)

LINDA: Sounds like a girl's voice. (MIKE: Indeed it is. I know where we are! Get a hold on yourself, dear!)

(The dark blob called Zakenna arrives, and as it is tradition, Nagisa exits the room, but the travellers enter.)

LINDA: She's older than I thought. (shine) Hey, this crystal's doing funny things again!

YUKA: *awakens* Eh? (0_0) Who are you? And why do I feel tremors out in the front yard?

MIKE: Yowsers! It seems we have messed up this plot. (LINDA: Can it be fixed?) I can not know for sure...

YUKA: (checks) What in blazes is that? (CURES: **Spark**!) As Misumi-san would put it: It's un-believable!

(All of a sudden starts the op song, 'Danzen: Futari Wa Pretty Cure', the Max Heart version.)

YUKA: It's impossible to believe... this looks just out of a child's cartoon... those two are... they're magical!

MIKE: Yuka-sempai. (YUKA: Huh?) Don't ask me why I know your name, but if you pay close attention to us all this matter will be easier to digest. Fate wanted us to arrive here, and to make you witness that scene...

LINDA: Truth be told, we too have some kind of powers. And our own magical quest...

YUKA: Let me get this straight... (x_x) You say that you're superheroes or something, and those two, Misumi and Yukihiro, are too... possibly since a lot of time ago... Agh, I knew something was going on! I must talk to them!

MIKE: Nooo, you better lay this matter low until you return to the city! Now would be very bad timing.

LINDA: Yeah, according to Mike, he knows your world and you weren't supposed to learn their identities.

YUKA: Then if you hadn't come to this world –are you aliens or else?- I would have never figured out about those devilish creatures and that they protect us from them with magics... but how? And why just me?

LINDA: See, this crystal was infused with weird magic and sometimes it causes very... weird effects.

MIKE: The fact that it kept you awake during the Zakenna's attack shows that you will be important later...

YUKA: Look, let's do this: tomorrow I am returning home on my limousine. You stay in my room for now and I will carry you back. There, we will ask Misumi and Yukihiro for a GOOD explanation, when we are all together.

(They stay the night hidden within her room, and they leave the hotel first thing in the morning, when no one is watching. They board the limousine and after a quick briefing to her chauffer the Madonna is lost in her own thoughts.)

YUKA: _So that was why... Misumi, you always were high-spirited, even in the hopeless moments... now I know why: having such responsibility, and keeping it a secret... didn't depress you, but left you with a feel of satisfaction and accomplishment that I've always envied... well, let's see what will happen next!_ (^_^)

LINDA: _Yuka is all fired up. (0_0) Maybe she was waiting all her life... for something that could break the monotony, like me and Mike. Now we have to see what those Nagisa and Honoka girls think about this... at least they look reasonable._

(Just as promised, their senior Odajima invites the other two to her house, much alike Grandma Yukihiro's.)

NAGISA: Erm, tell me again why are we here. (HONOKA: Yuka said about having us meet her friends.)

YUKA: Ah, welcome. We must talk about serious business, but perhaps they would be the best choice to break the ice... they are Mike and Linda-san, and they are, for lack of a better word, heroes. Just like you, girls, in a certain way.

NAGISA: Wha? Wait, say again. Are they super heroes, like the masked ones Ryouta watches on TV?

HONOKA: You've just said that we are, too. What is your basis, or proofs? We didn't do anything weird.

YUKA: (¬_¬) Ah, Yukihiro-san, you're always so calm. But you can't deny it: I caught you hard at work.

NAGISA: And how? The Zakenna is supposed to put to sleep every person who has no Power of Light and...!

(After her close friend facepalms, HARD, the sports girl dones a stupid looking face.)

NAGISA: Ops... looks like I let the dog outta the bag. (HONOKA: It's the 'cat'... and yes, you DID...)

LINDA: Answering your question, this crystal I had stuck (THEM: What!) Calm down girls, it doesn't hurt... as I was saying this crystal emitted a strange light and awakened your friend here, as well as more side-effects we can't expect yet...

YUKA: Hum, perhaps this thing that landed in my purse last night is also here because of your interference.

NAGISA: Wait a sec! (looks) The design is identical to...! (HONOKA: To a resident of the Garden of Light!)

(In that very moment, the alluded creatures jump out of the two schoolmates' pockets.)

MEPPLE: I know who he is-mepo! (NAGISA: Mepple!) It doesn't matter, silly, they've busted us already-mepo.

MIPPLE: We could use another Emissary-mipo. If he is from the Garden of Light he'll be trustworthy-mipo.

YUKA: Who are they? (HONOKA: Hush, how rude of them... they're the hero Mepple and Princess Mipple.)

MEPPLE: As I was saying-mepo, this one is an old colleague of mine-mepo: he's called Topple-mepo!

MIPPLE: Ah, yes, I remember-mipo... both were fierce rivals, they always were arguing over silly things-mipo.

YUKA: Erm, tell me: how can we awaken him? (HONOKA: Dunno... Mipple was fast asleep for 100 years.)

LINDA: (0_0) That's an awful lot of time. (MIKE: Why don't ya use the crystal?) True, it could work!

(She does so, although she doesn't want to overheat the Genderiel's stolen power. The alluded one awakens.)

TOPPLE: Hey, looks like it's already daytime-topo... and who are these babes-topo?

MEPPLE: Show some respect-mepo! These two are the legendary Emissaries of Light from our Garden-mepo.

HONOKA: But if you are here, it must mean that Yuka-sempai is gonna be one too!

YUKA: *sigh* I was already expecting it... (TOPPLE: Glad to work along you-topo! And with Mipple too-topo.)

HONOKA: Now that this is all cleared, why don't these foreigners tell us who they are and what they want?

NAGISA: Yeah, that! They owe us a reason on why they busted our secret! (LINDA: Aw, it's no big deal...)

SHONENJI: Wait, I will explain them. (NAGISA: Another funny bugger?) Ahem, for now I will forgive you for that insolence. I am Shonenji, Genderiel of Shonen and he is Mike, a Knight of Lolicon. Our female friend is Linda, a witch trainee under the Maho Shojo Genderiel, Rita. We travel through the galaxies to gather loli energy and the five Genderiels, to send it to our Goddess and restore her to her rightful place as the all-ruler.

NAGISA: I got it, more or less, but what's a 'loli'? (MIKE: Bah, I was afraid they'll be asking for details...)

HONOKA: Lolicon, huh? That means 'the mental complex which makes adult men be attracted to underaged girls, in spite of, or even thanks to, their lack of physical sexual development'. It can turn into a pathologic case...

YUKA: You have a quite bad habit, Miss Wiki-hiro. (¬_¬) Don't try to question every statement they make!

HONOKA: Sorry, I know I must look like a know-it-all... _one could say it's ME the one she doesn't like..._

NAGISA: What did she say about patho-whats-it? (SHONENJI: She means it can turn into a kind of virus.)

MIKE: And because that we have our own recurring villain! He follows us everywhere, he wants to kidnap lolis to turn them into his brides or else. Arg, he's the worst case of 'lolicon as a virus'! I hate him with a passion!

LINDA: Keep your cool, boy, you will get a bellyache... (MIKE: Sorry, it's just that I can't stand him.)

SHONENJI: It's because of him that we can't stay idle much time. The villain Xig-lem could find the 'underaged girl, of great innocence and childish beauty' before we do and hypnotize her to join the ranks of his sinister harem.

YUKA: And who could be? (MIPPLE: I only know of one that fits the description: our Queen-mipo!)

TOPPLE: Yay, then you already found the Queen's Body-topo! Surely she has to be a hot babe-topo.

MEPPLE: Grrr! (¬_¬) This guy just never learns-mepo... (MIPPLE: Please do it-mipo.)

(As this is the best clue they have, they opt to go to Akane's cafe to check on their queenie.)

HIKARI: Welcome to the Tako Café. Hum? If it isn't Odajima-sempai! We haven't seen her since that trip...

HONOKA: Akane! Can you give us a separated table? We want to discuss something in private, please.

AKANE: Yeah, right, I am sure you will be talking about boys... so have Nagisa stay to take your orders. That way you'll have ample time to gossip about that Fuji-P guy and her... (NAGISA: Hey, I heard you!)

(But she obeys, and now that their table's average IQ has risen, the discussion can start.)

HIKARI: Then, Yuka-sempai has also been granted Precure powers from Topple, right?

YUKA: Right, Kujou-san. (^_^) I always looked for something that could give sense to my perfected idol's lifestyle, but the cynical inside me didn't even let me search for it... now I will be an example to follow, but in a totally different way!

NAGISA: (eats) Here are yours. You know, about what you said... Natsuko and Kyoko already tried that.

HONOKA: Yes, after discovering the existence of the Pretty Cure, they organized their own stunt show in the park, to amaze the kids, with costumes that copied ours down to the most ridiculous details. At least they taught them to wash their hands and such...

HIKARI: My, I didn't know about that... and their story about some 'Genderiels', they look awfully similar to my own Heartiels, don't they? (TOPPLE: Ha ha, now that I'm here, the Dotsuku creeps will turn tail before even making a move-topo!)

MEPPLE: (¬_¬) Don't think so high of you, newcomer-mepo. (MIPPLE: I feel a dark aura-mipo!)

TOPPLE: Our princess is right-topo! There's something frightful coming this way-topo!

(Everyone stands up at the sight of the dark cloud covering the park, but today Zakenna appears by itself.)

MIKE: What the heck? (?_?) Aren't King Haaku's mooks supposed to come along with that monster?

YUKA: We aren't gonna stop to check it! (NAGISA: (^_^) Yuka-sempai, you're fired up!) Well of course, I'm the best at whatever I do, remember? And I'm not going to be the exception in this planet-defending business, Misumi-san!

LINDA: As I know, you need to hold hands to start the transformation... but where does Yuka fit in, girls?

NAGISA: Whoops, it's true... (0_0) Maybe if we stand in a circle... are you ok with it?

HONOKA: It's the only way, we will transform in a triangle fashion. What do we need to recite, I wonder?

TOPPLE: Heya, babes, just call your Aurora power-topo! This is gonna be a great show-topo!

(They immediately understand the clue, and the trio holds hands in a circle, while the other heroes wait.)

THEM: **Great Aurora Wave**! (fluuumsssh!) (MIKE: We have a good one ahead of us!)

After the customary sequence, where they now are three, Black and White do the usual pose and Yuka lands between them, kneeled down. Her Precure dress has bits and parts from her new workmates, sprinkled here and there.

NAGISA: Emissary of Ligh, Cure Black! (HONOKA: Emissary of Ligh, Cure White!)

YUKA: Emissary of Light, Cure Grey! (MIKE: I don't know why, but I was expecting such name to pop up.)

CURES: Servants of the dark power! / You have no chance! / Return to the darkness from which you came!

ZAKENNA: (controls statue) Zake-na! (LINDA: This is atrocious...! Do something!)

HIKARI: Count me in! (PORUM: Let's get them-popo.) **Luminous: Shining Stream**!

(The blondie transforms too, and the foreigners as well as Yuka can't understand why.)

HIKARI: Sparkling Life: Shiny Luminous! Heart of Light and Wills of Light, for them to become one!

HONOKA: Luminous, why are you taking so many risks? They can't capture you now!

HIKARI: Odajima-sempai moved me with her speech... she is facing her new duty with resolve and bravery...

YUKA: You said it, Kujou-san. Being a Pretty Cure is something to be proud of! (NAGISA: How bold...)

(Then they start beating on the monster, and the blondie is eager to support her friends. Mike convinces his sidekick that is better to not intervene. The statue attacks them as a true medieval Black Knight, slashing away.)

ZAKENNA: (raaas!) Zake-na! (HONOKA: We almost have him. Grey, let's get this over with!)

HIKARI: I will help. Wills of Light give me courage! Be my hope and strength! (baton) **Luminous Heartiel Action**!

ZAKENNA: *paralized* Zake... naaa! (NAGISA: Come on Grey, let's see how it handles this!)

(The newcomer jumps on the others' shoulders, they're gonna fire a three-beam version of the Marble Screw.)

YUKA: (arms up) **Black Thunder**... **White Thunder**! *thunder strikes*

HONOKA: Our beautiful Precure souls...! (NAGISA: Shall crush your evil heart!)

THEM: (hands forward) **Pretty Cure DELTA Screw**! (bzzz!) MAX! *fire da lazor*

(Total an utter annihilation of the dark monster, not far they can hear a slow, sarcastic applause...)

VOICE: I should have guessed it won't be a match for you... those demons are, like, your daily chore, right?

NAGISA: (?_?) Who is he? (MIKE: Arg, it's HIM! That good-for-nothing kidnapper!)

HONOKA: So he finally appears. How did he control the Zakenna while not being King Haaku's servant?

MIKE: This guy is no joke... he can do that and much more, if he ever wanted to...

XIGLEM: Thanks for the moral support, knightie. Now they know just what they will be facing today.

LINDA: Girls, call upon the Powers of Hope! You can't allow yourselves to play fair with this guy!

HONOKA: *closed eyes* Before our eyes, the Hope... (NAGISA: Into our hands, the power of Hope.)

(So, the Sparkle Bracelets arrive there, as Yuka has none of her own, she will have to sit out of this one.)

CURES: **Black Thunder**! / **White Thunder**! (and all that jazz) Pretty Cure Marble Screw!

(The beam is fired with the usual potency, but the blinding light doesn't allow them to see the evil dude.)

YUKA: I can't see further than my nose... but keep at it, he won't be able to withstand such a great move!

CURES: (bzzzz!) **Sparkle**! *bigger beam* (XIGLEM: Again, they do just as I planned...)

(The Shadow Mirror eats the fulgurating beam, and seconds later spits it out with many times its power.)

HIKARI: Noooo! (CURES: He bounced back the Marble Screw...! AAAARG! (MIKE: Dang it, I forgot!)

(The boy regrets not having warned the magical warriors about his enemy's dirty trick, and now the attack has ruined a big chunk of the park, and their own bodies too... now the villain approaches Luminous with bloody eyes.)

XIGLEM: I love when plans are successful. (grabs) When my mirror charges its dark energy you will be my new doll... Luminous. And just to be sure, I'll be grabbing your new recruit too. Smell ya later, suckers!

HIKARI: No... you can't... *coughs* have your way... someone so evil and selfish... *faint*

MIKE: Let her go, you bastard! COSMO BREAK! (LINDA: Dawn Rosary Action!)

(But the hidden Shojonoe blocks the lasso destined to tie up the ugly guy, and therefore the sword tech fails.)

SHOJONOE: Don't forget about me, fools. I won't let you catch Lord Xig-lem just like that.

(In the end he escapes, and leaves the good guys with two casualties and two injured... what a mess.)

LINDA: I am gonna heal them... it's the least I can do to help. Yomitama! *healing*

MIKE: Eh, another bead is shining... maybe it was because of the Delta Screw's force.

LINDA: Indeed. (^_^) I can feel its power, it's the bead of Thunder, 'Gekitama'! Yay!

HONOKA: This is disastrous... that villain took away both Luminous and Cure Grey...

NAGISA: The worst part is what we can tell to Akane about her... and to Yuka's parents.

MIPPLE: The dark cloud is dissolving-mipo. The park's zone should be returning to its normal form-mipo...

MEPPLE: Grrr, Topple was an arrogant moron-mepo, but I can't just abandon him-mepo!

SHONENJI: We can't give up on the pigtailed girl either, I realized she has the lolicon essence.

MIKE: Why didn't you tell us before?! (SHONENJI: It's hard to sense such energies in the midst of battle!)

LINDA: Girls, we want to compensate you for this mess... because of us Odajima-san has been cast into a quest far too big for her. If we hadn't appeared in her life, perhaps she would be safe now. I can't think of a way to fix the damage...

HONOKA: Forget it for now. We must check if the park or Akane's café had suffered any side-damage.

(They return there, looks like the villains acts didn't break anything. They ask about the blonde's whereabouts.)

NAGISA: Akane, don't you miss something, or someone? I thought you told Hikari to do some shopping.

AKANE: Hum? (?_?) Who is 'Hikari'? If she's a friend of yours, surely you didn't introduce her to me..

HONOKA: Never mind! (0_0) We are in a hurry! (leaving) How is it possible? Hikari is gone from her mind!

SEEKUN: (enters) I think I know what's going on. (ALL: Seekun!) Our queen arrived to the Garden of Rainbows taking the shape of one of its residents. That created some modified memories in the brains of the people who had contact with her.

NAGISA: Ah, I get it now... the void created because of her disappearance has wiped their brains clean of the memories related to Hikari. It's like she never existed! That is why Akane has a very selective analgesia, of course.

HONOKA: It's called 'amnesia'. But that makes sense. Now we need to check what happened with Yuka.

(They go to the manor where she called them for a meeting, all alarmed. The butler can not believe it.)

BUTLER: I hope this is not an ill-willed prank, girls. Odajima-ojousan has not moved from her room since you all left the first time this very morning. But well, I'll call her. Ojousan! Some people want to see you!

(Incredibly, the Madonna appears in the hallway with the calmest face in the world...)

ALL: (0_0) But how... (YUKA: What's up? You look like you saw a ghost or else.)

NAGISA: Yuka-san! *tear rivers* I am so glad you were safe all along! (hugs her)

YUKA: Calm down Misumi. I am glad too, that you wanted to visit me. Without you, this life is a dump!

HONOKA: Let me speak with her. Let's see, Odajima-san: When was the last time you knew of us all?

YUKA: Why the rude tone, Yukihiro? (¬_¬) It was this morning, when you visited me to introduce them, Mike and Linda. (HONOKA: Wouldn't it be the other way around?) Of course not, I would remember it! I always remember everything, I'm a Madonna!

NAGISA: This will sound ridiculous, but have you seen Topple anywhere? It's small, and big headed...

YUKA: What's that about? Ah, yes, maybe it's one of your plushies. I was told you like them, Misumi. How cute. (^_^) By the way, I wanted to give you something next time you came to my house. It is a very expensive gift, so please accept it!

(All in all, the rich girl gives her a ticket for the Angel Land amusement park, the one we know very well.)

NAGISA: Whoa, it's a special course valid all day long. It surely had to be expensive...

YUKA: I want us to spend all day together. I want to know more about you, because you made me happy...

LINDA: Then you are going on a date? (HONOKA: What!) Ops, sorry, I meant in a non romantic way...

YUKA: You are feeding me up with your comments, Yukihiro. (¬_¬) But the date can be whatever she pleases. She is the person I love the most in this world! (^_^) But if you already have a boy waiting for you, I'll have to step out... I only want to be your friend.

NAGISA: *sweatdrop* No, I don't really have anyone... (YUKA: Better yet, men are a nuisance after all.)

(After clearing his throat, Mike asks to check the ticket. Nagisa gives it to him and then he ponders...)

MIKE: Well, it says that the main ride starts in the park's central square at 13:37 PM.

LINDA: EH! (0_0) We know what it means! This is the exact time always chosen by...!

MIKE: Psss, be quiet... okay Odajima-san, we don't want to cause anymore trouble, so if you excuse us...

(They leave the place in a quite upset mood, ones for different reasons than the others. So they explain.)

HONOKA: So you did notice something weird too. I suspected it, that she was acting anything but normal.

NAGISA: And why? The poor girl is very kind, when you get to know her. Although she was a bit rude to Honoka.

MIKE: Precisely that's why she looked weird. Yuka didn't remember about Topple or the Pretty Cure. She was acting very sugary to you and very rude towards Yukihiro-san. And the date in the park is at a time we know very well...

LINDA: It's the time Xig-lem always chose to launch his attacks! Arg, I finally said it.

HONOKA: Can't you see it, Nagisa? That attitude wasn't exactly usual on the cynical Yuka. Be careful.

MIPPLE: If we attend the date we could find Topple too-mipo! (MEPPLE: At least it's worth a shot-mepo.)

NAGISA: This is incredible... (x_x) This will be, like, the fourth time? That something happens in that park...

MIKE: The moment Xig-lem rears his ugly head we will be there to save Luminous and Topple, worry not.

The date's time arrives but on this occasion they were pretty hurried to get things ready. They brought some of Akane's yakis to calm the hunger and then jumped the fence a la Mortadelo & Filemon. Nagisa was already worrying.

NAGISA: _I feel bad knowing this is not the real Yuka... poor girl is happy just for being here with me. Why can't she stay like this? Actually, this change would be an improvement, although if she recovers her Cure Grey powers she will have the same troubles as us... bah, the choice is difficult. Whatever I do, I'll surely mess up. I don't know! _(x_x)

YUKA: Nagisa... I can call you that, right? Look, I want you to relax. I'm remembering the time I watched you and Yukihiro cleaning erasers... my brain was telling me it was a childish stupidity, but my heart wanted to jump and join the fun...

NAGISA: You did? Well, it was me who suggested the nursery rhymes... so don't hate Honoka, please!

YUKA: I don't care about her, only about you. I finally opened my eyes, I am going to enjoy my youth as I please, not as people want me to act. I have already left a good role example, now I want to live like you do. (NAGISA: _She's CRAZY!_)

(Certainly, someone who wants to be just like Nagisa is someone who needs help... and a great deal of help.)

NAGISA: Yes, well, look... the wheel's ride is over. Let's step out, we still have much park to explore.

YUKA: No. *zombie* You will be with me forever... you are the person just for me...

(The girl with the carrot hair suffers a slight heart attack, because her friend has a weird voice and the Dotsuku Zone's darkness covers the park facilities... just at the prescribed time. She slaps herself for not having remembered.)

NAGISA: Oh my gosh! Honoka and the others are awfully late! Boy, I am in fix!

XIGLEM: (arrives) Ah, I see you have been left alone, Misumi-san. You have very bad friends... thank goodness you still have Odajima-san, right? She truly adores you, as you have witnessed. I made her obey her heart, that's how she really is deep inside!

NAGISA: Wow heavy! (0_0) Then you didn't hypnotize her to turn her into your slave?

SHOJONOE: No way, young lady! Such honour was reserved for your dear Luminous. It's a fine specimen, ne?

(The fairy is carrying the blonde, still transformed. The fatigue doesn't let her speak.)

XIGLEM: Now that everything is clear, we'll leave you with your new bestest friend... enjoy her.

YUKA: Nagisa... I don't want you to leave me... don't leave me! **Aurora Wave**! (flumsh!)

(She has transformed by herself, but now his dress is grey and opaque like a rock... the genuine Cure Grey.)

ZAKENNA: (controls ferry wheel) Zake-na! (NAGISA: Ack, I feel she won't want to soft my way out of this...)

VOICE: It's 'smooth'! You almost got it! (NAGISA: Honoka! (^_^) I'm so glad to hear you correcting me!)

(Finally the rest of the team makes their entrance, about to finish eating some popsicles.)

MIKE: See? I told you we had time to buy them, even I we didn't eat them back there.

LINDA: Okay, now that you made the easy joke... (¬_¬) How about letting those two have a happy reunion?

HONOKA: (munches) Nom nom... ah, well. Are you too busy, or can I ask you to save Topple and Luminous?

NAGISA: I always have time for you. (^_^) Let's go together! **Dual Aurora Wave**!

MIKE: Linda, this battle we won't want to miss. **Master Force**! (LINDA: Do we ever! **Magical change**!)

(Now that the team has transformed, the lacrosse player feels like a kid who wears his old shoes again.)

NAGISA: I was starting to miss doing this. Now what? We have a lot of things to do...

MIKE: Let's do it this way: you deal with Grey while we try to free the two prisoners.

HONOKA: Sounds good, although we can't hit her as hard as we really wanted... (¬_¬)

YUKA: Get away from Nagisa, Yukihiro! From the start you've tried to steal her love, I won't let you!

HONOKA: (0_0) Looks like she did want the date to be romantic. She is crazy! (NAGISA: I figured out as much.)

(After a series of punches, kicks, karate moves and overall stuff only the Precures can do, the corrupted emissary jumps to a roof and starts preparing a devastating light ball. Let's see what she called it.)

YUKA: You just had to anger me, Honoka Yukihiro! You and the whole world, which doesn't want to understand what I feel for Nagisa! You don't leave me more options... than to blast you dead with the Pretty Cure Marble Bomb!

MEPPLE: How did she come up that-mepo? (MIPPLE: Look, there's Topple-mipo!)

(Aha, the bad guy has Mepple's rival firmly grasped, he is in his stuffed bear form.)

NAGISA: No, wait! (jumps) (hugs) I didn't want to do this... but you left me no choice.

(The brown-haired one feels moved –only a bit- by seeing Black stare at her... so White knocks her down.)

NAGISA: You could have been a good Pretty Cure... I wish we could start anew from the field trip's day...

YUKA: I only wanted to be with you... *tears* As common girls, or as magical ones, I don't care. Please...

NAGISA: (sobs) You should forget about me... for both's sake. **Black Pulsar**! (HONOKA: **White Pulsar**!)

(The special move they hadn't used for fifty episodes... will finally heal another heart.)

HONOKA: With the power of Light, we make the Darkness depart! (NAGISA: Break the chains that bind your heart!)

(And shouting 'Pretty Cure Raibow Therapy' the Madonna is freed from the hypnosis.)

NAGISA: One less to go... how are the others doing? (HONOKA: Gee, thanks for even remembering them.)

MIKE: The Zakenna is under control! (LINDA: Kazetama, blow a storm towards him!)

(The ferry wheel tumbles towards the Cures, and finish him with a quick Marble Screw.)

LINDA: It's falling down! (MIKE: The what?) The Marble Bomb is still in mid air... and is falling down!

(But two pearls jump out of the rosary at the same time, they gobble the black and white energy, one each.)

LINDA: Saved... *breaths* They're the Okatama and Yunetama, the Light and Shadow have acted together...

NAGISA: And that makes two. (^_^) We are doing fine! (XIGLEM: I doubt it, girlies! The Queen's Body is still the prize of this minigame. If you can't beat me, you won't save her nor this noisy stuffed bugger!

MIKE: _We have to do it the other way around_... Cosmo Break! (LINDA: Dawn Rosary Action!)

(This time the sword tech strikes before the rosary gets to the target, the bad guy has to let go of her prey.)

SHOJONOE: Ag! (trips) The redhead has snagged the queen and the annoying plushie!

HIKARI: Whew, was about time! Thanks Linda... Black, White, we must join forces!

BLACK: Abundant courage! (WHITE: Overflowing hope!) (SHINY: Together with the embrace of sparkling light!)

THEM: **Extreme**... **Luminario**! (XIGLEM: I can't stop that...! IIAAARG!) *twinkle*

(So be it, they have gotten rid of him once more. Misumi carries the one who was her secret admirer.)

TOPPLE: I can feel it-topo... this babe has forgotten about me-topo. Can't be helped, I will travel back home-topo.

NAGISA: Again we are just the two of us... I told her before, she could have made a good Pretty Cure.

HIKARI: Give my regards to the Garden of Light people. We'll work hard! But now I must help someone else.

(She does the loli-power pact with the boy, to help him in his quest for the Genderiels.)

HIKARI: If you could stay a bit more, I am sure you could help us with my Heartiels, but this is all I can do for your quest. It saddens me to see you leave... but we wish you the best of luck from here on. Is not it right?

PORUM: Agreed-popo! I was so scared-popo... (MEPPLE: That is because you are a scaredy cat-mepo.)

NAGISA: _If we gather all Heartiels... what will be of Hikari? I'm not so sure... but now we have to be happy, everything returned to normal. _(HONOKA: _And now Nagisa will be commenting the episode... how cute._) (^_^)

MIKE: Till next time, Emissaries of Light! We will look for more lolis, and adventures!

(next episode's preview music starts.)

NAGISA: It's sooo hot, save meee! (HONOKA: Grandma asked me if I wanted to go on vacation...) Yes, I will go! It's cooler in a boat, or even in the water from the park! Look, your grandma and Hikari are having a good time...

HONOKA: The waves on the water make it look like a water slide...

BOTH: **Together we are Pretty Cure**! 'Hikari's summer day, Sanae's memories'.

NAGISA: Ah, to ride in a boat everyday... (HONOKA: I might go overboard! Nah, just kidding.)

MIKE: You stole her punchline! (LINDA: Just as you did theirs.) Ah, give me a week.


	11. Maho 5: Mermaid Melody

_THE TEST TO BECOME A MERMAID._

After the emotional and pseudo-romantic adventure from the last chap, the dimensional sliders landed on some city's outskirts near the beach. The night had taken over the sky and they needed to find a place to stay... although they didn't know how they could pay for it. Lucky as they were, they found a hotel in that same area, one where some kind of concert was being held. They peeked through the window and saw how the lead singers stopped the performance to change it into a comedy show... with one of them not even realizing it. It was as good a start as any...

MIKE: This time we didn't need no stinking music! We bumped into the main heroines here and now!

LINDA: Wow, that was fast. Uf, I can't see anything. What's going on? (SHONENJI: I wanna know too.)

(They are the Mermaid Princesses, dude! They're in Mermaid lvl 3, and Gakuto's sea demonesses appear!)

MARIA: What's up? Just tell me. Have you some kind of love trouble? (^_^) Because I can help with that...

RINA: Well, no, thank you for your support, but no thanks... *sweat drop*

ERIRU: I get it now! You no longer have enemies to fight, so you should return to your home at sea...

IZUL: Should we appear every now and then to give you a hard time, if you wanted?

RINA: Er, thanks, we don't really need it. *more sweat* (TAKI: There are certain rules the mermaid princesses must follow, and the main one is: if you ever fall in love with a human, he must never know you are truly a mermaid.)

COCO: I'm ok with that! (ALL: WHAT!) I never had many chances to face those sea demonesses, I am losing my touch! Let's do it like this: you will try to capture and take us to Gakuto's castle... yet again. (¬_¬) If you manage to, we lose and we have to do a dare. If not, the other way around.

LUCIA: Coco, do you actually think this is just a game? (HANON: You're crazier than I thought then!)

COCO: Boredom makes me do these sorta things... and the thirst for settling our scores too. How about it?

(Thank god the BB Sisters enter the stage to interrupt them, if not this would have took a turn for the weird.)

LINDA: When is the intro song going to start? Although it doesn't matter anymore... (MIKE: Just... now!)

(Indeed, the Pichi-Pichi Pitch opening song starts: 'Promised Land', original version.)

LINDA: Whoa, so catchy! (^_^) I am gonna learn this one too. When will I get to sing any, or something?

MIKE: Believe me, in this world –or whatever it is- you are gonna get tired of songs and singing, that's sure!

SHONENJI: Eh, look. While you were chatting they have made up an entire orchestra.

(Of course, this is the part where the full cast sings 'Legend of Mermaid', and I when I say full I mean it.)

ALL: **How about an encore**? (curtain falls)

(After the situation goes back to normal, Glasses Boy can approach Nikora and ask her.)

MIKE: Erm, pardon me... Nikora Nanami, am I right? We have business to attend with a guest in this hotel.

NIKORA: You have? (?_?) Who's the one you are looking for? We were closing for today...

MIKE: Well, this is gonna be a shock for you, but we wanna talk to the coloured pearls' Princesses. Can we?

NIKORA: EEEH? (0_0) How can you...? (LINDA: Calm down, we won't say a word to anyone, but can we?)

(The shocked mermaid checks that no, she didn't die in a burst of seafoam, so her guest is not quite human. She promises the pair to give them a room for that night and further discuss matters when morning arrives. Next day...)

NIKORA: Dear sirs? My sister and her friends are in the balcony, I think. You can ask them personally.

MIKE: Ah, thanks, and sorry for last night's shock. (LINDA: We didn't want to cause you a heart attack.)

(In the balcony we can see Lucia, Seira and Coco. No one else. Well, it's a good start.)

LUCIA: Eh, hello there! Did you stay in our hotel? You would do my sister a favour if you did, guys.

LINDA: We would love to, Lucia dear, but we haven't got a penny... and we do have an important quest.

COCO: Heh, we don't anymore. (LUCIA: Coco!) Don't worry, gal, I was told that they busted Nikora and she survived, therefore they aren't dangerous. You know, maybe you overheard me suggesting a challenge to those sea demonesses.

MIKE: That was very bold of you, yellow mermaid... I understand you want an exciting pastime, but...

SEIRA: Yeah, you don't care about the rest of us! I was born just a few months ago... I hardly know them.

LUCIA: You wouldn't want to... (¬_¬) Don't you even care about the others' opinions?

COCO: They will like it, I am sure! Geez, it's only a game... it's not like we are gonna stay locked up in Gakuto's castle forever. Those ass-kissers followed him like lap dogs, they were making me sick! What did you say about a quest?

MIKE: We too came to firm land like you to, well... to look for a very special someone.

SEIRA: Sounds like the time when the girls had to rescue me... or when Lucia herself was looking for Kaito.

LUCIA: Oh, come on, I know I won't lose him again. (^_^) But he left with Rihito and Michal last night...

LINDA: Weren't you... a lot more? I thought there was a mermaid for each main ocean in this planet...

COCO: Well of course. Here are three. Rina and Hanon are on a date with her boys, and the twins were in charge of seeing off the guests... except for Hippo and Yuri. Those two won't even look that bratty demoness face-to-face.

LUCIA: They'll have taken an awful long time... (0_0) They were Meru, Auri, Ryo, Daichi and Kengo, Naoyuki, Subaru, Jennifer Houston... and a lot more. By the way, now that you mention Hippo and Yuri. Did they return to the hotel?

SEIRA: If this helps you, I was the last to fall asleep... and Hippo's room had the lights switched off.

LUCIA: That means they didn't come back! It's not normal they banished without even telling someone!

MIKE: I don't wanna jinx the matter, but it's very possible they were attacked. (THEM: What!) Look, the one we're looking for is 'a girl of short age, and great innocence and childish beauty'. Maybe our enemy targeted Yuri or else...

COCO: Are you serious? (¬_¬) Where is her frikkin 'innocence'? Or even her 'beauty', since we are at it?

LINDA: We aren't kidding! We have a strong enemy opposing our mission of gathering those girls, and no matter if they don't fulfil the requisites, the evil Lord Xig-lem makes no difference if he suddenly covets some poor child.

SEIRA: I am scared! *tears* I don't want to be caught! (COCO: Seira, please, we aren't talking about Bogeyman...)

LUCIA: If what you say is true, then we did well in staying at firm land... we will have to go look for them!

(They leave and head to the city, but they didn't take two steps when they found Hippo fainted in the road.)

LUCIA: Hippo! You are in penguin form... what happened to Yuri? Please awake!

HIPPO: Aw, the pain... *grunts* An ugly man appeared in the midst of the night, he had an armor that shone in the light of the lampposts... he pretended to take dear Yuri away, and I transformed into the Hippocampus...

COCO: And yet he beat you to a pulp? This is serious business... it had to be that Lord Xig-lem character!

MIKE: Wait a sec. His armor was shining? Last time I checked Xig-lem had a black and horrendous armor.

HIPPO: But he didn't attack me physically. He used a weird flute, and started to play an irresistible and yet unnerving melody... my head still aches from it. We could not cover our ears, because it went directly into our brains...

SEIRA: This is horrible! Music needs to be melodious and pleasant, not something that melts your brains!

HIPPO: After bursting our heads with that screeching song, he grabbed Yuri and vanished just like that.

LINDA: And he had to spend the night out in the open... poor guy must have suffered.

VOICE: Ho ho ho! But not even half of what you're going to suffer right now, buoys!

(The voice was feminine but annoying... it was Shojonoe, who came ahead of her boss on this occasion!)

SHOJONE: Master was lucky to find his prey so soon, but now I have the second one right before me!

SEIRA: KYAH! (0_0) I knew it! She's wants to take me! (COCO: (ò_ó.#) I told you not to act helpless!)

LUCIA: You have hurt Hippo and took Yuri away, we won't ever forgive you! You did wrong at picking a fight with the band of the mermaid princesses. Now you are going to listen to our song till your ears bleed!

COCO: That's how I like it, Lucia! You are becoming more self-confident. (SEIRA: I'll try to help too...)

(To the shout of **Pink/Yellow/Orange Pearl Voice**!, that so-uneven trio goes up to lvl 3 of Mermaid power.)

SEIRA: Just which one do we sing, huh? (LUCHIA: This one, ok? *whisper*) (COCO: Yay, that's a good one!)

THEM: **Pichi pichi voice, LIVE START**! (LINDA: Wow, they look so cool... (^_^).)

(They sing Splash Dream, which got little precious screen time on the series, but after a short while...)

THEM: (pose) **Love Shower... Pitch**! (wink) **Want to listen a encore**? (COCO: Girls, just look there!)

(They do... and only see a cheeky fairy cleaning her earwax in the most I-don't-give-a-damn way possible.)

SHOJONOE: Are you done? I liked the song itself... but if you wanted to hurt my ears, you wasted your time.

LUCIA: That critter swept off our musical power like it was nothing... we are doomed!

MIKE: I was afraid of that... Genderiels are exempt of any and all single world's rules, aren't they...?

SHONENJI: I am afraid you're right... if not, we wouldn't be any good as rulers of our own galaxies.

VOICE: Now that the show we were given is over, I can introduce myself without fear of being interrupted...

(Lord Xig-lem arrives at the scene, just as Hippo described him! He's beautified himself as expected.)

COCO: It's him, right? (HIPPO: He is! He is a villain!) I don't know what we can do...

MIKE: How about leaving him to us, ladies? **Master Force**! (fluumsh!) We'll give him a piece of our 'style'.

LINDA: Yeah, that! Let's see how brave you are against us two! **Magical Chang-e**!

XIGLEM: Heh, once more I'm a step ahead of you, Sword Dude and Oyster Girl. Now I'll use this Cloth stolen from Poseidon, the Siren Cloth! I am not so good at playing the flute, but it doesn't matter if you put your soul in it, hu hu...

MIKE: This guy has brought an artefact from another planet to have an advantage! And he learned it from me...!

(He plays a frightening, psychedelic tune, the song version of a broken kaleidoscope...)

LUCIA: Aaaarg...! *pain* Hippo was right, you can't even cover your ears... there is no defense against it!

COCO: *pants* I see no other way... I must tear my own eardrums... this is absolutely unbearable!

MIKE: Nooo! Don't do anything crazy! *more pain* Someone tried it before you, and it didn't work at all...

SHOJONOE: Ho ho ho! The sound enters directly to your brains, you won't be able to avoid turning insane...

(Now she splashes them with a bucketful of greenish water, that wets the girls and gets them back to lvl 1.)

XIGLEM: Well done Shojonoe. This water comes from the cursed spring of the Dead Sea, heh heh. According to the Sirenoids' legends, those who fall in there are expelled from their evolutionary path... you'll stay like this forever!

LINDA: Damn you... *pants* He has gotten himself rid of half the Mermaid Princesses just like that...

VOICE: (faraway) LUCIAAA! *flash* (LUCIA: Ein? (0_0) KAITOOO!)

(As it is tradition, a blinding flash of Panthalassa power has stopped the duo of evil guys dead on their feet.)

HANON: (arrives) Lucia, I see we can't leave you alone, my girl! Someone here needs to be taught a lesson...

RINA: Don't talk that much and get yourself dressed. **Green Pearl Voice**! (HANON: **Aqua Pearl Voice**!)

(While they transform, the surfer boy arrives there all shocked and lifts up the pink mermaid.)

KAITO: What happened? I only noticed a hideous noise and your own screams of pain.

HANON: No matter, Kaito, now they are gonna listen to us sing. How about singing mine?

RINA: NO! (ò_ó.#) We always sing your image song! I never have a chance! They are gonna listen MINE!

(After a massive sweatdrop by all people present, the newcomers sing Star Jewel, but it happens the same as before... looks like Xig-lem's thick helmet muffles the sound very effectively. So it only adds to the green-haired's frustatrion.)

RINA: Why doesn't it work? Grrr, you don't have any musical taste! (MIKE: It is not that, he is above your level!)

(The villain does a tsunami-like jutsu knowing that the sea is near, but the effect is only temporary on some.)

XIGLEM: Well, now I will take the cute Indian Sea's mermaid. Only she is my type!

SEIRA: Luciaaa! (panic) I was right, I was going to be the next victim... it's always me! (x_x)

(The poor child is abducted while the others are still recovering from the last attacks.)

KAITO: Can you stand up? (COCO: What do you think, surfer boy? He left us without legs to work with!)

LINDA: Kaito, girls, we are sorry... that guy makes our lives miserable for a living, and now yours too...

MIKE: He mentioned something about a cursed spring... I guess your fortune teller will know about the matter.

LUCIA: Yes, maybe... it would be one of the few times Madame Taki has been useful. It's worth a shot.

HANON: Bah, just great. And to boot, we have two injured members... and another two missing in action.

COCO: Then you didn't find the twins either... I don't know what is wrong with them since yesterday.

MIKE: Let's return to the hotel, there we will think of a way to compensate you for this tragedy... if there's any.

KAITO: I will carry Lucia, you can give Coco a ride, we must assure no one sees them.

COCO: Hum, okay. (¬_¬) But if you try anything kinky, it's an automatic slap for you!

(They take the cursed inside the hotel, to conceal their tails they wrap them in bandages and sit them in chairwheels. They now have a miserable and unlucky look... something the villain didn't predict. The fortune teller starts talking.)

TAKI: What this foreigner tells me is true, I know about the legend and the effects of the cursed spring.

NIKORA: And who doesn't, madame! (¬_¬) What we need to know is HOW to cure it!

TAKI: Hum... (ball) I think I see something... along with the legend of the water the mermaids should never touch, there is another that serves to better understand our own origins... you know, Aqua Regina never closes a door without opening a window.

NIKORA: Don't leave us in tenterhooks, Taki. We need to know if that is a viable solution.

TAKI: I will resume. (ball) In the hidden ocean, where all mermaids came from... there is a way for the human women to use the power of the Sirenoid race... and that can be a very important help to solve this dreadful matter.

HANON: Wait there. Which is the 'hidden ocean'? I thought I had them numbered correctly...

KAITO: Of course not, our planet has many more seas that aren't really connected with the main ones.

MIKE: Look! (map) You said the mermaids came from there? As I know, their legends first appeared here!

RINA: The Mediterranean sea? It makes sense... but never any mermaid has managed to enter such a place.

COCO: Sara actually did... (ALL: What!) It's true, the Indian Sea has a sort of passage in its northwest area where you can access it... humans have built a settlement there, so it will be a bit harder, but it's perfectly possible to enter.

LUCIA: Coco, this is good! (^_^) Now that Sara is gone, you are the eldest of us sisters. Please guide us!

COCO: Bah, come on... just because Sara had told me her deepest secret, now I have to babysit you all...

LINDA: Please, you are the strongest princess...! *plea* Mike didn't say it out loud, but you are his favourite.

MIKE: Linda, you weren't supposed to say that... *cold sweat* Er, well it's true, I have always admired you.

COCO: Good grief. (¬_¬) You aren't a complete waste after all. Please, take me to the balcony, will you?

(He takes her there, still in the wheelchair, to have a private talk. The yellow mermaid is deeply saddened.)

COCO: Sorry for being rude to you... but you are right, I am the eldest sister and Sara's best friend. It's my responsibility, it always was... I have never had a moment of peace since I have use of memory...

MIKE: See, it's not that big of a deal, if this cheers you up, you must know I too have a big responsibility...

COCO: You say you know us... but you really do? Sara and I were the best friends. She suffered a failed love affair and the wrath unleashed by her scorned heart obliterated her kingdom and a great chunk of mine... the demonesses took advantage of our weakness and captured us. I could only see, stuck in a tube, how she spoiled away more and more. And I couldn't even save her: she died and left us with little Seira, who has been under my flipper since then. Do you understand now why I always act defensively? I always have to solve this kind of conflicts...

MIKE: Oh, worry not. You wanted to vent your trouble, and you did. Though you see yourself now as useless and unworthy, not even able to walk, Madame Taki has clued us already about the answer. We will soon be hearing the Yellow Pearl's Voice again!

LINDA: (arrives) Are you done? Nikora wants us to gather to decide how we are going to travel that far.

COCO: You know, this hunk of a man is a very good catch. I could steal him from you, so watch your back!

MIKE: *blush* Ah, how can you say that! (LINDA: _She better not try, because I can fry her to a crisp._)

(Something drops from her pocket, to distract Redhead from her murderous jealousy... and it's a pearl!)

COCO/MIKE: What's that?! (0_0)

LINDA: Oh, this, probably it fell from my rosary when Xig-lem was busy melting our brains.

COCO: It couldn't fall from YOUR rosary! Because this is the Orange Mermaid's pearl!

LINDA: (0_0) Wha! How could it happen? Lord Xig-lem took Seira away, everyone is witness to the fact...

MIKE: This is great! (^_^) Though Seira is not with us, we can use her pearl to cure her.

TAKI: (arrives with Lucia) It's worth trying. If we submerge the pearl in the Ascension Trial's waters, her curse will be lifted just the same. So we will kill two fishes with one harpoon. You did a good job, Linda!

LUCIA: Madama Taki said that we will need to pass a trial. But it will be easy for one who was already a mermaid from the start. You have to take part too! (LINDA: Me?) That way we could also restore Seira's pearl. Better three singers than two! (^_^)

KAITO: (enters) Say, I feel you are in higher spirits now. Then what I'm gonna say will make it even better.

LUCIA: Kaito, what was decided? Will we be able to travel without leaving the Pearl Piari unattended?

KAITO: More or less. I called up the high school to tell them you are gravely sick, and you can't even leave the bed. You will be free from time restraints, but the hotel is still in danger. Rina and Hanon will stay, that's what we decided.

NIKORA: (arrives) Good grief, you made me go out to the balcony too! But well, Rihito said he'll help too.

MIKE: Then he owns a ship? It's so kind of him. Okay, this is getting better by the go!

(After a while, the foreigners are with the two Panthalassa and the two cursed mermaids on Rihito's boat.)

LUCIA: *swim* Uuuf, this is a drag... since I can't switch my legs on, swimming has become tiresome...

COCO: Bah, you were too accustomed to walk on land. Learn from Linda, who signed up face first!

LINDA: *swim* So cool! (^_^) I don't know why, but it isn't hard to keep up with you. Maybe it's the pearl?

LUCIA: It surely is. You'll see, when you have a proper fish tail, you're going to leave us behind! (^_^)

COCO: Seriously, you're so childish... and Linda is supposed to be almost as old as me. There's the pathway!

(They see the hole that supposedly serves to access the trial's secret grotto.)

RIHITO: From here on the path is submarine, isn't it? Mike, are you sure you want to follow them?

MIKE: My vow as Knight of Lolicon involves protecting Linda. I won't be leaving her on her own, sensei!

KAITO: You see, sensei, he understands what is having someone to protect. So break a leg, pal!

SHONENJI: Lord Mike, I've readied a sub-aquatic module for your armor, controllable from your visor.

(He does so, presses a button and the armor grows out a propeller, and the visor closes in on his head. Linda will use a combo of the Nure and Kazetama to breath down there. So the girls and the boy enter the passage...)

MIKE: Oh, sucks... now that we were approaching the end, the grotto has dried up. We need to go by foot.

LUCIA: I understand: this trial was made for creating a totally amphibious live form...

LINDA: Looks so. We're entering from the exit, so the ones who did the trial already knew how to dive.

COCO: Bah, and we have no legs right now... let's see how we can solve this problem and keep onwards.

(After using Auri's shoe raffle –heads or tails- the boy in glasses had to give a ride to the ponytailed blonde.)

COCO: I am not exactly thrilled about letting a woman carry me. (LINDA: If you want I'll leave you here!)

MIKE: Hey, don't lash at each other, please, we are almost there. (LUCIA: _Are they jealous of each other?_)

(Arriving at the start of the underground river, they see a waterfall and a lake at its base)

LUCIA: Here! Madame Taki said there would be a big waterfall filling a secret lagoon.

(And suddenly Aqua Regina rears her pretty face, to explain the trial's rules and advise her favourite girls.)

REGINA: Lucia, Coco, mermaids of the great and regal Pacific Ocean... this is the trial to decide if you're still worthy of the power handled down by the Sirenoids' family. So, trek upstream through this waterfall evading its obstacles and you'll restore your pearls.

LINDA: What about me? To save the Indian mermaid and defeat our enemy, I need the power of the sea!

REGINA: Linda, who came from a faraway world, and contestant of this trial in name of the young Seira... if you can use your own strengths to complete this ascension, I'll be glad to grant you the blessing of the Mermaid Princesses.

MIKE: Say no more! I am starting to believe even I could pass this test... do your best, Linda!

The exam starts. The first part of the ascension presented no real trouble, but soon some very ugly and ghostly mermen emerged from the rocks to molest the contestants. Linda couldn't boost herself upwards with much more than her Nuretama magic, but her two mates protected her to the best of their skills. Mike couldn't take it and jumped at them to buy the girls more time to finish. At the end they arrived at the goal at the same time, with Mike a bit behind... propelled by his own Cosmo Break. Regina congratulated them.

REGINA: You passed the test successfully... it was a test of your individual strengths, but seeing how you collaborated to make it to the end makes me congratulate you even more. You, Mike, did the right thing when you protected the one you care about.

MIKE: Ops, she noticed. *blush* Of course, she is the frikkin Aqua Regina, she knows everything.

REGINA: Those monsters you saw blocking you advances were your own inner fears... brought to live by the sea's power. Now that you don't doubt your duties, you are very worthy of entering again the mermaids' evolution path. (magic)

LUCIA: My pearl recovered its colour! Here goes: **Pink Pearl Voice**! (COCO: **Yellow Pearl Voice**!)

(Both power up to Mermaid lvl 3, and our Redhead firmly grasps her borrowed pearl.)

LINDA: I won't fail you, girls. Not you, nor the Indian princess, who I swore to rescue. **Orange Peal Voice**!

(This time, the transformation taints her witch costume in various shades of orange.)

LINDA: Yay! (^_^) If I can raise my Mermaid power level, I will be able to help you fix this mess!

REGINA: There is more... Mike, you went through the Water Dragon's Gate during the test just like them. It's only fair that you receive his blessing and make use of his power to help my mermaids restore the Ocean's peacefulness.

MIKE: Wow, yay for me... (0_0) If I had known, I would have signed up from the start!

REGINA: What you did was taking the first step to achieve the ultimate power level of the Sirenoids' race. If you gather the strength of 3 royal pearls, your song will become almighty and impossible to ignore... just like the ancient merfolk's.

COCO: Okay, that's what we needed to make Xig-lem bite the seabed! *fire* Let's go!

LUCIA: I always thought that you should have been born as a Fire Elemental. (^_^)

MIKE: Linda, I know you don't have an image song, so while we were travelling I have composed this for you. In the times of old, the rogue Ishiwaka Goemon had a kunoichi friend who managed to pass the same test as you... this is an adaptation of the popular tune they used to sing during their adventures. Make good use of it, hunny!

After thanking his boyfriend for the present, the redhead was ecstatic with her new fish tail, even thought it was borrowed... they made the trip back on Rihito's ship, and soon the blue and green mermaids joined them to try their luck.

HANON: *swim* It's pretty daring of us going to meet the enemy head on, and we lack Karen and Noel...

RINA: How can you say that! It was you who wanted to meet Gakuto face first, even if he didn't at the moment.

HANON: Er, okay... (¬_¬) I understand Mike and Linda's presence, but why are the sea demonesses here?!

MARIA: Because of something called 'loyalty', you fish heads. That guy took one of us away, am I right?

ERIRU: I know we bicker like catfish and dogfish, but we always agreed on one thing: Gakuto-sama always comes first. And ourselves, in second place. (spins) If he picks a fight with one of us, he'll have to face all four, grrr!

IZUR: Do the 'dogfishes' even exist, you idiot? (¬_¬) Never mind. Can't you understand we too are friends, just like you? (COCO: I don't mind, in fact... I already said that we would settle our scores later, so have it easy!)

LUCIA: Please, let there be peace... *sweats* The more of us the better, but if the twins refuse to appear...

(They finally stand before the villain, who was patrolling the sea since the last incident.)

XIGLEM: You dare face again the bearer of a Cloth made for Poseidon's generals...

SHOJONOE: Master doesn't fancy you! But maybe he'll feel generous, and only lock up the two blondes...

LUCIA: Now he wants to take us as slaves! (ò_ó.#) Youre giving me even more reasons to smash you!

COCO: Come on, Redhead! Clear your throat while we dress up for the occasion. This is your debut! *wink*

(The four present mermaids go up to lvl 3, while Linda changes her fish tail for her new idol costume.)

LINDA: Someone special composed this song for me... so I am gonna sing until I faint! Along with them!

ALL: **Pichi Pichi Voice, LIVE START**!

(Sing it with the intro music of Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon, the N64 game. Ready?)

[It needs to be the Spanish fan-translated lyrics: they are the ones that fit the melody...]

_¡Luchare, si, luchare! Nunca más me rendiré...  
Emprendamos camino, y silbemos juntos:  
¡GOING NOW!_

_Puedes mirar... hacia arriba de forma clara...  
Y podrás ver... lo grande que es nuestro cielo...  
Y aunque los malos vientos amenacen con separarnos...  
¡Ven y vive tu vida, del modo que quieras, es el destino...  
de muchos!_

_¡Luchare, si, luchare! Nuestro sueño no se nos perderá...  
Si lo abrazamos fuerte estará seguro,  
¡Take a chance!  
¡Luchare, si, luchare! Nunca más me rendiré...  
Emprendamos camino, y silbemos juntos:  
¡GOING NOW!_

(The Knight of Lolicon stops the music player included in her visor, and the song is over.)

MIKE: Huh? (0_0) IT WORKED! That evil guy is rolling on the [sea] floor because of the headache!

MARIA: Then we should strike: Lovers Ice Dance! (IZUR: *watery dragons*) (ERIRU: *black seaweed*)

XIGLEM: Not yet... *pants* If I use the Shadow Mirror, not even your new song will be able to reach me. (barrier) That's better. Now it's my turn! I am going to melt your sawdust-stuffed brains, fish heads! (pose)

VOICE: Oh no, we won't let you! (SHOJONOE: More mermaids...? Where did they come from?)

(Finally, the twins with the mirrored moles arrive there to join their partners' party!)

NOEL: Coco, Lucia, girls! We finally made up our minds to come here... we could not find in our hearts the courage to forgive the demonesses who did so much damage to us and our homes... but Aqua Regina has convinced us.

KAREN: We didn't want it to look like we cared about that demoness, but if Seira was captive then we couldn't stay idle. Hear me, monster! Before you send us all to Hell... you will give back what you stole! If not, I won't be able to get my revenge!

NOEL: Karen, I think we left that revenge stuff rather clear. (¬_¬) We chose to follow Coco's challenge.

KAREN: Well, I felt it wasn't enough... ok, on to business. **Purple Pearl Voice**! (NOEL: **Indigo Pearl Voice**!)

XIGLEM: Quoting you, Purple Mermaid: an idiot quartet like you won't be enough to stop me!

LINDA: Lucia, Coco! It's time to use the Mermaids' ultimate form. Give your pearls to them!)

(The others don't quite understand, but they power down to lvl 1 and are illuminated by her sisters' pearls.)

LUCIA/COCO: *evolve* _Gaaah... this is too much power... / This much strength could be dangerous..._

With a blinding flash, both have made their dresses' upper half burst off, leaving them in just their seashell bras. Their skin turned navy blue and their hair, now half a body's longer, turned foamy white... it is the look of the ancients, the Super Mermaids lvl 4!

MIKE: They're radiating the purest power... but what are they doing? Why do they drop their microphones?

(Without saying a word, the two evolved beings create a pulse of energy that covers the entire area, after which they utter the sharpest, most deafening scream ever heard by any humanoid ears... everyone else falls to the seabed, violently fainting.)

MIKE: It's truly terrific... this was a suicide move. That scream could have even pierced the dimensional fabric!

SHONENJI: Lord Mike, you must use the Sea Dragon's power! The mermaids are out of play, so be fast!

MIKE: *wink* Don't tell me twice. (SHOJONOE: Ack! (0_0) He's aiming at me!) **Sea Dragon's Wrath**!

(A ghostly image of the famed Sea Dragon goes through the Genderiel's small body and KO's her.)

XIGLEM: Arg! (energy) The Cloth may be crushed to bits... but I am still kicking! *flees*

LINDA: (awakens) Whoa, what a noisy tantrum... it went right to my soul, just like Xig Lem was doing...

MIKE: Linda, help me carry them. This tech has left the users unconscious, but the ones watching them were too. No wonder Aqua Regina warned us about misusing it... Pearl Piari is not that far, so let's see if we can use some kind of fishnet...

(Then he uses a fishnet that Shonenji summoned for him, and carries the mermaids back like newly-fished regular mackerels. The Panthalassa men were worrying, but they all came back safely. Again the seven are together, Mike does pacts.)

SEIRA: We should have done this at the very beginning. It wasn't that difficult, guys!

YURI: I was gonna say the same. My lovely Hippo is very reasonable, he's not the least bit jealous.

LINDA: _But I am, grrr..._ (MARIA: Linda, aren't you? Thanks for the help.) Bah, it was nothing, really.

(By shaking her hand, the eel demoness has frozen the last of Linda's rosary's pearls.)

MARIA: Oh, pretty: the whole necklace is shining. (LINDA: It's the last pearl from my rosary, the Igetama!)

MAHORITA: (poof in) Great, my girl! With the power of Ice, your rosary is completed. You are a full fledged witch!

(The rosary loses its thread and the beads float around her magically, a crown appears in her head: a crown made of flames that naturally mesh with her own fiery hair... and some blue colored divine markings appear in her cheeks and forehead.)

MIKE: _Whoa, now she looks like a goddess... (0_0) My own goddess, who came to be by my side forever..._

LINDA: Uuuf, I hope it isn't dangerous... like Lucia and Coco's newfound powers.

LUCIA: Don't worry, gal, I think we won't be using them ever again! It would be like a form of cheating...

COCO: Exactly! I will face those demonesses and beat them fair and square! (KAREN: Count me in!)

MIKE: Best of luck, brave lasses. We would stay until dinner, but the loli essences are calling us. Bye!

(They go outside to use Instant Transmission and get the fuzz outta there... but a small figure jumps at them: the Genderiel of Shojo, who came there to try something by her own hands. They don't know what is she up to...)

SHOJONOE: It's over... I won't let you have your way ever again! So Master Xig-lem won't be sad anymore...

(next episode's preview music starts.)

LUCIA: Etto, say, oneechan, I always wanted to ask you this: why is a purple mermaid like you living with a North-Pacific's pink mermaid? (NIKORA: Bah, I knew someday you would notice... but maybe Karen would be the best suited to answer you.) (TAKI: It is time to confess, Nikora, you'll feel better.) In the next episode of Pichi Pichi Pitch: 'Runaway Mermaid'. **Want to listen a encore**?


	12. Shojo 1: Ah my Goddess

_AH! THE POP-UP BOOK ADVENTURE! _

Things had taken a turn for the ugly... Shojonoe had come to get the adventurers. By her self. Without her dear master... better said, behind his back. She wasn't gonna let them slip her grasp anymore... now she would be taking the matter in her own hands. She had to risk this showdown to be her undoing... or theirs. She knew perfectly how to work the Genderiel pacts around, so she used her special sight to sense auras and saw something interesting floating between the two friends.

(A slim, shiny thread bonds the boy with her girl friend... and another from her to him, on a black background.)

SHOJONOE: _Those are the Bonds of the Pact... looks like both have vowed something relative to each other. If I sewer their bonds, they will lose the powers granted to them by those buggers... I only have once chance! Let's go! _(ò_ó.#)

MIKE: Oh god... Shojonoe is looking at us funny... those eyes want blood! What will we do now?

SHOJONOE: Only Master Xig-lem is worthy of ruling this world! (attacks) I will get rid of you!

(She pulls out a sickle made of the same crystal that's stuck in Linda and flies at them with kill-stabity intentions. Mike manages to block her with his sword and finds it easy to keep up to her. Linda joins the effort with her Gekitama's thunders.)

SHOJONOE: (bzzz!) Aug! *crispy* You won't land any more hits, brat! And that thing on your head is mine!

(She jumps at her to uproot her crystal shard, but as several people predicted, that could cause a cosmic catastrophe. Her flaming crown flared up... the beads floating around her surrounded the small fairy.)

LINDA: Don't touch me! (ò_ó.#) No matter if you are a Genderiel, you have caused us nothing but trouble!

MIKE: (0_0) Her spells have become perma-active and auto-fired... is it some sort of 'Master Control'?

(And now the elemental powers that hold her up unleash their fury against the tiny girl, vines, flames, lighting, wind blades, sharp icicles: the butterfly brat loses consciousness for a moment and witnesses a weird and unexpected scene...)

_SHOJONOE: Ah... who is... OH! It's the goddess! My Lady, you were ok...! I have no excuse for what I did... the moment I saw that poor boy... I knew I had to be by his side, and lend him my support... but I can't say I regret my choices. You taught us to watch further, deeper than the surface... and he was just a lost, unhappy soul..._

_(The goddess' figure is that of a little girl in a white tunic, a blonde and pink-cheeked cutie, who is the best description of what Mike is looking for: a girl of short age, great innocence and childish beauty.)_

_GODDESS: I know you did it for a good reason... you can rest now. He is in charge of protecting me now._

_(To her side we can see another silhouette, that of an old, strong and wise knight... the fairy closes her eyes.)_

MIKE: She is lying on the floor, unconscious... (poof) Eh, what's that! It's an egg!

SHOJONOE: It's Shojonoe's egg... that golden glow is unmistakable. Then we will be lead to...!

(A big flash surrounds them, while the Oh My Goddess intro starts playing: 'Open your Mind'.)

LINDA: We switched places... I mean, this isn't the beach anymore, but the city again.

SHONENJI: We have ended up in the Shojo Galaxy... it's better not to awaken certain Genderiel for now.

MIKE: Wise choice... we can't know how she will react. With the song from before, I think I'm placed...

(They head for the city's innards, and they stumble upon Nekomi's institute of technology.)

MIKE: Let's see if we are lucky and bump into some acquaintance, if you know what I mean.

LINDA: Would be difficult if they are attending class... unless this is one of those two-teacher schools. (¬_¬)

(Like out of nowhere appear Tamiya and Otaki, the hulking Motor Club's members.)

TAMIYA: This lady is badmouthing our institute! You should know we have spent our youth's better days in here, pretty. (OTAKI: Yep, but you would not understand. It's a men thing, like our club. Eh, Den-chan?)

LINDA: Ow, don't push me... (0_0) Mike, say something! We are looking for someone.

MIKE: Say, if you're Tamiya and Otaki-sempai... _I think I got it right,_ maybe you know where can I find some Morisato guy. Though I was told he was kicked out of the dorms, or something along those lines.

OTAKI: You were told the truth, pal! That wuss Morisato brought a chick over to our dorms, and so we sent him packing. What did he think he was? (TAMIYA: How could he do that to us, knowing the rotten luck we were having with girls?)

LINDA: Won't it be that you were jealous? (TAMIYA: What didja say, lady? Now we are, like, chick magnets!)

OTAKI: Yep, but don't try to flirt with Belldandy's sister ever again... you could end up insane. She's a weirdo.

TAMIYA: Well, yes... she does very crazy things, but she's sooo hot. It's the truth, pal!

MIKE: Aaanyway, where are all those people? We are on an errand to find Keichi.

(They're sent to the shrine where the college student is holing up, and they find Banpei-kun in the entrance.)

BANPEI: Beep, beep. (buzzing) Unidentified individuals. Start up defense mechanism. *trigger happy*

MIKE: (evades) Heeeya! That thing wants to drill us some new snorkels! Linda, gimme a hand, will ya?

(But before she can do anything, thunders which aren't hers fall upon the robot, it leaves him charred up.)

SKULD: Aaah! Urd, it had to be you! (ò_ó.#) You agreed on leaving Banpei-kun alone!

URD: (peeks) We also agreed on YOU leaving my potions alone, and I am missing one since yesterday.

SKULD: I don't know where it is, leave me alone! _It's true, I don't remember where I put it._ Who are you?

LINDA: Thank god someone pays any attention to us. Listen, girlie, we want to speak with this Keichi guy...

SKULD: I'm not a little girl! *breaths* But yes, Keichi actually lives here. He'll arrive soon, just wait.

(After a while the boy and the Goddess of the Present arrive through the door, so Mike explains his quest.)

KEICHI: Great, more weirdos... do you know anything about them, Bell? They say to be from another world.

BELL: In fact I don't... if they were staff members of Heaven's Yggdrassil System I would know them.

MIKE: Heh, I doubt she would know us, even if she is a goddess. Let's not beat around the bush: my partners and I are looking for a little girl 'of great innocence and childish beauty' in many places and worlds, to revive the Goddess of Lolicon.

URD: Hum? Doesn't ring any bells, but I suppose the Almighty would know. The guy knows everything.

BELL: Don't be so insolent, oneechan. So well, knowing that... do you have any clue on who can be?

SHONENJI: I am afraid the one we want this time is the Goddess of the Future, Skuld. I felt the essence in her.

SKULD: Why me? Why would I have to do anything? (BELL: Please Skuld, you would be helping them.)

MIKE: The sooner the better. We have an enemy following us that uses to kidnap those kind of females...

SKULD: Har har! Let him try. I will give him a smash that will keep him busy looking for teeth a long time!

LINDA: Look, we don't doubt your strength, but that villain is worse than the worst of demons... terribly so!

MIKE: And to boot, we have sorta killed his female minion... so he will be up the walls. The matter is urgent.

BELL: Skuld, these travellers have asked you for a relatively minor favour compared with what they will achieve when they save that goddess. And if you want to become a good goddess yourself, you can't ignore the pleas of this kind people.

SKULD: Geez, oneechan... _who can say no to such a face..._ bah, okay, but because you are the one asking.

(They draw the pact circle, but the stuff doesn't work: the ghost sword can cut through the brunette goddess.)

KEICHI: How strange. (?_?) According to you, all the other times it did work, right?

URD: Sometimes you are just too naïve, Kei. (LINDA: Why?) My little sister is a true goddess, much to my chagrin. This sort of deal you're trying to do involving common mortals can't possibly work out: you are out of her league.

MIKE: Aw, man! Are you saying that as long as Skuld is a goddess, there is nothing we can do? It sucks!

SHONENJI: We have to think of something. We can't leave without the loli essence or our goddess...

LINDA: Won't be revived! (x_x) Our journey goes down the flush... Mike and I will get stuck here!

BELL: Please, don't panic... what you ask for, though risky, isn't totally impossible. I'll send a message to Heaven, after that we have two possibilities: either Skuld obtains a special permit to grant you a wish...

URD: Or we can call the messenger 'that travels between worlds', that funky guy, the one called Ratatosk...

MIKE: Howity what? (0_0) You actually know the Great Tree's spirit, the all powerful Lord Ratatosk?

URD: Well, I wouldn't say that much. But he does have the power to communicate with the demon realm's computer system, the Nidhogg. Although only as a guest, of course... if he can do that, he'll be able to get you out of our world.

BELL: Then it's settled. (^_^) If our Lord is on good mood, Skuld will be able to grant you the wish regarding 'getting the loli essence', and if not we could always convince Ratatosk to carry you to the world you deem necessary. Happy ending!

SKULD: Ah, okay... if you don't mind, I will be going to bed... I'm dying to sleep.

KEICHI: You have some ice cream in the fridge. And don't worry, I am sure you'll become a fine goddess.

SKULD: Whoa, Kei, you are acting so nice... (^_^) And here I thought you wanted to do dirty stuff to my sister. (KEI: Eeeh!) Just kidding. *wink*. _If all goes according to my plan, I will get you to think of me instead of her..._

(Now in her room, she keeps looking for the potion she smuggled from Urd's, but it's not appearing.)

SKULD: Agh, no good... using that tonic I would have gotten a more adult-like body...

(She images herself with the body she got back when the Yggdrassil malfunctioned, and got nice memories.)

SKULD: Kei... I just want you to look at me like that again... (photo) tee hee, I was so beautiful... (^_^)

(The next day, the environment feels funny... the brunette lady gets up the first and goes to check what's on.)

SKULD: What's this? The whole world has been... flattened. Like one of those pop-up books! (looks) The neighbours don't seem to notice... why is that only I can still see the world in Three D? This calls for some calculations!

(Pulls out notepad and calculator and does so, to figure out what the hell is happening in the neighbourhood.)

SKULD: So lesee... according to the quantum coordinates and the multi-spatial geologic ones... we have to deduce... that the whole world went down ONE dimension! Humans have been stuck with two. Only my sisters and I are able to see the third!

VOICE: (sarcasm) Correction: only Belldandy and you are free from such dimensional screw up!

(The fearsome Xig-lem has arrived at the shrine's front yard, wielding a tool box.)

XIGLEM: Thanks to some tweaking I did on the Nidhogg system, the Yggrassil has lost a big chunk of its RAM. A virus so horrible that Earth couldn't stand it, and has been left as a pretty pop-up book, heh heh...

SKULD: Why just Belldandy and me? And how could you access the demon realm's computer? No, wait... That means you are on cahoots with them! I won't let you to have your way. Water Spirits, come forth! (pause) Huh? It doesn't work...

XIGLEM: There is your answer, girlie. Bell and you were goddesses, you exist on a higher plane... until I put my plan into motion. Now that everyone living on Earth has been left one dimension behind, you are but simple human women.

SKULD: Grrr... that still doesn't explain why it has affected Urd, if you say the truth.

MARLER: (zas!) I will tell you, brat. Demons aren't that spiritual people as the gods, hence we are limited by humankind's three-dimensional nature. Even if we have power to rival that of the divine beings.

SKULD: Marler, it had to be you! (ò_ó.#) Dang, now Urd will be acting crazy because of not sensing us!

XIGLEM: That is not of my concern. You are coming with me, shortie! You will be one of my dolls, hu, hu...

SKULD: Think again, dude! I still have my brains and weapons. Banpei, thrash them!

MARLER: (grabs) Not so fast pretty, I still keep my full potential. (SKULD: Ugly hag!) I'll get rid of this oversized tin can. *flames* (SKULD: Grrr, if I had a radio cassette here you would be begging for mercy!)

(All the ruckus has only been slightly heard inside the temple, so only Bell and Shonenji go out to the yard.)

BELL: What happened? Mister Shonen Ruler... I am afraid something has happened to our dear planet...

SHONENJI: Effectively, I'm not sensing loli energy around anymore, that means Skuld has been caught.

BELL: It's horrible! But where are the others? No matter how much I try I can't seem to make my powers work.

SHONENJI: We are suffering a world wide dimensional fracture, you, being goddesses, still keep the ability to see in 3D due to your power... but all humans had been stuck in the bidimensional plane. Even mine!

BELL: Can't you try calling them? Use your Genderiel bond with your Knight of Lolicon...

SHONENJI: It's possible, yes. (meditate) Mike, Linda... come to the front yard in the shrine's entrance, quick!

(The aforementioned ones plus Keichi arrive there with a flat shape. They truly look lik out of a pop-up book.)

KEICHI: I feel weird since this morning... Bell, tell me if you are here! We can't see you!

BELL: We are, Kei! Stay near my voice, Heaven's messengers won't take long to arrive.

(Urd is missing too, but this is not Xig-lem's style... Mike was already suspecting him.)

MIKE: I told you that guy was serious! He is able of doing the most horrible atrocities... even of this.

LINDA: Urd isn't here, but it could be because of another reason... she can't see in 3D either, correct?

BELL: I am afraid she can't. Her demonic half is bound by its own rules, much to our chagrin.

KEICHI: Ah, thanks for becoming visible, guys. We would have gone mad if this crazy situation kept on.

(In an abandoned factory, the evil guy and the blonde demoness untie the girl to let her keep on swearing.)

SKULD: Are you a noob at this kidnapping stuff...? (XIGLEM: Why do you say that?) Well, you brought me to an abandoned car factory, full of puddles because of the rain. You still don't get it or what?

MARLER: You are so dumb that you are even clueing us! What do you try to tell us, girlie?

SKULD: I shouldn't tell a pair of morons, but here goes: what prevents me from building a killer robot and turn you into mincemeat with those scrap parts? And how do you want me to not escape through those puddle's water, you nimrods?

XIGLEM: Oh, calm down, these four walls are not the ones restraining you... it actually is this thing. (photo)

SKULD: NOOO! *tear rivers* You are hateful... a true monster! Mike warned me, you are nothing but scum!

XIGLEM: Ho, ho... the embarrassing and/or incriminatory pictures: the best weapons for a blackmailer.

MARLER: (0_0) _This guy is a handful! He'd make a excellent demon, but I don't know what is he up to..._

(Again in the shrine, the messengers from Heaven have arrived, a quite assorted party.)

BELL: Good, they are here! (^_^) I was getting tired of staying in 2D, being a human is uncomfortable...

MIKE: Could they give us the ability to see in 3D to us? Keichi wont' be of much use.

KEICHI: Absolutely right... (x_x) I can only hope you will find Bell's sisters, and fast.

(The ones who arrived are a blue haired valkyrie and a tiny squirrel perched on her shoulder.)

LENNETH: According to the Almighty's message, our technician Ratatosk needs to do a bridge connection between Belldandy's angel and your souls, allowing you the use of some of her divine skills. So arrange yourselves accordingly.

MIKE: Eh, I know her, she is called Lenneth Valkyrie! (^_^) Why are you here too?

LENNETH: Bodyguard duty. If we were to face a demon, Belldandy won't be able to handle it by herself.

LINDA: Where is that Ratatosk character? Mike told me he would be a brave warrior.

LENNETH: He is in front of you, young lady. (squirrel) Bah, they are always mistaking him for things...

LINDA: (0_0) Oh, well, I had pictured him as someone a bit more... blonde. (MIKE: Al right, let's do this!)

(The squirrel draws a magic circle and a flow of energy goes from Belldandy to the two friends making them sprout feathery wings. Curiously enough Linda's are different: one is pink and the other is golden yellow.)

LINDA: Hum? (?_?) Something is not right. I can see the three dimensions just fine, but I am colour blind.

SHONENJI: It's not what you think, Lady Linda. You know, your new Wings of Heart should have been both pink, seeing as you are under Mahorita's protection. Such failure must be caused –yet again- due to Shojonoe's interference.

MIKE: Dang, what a meddlesome brat... not even in egg form she stops causing trouble.

BELL: But we can finally leave to look for Skuld. (^_^) If Shonenji is able to sense her. (LENNETH: Let's go!)

MIKE: Let's see what this leads to... **Master Force**! (LINDA: Right! **Magical change**!)

(The party of four follows Shonenji and the little goddess' scent, stored inside Lenneths comfy soul. After evading some insidious glances –not hard being in 3D- they arrive at the aforementioned abandoned factory.)

LENNETH: I feel a suspicious aura, it's oozing evilness... it must be the kidnapper's.

VOICE: Hah, just look at who we have here! The Yggdrassil's staff must be desperate by now, right?

LENNETH: It's you! Vile, hateful defiler of souls... you allied yourself with the demon clan to obtain some kind of revenge, I am sure. **To my side, my noble Einherjar**! (fsssh!) (MIKE: Bah, just five minutes, Lenneth!)

LINDA: It's true that Lenneth's soul feels relaxing, but we must face Lord Xig-lem.

MARLER: (enters) Ho, ho, I see Belldandy had the guts to come too! In the end, it's all in the family...

BELL: Marler! I don't know what made you help a suspicious other-worlder, but you won't have your way!

XIGLEM: But we already had, dear. Your little sis is gonna be one of my dolls... and the elder one, let's say she won't dare to use her spells against me... specially because she has lost them!

(Among the shadows, Urd's shape appears... her divine markings have vanished and she has a devilish look.)

MARLER: That traitor Urd has lost what divinity she still had, so now she is a monster driven by the demons' blood. Her strength goes further than what you will ever reach, you nosy goddess!

URD: (rage) Groaaar! (ò_ó.#) (LENNETH: I was afraid this would happen... we won't have to look for her.)

MIKE: Blast it... with the berserked Urd's fiery strength and Marler's demonic magic, that guy has the perfect combo to complement his insurmountable defense... we have to carefully plan who will deal with who.

BELL: Lenneth, please! I want to deal with Urd. I know I can calm her if I try hard enough.

LENNETH: I can't promise you I won't hurt her, milady. If you treat a mind controlled hostage as just another enemy, the evildoers would lose one of the most demoralizing advantages towards your team. Don't forget it.

MIKE: It bothers me, but the valkyrie is right. Bell, you and Linda should face Marler, I will help Lenneth. As I am as tactless as she is, those two will be surprised at how we give Urd a beating. It will dismantle their strategy!

LINDA: I hope it works out... come on Bell, I too have some sort of elemental powers.

XIGLEM: When are you going to end that chatter? I shouldn't have been so considerate and send my minions while you were talking. This is for the Genderiel you have stolen from me, cheatos! (orders charge)

(And the battle starts! Bell mixes her wind magic with Linda's pearl, and it does fine.)

BELL: Ooohm... (wind) Wind cage! (LINDA: Hurricane come forth... Pearl of Winds!)

MARLER: (raaas!) ARG! (rebounds) You'll have to do much better, you pests! Fire!

(The fiery element turns back to where it came, much to the demoness' shock.)

MARLER: What's this? The fire obeys her! But she is just a damn handicapped human...!

LINDA: Don't think so, ugly hag! Let me do it, Bell. Flame on! (more fire) Pearl of Fire!

BELL: *plea* Spirits of metal... come out of your resting place and throw yourselves at the invading demon...

(The metal girders sprinkled around the factory throw themselves at the blonde demon and imprison her.)

MARLER: Damn you, goddesses... this is not fair! Let me out of here and fight properly!

BELL: I am afraid we can't. You have been a troublesome one. Linda? (LINDA: Mike gave me these charms...)

(She hangs his monk charms from the girders and their influence weakens the enemy.)

MIKE: You got her? Well, I will finish her off. COSMO BREAK! *BROOOM!*

MARLER: (flies off) Aaaarg...! This isn't over yet, Belldandy! There is still your sister left! *twinkle*

BELL: She was right... how are you doing? (LENNETH: She has a lot of energy, but no strategy at all, milady.)

URD: *roar* Graaar! (LINDA: Urd... she won't stop until we knock her totally down...)

The Knight of Lolicon tries to remember how he would face enraged animals: first you need not hesitate or lose your faith. Then adopt a good pose for both attack and defense and lastly hit the thing where it hurts the most!

MIKE: Hah! (chas!) (URD: Graaa!) Back off, beast! Someone inside me won't hesitate in attacking you!

LENNETH: This boy knows what's he doing... he is able to leave his feelings aside if it was necessary.

MIKE: Lenneth, strike after me! I am gonna see if this trick works in this world. (jump) Shadow Clone!

(Looks like it does work. The clones jump at the Goddess of the Past to immobilize her.)

LENNETH: My turn. This ends here, Urd. (BELL: Try not to hurt her... much.) **It shall be engraved upon your soul**! (slash) **Divine Assault**: **Nibelung Valesti**! (bzzz!) Such was your fate... (CHAS!)

(And our favourite valkyrie unleashes her special tech, imprisons the enemy in a blue, luminous bubble and holy swords skewer its blackened soul... the blue-haired grows out her divine wings to call upon the Gugnir spear and throws it at the enraged beast.)

URD: Uaaarg! *faints* (BELL: What have you done? You have exterminated her rage!)

LENNETH: I just freed the darkness that controlled her. Now she is free again. Speaking of controllers...

XIGLEM: Grrr! (ò_ó.#) Things are going to change, morons! Now that Shojonoe is gone, I will be merciless!

LINDA: _He is right... although we don't want to admit it, he actually cares for her..._

(Then he flees. The brunette goddess emerges among the junk, still dragging the chains that bind her.)

SKULD: Uf, that guy is horrible... he waited for the best moment to strike, he really has no mercy at all.

MIKE: Well, he said so himself before escaping... Bell, can you handle Urd's fainting?

BELL: Don't worry, I brought a sake bottle, if she drinks it she will be just as new in a few minutes. (^_^)

LINDA: And I brought a giant pack of ice cream. (^_^) Poor girl is gonna need it, she will be exhausted!

SKULD: WEEE! (^_^) But I still need to find a thing I dropped here... Mike?

MIKE: Yeah, what's up? (photo) Is this what you are looking for? (^_^) Gee, I believe I do know this woman...

SKULD: KYAAAH! Give me! (snatches) Don't tell them anything, please. I would die of embarrassment...

MIKE: Heh, you see, regarding that, I will tell you something: don't be so eager to grow up. There will be someone who will love you just as you are. I do myself, but don't tell Linda, of course... one secret for the price of another.

SKULD: Whew, okay then... (¬_¬)

BELL: Guys, Urd is already good and kicking! At the end, the worst thing she suffered is losing a dimension.

LENNETH: (whisper) Ah... Lord Ratatosk warns me that Yggdrassil's link with the lost dimension is about to be restored. If you want to do some kinda ritual with her, it's now or never... let's free her from those ugly chains.

LINDA: I will do it: Pearl of Cutting! (chas!) Done... it is good to feel useful once in a while.

(After making the pact, the loli essence is safe and the spiritual squirrel and the valkyrie return to Heaven.)

URD: Uf, that sake bottle has worked a miracle, gals. So, I believe you solved that little problem already?

BELL: Aha. (^_^) The travellers have what they wanted, and we will return home soon.

URD: Sorry for having fallen prey to my demon half... it's something I'm not sure to be able to control fully.

MIKE: Don't apologize, we humans have a similar problem... it's only a matter of will, being dragged by darkness –like that idiot villain does- or controlling it and become heroes, like her and me.

URD: Good speech, kiddo. But before the day ends, I would like to know why you are holding THAT.

LINDA: The flask? It was laying here, along with more stuff, in Skuld's 'prison cell'.

URD: (ò_ó.#) Is that true? (SKULD: I don't know why this bottle was here, I swear!)

MIKE: Oh, please, poor girl has suffered enough for today. Leave the silly punishments for another day.

URD: Bah, no matter. I will make her finish her perpetual-motion machine some other day, ho, ho...

LINDA: (?_?) _Can such a thing even exist?_ Hey Mike, we should be leaving, Xig-lem is on the loose!

SHONENJI: Very true. See you later, Goddesses of Time. I hope to see you again, though it's not likely...

MIKE: Don't be a jinx, Shonny! (SHONENJI: Why the nickname?) Geez, I was dying to use it, 'kay?

LINDA: Come on, let's gather more lolicon energy! *Instant Transmission*


	13. Shojo 2: Love Hina

_EPISODE 10 ½: MAGIC GIRLS AND GIANT ROBOTS: HER LEGACY._

After a quick dimensional jump, the two partners arrive at some sort of marketplace in a small city. The sun was setting, and the shops were closing. They opted to leave for the outskirts and got to gaze at a big building perched in the top of a hill. A clear and calm smoke was coming out of the chimney, and Mike guessed where they had landed.

LINDA: Again you figured it out? Whoa, you are so clever... and I am still an ignorant.

MIKE: Come on girl, don't be so fixated on the same nag. Surely you were pretty smart when you had a memory.

LINDA: I had only remembered my parents, and just a bit... but since we arrived at this galaxy I have recovered the image of my home... it's the exact opposite of this one. It was rather small and cold, made me feel sad...

MIKE: We are getting better, then! Cheer up, hunny, I think we know where we are... thanks to those sirs.

OLD MEN: (gaze) A house that hides many mysteries... and a love polygon with no so defined edges... they say this inn can bring you happiness... but by following this path, your goals get less and less clear...

(After giving their opinion, the old men take the stone stairs and leave the hill's foot.)

LINDA: They were scary... (0_0) I hope that inn doesn't have ghosts or else, I wouldn't like to bump into them.

MIKE: Say, it would not be so unusual, hu, hu... it will be the last thing left to see in... Hinata Inn!

(So, for having mentioned it, now Love Hina's intro starts playing: 'Sakura Saku'.)

LINDA: Oh, well... *sobs* after listening to this, I don't feel that bad... I am going to learn it, yes! (^_^)

MIKE: Right, let's see what they have got in here. This inn will bring you happiness, or your money back!

(Nah, just kidding. But they head indoors, and don't see anyone, just like in the famous first episode.)

LINDA: This place is deserted... but you told me that a bunch of girls live here, and the manager's aunt.

MIKE: It puzzles me too. They will be causing their usual mischief, though I hope not to be involved.

LINDA: Uf, this will sound stupid, but I need a bathroom... (sweat) I'm wetting myself!

SHONENJI: Lord Mike, remember that Lady Linda has her biological necessities too.

MIKE: I think it's this way, so run. (Linda runs) Sometimes I forget that we travel here and there, non-stop...

(As he doesn't want to be any less hygienic, he looks for the bath adjacent to the hot springs and takes the chance to wash his Ben Tennyson cosplay. Hinata's springs had their fame well earned, because in a while the boy is rested and revitalized.)

MIKE: Whoa, I had never used one of these. Maybe because they are so scarce back in my own country.

(Nearby noise. The boy is suspicious, and soon some mist covers the hot spring area.)

MIKE: What the shell? This mist doesn't look natural... (LINDA: Miii-keee...) AARG! WHATCHADOING?!

LINDA: I wanted to take a bath too, but in order to not shock you I summoned this mist with my magic. That way we can bathe together without any of us worrying you would see anything inadequate! I think it's fair for both, right?

MIKE: That's not the point! We could be busted, we are here as intruders, silly!

VOICE: Who's there? (VOICE 2: It was a man's voice.) A pervert has sneaked inside the hot springs!

(The Hinata girls arrive wearing just towels, the brunette swordgirl doesn't dawdle and crazily attacks.)

MOTOKO: I won't tolerate such an outrage! Vanish from here, intruder! ZANMAKEN!

(Such hi-ougi can cleave through a demon, but we can't know its effectiveness against the glacier wall that the Ice Pearl has summoned without permission, as well as the vine whips that entrap both the attacker and her companions.)

KAOLLA: Whoa, there are vines, just like at home! (swings) Shinobu, don't get in my way, I'm coming!

SHINOBU: Kaolla, settle down! (panics) They are wizards or else, they are gonna cast a curse on us!

(Inside the glacier we can see the boy in glasses freezing to death, unlike the girl, thanks to her flaming crown.)

LINDA: Sorry, I know we shouldn't have entered without permission! Nor have tried the hot springs...

KITSUNE: (arrives) Whew, looks like the storm has passed. (MOTOKO: You showed up a bit late, coward.) Eh, I am not such a thing, only a bit more prudent than you all. I suppose I don't need to call up the police anymore, right?

MIKE: *shiver* Don't even think about it, brrr... I was told this has happened before, hasn't it?

SHINOBU: Yes, with the inn's manager, Keitaro... but before he was the manager, of course.

MOTOKO: Then you know that pansy Urashima, I guess? You don't quite look like his childhood classmates.

LINDA: No, we aren't his classmates, that's for sure... we only came here to ask him for a tiny favour...

KAOLLA: Eh, the boy in glasses is frozen solid. And naked, tee hee... well, just like the girl to his side.

KITSUNE: My, it's true! Behind this ice wall you can't see them clearly, but I bet they were about to do 'this and that' to each other. (MIKE: We weren't!) You don't have to negate it so earnestly in front of her, your face is telling me...

LINDA: Mike is not like that! I was the one who suggested taking a bath together, but while blindfolded.

KITSUNE: Bah, I am not anyone to decide how you want your fetishy romance to develop.

MOTOKO: Say, let's forget about the bath for today and dress up again. We need to make things clear...

(Then, the girls turn tail and dress up again, as well as Linda. The intrepid hero is left to his own devices.)

KITSUNE: Your boy is a slick devil, isn't he? How could he try to make an advance on you on our baths?

LINDA: Cut it already! We decided to wait for Naru and Keitaro, so we have a lot of time.

MIKE: (enters) Uuuf, you should control those magical sneezes, my girl. Rita would be very disappointed.

LINDA: I know, sorry... (bonks herself) Well, he can explain our state of affairs much better than me.

MIKE: You see, we are doing some experiments, I won't bore you with the more, say, 'paranormal' details. But the truth is, we need to some kind of ritual with a young girl in order to be able to return to our country, so yeah...

MOTOKO: Won't it be about dirty stuff, I hope? (MIKE: NO! You are so stubborn...) So, who is your target?

LINDA: According to what I know, only two of you would work: Kaolla or Shinobu.

SHONENJI: (poofs in) That's right Lady Linda. I see you are understanding the Knight of Lolicon's duties.

KAOLLA: Whoa, a talking lizard! Is it edible? (SHINOBU: Kaolla, you're very rude!)

KITSUNE: We aren't afraid of the paranormal stuff. After watching a turtle fly, we can cope with yours...

MOTOKO: Brrr, don't remind me... (riiing!) Oh, looks like those two have arrived.

(But before the main chars enters the princess of the Molmol kingdom, very unsettled.)

AMALLA: Girls, this is awful! When I was heading for the airport to leave for home... Shiro vanished without a trace. Naru and Keitaro have been helping me look for him... but they have not managed to do any better than me.

NARU: (shocked) I won't enter the zoo's alligators' cage ever again...! (KEITARO: *pain* At least they have not munched you!) (SHINOBU: Naru, Keitaro! (0_0) I will make you a tea... and bring a pack of bandages.)

KAOLLA: What's up, oneechan? (^_^) So you are gonna stay longer, that's cool. Look at my MechaTama!

AMALLA: We'll have ample time for your toys later, Kaolla. My, looks like you have guests. Do you know them?

KEITARO: No we don't. (less pain) Won't they be more crazy relatives of any of you? (AMALLA: EH!)

NARU: Kei, don't be so impolite. What were you talking about before we arrived? We overheard something...

MIKE: Ah, well, let me be the one doing the explaining. We have to do a sacred ritual with one of your tenants. (KITSUNE: Some marriage?) I said cut it! Erm, well, that's it, we would want you to grant us such a tiny favour.

KEITARO: I have no problem, in the end they're the ones who often have the last word. (NARU: (¬_¬) What?)

SHONENJI: To be thorough, we need the white-haired dark-skinned girl. The loli essence is held within her.

AMALLA: I am afraid it will be impossible... (MIKE: And why?) Today the red moon is visible, and Kaolla's body is unstable... it isn't convenient having her do any spiritual effort. Let's leave this matter for tomorrow, if you don't mind.

NARU: Yeah, we are exhausted... and we still have to deal with the caiman, Shiro. What a drag, I say...

(The next morning, aunt Haruka's roll call awakens everyone early, to have breakfast.)

HARUKA: You two want anything special for breakfast? (MIKE: Ah, yes, I want some chocolate milk.)

SHINOBU: Here ya go. (^_^) So you actually are from a faraway country, such food is not typical of ours...

HARUKA: Let's see. (sheet) First point of today's schedule: a sword fight challenge for Motoko Aoyama.

MOTOKO: For me? (?_?) Just what's wrong with the reckless fool who proposed that?

(They go out to the garden, and Mike is the challenger, who was left craving for more.)

MOTOKO: This is ridiculous! I acted in defense of my tenant friends against a possible intruder pervert!

MIKE: You must leave those prejudices behind, Aoyama. And the best way is clashing our swords, okay?

MOTOKO: I could care less. If you get injured, Shinobu has plenty of bandages left in her medikit.

LINDA: Mike, you don't have to do this! Can't you admit that my magics saved us?

MIKE: I can't be seen as weak... (pose) You can't hide anywhere: COSMO BREAK!

(The brunette unleashes her Zanmaken just after him, and the clash of energies propels them backwards.)

MOTOKO: (x_x) Aug... okay, foreigner, you are a badass... if I hadn't caught you with the guard down...

MIKE: (x_x) That's what I wanted to state... let's do another test. (HARUKA: Which is today's second task.)

(The two travellers and the two teens of the childhood promise are put in a circle... Mike whispers to Kei.)

KEITARO: I don't like your suggestion, Mike. (MIKE: Bah, surely you ended in worse shape other times.)

LINDA: Pleaseee, Kei, we'll compensate you later! (KEITARO: Hmpf, okay.) (NARU: _What are they saying?_)

(So the Urashima boy puts his hand in one of Naru's delicate places, and she... reacts, of course.)

NARU: (ò_ó.#) What are you doing! (PAAAF!) (KEITARO: Told ya I didn't like your idea...!) *twinkle*

MIKE: Pay attention, Linda! Did you get a good view? In any case, I recorded it with my special visor.

LINDA: According to what you said, this move is the key to drill through Xig-lem's defenses, right?

MIKE: You were witness to Sakura doing it. (LINDA: The card captor girl?) No, the ninja one! Only you women have the ability to unleash such brutal power in a short gap of time. I have called it: the Feminist Fist!

NARU: Hey! You made me punch Keitaro only so you could call me a brute! Now you must heal him!

SHINOBU: Thank god I was watching the whole thing. *band-aids* (HARUKA: Next point in the schedule.)

(Amalla brings her sister to the bespectacled foreigner's arms, and they get the lolicon pact ready.)

KAOLLA: You want a hug, ne? (^_^) Won't your girlfriend get jealous or something?

MIKE: I want to believe she won't. *sweat* You know, this hug is just an unimportant procedure. (hugs)

LINDA: _Grrr, now that I think about it, he didn't try anything when we were in the hot springs, even knowing I was naked... as his friend I should be grateful, but he is a bit too chivalrous... maybe it's because he doesn't find me attractive?_

HARUKA: And finally, the last point of today's schedule: looking for Amalla's gator.

NARU: Ah, yes, I almost forgot. I have to remind you that we already combed the city area, so then...

AMALLA: We still need to check the outskirts and Hinata's hills. Poor thing will have spent the night in the open, knowing how bad the cold can be for the alligators... Come on, we must establish a search party! Kaolla!

KAOLLA: I am innocent! (ALL: (¬_¬).) What? Ops, I have overreacted... what a mess.

KEITARO: Do you know something about your sister's gator? You should have told us yesterday, dang it!

KAOLLA: Ah, I though you were talking about Tama... don't shock me. (^_^) But no, I haven't the foggiest.

NARU: Are you saying that Tama has flown away? Never said better... but that turtle is Mutsumi's!

KITSUNE: (arrives) So, there are two missing animals now. This is starting to look like a full blown kidnapping. (MOTOKO: Again you're late?) This gag was done yesterday, my dear Motoko. But let's see what we can figure out of all this data.

(The girl with shut-eyes dones a Holmes hat and a pipe, and starts cross examining everyone there.)

KITSUNE: Do you know of anyone who could be interested in kidnapping pets to do cruel experiments?

MIKE: 'No' to the pets part, per se... but 'yes' to little cute girls. A rival and our earnest enemy, Lord Xig-lem.

KITSUNE: Looks like we have this week's bad guy! (smokes) Any idea about his, erm, Modus Operandi?

LINDA: Well, if he reaches the girl before we do, he takes her away and makes us go to some deserted place, then throws some dark creature or mind-controlled person at us to keep us occupied, and to hopefully kill us once for all.

MOTOKO: That guy is detestable! If we bump into him I want you to let me give him a good beating!

MIKE: I am not sure myself... (¬_¬) 'That guy' knows you, and will know how to counteract your wrath.

(At that very moment, a monstrous critter stomps up the front yard's stairs, it looks like the famous Gamera.)

MOTOKO: KYAAAH! *panic* TURTLE! (x_x) GET IT FAR FROM MEEE! (MIKE: Just on cue, gal...)

XIGLEM: (peeks) How's things going, wankers? Look at my new creation. I only had to mix your reptilian pets to make such a strong being! The Mirror of Shadows is truly a marvellous tool, not only for shielding myself...

MIKE: It had to be you! (ò_ó.#) I won't let you kidnap anyone, you meddling creep!

XIGLEM: You talked too soon. (zas!) As you see, my monster has grabbed a quite extravagant prey.

KAOLLA: Wow, it's like riding a ferris wheel! (^_^) Now carry me in your head, 'kay?

AMALLA: Kaolla! You must jump down from there! (looks) You two, do something to that kidnapper...!

(The dark reptile spews annihilating fire, which is held back by Linda's water tornado, and its claw swipes don't cause more harm than necessary thanks to Mike's clones that blocked them, but are soon de-summoned, of course.)

MIKE: I have had enough of this crap. (ò_ó.#) You can't hide anywhere: COSMO BREAK! (BOOOM!)

(The bugger's extra hard shell contains the attack, but the girl with antennae hair has to hold him back.)

NARU: You can't keep at it! That thing was formed with Shiro and Tama, you would kill them!

XIGLEM: Bushy Hair is right, sucker! I will give you a break and leave for now. But we will meet again!

(The monster carries the Molmol princess away, and the bad guy leaves them a note with some instructions.)

KEITARO: We only have this note to work with... 'in Hinata's ruins at 13:37 PM'. Is it even enough of a clue?

KITSUNE: It is for me, Kei-chan. (smokes) We have to get thoroughly ready to go face that giant thing.

MOTOKO: (x_x) Turtles, I hate turtles, I hate them... (NARU: I think no amount of preparation will help her.)

MIKE: Let's see... (flash) Hum? The paper sheet has shone for a moment... and this has appeared in the back.

AMALLA: It's a map! (ALL: What?) This symbol is from our kingdom, so it could be... the secret place where our scientists hid away the most advanced mechanical artefact of our entire clan! Look at all these numerical codes and stuff.

LINDA: Wasn't your country the cradle of the Magical Girldom? Or did they change it to 'Mad Scientist'?

AMALLA: Well, the truth is, my sister has traits of both. (^_^) But this map can be an enormous help!

SHONENJI: You can say it, milady. The pact with that child is already giving fruits.

SHINOBU: But guys... *doubts* Even if we had a weapon big enough, we don't know how to utilize it...

VOCES: Keitaro! (KEITARO: Oh, those are Haitani and Shirai... how have they found out about our problem?)

SHIRAI: Keitaro, we agreed on coming here to study this morning! How could you forget about us, huh?

HAITANI: You only wanted to come to see Haruka, don't deny it. (HARUKA: (¬_¬) What did he say?)

SHIRAI: But it doesn't matter, when we were on our way here, we saw a frightening sight: a Gamera!

KEITARO: (?_?) Again with your science fiction stuff? (HAITANI: Don't look at me, HE is the nerd.)

SHIRAI: (pictures) You know, a giant turtle-shaped monster that breathes fire and can even fly. (NARU: Another of your nerd conferences?) Naru, don't be so thoughtless! Did I nail the case about the magical girl or I didn't?

HAITANI: Really, you should stop seeing anime rules everywhere in real life.

AMALLA: Yes, furthermore, we should be going to Hinata's ruins to see what is that secret hidden thing.

SHIRAI: Then let's go! Shinobu has told us that her classmate has been abducted, this is a calamity!

NARU: Don't play hero now... Kei, you go first with your aunt, I suppose you know the area rather well.

HARUKA: (flashlight) More or less. It would be handy having Professor Seta here, he is the ruins expert.

KEITARO: Don't worry, I know my way about archaeology, I can guide you! (MIKE: Then let's mosey, pal.)

They go to the ruins area and inspect the terrain, deep inside they find again the mark of the Molmol kingdom... and Amalla opens the lock by playing a mysterious tune. A mechanical colossus is chained to the walls.

AMALLA: Incredible... I never thought that the machine my family was working on for so many generations was buried here... I don't know if I should say this, but this thing was designed to be our secret weapon to defeat Japan someday... *giggle*

SHINOBU: It isn't funny. Besides, I know Kaolla and she isn't the least bit ambitious.

MOTOKO: I can swear on it. Poor girl only uses her gizmos to make our lives easier... or to pick on that shortie Urashima at the very much. She really is the 'innocent girl' those two travellers were looking for.

KEITARO: Sorry for being shorter than you, giraffe girl! No one would dare say you are only fifteen.

KITSUNE: Attention, I am gonna flip the lights on! (lights) Here we have Hinata Inn's defender of peace!

(Now that there is light they can see the robot shackled there: it's Goemon Impact, but Keitaro-themed.)

NARU: (0_0) I believe to speak in the name of everyone when I say: Amalla, you sister has awful taste.

KEITARO: Eh, don't badmouth it without even having switched it on! Kaolla's family has been working on this device for many generations, right? It has to be powerful. The outer frame may look a bit lame, okay... but what matters is its strength.

SHIRAI: Its gotta have lots of it, I'm sure... it will have cool attacks like eye beams and finger missiles!

HAITANI: Again with your nag? But yes, this oversized tin man looks mighty cool.

SHIRAI: Haitani, just trust me, okay? (pictures) It has the design of a typical Japanese mecha, which is piloted from the head's cockpit. Though there are some cases where it is possible to pilot them with some sort of remote control.

MIKE: Well, you already illustrated us, mister nerd. I was gonna download that same data from my visor, but we are in a hurry. Keitaro, I believe you must be the one who has to pilot it. (KEITARO: Why me?) Because you are the robot's face, you dunce!

KITSUNE: Eh, you are gonna be the hero who rescues Kaolla... yet again. (SHINOBU: I trust you, sempai!)

MOTOKO: It saddens me to admit it, Urashima, but I can't do a thing against the turtle. She is in your hands.

KEITARO: Er, okay, I will ride it... how can I reach the cockpit? (tractor beam) Waaah, it must have heard me!

KITSUNE: This is so thrilling! Guys, you better head home, this matter is going to get sticky very soon.

HAITANI: Don't tell me twice. (grabs) Our role is over, Shirai, we need to buzz off!

SHIRAI: Bah, what a drag. I wanted to try its controls... Naru? Where are you going?

NARU: I'm going to help that dork pilot the robot! He can't even solve a problem of basic circuitry...

MIKE: She's right... enter the cockpit too, I need to do some kind of... preparations.

LINDA: Ops, me too! (plays silly) As I was saying, I have to leave for now... bye!

The two friends leave the ruined zone, and the girls who stayed there are announced that the monster was seen in the city centre. They also leave, and take refuge inside the inn, the test failers are already bickering about what controls are for whom, and the cockpit's cassette player is playing Impact's Theme.

NARU: Why the music from giant-robot Japanese cartoons, huh? (KEITARO: Must be to spice things up.)

RADIO: (bzzz) Guys? I am Mike. I am contacting you from my visor's radio walkie... how's things there?

KEITARO: This thing is rolling ahead by itself! It seemed to have roller blades on its feet or else...

RADIO: Don't worry, the Impact brand robots need to destroy stuff in order to power up.

NARU: How can you know that? (0_0) And why it has to be like this! We are rolling over everything...!

RADIO: Since you rocketed off the ruins, Xig-lem has followed you with his monster.

KEITARO: Ah, yes, I can see him. (looks) The weirdest thing is, they aren't breaking any stuff down!

(Then the giant, metallic Keitaro faces the reptilian beast, and the villain eats a bag of popcorn.)

XIGLEM: This is gonna be funny. Maybe I can't help, but my beast is more than capable of handling this.

IMPACT: (voices) Think again, ugly! Give Kaolla back to us, at once!

KAOLLA: Cool, it's the big robot I had been working on. (^_^) Try no to overwork it, Keitaro!

First they clash in fierce close combat. The claw swipes of the shelled gator are strong, but the robot's punches aren't any less good, along its pencil-spear. The monsters tries to fly, but the Impact model fires eye beams. It desists and breathes fire, the good guys use the quite sharp finger missiles, but they can't do much damage. The inn manager and his tenant are getting desperate.

NARU: It's getting hot in there... (sweats) And with this method we aren't doing any thing useful...

KEITARO: We can't give up. Kaolla is my tenant, she is my friend...! And she is my responsibility too!

NARU: Keitaro... *tear rivers* I didn't know you were so brave... under that façade of compulsory test failer.

KEITARO: Geez, don't insult me! If it were you the one abducted... I would have done the same, I swear.

XIGLEM: Everyone is hearing you, lovebirds... (THEM: What?) You left the loudspeaker on. But you can blab all you want. My monster is the one who has power here, and the one that will have the last word, I am sure!

VOICE: Aren't you forgetting someone, milord? (XIGLEM: Who?) We too know how to make an entrance!

(The swordboy climbs on the Impact's head, while an iced figure does the same on the gator's back.)

MIKE: Linda, you must do the move we have rehearsed. I will finish it just after!

LINDA: (^_^) Okay! (pose) I call upon the god of Chill, the Ice Boar... bury everything under a hellish cold!

(They nailed the fiend's weakness, the same as the original Gamera. The landscape be comes a glacier.)

MIKE: Now that it can't move I can use my new trick. (charging) PURPLE COMET!

(A big energy mass the size of a small meteor falls down and crushes the frozen beast.)

GAMERA: GRUUUR! *dematerialize* (GROWLS: Groaaa! / Miuuu!) (SHONENJI: You did it, my lord!)

(Effectively, the darkness has fled from the two reptile pets, and the ugly guy has to do the same.)

KAOLLA: Wow, what a rush! (^_^) Can we do it another day? (KEITARO: Kaolla, do not tempt fate...)

XIGLEM: I won't forget this, dorks! Some day I won't be as merciful with you lot!

(Everything has calmed. The group returns to the inn and celebrates Shiro and Tama's return with a splash.)

KEITARO: What are you two doing here! (HAITANI: Shirai wanted to party with you.)

SHIRAI: And seeing Haruka in a swimsuit, too. *drool* Ops, she is heading here! *flees*

HARUKA: We have a peeping tom here! Linda, can you do me a favor? (LINDA: Why not? Flame/Thunder on!)

(The combo leaves the knight in glasses extra crispy, who only was there passing by...)

MIKE: Aaaarg! Looks like the Knight of Lolicon is blasting off again! _I always wanted to say that..._ *twinkle*


	14. Shojo 3: Princess Yucie

_ANOTHER COUP D'ETAT? THE PRINCE OF THE DEMON WORLD!_

Despite moving around the worlds with a hurt body being inconvenient, Mike had to suck it up since the last accident and lead his group in search of the next loli, which was about time... they landed in a town's outskirts, but not a common one: there time looked like it was stuck in a past era, a couple centuries previous to what the two friends were used to... a bit less in the case of Redhead, since her past was coming to her only in bits and pieces.

MIKE: Hum. The town seems old... let's go take a look, I don't want to be sitting idle.

LINDA: Man, that time before was a misunderstanding... *tears* I didn't want to, my pearls went crazy!

MIKE: I have already forgiven you, stubborn girl... (¬_¬) And they aren't crazy, they are overprotective.

SHONENJI: Lord Mike is right about that, Lady Linda. Rita's magics have their ups and downs too.

(Arriving at the town square's fountain, people around it looks its waters in ecstasy…)

LINDA: It is so beautiful... (*v*) (MIKE: Wait... the music is starting, everyone ready!)

(Correct, it's starting: Petit Princess Yucie's opening song, 'Egao no Tensai'.)

LINDA: I didn't get a single word, again... (?_?) But that song has something about it that is lovable!

MIKE: Glad to hear it, it is one of my favourites... (^_^) Eh, look who is coming! He is a demon boy.

LINDA: AH! (shock) But why... if it's only a kid! Why did you call him that?

CUBE: Something wrong, sirs? Are you looking for someone? (MIKE: You will do fine lad!)

LINDA: _Oh, well, I have seen pirates, ninjas, robots and monsters... a demon kid shoul not scare me._

CUBE: Gunbard the knight, you say? Right now I'm his and his daughter Yucie's butler. Should I guide you?

MIKE: Okay kiddo, in fact the proposal I had to ask him has to do with her, you know.

(At the secluded forest hut, the moustached foster father gets an unexpected anger fit.)

GUNBARD: You won't dare do anything kinky to Yucie! (ò_ó.#) Besides, her hand is already taken!

MIKE: Calm down for a moment... (sweat) However, we don't even know if your girl is the one we need.

GUNBARD: How is that? (?_?) You want to do a magic ritual and you don't know who has to be your partner?

LINDA: Truth is, it can be her or any of her girl friends, if they fulfil the requisites. We are confused...

SHONENJI: We need a girl of short age, of great innocence and childish beauty.

CUBE: Heh, sounds like an introduction made by Princess Glenda, if it wasn't because she is NOT young.

MIKE: Yeah, well, sometimes the lolicon essence was hidden inside the most unexpected lass.

GUNBARD: Alright, the best we can do is wait for her and check if she is valid... if not, she will tell you.

(As if she was summoned, the door opens and our favourite Forehead enters the hut.)

YUCIE: Hi daddy! (^_^) How was your day? Ah, looks like you have guests... what are they here for?

CUBE: You see, milady, these travellers are looking for a special someone, and they believe her to be among your group of friends, the Mini Princesses. But until their team pet detects her, they have their hands tied, am I right?

MIKE: The boy has summarized it very well. (¬_¬) Shonny, tell me if you are sensing something now.

SHONENJI: Negative. The essence is still far from here, despite the arrival of this girl. And I am no pet!

LINDA: He got pissed off... *sweats* I hope then that your friends aren't scared of any, ahem, intimate contact. (YUCIE: *shock* What!) Don't be scared, girl, they only need to hug Mike to check a little something!

YUCIE: If it is only that... but I'm afraid some of them have a quite abrasive character. So be careful.

GUNBARD: All settled then! Let's have dinner together, these youngsters will be hungry!

CUBE: Sir, you always cook enough food for an army... (¬_¬) _I always say he does it because of boredom._

(While this happens, and under the night's cover, a sinister figure approaches to a place forbidden to even the most influential demon: the chamber of the Demon World's ruler. Things will get sticky...)

VOICE: Good, I am here... if my plan works, the most terrible being in all Six Worlds, except maybe the King of Heaven, will be free to do as he pleases: like helping me get my hands on a certain girl. (melodious) Priiince...

(The cunning Xig-lem attacks the royal sarcophagus where the Demon Lord is sleeping with all his tricks, but to no avail. The one who designed that bed deserves an award... but he is not gonna give up that easily.)

XIGLEM: I haven't tried everything yet. (hangs mirror) Mirror, mirror, who is the most evil of them all?

(Grabs the coffin and throws it at the Shadow Mirror, leant against the wall, and eats it.)

XIGLEM: Evolve inside the darkness to your ultimate form! (BROUUUUM!) Wake up at once, lazy ass!

(With a 'clac' noise the lid opens, and among the smoke we can get to see a demon kid, with rapper clothes.)

KID: (ò_ó.#) Who was so dumb as to awake the Great Lucifon? (yawns) I hope it was not you, dude!

XIGLEM: I am afraid it was me, highness. While you were asleep, this hellish world has gone to... well, to Hell itself. I inform you that the ones responsible of such uproar are five brats who think they are the hottest stuff... we should teach them a lesson.

LUCIFON: You're right! I don't know why I have overslept so much... you can't have a rooster-less coop!

XIGLEM: They are known as the 'Mini Princesses', and they represent each of the five worlds. (LUCIFON: How?) Just as you heard it: we have a traitorous demoness on their gang... as well as a hideous girl from the Heaven World.

LUCIFON: Heh! Your first mission will be bringing that girl to me. (XIGLEM: I am no vassal of yours, sire.) Well, now you are! (ò_ó.#) Or I will give you a thrashing! They will regret having messed with the Great Lucifon! AHAHAHAHA!

XIGLEM: _He has perfected his evil cackle alright... we will see if his power is up to par with his big mouth._

(Bad news, the villain has allied with and is manipulating a total monster... so let's go to the academy.)

YUCIE: Yep, they are a pretty lady and a boy with metal glasses... and they say they'll compensate us later.

COCOLU: And you say they are waiting in the cafeteria? (GLENDA: I hope so, I don't like to waste time.)

YUCIE: Look, here they are! (^_^) Mike, Linda! (waves) Let's go check the bulletin board.

(They do, they carry them to the board that shows the job demands, in the outer yard.)

MIKE: We haven't introduced ourselves properly, so I will do it now: I am Mike, she is Linda, and we serve the galactic rulers, the Genderiels, to revive their goddess and have her send us back to our home world.

COCOLU: My pleasure. (^_^) I am Cocolu, Princess of Ghosts, and she is Glenda, the Demon Princess.

GLENDA: I'll never let you introduce me again, brat. You had to say: Glenda, princess of the Demon World, of elegant beauty and fantastical magic prowess! As I am always saying, you are a bunch of useless brats.

YUCIE: Don't pick on us, Glenda, we are all of legal age here! (LINDA: Huh?) Yes, it is true, we all had the same curse that prevented us from ever growing up... because of the Eternal Tiara. It's a long story...

MIKE: Bah, don't worry about it. But my butler still doesn't detect the loli essence, so we have to wait.

SHONENJI: Do you insist on calling me things I am not, Lord Mike? Now I'm angry!

LINDA: Shonny, please, don't be so picky... (SHONENJI: Not you too, Lady Linda!) Hey, it's them!

(They have looked at the message board, where the remaining princesses have taken on a job, finally.)

BETH: Ah, you were here. I don't understand why are you twiddling your thumbs and not taking on a job.

COCOLU: (^_^) Hello Beth! (BETH: *blush* Ah, hello...) We wanted to introduce you to the travellers who stayed at Yucie's house. They will help us in our own errands if we help them complete the magic ritual where they need members!

ELMINA: Looks like a fair deal. *seriousness* But I must ask for their help first, we're in a hurry.

YUCIE: Elmina is always so methodical... _or should I say, so emotionless..._ well, let us go to that place!

MIKE: You have an unfair advantage, little ones. (YUCIE: I'm not little!) I mean, we are going to put our powers to your service for a day, and you only need to hug me to pay for it. But I forgive you, because you are all so pretty.

GLENDA/BETH: *blush* Come on! Surely you say the same to all girls. (LINDA: _But not to me..._*grunt*)

(The redhead is thinking too much about it, because she thinks Mike has grown used to her and does not admire her own beauty anymore. But the trick has worked fine, because the most aggressive princesses arrive at the job's place in a good mood.)

YUCIE: (sheets) Well, we have to part ways here. First thing is deciding who will do which task. Let's see.

MIKE: Don't worry, we can do anything with our artefacts... some people would kill to have one of them.

YUCIE: Ack, don't creep me out. (scare) As I said, the easy ones: we need to mow the fields, I'll do it. (GLENDA: Are you even able to wield a sickle, you ditz?) Glenda, cut it, will ya! Linda, do you mind handling this one?

LINDA: Clean the thrash, huh? Who could be the morons that leave it scattered... okay, I will take this one.

YUCIE: This one is about greasing wheels for carriages. Whoever does this is going to get awfully dirty...

GLENDA: Leave it to me, silly. As I am dark-skinned, the taints won't be as noticeable. You can thank me later...

COCOLU: Glenda, thanks for volunteering. (^_^) Huy, now these are the tedious ones, what a drag...

ELMINA: (reads) 'Recover the Cat Lady's cat pack'. I'd say I'm the most suited for the task, aren't I?

GLENDA: Yeah, with your canary looks, the cats will just jump at your arms, I'm sure.

ELMINA: *seriousness* Yucie, tell her that my wings are made of pure dove feathers.

COCOLU: What about me? There are only the dangerous ones left: I have to catch jellyfish at the beach!

BETH: If you want... you can exchange it for mine: collect fruit for the Harvest Festival.

MIKE: But they are suited to your skills. Beth can collect much more fruit with a knife than you could ever do, Coco. And you can catch the jellyfish without fear of poisoning, because you're a ghost. Can't you understand?

COCOLU: (0_0) Ops, it's true. They can't even scratch me... but you would have to do the scorpion killing.

MIKE: Ah, yes, mountain scorpions... I have dealt with worse vermins, I can assure you.

SHONENJI: Lord Mike, now that we've been at peace for a while, I have detected our loli essence.

GLENDA: (looks) Ha, it had to be Miss Perfect! (ò_ó.#) Does she even lack anything? It makes me sick!

ELMINA: Glenda, we had no voice regarding his decision. *seriousness* Do what you want with me.

(Then they do the hug ritual and afterwards the girls call up their butlers to make them company. Each goes their way, and when night falls everyone has ended their job. They go to Queen Ercell's office to give her their progress report.)

YUCIE: Your majesty... I don't really mind mowing fields, but won't you mind giving us jobs that...?

ERCELL: More princess-y jobs, right? I think you aren't understanding this school's motto. Mini Princesses must know how to do everything. Unlike normal people's jobs, you are going to rule your countries someday, and if matters come, you will have to use your skills to make up for you vassal's, in the off chance that, God forbids, something happened to them... do you understand know?

COCOLU: Well, yes to that part... (MIKE: My girls don't want to wash, but to fight!) Ah, it's not like that!

ERCELL: Who is that couple that came with you? (LINDA: (^_^) _She took us for a couple, yay!_)

ELMINA: *seriousness* They are two travellers who were kind enough to help us with today's errands.

GLENDA: We have been cleaning dirt for weeks, though. You could send us on a more important job!

ERCELL: I could send you to finish the conduit between worlds. You would only need to put some props.

VOICE: It won't be needed! (general shock) I have cleaned the way of rubble myself! (BROOOM!)

(The explosion has blasted open the wall, and they figure out who was the responsible, with his magic mirror.)

MIKE: Lord Xig-lem! Girls, protect the queen! This guy is totally out of your league...

GLENDA: We'll see about that! (BETH: For once, I have to agree with her!)

(They use their pendants to done out their battle suits, used against Diabolos back then.)

ELMINA: This is no place for a battle. *seriousness* Give him your best shot and let's kick him out.

LINDA: She is right. We can't let you fall on the hands of that girl molester!

(The blondie unsheathes her sword and wings, the demon girl sets up high level magic and the fairy, a jutsu.)

YUCIE: Damn it... why do I have to be the weaker of us all? If I still had the Eternal Tiara on me...

COCOLU: Yucie, hold it! Our friends seem to know him, I'm sure they will beat him.

XIGLEM: How much optimism! Come on, give me your best shot, girls. You won't get rid of me anyway!

(They do, but the travellers know it's useless: everything bounces back on the Shadow Mirror's surface.)

BETH: He has a magic artefact! I am afraid Mike was right: we are but harmless bugs against him...

MIKE: You got away last time, but I won't rest until I nail this blade into your thick skull. Bring it on!

(He readies a Cosmo Break, and in a blur of wind he is on the villain's face, but what he unleashes is...)

XIGLEM: How naïve. ETERNAL COMEBACK! (fsssh!) You can't kill what you can't reach, boy!

(But he fell for the trick: Linda struck with her magical slash instead of him, so that the mirror has nothing to rebound. She completes the work with some vines to tie him up and freezes his body from the knees down. He is stuck!)

LINDA: Here, take that! (^_^) Don't forget that I can play this game too, ugly guy.

MIKE: I was so eager to do this... finally face to face, vile weasel. What a shame that a bunch of girls and an innocent woman have to witness this. But you can't escape, you won't be able to evade this! (charges) COSMO BREAK!

XIGLEM: What a shame indeed, that you don't understand my power... the Shadow Mirror is part of me!

(The mirror, who they though was dropped aside, appears from inside his body to block and counter the blow.)

MIKE: AAARG! (BOOOM!) (LINDA: Mike! (ò_ó.#) You have to make me mad!)

(She is about to free all her spells' fury at the villain, but the smartass had already taken a hostage.)

YUCIE: Elmina! Geez, and I couldn't help it! (ERCELL: Yucie, don't! Don't jump to danger now!)

XIGLEM: I got what I came here for... the angel girl will be the perfect present for the new demon ruler.

LINDA: Bastard... If I attack now, Elmina will be left in even worse shape than him... he is a monster!

GLENDA: (ò_ó.#) Where did you come from, who is your boss? (XIGLEM: The new king of demons!)

MIKE: Aug... that's impossible... the Demon King is Glenda's father... and I know the guy very well...

XIGLEM: Maybe not as well as you think. With a sweep from my mirror, every one of them will go nuts!

ELMINA: My father will know this. *seriousness* He will tear Heaven and Earth apart to bring you to justice.

(He leaves the place with the tunic girl in tow, and the queen gives the news to the girls' fathers and butlers.)

ANGEL: (flies) Sir, listen to this, sir! A child kidnapper has taken our princess, Elmina!

KING: Hum. *seriousness* Keep me informed. (ANGEL: Er, as you wish, my lord...)

(Okay, the King of Heaven's answer wasn't quite enthusiastic, but the butlers do make a fuss over it.)

CUBE: I shouldn't have left you alone, milady...! Truth is, your friends had already told me about him...

GAGA: (0_0) You knew danger loomed over your princess, and you did nothing? You are an awful servant!

CHAU: Don't be so aggressive, mister Gaga. You didn't rear up your nose during the whole thing, either!

GAGA: It's not the same. I have served the royal family for 1000 years, and I never saw anything similar!

BELBEL: Even knowing what it was, we wouldn't have been useful... (BETH: Don't blame yourself, Belbel.)

BARIZAN: My lady has vanished. I am programmed to search her using my special scanners.

GLENDA: That junk heap is right, yes. But count me out... (YUCIE: Glenda, how can you say that!)

GAGA: The enemy has seized Heaven's princess, but my lord was taken too, so we're cornered... we wouldn't dare lay a finger on him, but apart from that, the hostage is not exactly sympathetic towards my lady, so...

COCOLU: I can't understand how you can ignore all things we did together, Glenda...

GLENDA: (dark eyes) Don't misinterpret me... you are just brats, but you also are the friends I never had the courage to make. Yet, the people in Heaven are our natural enemies, and I never said I fancied working along side Little Miss Perfect... but I had to due to the circumstances. If it had been any one of you, it would have been different... Gaga, come on, let's leave.

(With a knot in their throats, the two demons leave while the remaining butlers discuss what can be done.)

CHAU: Bah, screw them! Lady Cocolu is ready for anything. And surely the fairy girls are too!

BETH: Well, okay... *blush* I didn't quite know her, but I dislike no one among you, so it's alright.

BELBEL: Lady Beth is gonna help! (^_^) You are very kind towards the girls, milady!

COCOLU: I see you can be trusted on, Beth. Yucie, we need to investigate the situation at the Demon World.

YUCIE: *sweat* Uf... this isn't gonna be like last time I visited... but Mike and Linda...

(Redhead is giving the boy a dose of Healing Pearl, who finally awakens from the hit.)

LINDA: Mike! You didn't get hurt? (MIKE: That moron was right, sometimes I act a bit too reckless...)

YUCIE: We're going to travel to the Demon World, to get back Elmina and Glenda's dad. What about you?

MIKE: We got you involved in this, we can't leave without knowing you are all okay. That bully has left a note, as always... but it seems he liked our weapons, and demands them as a ransom. This is getting complicated...

LINDA: The Rosary of Dawn and the Sword of Light? (0_0) Without them we would be lost here...!

SHONENJI: The magical artefacts created by a pact are unique and untransferable to each individual, however, such transaction is possible... if you willingly give them away, instead of him trying to steal them from you.

MIKE: Ha, I would rather lose my hairdo! Your majesty, sorry for the inconvenience, we'll leave soon...

ERCELL: We will grant you all the help we can muster. Girls, I can't send in my army without causing a country wide incident, so I can only give you my best warrior: Arc, my own son. I hope you can solve this matter alright.

YUCIE: Yay, Arc is gonna come! (^_^) I hope I don't get sidetracked. (COCOLU: Yucie, don't daydream...)

(As it was said, they take the mine passageway that the villain so politely left open and arrive at Cube, Glenda and her servant's home world... and this time, it does live up to its name: they are presented with a desolate landscape.)

MIKE: Girls, you'll have to go with Arc in front of us, even my surname still aches... how's things?

YUCIE: This has changed so much... Glenda's father had decorated the place as some cheap Halloween party, but now that his personality was altered, the Demon World is looking completely frightening... I'm getting scared!

BETH: It's the same... the same as with Diabolos... *anger* it's like we are reliving that dammed nightmare!

ARC: Today we can't use the surprise factor: King Lucifon knows we are visiting him. He knows too much...

LINDA: Xig-lem must have told him! Mike loathes the guy, and me too... even more!

COCOLU: Come on Yucie! Chau and the others had been left behind in the case we needed reinforcements. But this time we have volunteers from the beginning! I know you were the one who instilled courage upon all of us. We will win!

(Whileas the two cheered each other up –the fairy girl has no need- they got to see some Xiglem-brand dark beasts, who were overwatching a pack of nekomata kids to make them work hard as mules, the poor things.)

BETH: This is the last straw! (ò_ó.#) The Demon King should be taught a lesson about child slavery!

ARC: Do you have your weapon ready, Yucie? (YUCIE: (^_^) Always!) Then let's deal with them, together!

ZOMBIES: Gruuu! *attack* (ARC: This will be over before it starts, monsters! (chas!)

BETH: Cocolu, help me with this. (COCOLU: Coming!) *blush* Er, okay, just attack them, I'll cover ya!

(True, the ghost girl is gonna thrust them with her spear, and the ones to her back fall down drowned.)

BETH: My water jutsu needed time to come off... and you bought me plenty. It's done!

COCOLU: You see? (^_^) Yucie was right, if we are all together we can do anything.

YUCIE: Tee hee, of course! But we should all be together... if not, it's not the same... *sadness* And you?

NEKOKIDS: Lord Lucifon has gone back to the way he was before he married our lady, the Demon Queen.

ARC: (?_?) What does that mean? (YUCIE: Well, the evil guy said he hypnotized him or something...)

NEKOKIDS: He makes us work hella hard and we don't receive any reward! You must make him nice again!

MIKE: I think we have a way. You don't intend to do anything about it? (BETH: Yeah, in the Fairy World everyone helped us!) She is right, maybe a few of your demon skills could be of use, like it happened back then.

NEKOKIDS: We are aware of the Diabolos incident. But today we're talking about our lord, we can't help...

ARC: No matter. This time we don't need to evacuate an entire world. So if we play our cards just right...

YUCIE: Yes, maybe. *bravery* We only need to make him see reason, and everything will fall on place!

LINDA: I only ask you of one thing. *plea* Find the demon named Cube and make him know all this, ok?

(The kitties promise to help the prisoners escape, at the very least. The big fish will be handled by the heroes.)

YUCIE: Lesee, as I can recall, this is Glenda's castle... it doesn't seem to have changed.

MIKE: Shucks, it has a 7 meter reinforced steel door... I could blast it open, but Elmina is on the inside...

BETH: We need something to break it smoothly... and I have the perfect jutsu. Linda, stand to my side.

After whispering something to her, both make a conjoined effort: Linda uses her poison mist to melt the surface and the fairy princess uses a water dragon to make a hole in the door, all this without making anyone on the inside perish.

LINDA: (^_^) My magic mist is corrosive only if I want it to be. (MIKE: And to think you filled a hot spring with it...) Bah, that's over now! Ep? (looks) Those are... Glenda's world inhabitants, aren't they? (0_0)

(It must be, because werewolves, mummies, politicians and such aberrations are coming out of the hole.)

YUCIE: *sweats* I am already missing the ones that lived here last time... (ARC: Get them, Forehead!)

LUCIFON: (arrives) AHAHAHA! How can you pretend to take away what's rightfully mine, idiots?

YUCIE: What a king. (ò_ó.#) I liked him better the way he was before. Though, not by a great margin!

COCOLU: We are gonna teach you a lesson, mama boy! (BETH: _She is very angry..._) Don't underestimate me!

LUCIFON: The ghost girl has talked. What are you gonna do, give me a scare with ball, chains and slime?

MIKE: I won't make the same mistake I made with your supposed vassal, you phony rowd! _It's true, he is only lacking the hairdo part of a Brick Rowdyruff cosplay._ (¬_¬) I will aim for the horn from the first turn! (jumps) Hah!

(The demon boy unsheathes his own blade, and Mike must admit that it's the mother of all broadswords... however, the brat does not use all his power: he still hasn't used any special move or anything. It's certainly suspicious.)

LUCIFON: Ho, ho! My left hand is enough to make you kneel, dupes! I am not eviler because it aches!

MIKE: You enjoy being evil, huh? Let's see if you like your own medicine. PURPLE COMET!

He has to be careful, as that move takes half of its power from the red ki, that is, from the villain's brand. It's a chromatic matter. But incredibly, the monsters are relegating! That kind of energy hurts them like no other!

MIKE: What the fuzz? Only by hearing its name, they are twitching on the floor from pain. That's not right...

LUCIFON: Dang it, he figured it out! Only the special moves with a name of its own are lethal to them...

LINDA: Mike, I heard it! (LUCIFON: Curses!) I will do as you, I have to risk an attack with these pearls!

ARC: Girls, you must give a cool name to your attacks, and fast. (BETH: What a lame weakness...)

(We could use Son Gotrenks here, with his great creativity... Redhead readies her Light and Dark pearls.)

LINDA: _I had never used these pearls before, much less together... but they are the only ones that can cleanse this world from all his misdeeds, his crimes... and his injustice!_ It is ready, here goes: DUSK OF DESPAIR!

She mixes light and darkness as Cure Grey did before her, and forms the fear-provoking energy ball that almost crushed a theme park under its might... and it begins eating the monsters whole, swallowing them like a black hole would do.

LINDA: Guys, don't get too close, if this spell slips my hands I won't be able to stop it from swallowing you...

ARC: Anyway, (clanc!) this is almost done. (clanc!) How are you doing on your side?

YUCIE: Now that they were weakened, they are cake. (^_^) Finish them off, this battle is almost over!

COCOLU: *spears* I told you not to underestimate me! (BETH: (0_0) _I hope she never gets angry at me..._)

LUCIFON: This fight has no point. If you don't beat me too, you will achieve nothing! That sickening angel girl is safely stored in my castle. That way, the King of Heaven will learn to treat me like an equal! He will be next!

MIKE: _Is he right? Are we losing sight of our mission? Elmina is still captured, geez..._

(Some place in Heaven, its king is looking down the clouds with a stern face, a seraph talks with him.)

SERAPH: (arrives) Excuse me, my lord! Princess Elmina has been located, we should do something to help!

KING: *seriousness* Don't worry. It has been done. (turns away)

(A purely white feather flies between the two celestial world's beings... and vanishes. The same feather softly arrives at the side of the two travellers, and somehow restores their strength and willpower.)

LINDA: This warm light... makes me feel as new. I can control the spell! (^_^) How are you doing?

YUCIE: Did you see? Glenda's dad keeps facing Mike... it is as if he didn't feel any pain.

LUCIFON: It's just as you suspect, brats! Lord Xig-lem did this to me, that's why you can't win. AHAHAHA!

MIKE: _Dang, I can't keep my combos going if they don't stop his own ones at all... I am in a pinch here!_

VOICE: I always thought you were an insolent brat! (fireball) Take your greasy hands off my friends now!

(Wow, pals, the purple haired princess has arrived at the battlefield... and she brought the hostage along!)

YUCIE: Glenda, Elmina! (*v*) There are no words that can describe how glad I am of seeing you, both!

GLENDA: Though it was purely by chance, shortie. I was rummaging through the castle's dungeons –and there are a lot- when a white light pointed me to the exact place in which the blondie was being held. It was very handy, I have to say.

ELMINA: Glenda. (^_^) I am happy that you don't think of me as a nuisance. _Dad, I know you did it... thanks to you too._ Well, while you wait for the day we face off, shall we be putting some order in your kingdom?

GLENDA: But of course, bird brain. I won't let anyone lay a finger on you, only I will have such honor!

COCOLU: That means they became true friends, there is no doubt. (^_^) Our hearts are shining again!

(Ops, most literally, girlie, because their pendants regain the smiting radiance they got back against Diabolos.)

LUCIFON: Who are you, intruder? Are you the traitorous demoness that I was warned about?

GLENDA: Stick this into your thick skull, kid: I am the princess of the Demon World, of elegant beauty and fantastical magic powers! I can't believe you are my father. And seeing as you can't either, I won't mind crushing your guts!

(As she knows who she is facing, she unleads her age-regressed father's worst fear: a pack of Nekomatas!)

NEKOGIRLS: Nya! *wink* The princess has told us that a cute boy was hiding here... let's caress him!

LUCIFON: NOOO! They are women! *tears* Cat women, furry and soft and full of disgusting LOVE!

(The cat demonesses smother the poor kid among their furry, soft, curvaceous bodies.)

LUCIFON: So gross... (x_x) Sexy women, samples of LOVE... nothing could be even more disgusting...

GLENDA: He is not my father, that's for sure. (¬_¬) Let's smother him with our love. Grow up already!

(They focus their pendants' light on him and he recovers his big, horned demon body. The nekos escape.)

MIKE: Wow, what I couldn't do with violence they did with love... where are they going?

GLENDA: Bah, my mother is the only one who could bear the king of demons. And the other way around.

CUBE: (arrives) Milady! We saw a ball of white and black energy from far away, and we were shocked...

YUCIE: Never mind, Cube. All's right now. Call up the others, we have quite the bunch of injured people.

GAGA: (arrives) Princess Glenda! Your loyal vassal Gaga has taken measures to free those slaved kids.

GLENDA: Great... say, Miss Perfect, your junk heap has come to take you home. Don't overdo it, okay?

ELMINA: No, I won't. Glenda, you have a weird way of showing your friendship, but I don't care anymore. You made me think that everything we did in the Magic World had meant nothing... but you had to, in order to trick everyone... even us.

YUCIE: (^_^) Heh, more than friends, more than rivals... more than princesses. (ELMINA: Let's go, Barizan.)

COCOLU: It's a pity you can't stay a bit longer, sirs! Now they'll surely throw a party.

MIKE: No, we have given you a lot of trouble. We will leave at once. Yucie, see us off for your father...

YUCIE: Yes, it's a shame, you could have helped us eat all the food he'll have cooked. (LINDA: No doubt!)

ARC: I will tell my mother too... you have great talent, Knight. (SHONENJI: Let's go to another galaxy!)

(next episode preview's music starts.)

LUCIFON: Arg, I can't remember a thing. (GLENDA: Better that way, I wouldn't want to turn you into an ermine.) (CUBE: These two are made for each other... next episode: 'The old Chosen visits us: Olivia, the Mini-princess.) HEY, Cube! Did you say Olivia? (CUBE: Yes I did.) That girl is something else! Everyone to the shelter! (GLENDA: He is overreacting...)


	15. Shojo 4: Suzumiya Haruhi

_THE RISE AND FALL OF HARUHI SUZUMIYA._

While the two friends arrived on their new destination in a flash of light, suddenly they found themselves wearing school outfits, two cute models that Mike swore he had seen before, but right now it didn't click to him... the boy whined at the prospect of having to find a schoolgirl, as he loved action scenes.. and the Shojo galaxy wasn't exactly full of them. Redhead's face shone in glee, believing she could remember her schoolgirl past.

MIKE: Good grief... don't tell me we'll have to attend class! I am almost a graduate, fer Pete's sake!

LINDA: At least we will rest from all that supernatural action. It's good to feel normal once in a while.

MIKE: Psst, normality is overrated. At the start I had doubts about your situation, but in any other I would have jumped at the Superhero call. I think that if you aren't special at something, you are worthless. Is this wrong?

LINDA: Well, I think it isn't... I wouldn't know how to describe my past self, but I love what I am now.

MIKE: You see? Heh, I will even miss these weird worlds when we get back to ours...

NARRATOR: Those foreigners didn't know where they were heading into... they didn't know this world had anything but 'normality'... the same as I had to figure out the hard way. (MIKE: Hum? Who is narrating?)

(They were surprised, as they think this is their adventure and only they have the right to narrate it.)

NARRATOR: I didn't know back then who was the most surprised with their arrival, us about them or they about what they saw... and speaking about surprises, it isn't anything strange that when you really wish something to happen, you jinx it and make it have no chance of happening... but for our brigade's leader, wishing about things worked in an entirely different way. Her wishes came true, one after another, but she never realized it, not even when I plainly told her on her face. Perhaps it was because she still lacked the cherry on top of her extravagant cake: a dimensional slider. Now that we were finally gathered, the show could start... with her as the director. Our pompous leader, Haruhi Suzumiya.

(Immediately after that, the intro song for such series starts: 'Bouken Desho Desho'.)

MIKE: Man, I can't believe it! (LINDA: What thing?) I figured out where we are, and we are key characters!

(In another place of the school grounds, a sinister guy in black cloak and sunglasses that cover his face enters a classroom. After checking the desks, a beeping in some place on his body tells him his prize has been found.)

MAN: Here it is... you thought she moved to another country, fools... Ryoko Asakura never left from her desk.

(He opens his hands and some fine, dark gravel moves from under the furniture and is put together in a body.)

MAN: She looks just as I remember her... the class rep, ranked AA+ according to that moron. Wake up, pretty.

RYOKO: (stares) *technobabble* The Data Overmind classifies this life form's name as 'Lord Xig-lem'.

MAN: Yeah, okay, don't wear out my name... now come with me. Do exactly as I tell you and you will recover the attention of your precious Nagato... and the loathsome Suzumiya. (RYOKO: *technobabble*.) I will have to clean that mouth of yours first...

(Let's leave that Aburame Clan impersonator and return to our heroes, who are seen by the 'goddess'.)

HARUHI: (window) Hey, you two! (MIKE: Hum?) Come here a minute! (LINDA: You come here.) Oh yeah?

(Now that the joke is done, the SOS Brigade's leader jumps out of the window –thank goodness it was a first floor- and grabs the two friends from their hands to carry them to her lair: the Literature Club classroom.)

HARUHI: You're perfect! I have been looking for someone like you to enter my club almost since it was founded. If you had no idea of which one to sign up to –your faces were telling me- I offer you the best: the SOS Brigade!

LINDA: Erm, and what do you do in that club? (MIKE: Oh, they do many fun things, I am sure.) Oh yeah?

(That said, they arrive at the club room and everyone else is already there: Yuki reads something, Mikuru with the coffee maker, Kyon and Kozumi playing chess... Haruhi's noisy entrance makes them turn their heads and see the new recruits.)

KYON: (narrates) _Great, more guinea pigs. I don't know if Suzumiya-san will ever end her weird people collection. Knowing my luck, surely those two are mutants or else, and they want to investigate her. It won't be the strangest thing it has happened. Although I don't know why would she want to bring another lady here already having Asahina-san. Ah, I know: she wants a girl to act as Mikuru's cool elder sister, to see if she can ship them as a Yuri couple or a similar baloney. Let's see how things play out..._

HARUHI: Guys, I have new club members! (LINDA: When did we tell her we would do it...?) According to their student ID's, they are... Mike and Linda. So, let's give them a warm welcome to the family!

MIKURU: (^_^) Hi there. (YUKI: *seriousness* Hello.) (ITSUKI: Good day, how are you doing, pals?)

KYON: Say, Haruhi, we already have the Lolita and the 'mysterious transfer student', so who are they?

HARUHI: Are you dumb? Look how old they are: from the very last grade. They are the compulsory test-failer and his love interest (MIKE: EH!) who made a promise to go to Tokyo U together, overcoming all the hardships!

LINDA: I don't know why, but that story rings a bell. (¬_¬) fascinating, if it were true... but I have no memory.

HARUHI: Ooooh, events had taken a sudden twist! The girl's amnesia prevents her from remembering the promise! Then his fiancé will have to choose between recovering his lost love or to win her heart again from scratch!

MIKE: Eh, it's not anything like that... actually, she hangs around me because I saved her from a high fall.

HARUHI: And then the boy becomes the girl's hero, without even knowing he is the same one she forgot! She can't choose between the ghost of her past, or her knight from the present! I am sure you grabbed her like this, you little devil.

LINDA: (groped) EH! *tackle* Feminist Fist! (PAAF!) (KYON: _She groped her boobs, we're doomed!)_

MIKE: *terror* Ahem, Linda, it's a bad idea to punch Suzumiya-san just like that... I'll tell you why later.

MIKURU: (0_0) She is my savior! *tear rivers* She came to save me from Suzumiya-san's bullying!

HARUHI: Arg... looks like the 'big sister' effect is invading Mikuru-chan... how cute.

KYON: _Oh, gosh... (0_0) If what I was told about Haruhi is true, she will soon create a parallel universe in her mind, where she is even stronger than Linda... but as this is not possible, her Shinjin giants will be lying in wait..._

ITSUKI: Pffwh... (KYON: What the?) See, sometimes it seems as if I could read minds, Kyon... but I can't. I only have street smarts, and empathy. (stared at) Actually, Haruhi wished to find someone with her same level of physical prowess, am I right?

HARUHI: Yep, you are a clever guy, Kozumi... In fact, today we are gonna play Bizarro Day: the cute Mikuru will act abusive towards me and I'll let her, the new guys will be leaders for a day and Yuki will be an unbearable blabbermouth. I am great or what!

MIKURU: Are you serious? (LINDA: I think she just wants to be harassed. Is she some kind of pervert?)

ITSUKI: Ha, ha, I see that you are a two-legged chunk of honesty, Linda! (YUKI: Then I will talk nonstop.)

(The alien girl starts an incessant string of technobabble, which is the only thing she'll talk about... so when closing time arrives, everyone is breathing in relief and the two travellers join Kyon on the way back to home.)

MIKE: Well, we have gotten a fun time from all this, and a coupon of 'leadership for a day' as well.

KYON: It feels wrong saying it this way, but who are you? Maybe you think of me as a loon, but all people recruited by Haruhi until now were some kind of freaks, no offense. So then, what are your kind of... 'weird' features?

MIKE: Ah, I thought you'll never bring out the subject... but yes, we have something to confess, just like them.

LINDA: The part about Mike saving me and my amnesia are real, don't be shocked... but not our origins.

MIKE: The truth, simple and blunt: we are humans from another dimension, who fell in yours not knowing how, and in order to survive and have a chance at returning home we made a pact with the rulers of the Shonen and Maho-Shojo galaxies to gather their lolis' energy and revivify her Goddess in exchange for special powers. More or less is that.

KYON: Bah, so now it's the dimensional sliders' turn... I was beginning to hope Haruhi would never find them. And just where is that loli energy? Won't you intend to sacrifice Asahina-san! She is not to blame for being like that!

MIKE: Nooo, matters are not that simple! We only need to do a magic ritual, we don't need to kill anyone.

LINDA: In any case, I don't think she is the loli. She is too old to be, as well as too much developed.

SHONENJI: (poofs in) Effectively, she isn't the one. The essence is still far from here. (KYON: (0_0) Who?)

MIKE: You aren't exactly flat yourself. (LINDA: (^_^) Thanks.) But don't assault our dear Suzumiya like that again, I warn you: she has very strange powers that warp reality around herself. Kyon can explain it better.

KYON: Yes, you see, supposedly Haruhi has a power over the 'Possible Phenomena Theory', or else. (MIKE: It's a relief to know you do listen to Kozumi...) Ha ha, you are so funny. The thing is, matters always end up just the way she wants them to, thanks to those powers. And if they don't, she takes the universe away and fabricates another one where she feels happier, although she doesn't even realize it. The consequences can be disastrous judging by some previous incidents.

MIKE: Now that you know, try to be more careful. (LINDA: Ack, I didn't know it was that dangerous...)

KYON: I am off for today... you wouldn't want to fall in one of those universes, I am sure. You can bunk up with Nagato if you need a place to stay. Anyway, I don't think this matter is gonna last much more... I'll see you tomorrow in the clubroom.

SHONENJI: Nevertheless, I have felt anxiousness in the robot girl since we entered the club's room.

MIKE: Something's going on... but we're safe with her, she's the only one who can resist Haruhi's warps.

(They do so, and the quiet girl hosts them and explains that she has been sensing some weird data flow, but it could have very well been our 2 mains. Next day, an unpleasant surprise awaited Kyon: a surprise sporting a skirt and blue hair.)

TANIGUCHI: Hey, Kyon, pal! (KYON: I told you not to call me that.) Bah, everyone does, so don't sweat it. I am telling you, this is great news! Remember the class rep we had in our room before she had to move away, Asakura?

KUNIKIDA: Somehow she has returned, her father was readmitted in his old job or else...

TANIGUCHI: This is great news for this school's male populace! The return of one of the AA+ ranked girls!

KYON: Leave her out of your stupid ranking, would ya? _Wait a sec... Ryoko Asakura! One of those humanoid interfaces that work for the same Data Entity as Nagato! The one who tried to kill me with a knife to the throat! If she finds me, I'm royally screwed!_

RYOKO: *arrives* Kyon? (KYON: AAAARG!) Don't be so scared, silly! I though I could call you Kyon.

KYON: Erm, well, everyone says that my real name is a true ordeal to whoever tries to pronounce it right.

RYOKO: I thought so. (^_^) I have the pleasure of seeing you again, and Suzumiya too. I see that while I was absent you have improved her social skills. Now I feel I can talk with her the same as I could talk with my own friends.

KYON: Oh yes? (¬_¬) That's good. What about Nagato? You didn't miss her even one tiny bit, or what?

RYOKO: Heh, only a bit. But she isn't a person who likes to talk. Why do you stare at me? Saw a ghost?

KYON: _Of course I did, a frikkin alien ghost who has come back to the world of the living to haunt me!_

RYOKO: No matter, when I stumbled upon her in the hallway she gave me a inquiring eye too. This situation is not exactly common, I know... right? She was hanging out with Suzumiya, with Asahina and the other new girl, Linda. Would you do me a favour?

TANIGUCHI: Wow, man! Heh, I think we aren't needed here... come on, Kunikida... *grins*

KYON: Don't be rude! (they flee) What were they thinking anyway? Well, I hope the favour will be easy.

RYOKO: Oh, seeing how you have delved into Suzumiya's mind, it will be a piece of cake for you.

KYON: _What? Does she know that I was told the SOS Brigade's secret ids... that I am their confident?_

(At the end, the favour wasn't strange, but he chose to tell the rest of members about it since it involved them.)

KYON: She asked me to let her borrow Linda for her next school festival show or else. She wants to sing 'Three Primary Colors' along with her and Tsuruya-san, that's what I understood... because of their hair colors and stuff.

LINDA: Ah, that's good... (^_^) But I don't really know if we will be still here by then. (MIKE: Psss, cut it!) Er, I mean, I will be glad to help. And it's my understanding that Tsuruya is always up for anything, so everyone happy, right?

HARUHI: You wish, gal! (ITSUKI: What are you thinking, Suzumiya-san?) That suden meeting has been mighty suspicious. The girl moves away, but less than half a year later reappears as if nothing happened. Something here stinks, I am sure.

MIKE: So you too have figured it out, I see. That Asakura girl is the source of a big fat mystery, I'd say.

HARUHI: Heh, the test-failer understands me very well! The SOS Brigade was founded to solve this kind of stuff.

ITSUKI: Then our plan of action should be to watch out for her, in the case she is a, lets say 'special' person.

KYON: _And how much so! It's weird that Nagato has not intervened yet. I guess she is waiting for closing time to tell us more. Okay, let's see what new shenanigan has come out of our great 'goddess' mind._

HARUHI: We'll do it like this: Linda, you will be near Ryoko, so watch out for any and all suspicious acts. Tsuruya will surely be there too, so she will help you. The rest of us will be moving in pairs to cover the remaining flanks.

MIKURU: Etto, can I know who will be moving with who? My classes are at different hours than yours...

YUKI: I'll go with Kyon. Mike will take Mikuru. Kozumi will go with you, Suzumiya. It's the best setup.

HARUHI: Well, when you do open your mouth you spew real pearls of wisdom, Yuki-chan. I should command you to go Bizarro more often. Because the Bizarro Day is still in force, we haven't reached 24 hours yet. When is it over, guys?

YUKI: In 34 minutes and 17 seconds. (LINDA: Bah, we weren't exactly able to enjoy so short leadership.)

HARUHI: Then make the most of it, Linda! You too, Mikuru-chan. Surely you're eager to harass me.

MIKE: The poor girl is not as perverted as you, Suzumiya. But it's a chance to let her vent some steam.

(And uses his fading leadership to advise Mikuru about how to pick on the girl with the yellow ribbon.)

ITSUKI: Ops, it's closing time, boys... see you tomorrow, then. I'll stay to store away the chess board.

KYON: I'll help. Nagato, you'll have to tell us later. Mike, Linda, Asahina-san, I have to tell you something.

(Now that Haruhi is gone, they can put in common the impressions they got during this crazy day.)

KYON: Asakura was so kind with me it didn't feel right. You could even say she never was an alien...

YUKI: Affirmative, she doesn't remember anything. She still keeps her own molecular structure like us Humanoid Interfaces, with all her abilities, but she lost the data referring to her identity and all of ours: now she thinks of herself as a common human.

MIKE: Who could have done that? I only hope it's not the one I am imagining...

ITSUKI: Regarding that, I have some news: Haruhi's mind giants are in an uproar since your arrival, newcomers. Seems like the assault to her honour caused by you the other day was not as unremarkable as I had thought.

MIKURU: Then we are really going to have to watch out for Asakura... or at least until Mike and Linda find who they need. (SHONENJI: Rest assured it isn't you, my girl... so the question is who, if not you.)

MIKE: She is right, we can't overlook our own mission... Seeing as we cannot use any superpowers in this world –at least for the time being- I want to believe that villainous Lord Xig-lem can't either. We are stuck.

MIKURU: But then again, he will look like a common boy, just like you seem normal school people too.

YUKI: So, he was the weird data source I was detecting... he is an extra-dimensional being with information altering skills, much alike Humanoid Interfaces. It would have been easy for him to rebuild Ryoko Asakura.

KYON: We are in danger! That guy has managed to do something as complex as take Ryoko's file –or whatever- from the Recycle Bin where Nagato threw her, surely she won't hesitate to slash our guts open, like he tried to do to me!

SHONENJI: Let's do it this way: the designed groups will watch out for that strange female, when we bust her doing something inappropriate Yuki will intervene, we can't risk her attacking first and causing an irreversible cosmic accident.

ITSUKI: I totally agree... well, the singing rehearsal is tomorrow morning, during the free period, right?

LINDA: Yes, I think so. We'll get her there. Haruhi will have her in her target reticle, but beware of her too.

(Yes, because that could destroy the universe... her mind's giants are merciless. So the next day...)

KYON: _What I have gotten myself into... not only must I watch out for that blue haired mad girl, but also a possible enemy of all the SOS Brigade, who wants to remodel the world only to reach out for some Lolita and kidnap her. What a crazy guy. And to boot we are taking English Class with a substitute teacher..._

(Huy, the substitute is the same individual of black coat and thick sunglasses... but he teaches very well.)

HARUHI: (ding!) Yay, the bell! Kyon, let's dash off to that singing rehearsal. Every thing alright, Linda?

LINDA: Yes, I'm ok, I'll get Tsuruya-san and we'll head there together. If I get her to stop laughing. (^_^)

(Heh, you can't tell the green haired any good jokes, or she will be laughing for days... according to the agreed groupings, each one will be guarding one of the gym's windows where the rehearsal will take place, Haruhi and Kozumi will guard the door.)

RYOKO: Ah, you are here. (^_^) Tsuruya has arrived before you, but we are together at last. How's things?

LINDA: Erm, who is he? What is the English teacher doing here? I thought this had to do with Music.

MAN: I wanted to attend the rehearsal... because after all, each extracurricular activity must be supervised by a teacher. (RYOKO: That is correct, sensei.) Well, you can start. But maybe Suzumiya-san wants to watch you sing, as well.

HARUHI: *busted* Ahem, I was only passing by...! But yes, I'm interested in the SOS Brigade's achievements.

MIKE: (spies) I don't like that guy in the least... he has an air around him that I wouldn't want in my teachers.

(The 3 gals sing, though Tsuruya does it more mechanically, weird thing is, she hadn't spoken until then.)

HARUHI: You sang very beautifully... I am feeling like trying myself. But I would not do it so well, sure!

MAN: You don't have to fear: you're the most powerful being in this universe, you can do whatever you want.

HARUHI: What are you up to? I know that I can be good at anything, *false modesty* but I'm a normal girl.

RYOKO: Suzumiya-san, that is not an exaggeration. You have the power to change, to alter reality to your whim. A nexus of power in the time flux, a variable that can change the information that was not to be altered, until now...

KYON: Haruhi, don't listen to them! They want to fill your head with weird thoughts, they are... a sect!

MAN: Hardly... a sect needs an idol to follow, and she won't have to follow anyone... SHE is the idol. (RYOKO: (^_^) She is our goddess.) A being with the ability to create and destroy... yes, she can be called a 'goddess'.

ITSUKI/MIKE: (enter) Hey, don't talk about that so easily! / I knew that guy was no good to deal with!

HARUHI: Heh heh, I get it, you are some occultism nerds, then... that was what I felt about Asakura-san.

MAN: Do you want proof? Do you want to see the agents who move this world to your whim? Ryoko!

(She uses her data altering skills to melt the dimensional wall dividing the human world and the giants' own... the same vision she had at the end of the first book has come back to bite the Brigade's members in the ass...)

HARUHI: (0_0) They're real... (KYON: They can't be, it's impossible!) Kyon, you saw them too, in that weird place... I thought it was a dream, but here they are. If they exist, this world has hope... the strange things can and DO exist!

RYOKO: You're right, Suzumiya... if the giants exist, why can't the aliens, espers and the time travellers?

MAN: Or the dimensional sliders... who seek the Lolicon Power... *coat off* (MIKE: (ò_ó.#) It's Xig-lem!)

KYON: It can't be! Haruhi, you dreamt it. You are dreaming now, too. I swear it, on your dearest things!

HARUHI: But it's incredible, Kyon... we are all here! My dreams don't usually feature Tsuruya or Mikuru!

LINDA: (looks) Ah, I knew it... she has been hypnotized by the Shadow Mirror, that's why she was so quiet.

KYON: I will give you a proof stronger yet than theirs... that all this is only happening in your mind.

(Again he is forced to use a shocking manoeuvre: he grabs her pervertedly and kisses her, before poor Mikuru's terrified eyes. The goddess feels something powerful in her heart, just like back then... and the kisser wakes up all of a sudden.)

KYON: (plam!) Ugh! (stands up) What the heck... it was ME the one dreaming! As I said before, Freud would have a field day with me... hey, wait. There exists the chance that Asakura's comeback was a dream too. *relief*

(Then, his cute sister comes to the room to stomp on his ribs and wake him up all the way. Grabs his bag.)

KYON: _Well, let's see what happens today. And if I bump again into the blue haired assassin, I will..._

(Yes, he will have to ask himself how he could arrive at home and sleep until the next day. A voice narrates.)

NARRATOR: _Presented for your consideration... an average little town, with a not so average monster... The people have to make sure they think crazy thoughts and also do crazy things, because this particular monster can read minds... and if displeased, can turn people into grotesque, walking terrors..._

KYON: Now we have a narrator? Is there a loudspeaker somewhere nearby? Eh, that's Taniguchi there...

(Kyon's colleague is dressed in bizarre clothes, spinning instead of walking, and talking to himself, too.)

TANIGUCHI: Crazy thoughts, crazy thoughts... blah, I'm getting sick of this! (poof!)

(A mysterious force has turned the schoolboy into what his suit represented: a pimp.)

KYON: _Agh... I never though of him as one... but I don't notice that big of a change. What am I saying?!_

(He speeds off to the high school, to witness the catastrophe: now the building works as a wizardry school, a mutant academy and interplanetary embassy. Something ripped off of a badly written Futurama episode. What a shock!)

KYON: It can't be! This isn't possible, not even in Haruhi's wildest dreams... I must be still sleeping...

MIKE: (arrives) I am afraid it is. (KYON: Don't scare me!) You see, we too are here, just like you.

LINDA: This world has collapsed, and we with it. Shonenji could put us up to date, as he is free from any individual world's rules. But we still hadn't had the chance to find any of the other SOS Brigade's members.

KYON: Okay, don't panic... we need to attend class all the same, because the building still exists. Then, when the classes are over. Not even a minute later! We will gather at the club room, there we will try to make sense of this mess.

MIKE: Heh, take it easy then... I was placed in the ciber-soldiers classroom, and Linda in the Elemental Mages group. Did you check your student ID? Maybe it will clue you into where you will have to spend the next five hours...

KYON: (checks) Let's see: In the Muggles' group? The heck is that? (LINDA: 'Totally normal people', I think.)

(At the end he will even feel lucky, as Ryoko is placed in the alien androids grouping, he will be free from having to see her. But not so lucky: the Muggles are the subject of mockery and racism on the other creatures' part... Thank god Kyon is stoic enough.)

KYON: This sucks... I hope this is over soon. Well, the clubroom's door... let's see who is there today.

(To his despair, only the trans-dimensional friends are there, the poor guy doesn't know what to tell them.)

MIKE: No one here... must be because when Haruhi remodelled the universe, modified everyone's brains.

SHONENJI: I'm afraid so, but I'd like to know why this lad was spared from forgetting his old memories.

LINDA: Eh, look... the computer's shining. It brings me bad memories, but perhaps it is a clue or something!

KYON: Let me! (gazes) There is a program running... called YukiN-EXE... could it be our same Nagato?

PC: *codified lines*. *percentage bar*. *technobabble*. Hello, I am Yuki Nagato.

LINDA: It really is her! (^_^) But how is she speaking through the computer? (MIKE: Well, she's a robot...)

KYON: Psssh, be quiet. (reads) 'If you are reading this, it means Suzumiya has already remodelled the known universe, making the original one fold away. However, it's not unreachable: I have a copy safely stored. First you'll need to gather the SOS Brigade's members and restore their original data, then erase the cause of this dimensional screw up: most likely, the humanoid interface named Ryoko Asakura.

MIKE: Ah, I was already expecting we would have to beat that loon. At least we know what we must do.

KYON: Wait, there is more. 'Due to the molecular displacement between my past self and the current one, I can't be present in this new universe, physically speaking. You'll have to fix this incident without my help. You are on your own.'

LINDA: Oh shucks! Yuki is supposed to be the most able of the team, I don't know if we can face Ryoko...

KYON: She saved me that first time... and today I must return her the favour. Let's go gather the guys!

(Not much time passes before they find the other SOS members: Mikuru was placed in the Time Police group, and Itsuki among the Psychic Mutants. Wielding a laptop from the Computer Club, they insert their old memories back to them.)

MIKURU: *flash* Augh, my head aches... (x_x) But yes, I am the one you want. (^_^) I will help!

ITSUKI: The first task has been solved, now we must get rid of a certain unpleasant presence.

MIKURU: Etto, Kyon-kun. *blush* Which class were you placed in? Were they acting like bullies, too?

KYON: Bah, in the Muggles group: they said I had a talent for playing cards. Do I look like a croupier to you?

ITSUKI: I guess they weren't exactly talking about Poker cards, Kyon... but I have all my powers now.

MIKURU: And I was given a portable Chronosceptor! (^_^) It can't reach very far in time, but oh well...

MIKE: Aha, with that trinket you can do all sorts of time acrobatics! I'll tell you later. We must devise a plan!

(So then they head for the aliens' classroom and Asakura is there, chilling out. And she recognized them.)

RYOKO: My, if it's Kyon-kun. (^_^) And you brought your friends too. It's a pity that Suzumiya isn't here.

LINDA: What did you do with her? It was all your fault, and Lord Xig-lem's! This world has lost its god...

RYOKO: Oh, we haven't lost her, she only ascended to a higher plane of existence. But I am sure she is watching over us up there... I wonder what will happen if I try to make any change by myself.

MIKE: I warn you, in this world full of freaks, my girl and me are the most dangerous ones of them all.

RYOKO: Yes, now that Suzumiya has her divine power, I wonder what will happen if I try to kill you, Kyon-kun.

(Before the protagonist's shocked scream, the blue haired grows claws from her hands a la Wolverine.)

RYOKO: I could cause an even bigger and more interesting data explosion. I'm feeling eager already!

ITSUKI: I can't let you do that, Asakura. *smile* Kyon-kun may be the SOS Brigade's second in command, but above that... he is my buddy. (MIKURU: I won't let you either, I must be strong... for the sake of both!)

KYON: *tear rivers* _Aaah, the fact that it was Asahina-san the one saying that fills me with fatherly pride..._

(The alien interface jumps to shishkebab the front row of attackers, but suddenly a spark of light fell from the sky and crushed Ryoko against the hard floor: it was Haruhi, who fell on her back and is now sitting there immobilizing the menace!)

HARUHI: What did you say about killing my vice-admiral, dearie? No one is going to cheat in MY world!

MIKE: _Wow, man. I have just suffered the Anticlimax Boss, Big Damn Heroes and God Mode Sue tropes..._

KYON: Haruhi! I never thought I'd be saying this, but you've made me believe in Santa all again.

HARUHI: Bah, it was nothing. If Asakura was giving you trouble, I would have dealt with her myself.

LINDA: I don't want to ruin the scene, but seeing as we 'destroyed' her, why isn't the world fixing itself?

MIKE: Yeah, and I also want to know why Shonenji hasn't detected any loli essence.

HARUHI: You see, the universe won't be 'fixed' until I wish it to, guys. And about the lolita issue, you must know that only Kyon's sister has the necessary Moe level that is required, so how about we pay her a visit?

KYON: Wait a moment. How did she know all we needed to do and stuff? Is she...?

ITSUKI: She is a goddess, Kyon-kun. They see all, and know all. They are Alpha and Omega, first and last.

Well, they leave the high school and arrive at the snarker's home, the ugly Xig-lem is trying to trick the child with a lollipop, but it doesn't seem to take much effect. So the others arrive in time to warn her about the villain.

XIGLEM: _Bah, I knew I should have brought a bigger lollipop._ It's you again, numbskulls!

MIKE: That's my line, freak. You won't lay a finger on such a cute child. (KYON: Get away from him!)

(For once, the kiddie obeys him and shuts herself in the house, the travellers ask Haruhi for something.)

HARUHI: Well, okay, because I took a liking for you: now you can use your specials with no remorse.

MIKE: **Master Force**! (jump) Purple Comet! (LINDA: **Magical chang-e**! (casts) Dawn of Despair!)

(The bad guy is fried by the latter, while the former impacts against him and provokes a big kaboom.)

XIGLEM: (BOOOM!) Arg! (flies) This was not a victory, don't feel so confident! *twinkle*

MIKE: (0_0) She defeated him! Well, technically it has been us, but we got rid of him!

HARUHI: Nah, he's still kicking. (KYON: What!) But I am gonna bring him back, that guy is hella funny...

LINDA: Nooo, you see, let's do this! Send the guys back to their universe and give Xig-lem a chance against us. (MIKE: You are crazy!) Listen, please... have her make a copy for herself and give us the real deal back, that way everything ends just as before. Come on, without him, our travels would have no flair.

KYON: I don't know that guy, but I have the feeling that you will regret that decision... well, I'll call my sister.

(He brings the girl out and orders her to hug the foreigner, although she was gonna do it anyway. Done.)

KYON: And don't tell a soul at home. Nor anywhere! Well, it's over. Haruhi, if you can do us the favour...

(She does: again the schoolboy awakens in his bed, and this time doesn't wait for his sister to stomp him.)

KYON: (window) All looks normal... let's go to class. _Geez, what a day... because this is still THE day..._

NARRATOR: In the end, Kyon would learn one of the rules of the fiction: at the end of every episode, everything must go back to normal. (LINDA: Mike, it's clear you are the one talking!) Bah, I only wanted to try out for the Narrator role, hunny.


	16. Shojo 5: Negima

_I FEEL LIKE I HAVE MET THEM IN ANOTHER STORY..._ **By Mike.  
**_IS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT BY 'CROSSOVER STORY'?_ **By Linda.**

The two friends and their dragonic pet –though he'd say he is no pet- have left the chaos that was the last visited world to arrive at another apparently similar... but very different to what they were used to. Until now, the Shojo galaxy has been infected by influences from the Supernatural genre, and the place they landed in won't be the exception...

MIKE: Once again, I don't have much of an idea about this place... I would need to see some key landmark.

LINDA: That tree there stands out like a sore thumb, if that's what you mean. Maybe it is part of the story?

MIKE: It is! (^_^) It's the one commonly known as World Tree, which rests atop the Mahora school's hill.

LINDA: Does it have something to do with Mahorita? (SHONENJI: With that name, I wouldn't be surprised.)

MIKE: Here, the boundaries between her galaxy and Shojonoe's must be rather thin... listen to the song!

(And this time they hear the English version of Negima!?'s intro, '1000% Sparking'.)

MIKE: Well, it's the interrogative version of 'Negima'... I'd like to know where is Negi and his gang.

LINDA: Are they those? (MIKE: They are! How fast.) (SHONENJI: Yep, Lady Linda is very sharp today.)

(The boy and his three most 'weird' students are looking for poor Anya, who doesn't want to see them.)

KONOKA: Mou, we lost her... where can Anya-chan be? (KAMO: She passed through here, didn't she?)

NEGI: *shiver* Eh? I sense an evil presence... but my staff didn't react, why is that?

VOICE: Negi, to the ground! (ALL: EH!)

(A black blob grazed the kiddo, and the fugitive girl appears to terminate it with her special, 'Illios'.)

LINDA: Shouldn't we be helping? (MIKE: No, you mustn't alter the story... we have to stay out of this.)

ASUNA: (stretches her cheeks) Pretentious brat, what do you think you're doing trying to do everything by yourself! You are even worse than Negi, a spoiled kid who thinks she can do everything alone. Let yourself be helped, will ya?

(The young redhead is understanding... but yet another black blob comes to snatch her companions. With her Two-Hand skill, she detects the dark core and it releases them, after which they get ready to fight back.)

ASUNA: All right, this is our turn! (KONOKA: Negi-kun, please...) (SETSUNA: Give us your power!)

NEGI: Ministra Magi: Asuna Kagurazaka, Konoka Konoe, Setsuna Sakurazaki... show me your power!

(From afar, the girls are teaching a lesson to our two friends, who have their own pacts.)

MIKE: (0_0) They're making me look like a noob. I guess we aren't needed here. Let's go to the school's party.

LINDA: Do you think it's okay for us to slip in? Although, where you place thirty, you can place thirty two...

(Exactly, with as many people in Anya's party as that, they don't realize there are two uninvited guests.)

NEGI: Who are you, girls? I have never seen in my class such weird glasses, nor such a big necklace...

LINDA: (¬_¬) See? Told you they were going to figure it out, and not for losing count, but for your dress.

MIKE: *crossdressing* So they could tell? Bah, I suppose because of the short skirt... and the fake boobs.

AYAKA: You two can stop joking already. Who are you? As the class rep, I have my classmates classified!

MIKE: (dress off) Erm, you see, we are people from the Magic World... but not the one you actually know.

LINDA: Yes, it is a very faraway world... we have a mission: to find a certain person.

SHONENJI: (poofs in) True, I am the Genderiel of Shonen... and they need a 'girl of short age, great innocence and childish beauty'. What I don't know is, why this place full of schoolgirls is messing with my special senses...

KONOKA: _Oh my, so it was a man._ (^_^) Well, if we can help you both, don't hesitate to ask us, okay?

NEGI: Ack, the dean has gone away already... and Nekane and Takamichi. Bah, then I'll be helping you.

ASUNA: Honestly, Negi... I am telling you the same as her, don't rush things like only donkeys can do!

ANYA: I won't be any less than him! I too want to help the people of the Magic World. *sadness* I have caused a lot of grief by stealing the Star Crystal, so I want to compensate them somehow. Then, would you let me?

SHONENJI: Why not, missy... but as long as I don't locate the lolicon energy we need we are stuck. We can't mix such energy with any other kind, or the Goddess of Lolicon won't be able to resurrect, the matter is that simple.

BABY CHUPA: *growls* (ASUNA: Little Ruuya is restless... maybe he has smelled something ugly.)

(Fearing the worst, Glasses Boy asks to check the chest containing the Star Crystal... and it's been opened.)

MIKE: Aaaarg, I knew it! My visor was detecting the same trace as the black blob that attacked you before!

NEGI: But how? Only a very powerful someone magic-wise could have opened such a well sealed box. (ANYA: It wasn't me! You were all in front of me, it isn't possible...) (SETSUNA: Calm down, we aren't accusing you... that way!)

(The black blob busts a wall open and everyone leaves the building, the blob stops very near of Lord Xig-lem!)

MIKE: It's always you. All you lack now is shouting your goal of kidnapping some loli. You are bloody clichéd!

XIGLEM: And you are bloody bad at threatening, fool. I didn't come here alone, if that is what you meant.

NEGI: And that guy? He exudes a dark aura! (LINDA: Our recurring villain. Just don't get near him...)

XIGLEM: The Star Crystal's power is feared even by the strongest mages. But there is always someone better, right Negi Springfield? Today I brought with me some people who want to take a closer look at it. Watch them and tremble!

(Using a teleport spell, a woman has brought three friends with her. A wide and robust paladin, a chubby, female geomancer wearing a woolly jumper and a long skirt, and a dark knight of greedy eyes and bloodthirsty expression. Said lady wears a long, black dress and a translucent cape, and has a calm and sensible face.)

XIGLEM: The founders of the Jobar School, the biggest wizardry academy of the old continent. It's my understanding that the young Lady Cocolova made improper use of the Star Crystal, and they are going to punish her for that crime.

MIKE: Don't try to scam us, idiot! Those mages are as 'official' as you and me. Just a bunch of self-inserts!

LINDA: I wanna know their names. (MIKE: Linda!) **Jobar**! [Geez] You are always being the Know-it-all Guy!

PALADIN: Don't spew the name of our school so carelessly! (D-KNIGHT: She didn't, you moron.)

G-MANCER: Ho, ho, they believe we aren't real. So funny. (WITCH: Shut up, I will introduce us.)

(The wise and serious looking witch casts a spell, and a screen full of data appears in thin air just there.)

SCREEN: [**Godo Matagrifos**] [**Olga Soplosuave**] [**Sala Serpenteante**] [**Robin Garracuervo.**]

NEGI: Are they really from the Magic World? (0_0) Those names look like they were butchered in translation...

SALA: (ò_ó.#) I'll teach you not to mock our people! I wanted to meet you, Negi, the Boy who Lived!

MIKE: (¬_¬) Okay, this is getting bizarre... (NEGI: But it's true, that's what they call me back at home.)

LINDA: I won't let you take Anya away! Whatever she did, it can't be so bad as to get this treatment!

ASUNA: Finally, someone reacts. And to boot, that guy in black is a villain, Mike has said so just before!

ROBIN: I will show you how serious we are, folks. Here goes, the Elemental Wheel... the Cycle of Pain!

(The lady in a dress chains these spells one after another by abusing their affinities: an arson, a flood, a storm.)

ALL: (bzzz!) Iaaargh! *pain* (GODO: Whoa, and she only used half her repertoire... Slithers, get the girl!)

(He does so, but not before telling his partner to stuff his silly nicknames up where the sun doesn't shine.)

ANYA: (abducted) Negi! He is too strong! (NEGI: Anya! Let her go, bullies! Ras Tel Mascir Magister...)

(But he had no time to cast anything: the black blob has jumped at Asuna's face and is turning her evil.)

MIKE: Dang, this has happened before, I'm sure! The closeness of the dark power has corrupted her again...

ASUNA: (creepy) Negiii... (LINDA: Agh, I don't like that huge sword... seems like it is pulsating with life...)

(Xig-lem leaves the place with his cadre of partners and the little mage. The two-belled redhead throws a Dark elemental Wind Scar that didn't really hit anyone, because she wanted to also corrupt Eva, who was watching them from the back row.)

GIRLS: Kyaaah! Not again! (CHACHAMARU: Master!) (EVA: This is your end, brat. Now we are two...)

NEGI: This is disastrous! They have kidnapped Anya and also darkened Asuna-san and Evangeline-san!

MIKE: Negi, let us fight! We can't risk any more of your students being taken hostage. (LINDA: Do you have a plan?) Yes, look: Asuna reflects magic with her bell ribbons, so leave her to me. And regarding Eva, she is a physical tank despite her tiny body, so bombard her with spells. Here goes nothing!

(The two warriors clash their swords, and the two mages exchange spells for a while, but don't get tired.)

MIKE: I need to finish this now... but I'm afraid of using this. Come on, I have to pull it off! (poof!) Yay!

(He made a bunch of shadow clones, but these ones are 'real', not only for averting her attention: the Kage Bushin! The true one rushes head on to distract her, while one of the fakes manhandles her from behind. They tackle and knock her down, so they can cover her in monk charms to paralyze her. Now all of them prepare a mini Cosmo Break: they stick the blade in the ground to send four erupting quakes, 1 from each cardinal point.)

SETSUNA: That guy is good! (0_0) He's mummified her with spirit-proof charms and slashed at point blank!

ASUNA: (x_x) Negiii... (MIKE: I hope she doesn't stand up, I wasted a lot of energy in that crazy move.)

(But the other redhead, the friend of Glasses Boy, has her own problems: the vamp girl is a tough cookie.)

EVA: Murdeeer! *frenzy* I hate this school! I despise that kid and his father, yet I love them very much!

LINDA: (0_0) She's speaking gibberish. She's been possessed! (CHACHA: No, that's how she actually feels.)

MISA: Girls, pull out your pompons, this is a job for the Cheerleaders! (SHIINA: Yes, bring it on!)

(The 3 of them, Kakizaki, Sakurako and Kugimiya pull out their pompons and cheer her new female friend.)

LINDA: Come on, I need to use something drastic and blunt, just like Mike... let's see if I can get it right!

(She's gonna try the Elemental Wheel she observed before, but with her personal touch. She opens with a Powerslash to break the vamp's defenses, grabs her by the collar and uses Explosion to knock her skywards, unleashes vines to regrab her in mid air and then stomps her on the floor... now the true wheel starts: a fire wall, a freezing waterfall and a salvo of lighting strikes.)

EVA: (crispy) This is not over yet... I will kill you, I will kill you all... arg, it hurts. (x_x)

MIKE: That's my cue. Anti Noisy-Vamp-Brat Charms! (pics of saints) You deserved a good spanking, Eva!

(Finally, the possessed students aren't anymore, and the good guys made balance of their losses and such.)

EVA: Agh... what I've been doing... and it had to be that Baka Red the one who caught me by surprise!

NEGI: Er, let's say you have been screaming very improper facts about you. Ones you may regret saying.

EVA: Grrr, I am picturing it now, it's so embarrassing! (grunts) _Surely it was like this: 'I have a Nagi plushie who I sleep with every night. His name is Nagi-kun'._ Arg, this is an outrage, an assault on my dignity and pride!

LINDA: Ops, Asuna is thrashed... she won't be able to accompany us. (MIKE: And Eva is mentally unnerved.)

KONOKA: Negi-kun, you have to choose. Who will rescue Anya, and who will stay to nurse these two.

AYAKA: You can choose with total freedom, sensei! (passion) As the class rep, I will ace my assigned task!

YUE: She really means it, Negi-sensei. We are a team. The mage and his partners will save her. (drinks)

NEGI: Er, okay... Mike and Linda will come, of course, they know too much about that villain to leave them behind. Regarding the rest... (hands up) Right, I know many of you are eager to help, but it will be dangerous. (chooses)

In the end, he picks Konoka, Setsuna, Chachamaru, Kaede, the twins –yes, them- and Mana. There is a visible look of disappointment on the class rep, the cheerleaders and Makie's faces. Kazumi tells them how to keep in contact among the groups.

KAZUMI: If something happens, we will know thanks to our ghost pal, eh Sayo-chan?

SAYO: (^_^) I'll do my best! (LINDA: _Is she really dead_? (0_0) _She is creeping me..._)

(The bad guys didn't go very far: a bubble of darkness clouds the academy, and blocks the access to many of its areas. The group splits up in pairs to find the members of the opposing team. They don't take long before appearing.)

SETSUNA: The Science classroom... don't get away from me, ojou-sama. (KONOKA: It's OK, Set-chan.)

VOICE: You two! What's your style? Who do you fight for? I must know, in order to better punish you!

(The muscle-bound Godo has come out from behind the skeletons and rises his sword.)

GODO: I follow the way of Real Men: I deal with problems face to face and leaving my friends in a safe spot.

SETSUNA: Splendid. Because I too have someone to protect. That's why I don't plan on losing this duel!

KONOKA: Hit him hard, Set-chan! (^_^) In case of big ouchies, I'm just behind you to leave you as new.

GODO: If you have broken the rules, you are a disgrace for the Paladins' honour. I am gonna beat you!

He isn't joking, the big boy hits hard with his blade and can take many damage, the slim Setsuna has to rely on hit and run, thing that further infuriates her rival, who dislikes her cowardice. At the end he fires a mighty strong light spell, but Konoka is in the back row to reduce the damage with a magic wall, then heals her brunette partner. Exhausted and with no mana to burn, Setsuna manages to put her blade on his throat.

SETSUNA: Don't keep on with this rubbish. Tell us where your partners are and we'll leave with no grudges.

GODO: At the end, I lost... I thought only the ones holding the truth could win, but I was wrong. Now I realize my mistake: I had to divide my attention between striking and healing, but you two managed to do just the same, working as thick as thieves. I am not so sure that you really committed a crime anymore...

KONOKA: Of course not! We wanna save Anya, she didn't do what she did on her own will. Have mercy!

SETSUNA: This guy has been reasonable... but I don't know if his mates will be just as much. Let's return.

(They retrace their steps to meet with Sayo, meanwhile another team locates the next mage in the garden.)

NEGI: I didn't think the orchard would be accessible. If we can go round the building we'll have an advantage.

CHACHAMARU: We can go flying, Negi-sensei. But we risk losing track of the other Ministra Magi.

VOICE: Hey, kids! Why are you doing this? Want to play? If I win, you'll have to surrender!

(The chubby Olga appears from among the grapevines, and rings her Bell of Taming Beasts +1.)

OLGA: I follow the way of the Loonie: as long as the task is fun, I don't care if it's long or even tricky.

NEGI: But that isn't right! If we only do what we like to do, we would never master any other, needed job!

OLGA: Heh, I see that you even brought one of those modern machines, a gynoid. But I don't like them! Back in my day, we played with rocks and branches. Now the kids are spoiled, and get bored with anything real fast.

CHACHAMARU: I am no toy. I'm Master Eva's Ministra Magi... and right now I must defeat you.

OLGA: Even so, you have cheated: your girl friend stole the Star Crystal. And the ones who cheat don't let the others have fun. That's why I must punish you just the same as her, boys. You should confess to your mistakes!

They are in a mess: her geomancy power make the earth tremble and the vines move to snag the mage kid and the robot female, but they know how to fly... by broom or using boosters, they avoid the attack. The trees that surround the orchard fire branches at the pair, but Chachamaru stylishly slices them off. The lady rings her magic bell to re-enact the main scene of Hitchcock's bird movie, so Negi retaliates with a lighting storm, that also reaches and defeats Olga.

OLGA: (crispy) Agh, what a beating... you trounced me, and without cheating... maybe you aren't as spoiled as I thought. When I called upon Mother Earth to teach you a lesson, you ran onto the arms of Father Sky... you understand your planet very well.

CHACHAMARU: Negi-sensei, the birds are hurt. I will look for some birdseed in the tools' shack.

NEGI: Olga-san, I can't believe how you could think of Chachamaru as a toy weapon. She is a person, with feelings of her own... that's the reach of today's science. It's not only used just to make weapons and noxious stuff for our planet.

OLGA: Perhaps. Now I see that each age has its own games, and you must learn from all of them. But I want that whatever you do, you do it the fun way. Like this, the most tedious job becomes suddenly enjoyable! (^_^)

NEGI: Erm, okay, we will take it into account... (CHACHA: Negi-sensei, we must tell this to Aizaka-san.)

(During that battle, the huge schoolgirls Nagase and Tatsumiya-san were checking the library.)

KAEDE: Hum, looks like the fight is over-degozaru. It wasn't needed our presence at Negi-bouzo's side.

MANA: I am glad. Each one must bear their own loads. I don't like the weak links...

VOICE: Silence! This is a library, a place to study and develop your intelligence!

(They check where's the scolding voice's source, and the elegant Robin is behind a self reading a book.)

ROBIN: Why do you act that way? Your support towards a clear criminal isn't exactly a intelligent attitude.

KAEDE: The criminal you're talking about is our friend-degozaru. As long as there is a chance, we will demonstrate she did nothing wrong. You know... 'innocent until proven otherwise-aru'. (MANA: You talk too much, Nagase.)

ROBIN: That's your vision? I follow the way of the Roleplayer: I travel to other lands, I meet new people and take part in their stories, so I can enrich my own. There is always a chance to learn something new from someone.

MANA: I am afraid you weren't listening, lady. (guns) We always defend our friends... until death do us part.

ROBIN: If you think that, let's see if you can handle the attorney career! It's not made for idealists like you.

The sorceress starts with a field-bonus spell, to leave the library's area safely behind... the witch fires her spells so fast that interrupting her is not an option, so they look for a way to get to her behind. Kaede uses kunais and faces her head on, but the lady knows how to imbue her hands with magic and do elemental-reinforced slaps. After some ebb and flow between the two, Mana manages to grab and hold her at gunpoint.

MANA: Don't move an inch, lady. I have very slippery fingers as of late... so don't try anything funny.

ROBIN: You got me back there... while your partner attacked head on I had to evade your gun shots from within the shadows, although she didn't sense them... it was a good mix of distance skills. You know how to defend all the flanks, don't you?

KAEDE: We have also travelled a lot, Robin-san. This world has taught us to be ready for everything-aru. But above all, it has given us faith in our friends... I wouldn't have won if I hadn't trust Tastumiya-san completely.

ROBIN: That is true... a misaimed shot would have meant your death. Maybe it's that kind of trust what is preventing you to see when someone has sinned. (MANA: But the punishment is not for you to decide, because you didn't even witness the crime.)

(It's undeniably logical, but now the sorceress must warn them about her dark partner.)

ROBIN: I am smart enough to realize when I got things wrong. But our associate, Sala, is a ruthless man... he follows the way of the Munchkin, that is, he will do whatever is needed to win. He takes everything as a life-or-death case, and is unable to help anyone if he sees no benefit. He is so greedy, his job fits him like a glove...

MANA: Thanks for the info. Nagase, let's get out of here and look for that ghost girl.

KAEDE: _That name has a Russian tone to it... Sala. Then again, weren't the Munchkin those men living in Oz? _

(After all that, our traveller friends have been led to the Maths classroom by Mahora's Lolita duo.)

MIKE: Negi's choice has been a good one, putting us along the Narutaki girls: as they are members of the Strolling Club, they know every nook and cranny of their school... (LINDA: Why just them?) Heh, perhaps because they need a bodyguard.

TWINS: Eh, we aren't useless, you know! / Kaede-neechan has taught us many things!

SHONENJI: Calm down, you got off the hook: you aren't the lolis we are looking for. We have few options left...

MIKE: But why the Maths classroom? So many numbers make me dizzy, they aren't my cup of tea.

VOICE: Okay, boys! I don't care if you are actually innocent. Now, how can I tell the judge that I was wrong? Answer: I don't! The only good criminal is the dead criminal. So get ready for your date with this court!

(That smug voice came from the Dark Knight, who starts the battle with a sneak hit.)

FUUKA: Eh, it isn't fair! He struck before even appearing in sight! (FUMIKA: Aren't you magic policemen?)

SALA: I follow the way of the Munchkin, missies: if something raises my chances of winning, I'll use it.

MIKE: I bet my hairdo that you don't fancy the paladin guy. That one puts the honour before anything else!

SALA: That Godo idiot is only a stupid pawn! As long as he covers and heals us we are happy with him. Wars are won by force of numbers, and I don't mean only as amounts! (LINDA: Yeah, because we got you outnumbered.)

(The ugly guy uses some buff spells on himself, and unsheathes some special weapons.)

SALA: I have spells for super-strength, defense and speed, as well as a bunch of cool artifacts: a cursed sword that drinks the power of whoever it cuts and a piece of armor that can reflect basic elemental magic. I am a two-legged army!

FUMIKA: Oneechan, let's do our thing! (FUUKA: Well said. Mike, you know how to multiply yourself!)

Yep, the girls are right. Many twins and clones from the boy in glasses assault the dark knight, but he sweats them off like flies... Linda's spells won't work, and getting near him is dangerous because of that blood sucking sword.

TWINS: (slash!) Kyaaah! *pain* (LINDA: Girls! _Let's see, regular magic won't work, but maybe this will...)_

(She tries to do the element wheel, but from start to finish: a combo of slash, explosion, vine whip, fire blast, waterfall, razor wind that gets cold until it becomes a snow storm and a light burst mixed with a black hole.)

MIKE: Yay for us! He is against the ropes. Just tell us where is Anya! You won't take her away, intruders!

SALA: You haven't won yet... I must always win, cause I am the best... no one will be able to defeat me!

(He pulls out a blue, round item, it shines and restores a big chunk of his initial strength.)

SHONENJI: It's a Genderiel egg! But why does he have one? We must recover it at all costs!

FUUKA: But he became as strong as when we started... (FUMIKA: It's the story that never ends!)

SALA: Graaarr! *attacks* (LINDA: He changed his judgement for more strength, just like with Urd...)

(The claw swipe is so horrible that almost knocks her out cold, he does the same with Mike and the twins.)

MIKE: _Blast... he's thrashed us, and if we let him he'll do the same to the Narutakis... that Genderiel egg gives him too much power... If I could pull off a new and amazing stunt... yes, I know which! _Linda, you have to give me that!

(The boy has asked for the earrings from the redhead's witch dress, to throw them to the ninja kiddies.)

MIKE: Fuuka, Fumika, wear one each! If things go as I plan, that guy will be in your hands!

FUMIKA: At least they are pretty. (FUUKA: (¬_¬) Be a little more enthusiastic, sis...) (FOOM!)

(The western otaku's plan... has worked perfectly! Linda's earrings have fused them just like a Potara set!)

MIKE: Yeees, it was so crazy it HAD to work! Come on, I still need to reorganize my guts...

TWIN: Okay, I would need a name... but later, I don't need it to hand you your ass, you frenzied beast!

(Starts with a running punch, a tackle and throws him out the classroom and outdoors, the others are there.)

MIKE: Get up, hunny, the twins have fused into one and are kicking ass and chewing gum, Sala is agonizing.

LINDA: The others are outdoors right now! *pain* Agh, it hurts... I need to keep my mouth shut.

(The fused twin casts Summon Jutsu: Queen Bee... a giant wasp uses her sting to drill the rival's defense.)

SALA: Graaarr! (TWIN: Aim for the body, we need to get rid of his chest plate!)

(But well, the plan works: finally the girlie manages to shatter the bad guy's armor.)

LINDA: (0_0) A crack on his armor! This is so tempting... (ponders) Bah, screw him. Feminist Fist!

(With a noisy CRAC, the magic warrior's black armor has been broken, and the twin multiplies herself.)

TWIN: Good job Linda. Shadow Clone, up to eleven! (poof!) Here goes, the Cut Cut Gatling Gun!

(A swarm of chibi clones jump to the air and throw the entire stock of a bladed weapon shop at the enemy.)

SALA: (chaschaschas) Aaaagh! (chaschaschas) Give me that core! (CHAS!) (that was the last sting)

SHONENJI: The Genderiel egg, grab it! (MIKE: Take this memento of mine now that it's hot: Cosmo Break!)

(The huge beam slash finally leaves the damn Munchkin totally KO, and the hero goes to get the blue egg...)

XIGLEM: (zas!) This is not for you to take, sucker. (LINDA: Xig-lem! And here I am, awfully busted...) The young Cocolova is still in my hands, as you can see. Now give me Shojonoe's egg if you want to recover her safe and sound.

MIKE: Weasel... you are lucky I can't even move my eyebrows since earlier ago, I would teach you!

(Suddenly and out of the blue, someone unleashes the complete element wheel at the villain, collective shock.)

XIGLEM: Arg! (lets go) Curses, she slipped free! (ANYA: Negi, at last...! We have to finish him off!)

LINDA: Hum? It wasn't me... wow, they are the Jobar School's mages! So they are on our side after all!

ROBIN: Lord Xig-lem. These kids have taught us something today... the Star Crystal was misused, yes, but you were the master mind behind all this. Taking hostages with the excuse of arresting alleged culprits. That is a disgrace.

GODO: A great disgrace I'd say! (OLGA: Yours truly doesn't fancy cheaters, either.)

XIGLEM: You snagged my prey... and saved that fool Sala. But I still keep this blue egg.

SHONENJI: Xig-lem, don't do anything reckless! Take Shojonoe's egg in exchange...

The two rivals approach each other, each with an egg on hand, step by step. The change is completed, but a flash of greenish light confuses the pair, and at least our hero could see something that left him astounded...

_MIKE: What's this? Looks like my town's bridge... Linda's there! But wait, hadn't this already happened?_

_(The girl falls, just like in the past, but the Mike standing there couldn't grab her, cause he passed through her, like a ghost. Mike's past self was frozen in place and could only see how she splatted on the ground... everything had gone the opposite way that of the start of this story. A black hole opened and began swallowing the bridge, the girl and no matter how fast he ran, the boy in glasses too... he is finally waking up.)_

MIKE: Whoa, what a shock! Nothing like that really happened. Xig-lem, you got what you wanted, now scram!

XIGLEM: You can't negate our rivalship, kiddo. I will make Shojonoe live again, you will see! *flees*

LINDA: Mike, let's leave... let's enter the academy grounds, we will rest there. Negi is saying so, right?

NEGI: Yep, the Star Crystal has left that guy's body, so we can rest for the time being.

ANYA: Negi-kun... I wanted to help, but I made matters worse... maybe I deserve the penalty I was to be given.

GODO: No, my girl, our duels with your friends have taught us just who were the good guys all along.

MIKE: Heh, heh, that's good! (^_^) What's up, Shonny? (pause) Aha, so Anya had the essence we needed!

(They take the chance and do the pact, Negi's students are surprised by the method, Robin resumes talking.)

ROBIN: Sala will be all right, don't worry. The excess of greed can be a bad thing, but at the same time it's the source of conflict, of change, and ultimately, inner evolution... Thanks to him we have been always improving, that's undeniable.

LINDA: Well, we have to leave... just like you, people of Jobar's. It was our pleasure.

ANYA: Erm, wait... stay here at least until tomorrow, please. I had almost no chance of knowing you more.

NEGI: Heh, that's funny... but it's true, without Asuna or Kamo this place is too quiet. What about the Narutaki?

TWIN: Mike pulled out a trick to fuse us into one, but don't be afraid. With my clone trick I can fix this. (poof!) See, now there are two Narutaki again! And I can uphold the clone for many days if it was necessary. (^_^)

(Then, with everything solved, they are gonna end the party from before all this mess started, and after that rest the night. Pretty early, they get up and see them off, to check what is inside the new Genderiel egg.)

MIKE: Well, another galaxy that is left behind... though it was the Shojo one, we hadn't had a moment to rest.

SHONENJI: Surely it was caused because of Shojonoe's corrupted status. And to boot, we lost her egg...

LINDA: Come on, we still have this one to comfort us. (^_^) I am gonna open it, guys, cross your fingers...

(The egg causes a flash of blue light and a new bugger appears before our friends eyes.)


	17. Number 1: Pokemon

_PROBLEMATICAL POKEWATCH._

What a mysterious and thrilling moment! What had popped out of the blue egg? See, no more and no less than a brown grasshopper clad in a blue bug-catcher attire (oxymoron) and wielding a big catching-net, following the animal theme of all Genderiels. And so it introduced itself as Gotchi, ruler of the Number Galaxy. The gimmick of its galaxy was the anime series focused on finding/collecting certain number of people or items, much like the adventure our two humans were in to gather lolis. The blue energy dome which covered them dissipated, and they could see they were in a open field, near a cross road.

GOTCHI: Now if you don't mind, I will shack up inside the girl's soul, looks comfier...

MIKE: Eh! Are you saying my soul is dirtier? (ò_ó.#) Just go and make Rita company!

LINDA: Geez, don't get so worked over it... *sweat* At least he didn't turn maverick, like a certain other.

SHONENJI: So this is a cross road, huh... 'this way to Pewter City, that way to Pallet Town'.

MIKE: Is that true? (0_0) Hey, I know where we are! Wait, don't get carried away, we need to meet someone.

(And as if he were summoned, the boy with the cap-of-the-million-coupons appears just before our friends.)

ASH: (?_?) Who are you, sirs? You're planted at the crossroad, not moving an inch. (PIKACHU: Pika pika?)

(After his arrival starts the intro song for the Pokemon 9th season, the Battle Frontier.)

[Song lyrics go here, be sure they are the English version, mmkay?]

(After the song, the trainer boy gets hungry, so he proposes sprinting towards his home.)

ASH: Heh, surely mom has had Mr-Mime working hard, knowing I was about to arrive. Poor thing never stops.

MIKE: So, the Battle Frontier, hum... I am a trainer too, or I was one years ago, I mean.

LINDA: Gee, Mike, you know everything! (^_^) If I had gotten lost along any other guy maybe I'd have never been able to return home. (ASH: What does that mean?) Erm, you see, it's because she found me unconscious on a road... just like her in there!

MIKE: An accident! As I told myself back then, hunny: Going Hero! (PIKACHU: Pika chuuu!)

(He grabs the fainted girl, looking closely, Mike recognizes her as the female from the FireLeaf games.)

ASH: Eh, wake up! I think I have some Pokemon aromatic herbs... let's see if they can work on humans.

(Looks like it, the smell is so strong and bitter that the white-beret girl is waking up.)

GIRL: *coughs* This is horrible... I was left with no Pokeballs... eh? (0_0) Are you Ash Ketchum, from Pallet?

ASH: Er, yes I am... who is asking? I have never seen you, but you have a very familiar air around you...

GIRL: I am your cousin, dunce! (ALL: What!) Ashley Ketchum, from Knot Island. See, your father had a brother, who is my father. I can't believe you didn't remember! What I don't know are my mom's whereabouts, I hardly knew her at all...

ASH: Ah, sorry... I have a friend in Pewter City who's in the same predicament... but he has lots of siblings.

MIKE: Ash, the poor kid is injured. What happened? How many Pokemon were stolen?

ASHLEY: All my team, five Pokemon ranging from average to high power... except my starter, which is here.

(She removes her beret and shows another Pokeball stuck under it with tape. It is a great hiding spot, yes.)

ASHLEY: I have only kept Eevee with me. It was a guy with a red R on his chestplate, damn my luck...

ASH: The dammed Rockets! They're always behind the catastrophes happening around this land, I'm sure.

MIKE: Don't be SO sure... that guy could be an old acquaintance, who now works for Team Rocket.

LINDA: Yeah, a merciless assault as this is just like him. But let's head for the town, we need to heal you!

(Curiously, the aforementioned trio is scouting that area from their Meowth Balloon, just like vultures.)

JESSIE: Ha, that gang of twerps has gone separate ways... he left alone from that cross road onwards, did you see? (JAMES: I did, but when are we having lunch?) Grrr, only one twerp should be an easy prey! So that cute Pikachu is as good as caught...

(What they don't know is that on the next cross road, Ash has met his cousin and a pair of foreigners, guys.)

JESSIE: (visor) Do you see anything, boys? (MEOWTH: Not even the tiniest yellow speck on sight!)

JAMES: Say, I hate to be a pessimist, but each time we try to catch Pikachu we end up blasting off again...

MEOWTH: Each time I put my claws onto him I am given a hell of a shock.

JESSIE: Are you saying we should give up? (ò_ó.#) It would be like throwing all our work down the flush! Think about all the future generations of Rocket grunts that will remember us looking for guidance... do you think we will giving a good example if it looks like we evaded our job? Did you forget that our goal in life is capturing Pikachu?

JAMES: Heh, I just remembered something... (MEOWTH: I must admit she is right.)

JESSIE: 'Team Rocket will be there'. (JAMES: 'To make everything worse!') (MEOWTH: We are gonna win!)

(Something happens, that makes the story change: a radio transmission from a receiver James was carrying.)

JAMES: Woops, a call from the super-secret line... I didn't know I was even carrying this thing anymore...

JESSIE: It has to be a call from the boss! It's such an honour... come on, answer him! (MEOWTH: I'm not sure.)

RADIO: Attention, all Rocket grunts from the Kanto region must return to headquarters immediately.

JESSIE: A reunion, huh... the matter has to be critical. Shame we can't even bring him an adequate present.

JAMES: *sadness* He isn't gonna jump in joy at the sight of our return, that's for sure. (Woobuffet!) (Mime!)

In the Rocket headquarters at Viridian, a shadowy figure meets with another one just as shadowy, who has a Persian at his feet. The newcomer is holding a trainer belt with five Pokeball, and the other is happy of such performance.

GIOVANI: Very good, dear applicant... you brought a handful of potent Pokemon, that is the Rocket style.

XIGLEM: I only asked for one thing in return, sir: be witness to the final touchs of your most ambitious plan.

GIOVANI: Ah, well, I can grant your wish. Those Pokemon can be yours to keep. Now just follow me.

(They pass through a dark hallway to some creepy laboratory, where some doctors have various Pokemon held in stasis tanks, and a small Ditto in a crystal urn, linked to a Poke Watch of the very latest model. The bad guys check the place.)

GIOVANI: Here it is: the PokeMan Project. No, it isn't a typo, I want to achieve exactly what you are thinking... Pokemon are powerful creatures if treated right, but in the end they are just wild beasts, and never fully controllable.

XIGLEM: I see, so you want to infuse a human being with the powers from a bunch of Pokemon species.

GIOVANI: Exactly. Mew, the legend among legends, has such power... the DNA of all Pokemon species in a minuscule body. If I manage to finish this artefact, I will be able to mass produce it and grant my soldiers the abilities of those beasts, but with the full control of their human minds... something unstoppable!

XIGLEM: Mew... if that artefact ends up working, not even that legendary creature will be a match for you.

GIOVANI: _Mewtwo... it still seems unreal, but I found something better than you. I'm gonna recover you..._

(Wow, that's scary... the good guys arrive with the injured gal at Ketchum's house, but there's no one there.)

ASH: Hi mom, it's me! Me and Pikachu! And my cousin Ashley and a pair of strangers! Uf, we are a lot...

LINDA: The lady isn't home, has she gone shopping? (MIKE: We should be heading to the professor's lab.)

ASH: Okay, I will go. You can nurse my cousin, the first-aid kit is on that wall. I will be back in a while.

(Then he goes to the professor's farm house, but the scene is just as deserted. Or is it?)

ASH: Professor Oak, Tracy? I am Ash! How can't they be anywhere? I clearly said I'll be returning today...

TRACEY: (pooper) Welcome back, Ash! (DELIA: Welcome home, son.) (OAK: It's great having you back!)

ASH: Mom, what a surprise... guys, don't give me a shock like this ever again, okay? (TRACEY: Heh, sorry.)

(The trainer pulls out his Frontier Symbols and furthermore, he has to give them some rotten news.)

ASH: Look, mom, I got all these by winning in the Battle Frontier. (DELIA: They are beautiful, my son!)

TRACEY: Come on, it's time to start the party. (Mime!) (ASH: Wait, I must tell you something first...)

OAK: Then fire away. Don't wait for Gary, he has left seeing that you were taking your time, impatient lad...

ASH: Ashley Ketchum from Knot Island is now at our house with some friends, and she has been injured.

DELIA: My own niece? (0_0) This is awful! She finally decides to visit, and a tragedy had to occur!

OAK: What happened? (ASH: She was attacked and her Pokeballs stolen.) It truly is a disaster, effectively. I'm only a Pokemon doctor, but I think I can do something to help. Tracey, notify the theft to Officer Jenny at Viridian City, don't be late!

ASH: It was the Team Rocket, or at least, a supporter of those evil-doers! He had the R symbol and all...

DELIA: My poor Ashley, she was attacked and robbed, she is so cute that someday she will be TAKEN away!

(The lady is on the verge of fainting... but manages to arrive at home and mummify the girl.)

MIKE: Okay, she is out of danger now. (SHONENJI: Lord Mike, the girl has a lolicon essence in her.)

LINDA: We have hit the jackpot! (^_^) What are we waiting for? (MIKE: No, it's best to do it tomorrow.)

SHONENJI: Yes, her health has taken a hit, the pact could go wrong or be incomplete, we don't want that.

MIKE: See, professor, I am a kind of researcher too, and to complete an experiment I had been working on I must give the boy's cousin a thorough check. If you don't mind, we could do it as soon as tomorrow.

ASHLEY: I hope it doesn't hurt... I have had enough pain for one day. (MIKE: Well, it does sting a bit...)

(They will stay the night there until solving the issue, at night, the bad guy's silhouette slips inside the Rocket labs to take a peek at the finished gadget... and maybe even take it away. He extracts it from its secret urn.)

XIGLEM: Here it is. I can't leave this beauty in the hands of a fool like Giovani. I am gonna insert a little surprise in it, and hand it over to a much more worthy owner. Now I only need to keep him busy until the beeper rings...

(After that, he uses the Shadow Mirror to reflect the security lasers, and make them fry the stasis tanks.)

ALARM: Beeeeep! Breakdown on the laboratory area! Starting emergency protocols!

(So he buzzes off the area with his prize in tow. The next morning, a loud noise makes everyone wake up at the Ketchum household, Mike was finishing his pact with Ashley and goes to check what has fallen in the back yard.)

MIKE: Eh, what was that noise! (checks) It's an industrial container... how the heck did it came to be here?

ASHLEY: Maybe the professor lost it when something exploded in his lab? Be careful, don't fiddle with it...

MIKE: You should go warn the others. It's my understanding that your cousin is hard to awake. (chas!) Ack!

(He had turned his back, and the container suddenly opened and spat something that got stuck on his neck.)

ASHLEY: Kyah! (0_0) He fell unconscious! Eevee, go out! (poof!) Go tell the others, quickly!

(The tiny fox looks for the rest of the gang and the girl checks the boy in glasses, luckily he is waking up.)

MIKE: Agh, that was a sneak attack, what villain dared to? (ASHLEY: Well, it was the thing on your neck.)

ASH: Eh, what is this ruckus about? (0_0) Mike, you have a gizmo stuck on your nape!

LINDA: Wait a sec... looks like the latest Pokewatch model, we saw it on TV last night. But it's different.

ASH: What silliness, a Pokewatch is to be worn on your wrist, not stuck on your neck... we need to tell Oak.

(They go to the lab and the professor does some tests to check that Mike didn't break anything internal.)

OAK: The base design is that of a Pokewatch, no doubt... but the dial piece has another form, I believe it's for readjusting the sphere and change the flux of this internal wire... It's not possible! (magnify glass) I see Ditto cells roaming inside the thing!

ASH: I see. (¬_¬) Those pink, smiling cells leave no doubt about it. (LINDA: Whew, I was thinking he would be suffering the same as me with my crystal...) Ah, yes, you told us already. But Mike is not in danger, it was only the shock of the moment! (^_^)

MIKE: It's deeply rooted, I don't know if I could unstick it by myself. (OAK: That is not convenient right now.) Bah, I was afraid he would say that. Which are the features of this Pokewatch, just to know how I can best utilize it?

ASHLEY: Eh, look! At the TV! (they do) The news were saying a giant Ariados was seen in the forest!

(And it's true, a huge and blackened Ariados is rampaging around the forest, though it doesn't attack people.)

ASHLEY: It's mine! (ASH: Wha?) Yes, you see, no matter if it is blacker now, it has patterns in its body that I hadn't seen in any other Ariados. Surely the one who stole it has caused it a horrible mutation or else... you must do something!

LINDA: We'll help you recapture it! It's the least we can do after your pact with Mike. How's things going?

MIKE: This watch is making my neck itch, but it's nothing. Prof, stay here and keep on investigating it, okay?

(They use the hero's great Instant Transmission to arrive at the forest clearing where the bug is hanging out.)

ASH: Well, even if it is bigger now, it's still a Pokemon. Ready, Pikachu? (PIKACHU: Pi pikaaa!)

ASHLEY: I won't be less than you, off with the bandages! *off they go* Go out, Eevee! Help that Pikachu!

WATCH: (beep!) Mike? I am the professor! I have discovered an interesting feature in your Pokewatch.

MIKE: Whoa, it's Oak talking. Speak louder, I can't hear you! (LINDA: He is saying you should turn the dial and choose a 'Magmar'.) But I can't reach my own nape, hunny, you should know already. You are gonna have to backhand me! But make it soft, eh?

(The lass does as instructed, turns the dial to choose the Magmar picture and backhands his male partner.)

MIKE: (paf!) Agh, there, the button is pressed! *mutation* Hey, you didn't tell me anything about this part!

(A transformation sequence, as grotesque as it is cool, has changed our hero's species to Magmar's. And yet, he's still human sized, still keeps his Knight of Lolicon visor and is free from having to use Poke-language.)

MAGMIKE: Ops, now I am a fire monster... it's like that kid who found an alien watch!

LINDA: You can help them despite having no Pokemon. Now you are shaped like one! Come on, let's rock!

ASH: (0_0) I had never seen anything similar. Pikachu, don't get distracted, Thunder! (ASHLEY: Eevee, Tackle!)

MAGMIKE: Let's see. Fire Punch! (fooom!) Yay, it does hurt it! Blaze Kick! (foom!)

The arachnid bugger is terrific, a regular Ariados would be agonizing by now. It sweats off Pika and Eevee and spits cobwebs at Mike. It sweeps the humans with its many legs, and the hero with a watch is getting mad.

MAGMIKE: Don't touch them, swine! Haaah... OVERHEAT! (fooom!) (ARIADOS: *growls* *pain*.)

(It's almost done, but it wiggles and hits the flaming duck, making him de-evolve to a human being.)

MIKE: Agh, that swipe was to die for... (RADIO: Mike, be careful! If you are injured excessively, your body will reject the Pokemon cells and will be unusable for a while!) And he has to tell me just now... eh, Linda, choose something for me.

(She again backhands him and flees to a safer spot. The hero is now a frenzied Primeape.)

ASH: Wasn't there anything better? Ashley, it would be better not to attack the monster at close quarters.

ASHLEY: It makes me angry, but only he could resist a swipe like that one. Eeevee, use Helping Hand!

(Between the fox supporting and the mouse thunderbolting, they catch up to the enemy.)

PRIMIKE: _I would like to see how it sweats off THIS one. _Haaah... SEISMIC TOSS! (ARIADOS: *growls*.)

VOICE: Espeon, Psy Beam! Umbreon, Mean Look! (LINDA: Hum? Who is interfering in our fight?)

(The newcomers use the aforementioned attacks and the monkey finishes his Seismic Toss.)

VOICE: Darkened creature, the Legendary Shrine will purify you! Pokeball, capture!

(The meddling ones are Wes and Rui, of Colosseum fame! The Snag-ball has captured the Ariados cleanly.)

PRIMIKE: What's a member of Team Snaggem doing here? (beep-beep-poof!) *Mike* Ops, the effect passed.

WES: So you know that I worked for Team Snaggem. And furthermore, you have some kind of device to use Pokemon's DNA to your advantage. You are an interesting guy... but I must bring this spider to Agate Forest's Relic Stone.

RUI: We must do it to cleanse it from darkness. Only the legendary Celebi knows how to do it completely.

ASHLEY: But the Pokemon is mine! It was stolen from me and turned into that. (ASH: Yeah, wait your turn!)

LINDA: I think I know how we can do it. We will recover Ashley's team, which has to be still in Kanto, and when the mess is solved, she will travel with you to that forest to cleanse them. That way you can also help us gather the rest of them.

MIKE: Linda, you are a practical and organizational prodigy! I love you a bit more each day it passes.

LINDA: Aw, don't say that. *blush* (RUI: Wes is a darling, too... sometimes.) (WES: Watch what you say.)

(The ex-grunt has installed another sidecar on his bike, so they can travel all together.)

RUI: (handheld TV) The news are informing about a Tauros in Lavender Town, I am sure that it's yours.

ASH: Yes, it's just as big and black! (0_0) What are we waiting for, then. Let's go! (PIKACHU: Pika chu!)

(After two stomps on the gas pedal, they arrive at Lavender, thanks to Diglett Tunnel. The bike was smoking.)

WES: Well, we are here. Should we accompany you indoors? There are noises in the Pokemon Tower.

MIKE: You better stay outside, Ketchum and I will distract the bull and prevent if from defiling more tombs.

LINDA: But my rosary hasn't shone since yesterday, what a drag... (SHONENJI: That is because you are now very far from your respective guardian galaxies.) With no pearls we have to rely on that mutating watch! We'll have to manage, somehow.

(In the upper floors, the bull is tackling down tombs. The good guys arrive and release their pet monsters.)

LINDA: I have chosen a Psychic type, they're said to be strong. (ASH: Geez, talk about it, Sabrina gave me a beating and half with hers.) I will be in the trench with the kids, so see if you can wear it out and send it outdoors. (paf!)

MIKE: (backhand) Auf! I will do what I can. (foom!) *Abra* AAAAH! What have you done, you fool!

ASHLEY: Shucks, an Abra hardly knows just how to teleport out of danger... it won't be very effective!

ABRIKE: I need to improvise... (Tauros attacks) Whoa, it's catching up to me! Run run ruuun!

(As said, he runs with his tiny legs, but then does something better, Teleport and evades being run over.)

ABRIKE: Pikachu, use Thunderbolts! Eevee, Sand Attack! (KETCHUMS: You heard him, guys...)

(That infuriates the bull, and with sand in its eyes, can't know where to ram. The hero taunts it into charging.)

ABRIKE: Come here, stupid cow. You can't catch me, silly! (does Shinchan's dance)

(He manages to make it ram the wall and fall down outdoors, the damage is good, and Wes and Rui help.)

ABRIKE: (beeeep-poof!) *Mike*. You two keep it busy while we go downstairs and out!

(Espeon and Umbreon do as are told... meanwhile, the lass in leather jacket has learned from her mistake.)

LINDA: This one is a Fighting type, and is in third phase of evolution. I can't be wrong, surely it's a brute!

MIKE: We'll see about that. (paf!) Ack, I think you're doing it on purpose. *Machamp* This is something else!

WES: We are gonna see something good... Espeon, Confusion! Umbreon, Leer! (MIKECHAMP: Coming!)

(The warrior nails the bull with a bone breaking Cross Chop, but if he lets it go, matters will get messier.)

MIKECHAMP: Wait, let it ram at me. Trust me, I was a pretty good trainer. Here goes!

(They let it attack, Mike waits, waits a bit more, then... strikes with a Vital Throw that finally KO's it!)

WES: Pokeball, capture! (zas!) (click) Okay, done. You can come out from wherever you hid, wusses.

ASH: Eh, don't insult us! Not everyone here has been soldiers for an evil organization. (RUI: Touché, boy.)

MIKECHAMP: Look at your screen to see if there are news about more incidents. (beeeep-poof!) *Mike*

ASHLEY: (checks) 'At Bill's Lighthouse, weird tides and unnatural storms'. It has to be my Gyarados!

ASH: Your Pokemon are quite ferocious, cousin... did you catch them by yourself? It is hard to believe.

(The go cross-country through the old Rock Tunnel route, and arrive at the beach quite on time.)

ASHLEY: We can't go through the cliffs with the bike... let's do as before, you stay as the backup team.

RUI: It saddens me, but keep forward. You should choose a good Pokemon, eh Linda? (LINDA: I'm trying...)

(They see the dragon and decide to reach it flying, the boy's hunny chooses something with obvious wings.)

MIKE: OK then, transform! (poof!) *Flygon* Er, it can fly, alright, but if I fall into the sea, I'm doomed...

ASH: Pikachu, Thunderbolt! (ASHLEY: Eevee, Helping Hand!) We must push it to the shore and stuck it there.

FLIKEON: How about this: Dragonbreath! (fsssh!) I paralyzed it, let's finish the deal with Toxic. Ptuf!

(Yeeha, now the dragon is suffering many status ailments, and the hero wants to Dragon Claw it, but...)

FLIKEON: (Paf!) Arg! *falls* Something was telling meee...! Wes, don't be a dick and get me outta here!

WES: Bah, I was expecting it too... Tropius, go out! (foom!) Use Vine Whip and rescue Mike from the sea.

RUI: Linda, here we go! You can choose another Pokemon for your boy, he is in need of an urgent drying.

FLIKEON: I have gobbled sea water, that's bad... (beeeep-poof!) *Mike* Isn't there a water monster here?

LINDA: It's a matter of finding it... Kids, keep the assault, that thing is almost on land!

(After the backhand, Glasses Boy turned into a Feraligart, whoa. Now that the Ketchum kids have pulled the monster outta the water, Mike becomes one that needs it to fight... bah. But he doesn't give up, and tries an amazing trick.)

FERALIKE: *bites* Gnarg! (Gyarados growls) This is for my fall before, obese carp, eat claw swipes!

(After biting, slashing and generally lashing at it, he is gonna do a creative manoeuver.)

FERALIKE: Bubble beam... (blooop) See, look at my cool bubble shield... and it bounces.

(Jumps at its head, and does Icy Wind to freeze the bubble from inside and hurls it onto his scaly head.)

LINDA: (0_0) I never saw a Pokemon using water that way. (ASHLEY: Me neither, not even in Contests...)

WES: Heh, he has KO'ed it, alright... Pokeball, capture! (zas!) (click) Okay, we are past the half mark.

RUI: More news, pals. 'Blackout at Sylph Co.'s headquarters, electrical short-circuits in all Saffron City'.

ASH: Do you... did you have any Electric Pokemon, Ashley? (ASHLEY: No, so I don't know who is this.)

(They head for the city by bike, and effectively, it is clad in darkness. They sneak into the Sylph building.)

MIKE: I can't see a thing. And the watch is beeping crazily since a while ago, they are going to bust us...

LINDA: Kids, go with us. Wes, Rui, wait for us to open the hangar's gates and you can enter through them.

ASH: Eh, this Pokemon picture has popped by itself. It rings a bell. (ASHLEY: Must be reacting to something.)

(Linda backhands the lad and he mutates into a Porygon. So effectively, it had to be due to their presence.)

PORIKE: Right, this building is full of Porygon, which are later distributed to Celadon City's casino.

ASH: Then take advantage of it, that Pokemon can tinker with electrical and mechanical signals and stuff!

ASHLEY: Yes, let us open the electric locks to be able to enter the rest of floors. I have heard something...

(Yep, by taking the elevator and going down, a black, pissed off Scyther greets them, so the Ketchums react.)

ASH: Pikachu, Volt Tackle! (ASHLEY: Eevee, Shadow Ball!) (PORIKE: Ahem, okay: Tri Attack...!)

(It won't work for much longer, the mantis is fast as crap. The monster boy has another brilliant idea.)

PORIKE: Let's get dangerous. Shock Wave! (bzzz!) Guys, tackle it when I told you to! (pause) Zap Cannon!

(They wonder where is he aiming at, because he makes a hole in the floor. But suddenly, it makes sense.)

RUI: Wes, that bug will fall on top of us! (WES: Not if I don't let him: Espeon, Light Screen!) Faster...!

(The others jump down the hole, the monster hurts Mike and undoes his mutation, and he is even thankful.)

MIKE: Oh holy Mary, make it be something good... (paf!) It hurts! (foom!) *Lucario* Heh, I love this one.

(Espeon shares his Light Screen, and the new mutant goes with Quick Attack to catch it by surprise.)

MIKARIO: Now you don't see me... now you don't either. *hit* (SCYTHER: *growl*) Wait, there is more.

(He uses Metal Claw, that does so much more damage. Asks Umbreon for a Mean Look to do the final hit.)

MIKARIO: I need time to pull off this... Double Team. (sssh!) Now gather energy and... Aura Sphere!

(He takes a run up and without firing it, he stamps it on the blackened monster's face, a la Rasengan.)

MIKARIO: What a rush... (beeeep-poof!) *Mike* (LINDA: Guys, thank for your help, you are great.)

ASHLEY: There's only one left... and by elimination process, has to be Ninetales. But where can it be?

RUI: It's a Fire type, so I suppose it will be in a warm place. Though, neither Wes nor I know this region well.

ASH: There are lots of volcanic islands due south, it's the only place I really know. Blaine's gym was there.

WES: Let's check the news on TV then. (watches) 'Arson and rock slides in New Island 's ruins. (¬_¬)

ASH: _New Island? Now that rings a big bell... but why?_ (ASHLEY: Please, help me get the last one too.)

(As said, they speed off by bike and get a boat to New Island, with special permission from Officer Jenny.)

RUI: It's getting hotter... and we know who is to blame for it. (ASHLEY: Watch out for the Fire Blast!)

(They evade it with a bit of effort, and this time everyone will help, Linda chooses some rocky Pokemon.)

MIKE: (foom!) *Tyranitar* Now these are big words. Let's see what this beauty can do.

WES: Espeon, Psychic! Umbreon, Beat-up! We can't let him get a head start or he will scorch us alive.

ASH: Pikachu, when I tell you, throw a Thunder. (ASHLEY: Eevee, amass a Shadow Ball.)

(The fire fox spews ditto, the hero covers himself with Iron Defense and follows with a Crunch, then...)

KETCHUMS: Fire! (Pika chuuu!) (Eeev!) (NINETALES: *explosion* Gruuur!)

TIRANIKE: Eat minerals, freak. Ptuf! (spits rocks) And now, Rock Tomb! Haaah!

(He tries to bury him alive with rocks, but the fox waggles and burns him... and throws NINE Iron Tails.)

TIRANIKE: Aaaarg! (beeeep-poof!) *Mike* Geez, the watch couldn't resist it... boys, buy me more time!

(The mouse uses Volt Tackle and his fox partner follows with Take-down, while Redhead checks who's left.)

LINDA: I can't turn the dial... since I got the picture of this thing. It's giving me bad vibes...

MIKE: It doesn't matter, it's the last black giant! We can't lose now and let Ashley and the others down...

(After a transformation creepier than usual, the knight has become a spine chilling Dusclops.)

MIKLOPS: Finally... (rasp voice) I have so many ways of crushing you, weasel... which one am I gonna use?

(He starts with Bind, now that he has tied up the enemy, is gonna screw with it: he uses a horrible Curse.)

ASH: So gross... not even Ninetales deserves that. (ASHLEY: The idea is capturing it in one piece...!)

NINETALES: *growls* Graaar! (flamethrower) (MIKLOPS: Arg, so you are still in the mood for playing...)

(He scares it with Astonish, and banishes among the ruins' shadows to throw a Shadow Punch afterwards.)

WES: It isn't pretty, but it's working... (LINDA: Mike, that's not like you! Youve never been so cruel!)

(Rui can't say a word because of the shock, so the boy in glasses wraps the fox in Night Shade to finish it, but spews a Will-o-wisp as a memento. Wes throws the Snagball, but Mike isn't satisfied and uses Pursuit to further injure it.)

ASHLEY: Well, this is over... Mike, why did you do that! (MIKLOPS: Not over yet... I must capture her...)

(The burn hurts him, and the mutation is dissolved before the girl faints from the shock in the ghost's arms.)

MIKE: What happened... (headache) That was dangerous... a ghost Pokemon is not easy to manipulate.

ASH: You looked like a totally different person... it seemed as if you wanted to devour my cousin or else.

LINDA: We must leave this place. And see if the professor found a way to unstick that Poke-watch.

WES: Our support ends here. The moment we arrive at the continent, we will rest and head to Orre.

ASHLEY: Yep, I am exhausted... about you, I will ask the professor to let you stay the night at his farm.

(They do so, they come back to firm land and report to Jenny about the concluded quest. Wes and Rui will wait for Ashley to accompany her to Agate Forest... and the prof kept on investigating the watch. At night, the boy dreams something weird.)

_MIKE: This place... is like that vision I had when I grabbed Xig-lem's hands... and this is Linda there!_

_(Again he is watching the corrupted version of the event, when he is swallowed by the black hole and the girl stays there, cold and inert. However, he falls for the trick and goes to check the corpse, which suddenly stands up...)_

_LINDA: *zombie* Let me leave... (grabs) I must escape... bring the girl to my master. (MIKE: AH! *shock*) _

_(He is shocked because the girl's face is dried and wrinkly... and she lacks an eye. What a gross image.)_

MIKE: (wake up) Ack, so gross! But why have I dreamt that... last night the professor managed to unstick the watch and put it on my wrist, as it is proper. Then why can't I seem to maintain control on that kind of Pokemon mummy?

(Again a loud bang wakes them up... but this time, everyone gets ready before any more accidents can happen. It's the Rocket's balloon, they have found them! Somehow, they have managed to locate their boss' missing Pokewatch.)

ASH: Aren't I gonna ever get some sleep here? (ASHLEY: Are they Rockets?) Yes, but those are... special.

JAMES: Well, this scanner has been quite useful, we finally found the watch. (JESSIE: After going around in circles the entirety of yesterday!) But don't get mad at me, please. (MEOWTH: There are new twerps down there... let's say our motto!)

_Are you having trouble with our watch's tricks? / Then handle it back and we will give it a fix!  
__An evil as old as the galaxy... / Sent here to fulfil our destiny!  
__(Plus there's me!)  
__To protect the world from devastation. / To unite all people within our nation!  
__To denounce the evils of truth and love. / To extend our reach to the stars above!  
__Jessie! / James! / (And Meowth are the names!)  
__Anywhere there's peace in the universe... / The Team Rocket will be there.  
__(To make everything worse!)  
__*Wooobuffet!* *Mime mime!*_

ASHLEY: (0_0) Is this normal among Rockets? (ASH: *sweat* It's just them...) (WES: We'll give you nothing!)

JESSIE: Look who's talking, the guy in a black coat. (JAMES: You look suspicious for being a twerp...)

RUI: Leave Wes alone, he is not like you anymore! (MIKE: Rui, leave it to me, I want to try something.)

(He touches the dial and selects a monster, but inexplicably, the chosen one is Dusclops, the boy gets angry.)

MIKLOPS: Dusclops? I didn't choose this one! Bah, no matter. You're gonna fight me, you creeps. Start!

JESSIE: It's the boss' watch, now there is no doubt. Dustox, Seviper, go out! (JAMES: Cacnea, get them!)

(After the usual prickly hug from the cactus, Meowth decides to join the fight. He was getting bored, so...)

MIKLOPS: You are going to vanish... in the darkness. (ROCKETS: *scare*) Let's start with something easy.

(He throws a Night Shade and the mooks don't know where to strike... he gives them a long Lick and grosses them, just before he fires a Shadow Ball that thrashes everything, balloon included. The ghost boy is smacking his lips.)

ROCKETS: The Team Rocket's blasting off again! *twinkle* (LINDA: Well, they did not take the watch...)

MIKLOPS: You are mine at last... my master will grant me freedom... (ASHLEY: Let go, you're hurting me!)

(Just for mentioning him the hated one arrives: Lord Xig-lem. He came to take his prey, who the ghost caught.)

XIGLEM: All went perfectly. (LINDA: Xig-lem!) I was the one who put that mummy Pokemon inside Giovani's Pokewatch. (ASH: Then it was true!) Now he wants to leave his prison, and I promised him, if he managed to catch your cousin, Ash Ketchum. She'll be part of my collection, and today the Knight of Lolicon can't help you!

MIKLOPS: No... I can't... (foom!) *Mike* You need more than a ghost freak to control me, rat!

XIGLEM: You think so? That can be remedied. *black smoke* (MIKE: Aaaarg...! The watch is sparking!)

(After some sparks, the Dusclops escapes from its metallic prison and with the added strength, it evolves.)

DUSKNOIR: (rasp) Master Xig-lem gave me freedom... and he will realize his wishes. *Shadow Punches*

ASH: Pikachu, Thunder! (Pika CHU!) *thunder* (MIKE: There has to be a Pokemon trump-card here...!)

WES: Espeon, Psychic! Umbreon, Crunch! I'll keep him busy meanwhile. (RUI: Save her, Mike... everyone!)

XIGLEM: You have nothing to do. Dusknoir is too strong for any Pokemon inside the watch to defeat him.

MIKE: (tinkers) Oh yeah? That's because you never met Cannon Bolt! _Again, I always wanted to say that!_

(Incredibly, the watch has shone and turned Mike into Electivire, to compensate us for having missed Gary's... between Pikachu and it, fry the ghost extra crispy and the mouse uses Volt Tackle on the villain's ugly rear.)

XIGLEM: (PLAM!) *bzzz* Arg...! The mirror can't stop the electric current! (flies off) We'll meet again!

WES: Pokeball, capture! (zas!) (clic) Looks like we will be cleansing this one too, apart from all of yours.

ELECTIMIKE: Come on, go with them to the Orre region, Ashley. They will take good care of you. And when you purify your guys, you have to go back to Ash, and beat him in battle! (beeeep-poof!) *Mike* Shucks, the watch has melted... I won't be able to take part in the fun, I am afraid. Give it to the professor. (ASH: Yeah, I would want to fight you some day!)

ASHLEY: See you later, cousin. When I am back, I will be stronger. (ASH: And I will beat Sinnoh's league!)

NARRATOR: To purify her Pokemon, our hero's cousin has to leave far away... but her friends are going to accompany her, and meanwhile, Ash gets ready for his next league challenge. All that and more, in the next episode!


	18. Number 2: Digimon Tamers

_A BEAST FROM THE PAST: KIMERAMON ROARS BACK._

After getting out of a quite hairy mess, our Knight of Lolicon went back to be as he has always been, and they land on a playpen ground for the twentieth time, more or less... they see that, according to what is usual in Number anime, there are lots of little kids. Shonenji made the mistake of letting some see him, but no one seemed to be shocked. That was the definite clue as to where they landed: the Genderiel's mistaken identity.

BOY: Hey sir, what Digimon is that? (LINDA: _Digimon? What are they, Pokemon's distant cousins?_)

MIKE: Er, no, he actually is a Genderiel. They are rulers of various galaxies, something you can't understand.

MOTHER: Eh, come here! Leave them alone. Sorry, he's always talking about nonsense he sees on TV.

(The lady and her son leave, and Mike starts to recognize the area: it's Shinjuku's park.)

SHONENJI: Good, then, I hope I won't be asked more stupid questions. (LINDA: Heh, you are so grumpy.)

MIKE: Linda, be quiet! (SHONENJI: Thanks, my lord.) The music is starting now!

(Said while the Digimon Tamers original Japanese op begins, 'The Biggest Dreamer'.)

[Yes, it needs to be the original japanese. Got a problem with that?]

(It ended... after that, the knight begins to crazily look for a reference: Guilmon's cage.)

MIKE: Depending on what I find there, I will know what was of our Tamer friends.

LINDA: _There are trainers here too? Just what are those Digimon? They are different things each time!_

(The bushy haired one gets confused, but what they find in the improvised cage leaves no room for doubt.)

MIKE: The gate! Then the Digimon have returned to the city... or will return very soon.

TAKATO: (peeks) Eh, who are you? (?_?) Why are you talking about Digimon? Maybe you know them?

MIKE: I do, at least. Truth is, I saw the battle between a bunch of them and a giant pink gunk back then.

TAKATO: Ah, yes, the D-Reaper. Luckily that mess ended well. And yes, our Digimon came back! (^_^) But Jen's did not... *sadness* Now I have Guilmon living in my room, as my parents let him stay. Then you actually met them? It seems weird...

MIKE: You won't believe it, but I've drawn my own Digimon too... I learnt it from you.

LINDA: (^_^) Sometimes you have very childish antics, Mike. But I like you because of that, I already said.

TAKATO: Well, now I am a role model... (^_^) How is yours, sir? Is it a Rookie-level?

MIKE: Yes, in fact, it has a vague similitude with Shonenji... come out! (he poofs in) Of course he doesn't have those wings, but he is a lizard with a greenish, childlike smile in the face. Do you have any paper? (SHONENJI: Use your visor's printer, Lord Mike.)

(That method allows the boy to print an image of the bugger exactly as he dreamed him. Takato likes him.)

TAKATO: Heh, I'm sure he would fancy Monodramon's presence... by the way, I'll go look for the others.

(They go to Henry's apartment building, although Rika's house is bigger, there they can talk to Tao Wong.)

RIKA: I understand your motives, boys, but I don't know why you had to bring HIM here. (RYO: Hi there!)

HENRY: Rika, as a matter of fact, he is the Digimon card-game champion, and was in their world longer than us. (TAKATO: And Cyberdramon is pretty cool... ops, I was too obvious.) Anyway, what did these misters want to do again?

MIKE: You see, we came through a computer portal... (RYO: Whoa, just like me!) Yes, we believe the Digital World is a nexus between worlds, curiously enough. But to return the way we came, we need to gather a special energy.

SHONENJI: They need Lolicon energy, which we Genderiels can process to feed it to our goddess. (TAO: Is she anything like a Digimon Sovereign?) Er, you could say that. Well, by doing this we will be able to resurrect her.

LINDA: You were called 'Digimon' by a kid before... where are yours? Since we got here I want to know...

TAO: Ah, we have stored them in a specific area of the Digital World, that way we can bring them here if we wanted to. (HENRY: My Terriermon popped out of a videogame, after all. So they will be there.) I only need a laptop and press some keys.

(He looks for one in the office, and the kids get happy with their pets' arrival. Linda is positively shocked.)

LINDA: Mike... do you think we are like them? Trapped inside your father's computer?

MIKE: Well, it's not the same... ours was an entrance like many others, much like Fantasia's.

GUILMON: (^_^) Takato, I wanna go play! I don't eat bread since ages ago. (TERRIERMON: Moumantai.)

RENAMON: Rika... are you getting along with your mom? (RIKA: Yes...) Your mom was very kind to us...

RYO: What's up, cyber-rascal? (winks) I hope you are taking care of your mates here...

(Cyberdramon growls and they think it's his usual nag, but that growl was 'alarming' instead of 'saluting'.)

TAO: Ryo, your Digimon is unnerved, something is shaking inside him. I swept him with the scanner...

TAKATO: Say, Cyberdramon is supposed to be a Vaccine type, so why is he always so aggressive and all?

RYO: Well, it's something that happened long ago... Monodramon had to absorb an evil and awful Digimon that threatened the worlds, that's why he managed to digi-evolve to Cyberdramon. I always try to keep him in check, but now...

RIKA: Heh, so Mister Perfection had some crude beginnings. I knew not everything had to be fun and giggles.

HENRY: But the scanner says it's another load of data the one altering him, not the one inside him. There!

(Far into the screen's landscape, it has become more and more evident the appearance of a Dark Tower.)

RYO: *shock* It can't be... those things should have been eradicated forever... (MIKE: A Dark Tower, they're nothing but trouble!) Then you know about them? Ah, of course you know, you came from another world... we need to fix this mess!

HENRY: Guys, I am afraid you will have to fight this thing. (TERRIERMON: We will handle it, no prob!)

TAKATO: Guilmon, I want you to help them in any way you can. (RIKA: Renamon, do not fail us either.)

MIKE: Ryo, maybe it would be a good idea having Minimon accompany you in today's quest. Linda and I have a hunch about who could have caused the accident, and all help is welcomed. It's surely our fault, so we want to compensate you.

TAO: Are you planning on sending his data to the Digital World? Do you think it is as easy as drawing, boy?

TAKATO: Eh, Guilmon was my creation! All Digimon were drawn by you years ago, of course it has to work. We only need to trust him! And if Mike believes his Digimon will become real, then I believe so too!

RYO: That's the spirit, Matsuki... I was so lucky finding you all. Come on, fire up that scanner stuff.

(They take the picture of the petite Minimon and scan it, incredibly the Digi-gnomes should have been in a good mood, because they materialized him! Everyone is happy and send the team to the place crowned by the Dark Tower. They are gonna evolve!)

RIKA: Take this, it's my best digivolving card. (HENRY: Thanks, here goes: Evolving Device type B!)

GUILMON: *pose* Guilmon digivolves to GROWLMON! (TERRIERMON: Terriermon digivolves to GARGOMON! (RENAMON: Renamon digivolves to KYUBIMON! ) (MINIMON: And now it's my turn!)

(That way Minimon digivolves to an emerald green dragon, like the ones typical in fairy tales: Megalomon!)

TAKATO: Wow, what a beast. (0_0) I could have never imagined how Growlmon was going to be, but...

RYO: Don't leave any brick unturned! Only trouble can stem from that tower... don't let it be activated!

CYBERDRAMON: Desolation Claw! (Exhaust Flame!) (Gargo Pellets!) (Koenryuu!)

(The newly born dragon tries his special, Green Cannon, and it seems like they thrashed the damned tower.)

HENRY: Is it over? It was too easy... (RYO: No, with the Dark Towers it NEVER is as easy. It feels wrong...)

RIKA: The black data specks are regrouping... they are taking the shape of a Digimon.

TAO: Wait, I got it: 'Kimeramon, Composite Digimon, Data type, Ultimate level'. That thing is a...!

RYO: Yes, an Ultimate level beast... your Digimon have no chance against him. It's me the one it seeks...

RIKA: Eh, don't be a show-off! We are all together in this mess. We will find the card that can trounce that eyesore. There has to be one! No Digimon is actually unbeatable. We need the miraculous power of the Blue Card!

LINDA: Is it like this one? (TAO: (0_0) That's a genuine Blue Card! Where did you get it, lass?) Er, well, a girl gave it to me at the park, when we were leaving. I had not even touched it until now, I swear... how weird.

MIKE: Why a random passerby girl had such a strong card? No matter, it's a gift from Heaven, so scan it!

(So he scans it, and immediately Wargrowlmon, Rapidmon and Taomon arrive to help their cyber-pal.)

MEGALOMON: Megalomon digivolves to GEARDRAMON! (MIKE: Whoa, what a cool bugger!)

(Now he is a... thing with the lower half of a green dragon, and the upper one looks like a Decepticon jet with long claws instead of hands and a reptilian head... after recovering from the shock, it's the Wong boy the one who analyzes it.)

HENRY: 'Machine Digimon, Vaccine type, Ultimate level'. Mike, you have created a hell of a monster...

RYO: Don't get distracted. Look, Kimeramon is struggling. I hope they can take him down...

W-GROWLMON: Atomic Blaster! (Miracle Missil!) (Bonhitsusen!) (Gaping Maw!)

(That was Geardramon's ferocious bite, he is specialized in potent, physical pain.)

KIMERAMON: *roars* Grrr! (CYBERDRAMON: Desolation Claw! *hurt* Arg!) (RYO: It's eating him!)

(The synthetic freak is forcing a Jogress Evolution with the reptile man, and at the end they evolve to...)

RYO: Gosh, no... it has infected him, just like back then. (RIKA: What didja say?) It's gonna turn him evil!

(Yes, he has become Millenniumon again... that fiend does a claw swipe to knock and de-evolve everyone.)

MIKE: Did anyone else know about Cyberdramon's horrible secret? (RYO: I thought I was the only one.) Wait, it could be that creep that's always bothering us... he will do anything to kidnap little girls and he is as much an otaku as me! Bastard...

(As if confirming it, the Shadow Mirror appears in the wasteland, grows huge and the enemy Digimon traverses the worlds' barrier to appear near the place they're operating against it: again in Shinjuku's playground park.)

TAO: It's impossible that the Hypnos staff hasn't located it yet... although they can't do much about it.

TAKATO: Guilmon, go with the others through that hole! We will be there as soon as possible.

MIKE: Do you think you'll be able to digivolve to Mega level? (LINDA: _I don't understand anything...)_

(As said, they go to the park and the monster has scored a victim: Henry's sister, Shiuchon!)

LINDA: Eh, that's the girl who gave me the card! (HENRY: (0_0) My sister?) She was playing around and...

MIKE: Maybe Lopmon's digivolving card conserved some of Zhuquiaomon's power... bless our luck!

SHIUCHON: *panics* Henry, Terriermon, get me outta here! (cries) It's gonna eat meee!

HENRY: Dammed monster... Ryo, I don't want to hurt Cyberdramon, but this has become a personal matter.

(However, the Hypnos guys arrive there by helicopter, just like when the Devas attacked.)

YAMAKI: (gazes) Cursed eyesores... why won't they leave their troubles on their own world...

MIKE: Looks like the Special Forces have arrived. Now, them being useful it's another matter altogether...

RIKA: I don't plan on staying idle. Renamon, get ready. The Blue Card still has enough strength to continue.

RENAMON: Renamon digivolves to TAOMON! (Wargrowlmon!) (Rapidmon!) (Geardramon!)

(The fire their specials at the enemy, but this one is tougher than Kimeramon...and he sweats them off.)

CALUMON: (arrives) Eh, what are you doing-calu? That big monster wants to eat the little girl-calu!

TAKATO: Calumon? How did he get here? (RYO: His forehead is shining...)

VOICE: Dear Tamers, I am the ruler of the East, Azulongmon. I am sending you my energy through the Digi-Entelechia. If the frenzied Millenniumon keeps at rampaging, there won't be hope for any of our worlds... you must stop him.

LINDA: Again we receive a gift from Heaven! (^_^) Someone must have been praying a lot today, right?

HENRY: Better yet. Terriermon, can you do it? (TERRIERMON: You already know my catchphrase, Henry.)

MIKE: Kids, I am sorry for not accompanying you. I never designed any Mega level for Minimon, dang it...

TAKATO: Don't worry, I believe we will be okay. Come on Guilmon, let's do it for old times' sake!

GUILMON: Guilmon digivolves to GALLANTMON! (MegaGargomon!) (Sakuyamon!)

RYO: I can't help them either, it's my Digimon the one that's at stake now. I must think of something...

The two grown ups and the boy sport a sad face, although Geardramon tries to do some thing by himself... the Hypnos staff has ended securing the area, but two curious teens slip inside the perimeter: Kazu and Kenta.

KAZU: Ryo, dude! The moment we saw the big Millenniumon on the loose we though about you. Who did it, huh? (KENTA: Yeah, who was the bastard that stole your Cyberdramon? That thing there is one of his evolutions, and quite an ugly one!)

RYO: Sorry, I am to blame for this... I never told anyone that Monodramon absorbed a horrible virus...

MIKE: It's not your fault! (ò_ó.#) It was that creep Lord Xig-lem, who is behind all of this!

LINDA: It's true, in the Digital World we got to see irrefutable proof... he is too smart for his own good.

MIKE: And I can't help anymore... Minimon can't evolve to Mega level. It was an error in my base design...

KAZU: Don't say such idiocy. I plan on joining the fray along Guardromon, and I don't have a Mega level mon like Kenta. It's all in the spirit! Takato could materialize Guilmon because he trusted him! Why aren't you doing the same?

MINIMON: *pain* Mike, that thing has gravely hurt me... (sparks) If I keep going I'll be erased forever...

(And the boy suffered a Screen of Death like that time with the Saiyans, because of his bugger's ill state.)

MIKE: (dark eyes) I won't allow it... no one will destroy something I created! We are gonna fix this mess!

SHONENJI: _It's the same as that first time... he still hadn't fully grasped his Knight of Lolicon power, but today he is very conscious of it. It's the frenzy of someone who gets something they love dearly ripped off of them..._ (LINDA: Mike... give him courage!)

(The two grown ups hug the lizard, and he sobs in his 'parents' arms. And the miracle actually happened.)

VISOR: (beeeep!) **Matrix Evolution**... (FOOM!) (RYO: Their Digimon has absorbed data from both!)

_MIKE: You'll never be able to understand the joy of being able to CREATE something..._

MINIMON: Minimon digivolves to... VALIANTMON! (KENTA: Whoa, guys, that's a real Mega Digimon!)

(The new warrior is an armoured knight in the same vein as Gallantmon, but green and white coloured.)

KAZU: 'Valiantmon, Warrior Digimon, Vaccine type, Mega level... the best friend and rival of Gallantmon'.

RYO: Wow, this is heavy! (0_0) _Please don't fail me now... all the worlds are at stake..._

VALIANTMON: Heya pals! Mike and Linda gave me their strength, now I can fight at your side too.

M-GARGOMON: First we need to rescue Shiuchon... we can't attack him if she's still entrapped.

_MIKE: What powers do you have, Valiantmon? If we knew we could devise some plan. (LINDA: Eh, don't forget about me, I lent him my strength too.) Linda? I can't see you! But I am glad to know you are here with us. _(^_^)

(Two bubbles of light exist inside Valiantmon, but the 2 humans can't see each other.)

VALIANTMON: I can do whatever you believe I can, Mike. I am your creation, there are no limits!

(Then Linda lends him her elemental combo, he cuts the monster and makes its hands explode.)

SAKUYAMON: Kogoukai Mandala! (foom!) Takato, Henry, the newcomer has used some weird vines...

VALIANTMON: They are a part of my mother. Saku, you hold the girl. (SHIUCHON: Yay, with Rika! (^_^)

GALLANTMON: There are no more obstacles, so we can begin the offensive. (pose) Final Elysium!

(The beam does good damage to Millenniumon, and moreover it blinds him, Henry will take advantage of that.)

M-GARGOMON: Gargo Missile! (BOOM!) He is almost done for... (flash) Eh? What is this thing...!

(The enemy has gone up to ZeedMillenniumon, a two-headed, unstable and very dangerous monstrosity.)

RYO: It's his ultimate form... If you can manage to split his data, there is a chance of saving Cyberdramon!

VALIANTMON: I will try. Mike, I am gonna use your special tech! COSMO BREAK!

MILENIUMON: *roars* GRAAA! (_MIKE: That's my partner! Linda, I hope you are watching this too!_)

(The freak splits into his two components, Cyberdramon and Kimeramon, and Ryo loses no time.)

RYO: You owe me one, monster! (D-power) (C-DRAMON: Cyberdramon digivolves to... JUSTIMON!)

_LINDA: Ryo, this is your chance! You can finish the virus that was tormenting Cyberdramon... save him!_

JUSTIMON: All at once, guys: Justice Burst! (Final Elysium!) (Mega Barrage!)

At the end, the eyesore has vanished under the Tamers' combined power! Henry's sister gets off Sakuyamon's arms and the cool Valiantmon asks her for a lolicon pact. Just like that, not even de-evolving. And it worked...

MINIMON: (poof!) Aw, shucks, I'm small again... Do you like me better this way, Mike? (MIKE: I like all of you, Minimon... because you are my Digimon. And Linda too, I am sure.) (LINDA: (^_^) Of course we do, darling.)

SHIUCHON: Whoa, he is so cool, I want him to come with me! (HENRY: But you already have Lopmon.)

TERRIERMON: Tsk, and me too. Aren't I cool enough for her? How can she ignore me so easily?

RIKA: The Hypnos agents are finishing their cleaning duty... what will you do, Ryo?

RYO: I am afraid you will lose sight of me again... Cyberdramon must come back to the Digital World, but someone has to look after him. What the heck, that way I'll be close to Guilmon and the others, don't you think, Takato?

TAKATO: Yep, maybe. (^_^) I will get a load of bread ready for your voyage. Now we deserve a good rest!

(The day ends, the night passes, and the next day they see off their pets, who carry their owners' presents.)

TAO: And the Digital World is always growing up... thanks to your creation, Mike, and the ones from all the kids who love Digimon. We've demonstrated that both worlds can help each other develop for the better. (HENRY: That's right...)

MIKE: We have to leave... we have what we came looking for, and that hateful weasel didn't even rear his head this time around. Perhaps we are improving! (LINDA: Careful, don't jinx the matter... or we could lose the boat.)

(In the shadows cast by a tall building, the villain is watching the scene, and smiles in a patronizing way.)

XIGLEM: That's what you want to believe... for now, all is going according to plan. Hold there, Shojonoe...

(Digimon Frontier's preview music starts.)

TAKUYA: A game to decide our future? (KOJI: What's at the end of the tunnel?) (ZOE: And what are those freaky things!) (JP: They're Digimon... so is this the Digital World?) (TOMMY: Wah, I wanna go home!) This is the power of legends, accept it! In the next episode of Digimon Frontier: 'The Legendary Warrior, Agunimon of Flame'. Now, the legend evolves!


	19. Number 3: Yugioh

_WHOEVER HAS THE GOLD CARD MAKES THE RULES._

After a good job, and yet a sad farewell, the anime-travelling duo land smack dab on a cruise ship, where they don't recognize anyone... the boy remembers the stories he read about stowaways, and believes the best course of action is acting normally –wearing the Ben Tennyson/Travis Touchdown respective cosplays- so as to not stand up so much... Shonenji must be on the look for possible lolicon-power wielders, because their villain has shown he makes no exceptions...

MIKE: Yep, and the girl spent all the story evading a private detective... at the end, she got away with it!

LINDA: That boy was so kind to her... (^_^) But it was funny, the dialogue they had on his cabin.

MIKE: Ha ha, yes... 'if you don't stop whining, I am able of kissing you'. After which, the boy covers himself.

SHONENJI: Would you go that far, Lady Linda? (LINDA: Shonny, if you don't shup up I will **hurt** you.)

MIKE: Get along, please... *sweat* Ah, I am remembering another stowaway story, in the first season of...

(To interrupt him, the American intro for Yu-gi-oh GX starts: 'Get Your Game On'.)

MIKE: Erm? That wasn't the first season, it was the GX intro... what damn ship did we get into, then?

(And again, as if answering him, some blue haired girl in a cute dress turns the corner.)

LINDA: So cute! (^_^) *bear hug* (MIKE: Eh, Linda, don't be so sticky! She is Blair Flannigan!)

BLAIR: Why do you know me? (?_?) Your girl is very passionate, boy. She's lucky of having scored you.

LINDA: Hey kid, I didn't 'score' him! In actuality, he found me... and we have been together since.

BLAIR: Ah, yes, like my dear Zane... (*v*) And the lovely Jaden. (*v*) Duel Academy is full of cute boys... I wanted to enter, and almost made it, but they busted me and here I am, on my way home with my parents.

MIKE: Bah, don't miss them, I know you will soon be able to return. By the way, I am a duelist too.

LINDA: (0_0) That too? Is there even anything you can't do? (MIKE: Ahem, let's say I am just average.)

(As they have something in common, they introduce themselves formally and agree to have a friendly duel.)

BLAIR: Look, my father's cards... I rubbed this hobby off him, you can borrow a bunch to make your deck.

MIKE: Oh, thanks... the Duel Disk too, I guess? I'll have made my deck in a while, so wait a moment.

(Everything ready, they go to the on-board swimming pool, which is now covered, and stand on it to duel.)

THEM: *score* LET'S DUEL! (beep!)

BLAIR: I go first, if you don't mind. I put a card in Defense mode and two face down, it's ok for now.

MIKE: If you start like this, I don't mind, no... here goes: I play Cyber Harpie, I strike your defensive card!

(The card is the Apprentice Magician, it dies and the girl uses its effect to call upon her favourite one.)

BLAIR: Good, my best friend's here! (^_^) You will see next turn, big boy. You are gonna get scorched.

MIKE: Oh, I know her very well. I know she isn't just a pretty face. Not unlike my girl partner here.

(Again a thankful Linda smiles his way, and it's the Osiris student's next turn already.)

BLAIR: I change Maiden-in-Love to Attack mode. I uncover a card: Cupid's Kiss! Let us see what you do.

MIKE: I am on my way. I play Harpie's Brother! This is gonna hurt you more than her, I am sure.

(He attacks with the Brother, Blair's LP: 4000-2600. But the bird boy is entrapped by her charms' magic.)

BLAIR: Come here, you sly devil. You are a bad birdie, but my maiden is gonna teach you proper manners.

MIKE: Didn't you forget anything, dear? My Harpie is in the field. She is not going to like what you did.

(She attacks the maiden, but Blair uncovers the other card: Defense Maiden blocks the blow: 2600-1200.)

BLAIR: Whew, my turn again. I use the spell: Happy Marriage! And your Harpie is left alone and bitter.

MIKE: (0_0) There are loves that kill! (foom!) Geez, both went down... while fighting. Like me and my sis.

(But the maiden has inherited 2200 Attack from the affair, and Mike was left with 1800 LP.)

MIKE: I can't do much more... I put this monster in Defense mode and this, face down.

BLAIR: Few things can stand up to my maiden after her happiest day... so finish him!

(The girl clashes with the hidden monster and beats it... but it is the Man Eater Bug.)

MIKE: I know it is a 'man' eater, but it won't turn its nose to a woman... come on, take her to your grave.

BLAIR: Baaah, so gross! My most cute and lovely card sharing a tomb with the ugliest bug of them all!

MIKE: And the turn goes to me. (looks) Geez, okay... Defensive monster and face down card yet again.

BLAIR: You are running out of ideas, I presume. I play the Shining Angel! Let's go for that hidden monster.

(She uncovers it and it's the Giant Soldier of Stone, Blair loses: 1200-600, but the blue haired uses a spell.)

BLAIR: I use Dian Keto, Cure Master! (600-1600) This one I got from dad's deck, if you wanted to know.

MIKE: Oh, you are so cautious... without him, this would have been your last turn. So I sacrifice my soldier!

(He puts the Amphibian Beast in his place, who annihilates the angel and leaves her at 600 LP again.)

BLAIR: His special effect allows me to take out a card I hold very precious to me... the only one I put in my deck to pay tribute to a duelist I had always wanted to meet: She is the Different Dimension Warrior Lady!

(She steps onto the field, and to be sure, uses Tribute to the Doomed to get that merman out of the way.)

BLAIR: Warrior Lady, attack! (MIKE: Not so fast: I use Premature Burial and take out Harpie's Brother!)

(He has been left with only 1000 LP, but he is gonna get rid of Blair's strongest monster card. Or is he?)

BLAIR: I am not finished: I equip her with the Axe of Despair! Because this situation is quite desperate...

MIKE: Oh yeah? Then this isn't gonna surprise you: I equip my boy with the United-we-Stand, so there!

(It only increases 700 At, but that way the two beasts are tied in power... and cause a big shiny explosion.)

BLAIR: The Lady's effect takes her rival to another dimension... but this isn't normal!

(The warrior opens a gate to get rid of the bird-brain, but no, it's not normal that it is swallowing them too.)

BLAIR: Wah, what's going on! (big tears) We fell into a dimensional rift or something!

MIKE: Everyone calm down! The Duel Monsters come from an old Egyptian summon art, so maybe this has to do with the ancient magic that could bring them to our world... (LINDA: Is all that true?)

BLAIR: Then what happened... the monsters have brought us to their world? What is going to happen now!

(To answer them, their Duel Spirits arrive there: the maiden and the harpy boy, Linda has nothing of the sort.)

LINDA: Then I will hold onto you, Mike... (BLAIR/MAIDEN: *envy*) Are you here to guide us?

BROTHER: We have felt the desire you had of meeting with a certain duelist, and we agreed on granting your wish. (MAIDEN: The Warrior Lady's power certainly helped us.) I hope your meeting will serve to improve yourselves...

(After that, the landscape returns to normality and they landed on a city, near some shops.)

BROTHER: The ancient magic is strong around here... but even if you have to go meet that duelist by yourselves, we won't leave you alone. (MAIDEN: Together forever, my dear Blair. (^_^) In the battlefield, and in Love.)

(The monster girl winks towards the feathered one, and after shuddering, they return to each one's decks.)

MIKE: (¬_¬) _I am afraid that the Maiden-in-Love has a new goal... but how long until Blair gets one?_

LINDA: In the end, those monsters were friendly. They have brought us to a shop with their merchandising.

MIKE: (0_0) It's Solomon Mouto's toy shop! Girlie, I think your beloved duelist can't be very far!

(They agree on looking for Solomon's grandson, and as he isn't there, they head to Kaiba Land... suspicious.)

MIKE: Listen, sir, won't you be Mister Hopkins, from America's Hopkins? (LINDA: Do you know them?)

ARTHUR: Yes indeed, lad, I am Professor Arthur Hopkins, I came here to look for my granddaughter Rebeca.

BLAIR: (0_0) Rebeca Hopkins, the American Champion? She is the one I've always wanted to meet!

LINDA: You were so lucky, darling. (^_^) Let's go inside, Mike suspects your grand daughter to be there.

(Then they enter the battle field, and it ends as we know, Arthur gives the opportune explanations.)

ARTHUR: I knew it... *sigh* Rebeca, look at this card. It's called Soul Release, and it would have removed 5 cards from Yugi's graveyard... or yours. The Shadow Ghoul's strength would have dropped to 2300, and the Dark Magician would have beaten it.

REBECA: Then Yugi didn't have to surrender? (confused) Why? Why did he do that?

ARTHUR: Yugi wanted to show you that duels are more than winning or losing, he wanted you to understand the Heart of the Cards. (BLAIR: _Is she Rebeca? I thought she would be... a bit taller. Well, no matter, I will comfort her._) (^_^)

(While Arthur tells his story about Solomon, the blue haired sticks to the blonde and the grownups to Yugi.)

YUGI: Er, who are you, sirs? (MIKE: Heh, let's say we have slipped in just after Professor Hopkins did.)

ARTHUR: It's true, they came with me. These youngsters wanted to meet you, Rebeca, seems like you are indeed famous... but today you were taught a lesson, right? (REBECA: Well, yes... Yugi, I'm sorry.) I wouldn't have liked for them to see you fight earlier.

BLAIR: No prob, Rebe-chan. (hands) I was given a lesson in humility too, but it was at the hands of a cute boy. (^_^) (LINDA: Blair, don't be so flirtatious...) But I would have liked to see you, I know you are very good.

ARTHUR: Regarding that... Rebeca, even if I did send a lot of monsters myself to the graveyard to power up the Shadow Ghoul, I always was thankful of their sacrifice... in their own way, they were just as important as the Shadow Ghoul proper.

(The professor end his story about the given-away White Dragon, and the other grand dad has to apologize.)

REBECA: Aw, Yugi, I am sorry. (YUGI: It doesn't matter, Rebeca.) Then you forgive me? (YUGI: Of course, take this card.) Hum? The Ties of Friendship... thanks, Yugi. (BLAIR: Be careful Rebe-chan, maybe I'll steal him from you!)

(The blonde knows she doesn't mean the card, but Yugi! She dones a puffy face, but later laughs.)

MIKE: Well, now that the girls became so friendly, I think your granddaughter owes me a duel, professor! (ARTHUR: You? What did she do to you?) Nah, don't worry, but we came from a far away place to measure our strengths.

BLAIR: It's true, but Mike beat me... or better said, when we were interrupted, he had more life points.

REBECA: Let's do it, then. If you have heard of me, you'll know I can pack a punch... how about outdoors?

MIKE: Prof, your granddaughter has learnt something today, but it won't be the last... about the Art of War.

(They go out to the street, in a square not far from Kaiba Land, and they will use both of Flannigan's disks.)

THEM: *scores* LET'S DUEL! (beep!)

TEA: You think Rebeca will bite as much as she barks with those new rules? (YUGI: If we have to gamble...)

REBECA: I'll go first, like ladies should. (MIKE: (¬_¬) Just like the other girl...) A monster, put face-down!

(Mike pulls out Vorse Raider and puts one face-down. He attacks, and the girlie's Stop Attack holds it.)

REBECA: My turn again. I retire Sangan and play Millennium Shield. And I equip it with Magnet Ring!

MIKE: I see you have fully grasped the Summon Cost rules. I hope you can last a while.

BLAIR: _An almost perfect defense... mine had too many holes._ (JOEY: This girl repeats even more than garlic.)

MIKE: I summon Gemini Elf and put a card face-down, also move Vorse Raider to attack mode!

REBECA: It's useless, you can't even scratch me yet. I play Cannon Soldier, and I use its special effect.

(The kid fires another Sangan, and another more, the boy is 1500 LP nearer his defeat.)

REBECA: Good, my three Sangans have done a lot of damage. If you can't get rid of my shield you can't prevent me from keeping at firing them. This isn't gonna last much more if you don't wise up a bit. (MIKE: Indeed I will, dearie, and how.)

(He uses De-Spell and gets rid of the Ring, so now his Vorse Raider attacks the cannon, and turn over.)

MIKE: Take that, I blasted your ranged offensive, and reaped 500 of your LP. Now I have to defeat that...

REBECA: Yep, my shield is still on play. Let's see if you can kill this, then... but I will not even dare.

(He hasn't many options left, so he attacks the hidden monster, the shield is left alone in the field again.)

REBECA: Thanks for flipping my Skelengel, you gave me a free card. Oh my, if it's the Witch of Black Forest!

TRISTAN: Bah, why do Rebeca's duels give me Déjà vu? (JOEY: She is more predictable than a yo-yo.)

(That was Bandit Keith's line, but he is right. Wait, she is gonna pull off something new!)

REBECA: I am gonna heal my wounds and leave you a bit more near of your tomb. Go, Fire Princess!

(She uses Red Medicine to heal her lost 500, and the special effect takes 800 away from the rival boy.)

REBECA: Ho ho ho, I am just as new and you only have 1700 LP. (MIKE: But you have left an opening!)

(Only that she didn't: she escapes uninjured with the Negate Attack she left lying during Fire Princess' turn.)

REBECA: And I move her to Defense mode. Come on, kill her if you wish, the damage was already done.

ARTHUR: That's not quite it, Rebeca, but I see you are starting to appreciate your own monsters' efforts.

MIKE: Bah, if you keep playing so lame cards, it is only a matter of time until I bring your points to zero.

REBECA: You won't call THIS card lame! (ò_ó.#) I play Luster Dragon, attack mode!

(The dragon kills the opposing raider, and the elves are left alone... despite them being a single card.)

REBECA: Both are gone, but if I destroyed your raider the sacrifice was well worth it. *breaths*

MIKE: Eh, take a deep breath, missy. Relax and you'll live longer. (LINDA: It's a game, he wants you to enjoy.)

REBECA: So, the elves are in Defense mode, right? Of course, you can't do anything. I use Graceful Charity.

(She uses the spell to throw a couple cards to the graveyard, and now she actually puts the Ghoul on play.)

REBECA: Here is my most potent monster, let's see how you get rid of it... Yugi tried, but unsuccessfully.

MIKE: Okay, the tactic that will make you shed bloody tears starts... now! (REBECA: Huh?) I use Snatch Steal to hijack your Shield! I sacrifice it to play Ciber Tech Alligator, and I move the Gemini Elf to Attack mode!

REBECA: Are you dumb? My Ghoul still has 200 more points than your gator. Teach him a lesson!

(But the Ghoul clashes against the Mirror Force, that Mike left lying during the previous move, his faked rush caused the blonde not to look twice and attack recklessly. Now the Cyber Alligator and the elves give her a mighty spanking.)

REBECA: Kyaaah! (4000-zero) *beep* (MIKE: Ha ha, and that's game!) (BLAIR: Eh, that was Jaden's line!)

SOLOMON: What a day, Arthur. But at least, your granddaughter will have got out of this duel a little wiser.

ARTHUR: No doubts, Solomon... Rebeca, do you understand why you have just lost?

REBECA: I don't... I had planned everything carefully, and I had him against the ropes.

MIKE: I'll tell you, kid. According to the famous Art of War book, I was following the Sheathed-Sword principle: I played dumb from the start... you thought of me as a rookie fanatic who just met his idol, and believed I would be an easy win. But when my points were in true danger, I unsheathed the sword, and you understood my true skills, but was too late for you: because I had just One-Hit-KO'd your life points to zero.

ARTHUR: A wise falcon hides its talons, I can't deny it. Look at the boy's deck, Rebeca, it'll surprise you.

REBECA: Let's see... Magic Cylinder! (0_0) Change of Heart, Harpie's Duster, Mirror Force... Swords of Revealing Light! *breaths* I am picturing a million combos he could have used to screw me! And his monsters are just... unfair.

SOLOMON: You know, respecting your cards is a valuable quality, but I see this young man had put all his soul in weaving a strategy from the very start. An expert knows how to make his cards work wonders when together.

YUGI: It's true, appearances can be deceitful... that's why mind screws are so important in games of chance.

MIKE: But I will tell you one thing, Rebe-chan. This deck was made to win, to win by a landslide... but above all, I want you to play this game to have fun. If you play and don't have fun, you are doing it wrong!

JOEY: Heh, you are telling me! I always lose against Yugi, but I always have a blast too.

LINDA: I am getting eager to learn how to play. (^_^) (TEA: Well, here you have two very good teachers.)

REBECA: Wow, if she is taught by both our old men, she could even defeat us, don't you think, Teddy?

(As an answer, the plush bear growls, is tainted black and stands up. The 2 school boys crap their pants.)

JOEY: I knew that bear was cursed! (TRISTAN: Joey, you offended him, he's going to eat our souls!)

BEAR: I am Teddy Bear and I wanna kill you. (REBECA: Teddy!) Nah, just kidding. I'd rather kidnap you!

(The doll bursts open and the villanius Xig-lem emerges from it, he grabs the two girls by their collars.)

XIGLEM: Har har, now I even fish them out in pairs. You will be my dolls, dearies... when I get outta here.

MIKE: Don't forget about me, moron! At least Blair is my responsibility, but I won't give you Rebeca either!

YUGI: (shadowy) I won't either. (TRISTAN: Yugi, let's give this crook a good beating!)

(The two taller ones are going to punch the bad guy in the face, but the magic mirror knocks them back.)

MIKE: _I can't make a scene in such a crowded street... and the worse is, this world has limited my powers..._

TEA: You won't have your way! Yugi is strong, he will beat you! *Yu-gi-oooh!* _Gosh, he is already here!_

YAMI: I don't know what sort of sorcery you use, but if you pick on my friends you are picking on me. Maybe it's you the one I was warned against by that weird man, Shadi... You need to be given a punishment... out of a Shadow Game!

XIGLEM: (shadows) Heh, that's neat... but if we are to settle the score with a game... I will set the rules.

(From his mirror, a handful of small, rough stones fall on the floor, the blackened man explains the game.)

XIGLEM: I have three piles of stones here, and we are going to take turns in removing them. You must take a minimum of one and a maximun of three in your turn. The one who removes the last stone from the last pile will win. How about it?

MIKE: _That game rings a bell... a while ago, a tactic was devised to always win, if you are the one being challenged. I hope the Pharaoh realizes it and asks him for the only condition that will allow him to beat that madman._

YAMI: Okay, but let me count them first... (¬_¬) And I want to go first, if you don't mind.

MIKE: _Nooo, craaap! Being first or not depends on the number of stones! This kid is a bit too confident..._

(The villain ties the two girls together... Blair wanted to be close to her idol, but not in that way.)

YAMI: _The trick to win must have to do with some math formula, I am sure. But I have never played this..._

LINDA: There are few stones left... do you think he can do it? (TEA: Of course, Yugi is a very clever boy!)

JOEY: Would have been easier to just beat him silly. (TRISTAN: Joey, did you forget how HE smashed US?)

(The last turn arrives, and Xig-lem takes the three remaining stones. He feels entitled to laugh at his face.)

XIGLEM: Mwa ha ha! Now what, pharaoh? You didn't get the gimmick... did ya? The funny thing is, I would always take the last stone because the pile had a number of rocks divisible by four. If you took one, I would take three, if you took two, me as well. That part about 'me first' was your undoing. Better luck next time!

YAMI: I knew something felt weird, yes... but the Shadows don't like cheaters. You've taken four stones.

XIGLEM: What do you mean four stones? Don't be delirious, Spiky Hair, I have them on my hand here.

(The boy takes them, and one was so fragile that cracked in half when handling it. That was what he meant.)

YAMI: Four stones. You almost tricked us at trying to pass these two off as one. But it is mine, so I win.

XIGLEM: This is impossible! Only you could have pulled this off, by sheer dumb luck!

YAMI: Lady Luck smiles to whoever bothers looking for her, and feels the Heart of the Cards. Now free them!

(As he doesn't want to, the pharaoh does the good old Mind Crush, that makes him flee without his preys.)

BLAIR: Wow, he scared that guy off! Yugi is cool, isn't he? (REBECA: Of course, he will be my boyfriend.)

TEA: What didja say, brat? That's not proper behaviour for your age! (ARTHUR: Well, nothing about her is.)

SOLOMON: Thank goodness it was all the shock of the moment... My grandson acted just as I expected.

YAMI: Don't worry, grandpa. Rebeca is safe and so is the girl that came alongside Mike and Linda.

MIKE: By the way! Yugi, in order to return to our home we need a special energy that is hidden inside them. _Shonenji has told me just now..._ so if you don't mind doing us the favour, we will leave as soon as possible.

(They do the pact ritual, although the girls don't understand what is it about, they feel he deserves it.)

YAMI: Someday we should play a match, just you and me. You have shown us you're not exactly a rookie.

LINDA: Huy, he will love to, and me as well when I learn the rules... but right now we need to buzz off.

JOEY: Yeah, because of that ugly bully. Give him a thrashing on my behalf if you run into him again!

MIKE: We will take Blair back to her home, if Miss Hopkins does us another favour.

(After making a confused face, she agrees on showing them her Warrior Lady, and mix it with the other.)

BLAIR: *gate* I will look for you Rebeca! When I get home, I will find and fight you!

(After leaving the First Season guys, Blair and her pals land on the cruise ship from the start of the story, but they have to leave. Completely. Then she sees them off, and asks how are they going to travel by sea...)

MIKE: Oh, we have our own tricks... see you later, pretty! (LINDA: To find more like you!)


	20. Number 4: Zatch Bell

_THE MAMODO WHO RETURNED FROM OUR WORLD:_

Despite having ended up on top on the last experience, neither the boy nor his female partner liked one bit having to roam around with no powers, and relying solely on the otaku knowledge of Glasses Boy to survive. The Genderiel of Shonen explains that it is caused by the distance to their guardian galaxies, although Mike's light sword had just recovered a bit of colour since they landed on the new planet.

MIKE: It's curious. It must be due to the planet's closeness to your galaxy, despite being in the Number area.

SHONENJI: That's it. If you remember, the Shojo Galaxy orbit has been closing on the Supernatural one.

LINDA: And this cosmic mess will be solved only if we gather you all, right? It's about time we finish this...

MIKE: We are in a city again... bah, all of them look the same. Let's wait for the music.

(A watched pot never boils, lad, but thanks to his patience, he hears Zatch Bell's theme.)

MIKE: Heh, now many things got clearer... but the priority is locating the loli of the day.

SHONEJNJI: I am trying. (meditates) Hum? She is near! Too close! She is gonna arrive just nooow!

(And on cue, the cute Shion Hibiki turns the corner: she wears dull colored clothing and melancholic eyes.)

LINDA: Etto, who are you, young lady? We are looking for someone, and you should know this area well.

SHION: Hum? Ah, well, I do know it, I lived here some weeks ago... I am Shion Hibiki, glad to meet you.

MIKE: Then you will know Kiyomaro Takamine for sure. He is a rather... popular guy.

SHION: Whoa, you know Kiyomaro and don't know where he lives? You only needed to follow this street!

MIKE: You are such a cute and useful girl! Let me give you a hug. *pact* (SHION: Eh, what was that?)

LINDA: (whisper) You are a cheater. You had to ask for her permission first, don't be so opportunistic...

MIKE: It's better this way, we will say hi to Kiyo and then scram... Erm, well, don't be worried about the sting. You see, I have a penknife on the shirt's pocket. _Did she buy it or not?_ If you guide us to his house then she will hug you in return.

SHION: Geez, you are so touchy feely... *blush* Surely you have been a couple since a lot of time ago...

LINDA: (0_0) A couple? _Ack, I am turning red! _Ahem, only some weeks ago, but that is because Mike...

MIKE: Yep, you'll never believe a woman like her fell from the sky! _Well, that is true._ Okay, let's go!

(Neither of them negates the fact, as they are comfortable with such status and will prevent silly questions.)

SHION: (walking) Look, it's there. As I see, they still keep that funky mamodo horse.

PONYGON: Meru me! (?_?) Meru meru? (MOM: *door* Ponygon, please, don't make such a fuss!)

(They greet Mrs Takamine, and she tells them Zatch and Kiyo are messing with those stone tablets stuff.)

MOM: He brought a friend over to help him investigate. I think she is getting a bit too much into it...

SHION: (ò_ó.#) _Grrr! The moment I was out of sight, Kiyo found himself another girl! He's gonna hear me!_

(They go upstairs and find the boy and the idol in mid business: of reorganizing books, you sickos.)

SHION: Kiyomaro! How can you already be with another woman? (MEGU: Hum? Is that girl some...?)

KIYO: Wow, if it is Shion! What are you doing here? I thought you wanted to start a new life somewhere.

SHION: But I am back! You don't need to know why. I wanted to pay you a visit, but I see you are 'taken'.

MEGU: (¬_¬) This cheeky kid is quite bold... (Shion grunts) But don't get the wrong idea, dearie.

MIKE: Well, let's introduce ourselves already! And calm down a bit. We are Mike and Linda, Shion took us here to visit the talented Takamine, who I believe everyone here knows already. Shall you continue, Kiyo?

KIYO: Let's see, Megumi, she is Shion, she was in my same class for a while. I don't know if saying this will be polite, but she owned a mamodo. (MEGU: She too?) Yes, you see, the story is long. Shion, she's Megumi Oumi.

SHION: The one from TV? (0_0) This is such an honour...! Then, she has a mamodo? I would like to see it.

MEGU: Of course, missy... (^_^) I take back the 'cheeky' statement. Tia is with Zatch in the other room.

KIYO: Why would you two want to come to my house? No offense, but it seems like you just slipped in.

MIKE: Erm, well, we are colleagues of your father's, we came to help you while we are in the country, but don't tell him, it's a secret... to show you our results, we brought a creature from another world. Shonny, come out!

SHONENJI: (poofs in) Again with the silly nick, Lord Mike? How about I call you Mickey?

LINDA: Geez, don't be so uptight... so, we asked this girl about your place, regarding the help part...

MIKE: Yes, it has to be quick, tomorrow evening we will be flying back. How about you, Shion?

SHION: I said it's none of your business, I'll only spend a day here, like you. I just need to do an errand...

ZATCH: (peeks) Eh, it's Shion! (^_^) I thought you moved away. That's great, I was already missing you!

TIA: Who is she, Zatch? (MEGU: Looks like a friend from school. And she also had a mamodo partner.)

MIKE: Come on, let's forget the sad memories! We came to inspect something about some stone tablets.

(Mike pulls out an extension cord from his visor, Persocom-style, and it allows the boy to surf Internet from his own house, that way matters will go faster. The mamodos and the girl played together, and later she had to stay the night... and think about HER.)

SHION: _I don't know if I should believe that dream... it looked so real, but I know Nya is not coming back... though, if there were some hope, wouldn't it be worth trying? Bah, I am thinking too much about it... if I had that fly to keep me distracted... _

MIKE: _If the lolicon essence was inside Shion and not any other, that means she will be a key character..._

LINDA: _It was too easy... if I had to go by our past adventures, that girl is going to get involved in a mess only because of our presence here... so we won't be able to get out of this world until turning this story's plot back to normal..._

(After much sleeping, or not, next day is a holyday, and the travellers thank Kiyomaro for his hospitality. They go to the park to rest a bit from reading books, but soon Naomi arrives there to pick fights with the blonde kid.)

NAOMI: What are you doing in MY park, dumb boy? Now you are bringing more silly kids to upset me?

ZATCH: Naomi, don't bother us! Tia and Shion are friends of mine, we don't need you to have fun.

NAOMI: Ha! And now you'll say the pinkhead brat can breathe fire or something, just like your 'lightning'.

TIA: Leave him alone! Zatch was right, you don't want to be friends with him, but we actually are, okay?

SHION: Erm, yes. _That guy from my dream said he would be here today..._ (NAOMI: Friends, that's a good one.)

(She moves away to get something from her bag, and throws a water balloon at Zatch, the others grunt.)

NAOMI: Wa ha ha, be careful, Lightning Boy, don't be short-circuiting yourself with your own sparks!

SHION: (wet) This kid is a devil! Kiyo was right, it's weird she isn't an actual mamodo. Hum?

(Someone behind the bushes has given her a signal, Shion believes he is the same one from her dream.)

SHION: It's you! Is it true that you have Nya? How could you get her out of the Mamodo World? Answer!

FIGURE: I don't lie, my girl... I know a lot about Mamodos. If you want her, you have to come with me...

(The others don't realize she is gone, busy as they are with Naomi's pranks. She leaves.)

TIA: Now I understand why you don't stand her, Zatch. I was so eager to punch her in a painful place...

KIYO: (arrives) Well, the break is over. Where is Shion? (ZATCH: I lost sight of her a good while ago...)

MEGU: Guys, look at this! That thing, is so out of place... (MIKE: That's her cap, I'll recognize it anywhere!)

(Effectively, the funny cap Shion was always wearing when Nya still existed is nailed in a tree trunk.)

LINDA: It has a note: 'If you want to save Hibiki you will come to the valley that's past the forest, 13:37 PM'.

MIKE: Him again! (KIYO: Do you know the sender?) It's an enemy we have since days ago, and he fancies kidnapping girls. But I don't know how he managed to capture precisely Shion, because the lollipop trick won't have worked on her...

ZATCH: It's horrible! (ò_ó.#) Kiromaro, let's go there and give that guy a piece of us!

TIA: Count me in. (MEGU: Me too, of course.) (LINDA: I don't know if I can help, but I want to go too.)

KIYO: It's settled then. We have time until the date, we should devise a plan... and a very good one.

(They leave the park, and on the exit a limousine blocks them, the window opens and Sherry talks to them.)

SHERRY: Kiyomaro... what are you doing here? Brago has sensed a Mamodo's presence in this place.

KIYO: I don't have time for you today, Sherry! A kidnapping has taken place! (MEGU: We were regrouping…)

BRAGO: Don't worry, it's not any of you. It's a Mamodo, but at the same time, it lacks a certain something...

LINDA: Could it be one of Lord Xig-lem's tricks? (KIYO: I knew that Shion wouldn't have returned to this city without a good reason.) Then you think he took the girl away putting her Mamodo as bait? That's so cruel!

TIA: But that is not possible... when a Mamodo loses in this war, he or she gets trapped back in our world...

MIKE: Not quite impossible... according to our investigation, those tablets hold the soul of some Mamodos.

ZATCH: Then the bad guy brought Nya to the Human World! (BRAGO: Yes, but in an incomplete fashion.)

KIYO: Sherry, right now we can't fight you, but if you agree to help us... your presence is a fact the kidnaper can't count on. That would give us higher chances of success. We have to rescue a girl!

SHERRY: Meh, I don't mind, either dealing with you right now or in last place. What about you, Brago?

BRAGO: I promised Zatch that when he turned a lot stronger I would face him. And that day hasn't arrived yet. You aren't worthy, but I won't pass this great chance of reducing the number of contestants in this war.

ZATCH: Thanks, for now... when we finally fight, I will be stronger. (^_^) (TIA: Zatch, you are too naïve.)

(The black doll is right, the enemy has a Mamodo at his disposal, though incomplete... and the fact is upsetting the blonde, as she knows that her sworn nemesis has access to very weird and annoying tricks... we're talking about Zofis here.)

KIYO: (forest) It's about time... you know, Zatch and Tia will begin the assault, and if that creep crosses the line, Brago will jump from beneath the nearby trees in a quick and fulminating sneak attack. We can't fail this one.

MIKE: I am glad to be able to help. If science gave me a beam sword, I'll make full use of it.

MEGU: (0_0) Are you sure it works? (LINDA: (^_^) Totally, he has already shown me how.)

(At the date's time, the black warrior appears beneath the trees with the girl at his side, tied up with wire.)

XIGLEM: Ah, I see you all have come. And with no tricks under the sleeve. Thought... even if I said that you had to come to save this kid, I didn't promise anything, morons. (KIYO: Cheater...) Heh, no matter, it won't be me the one fighting you today.

(From the shrubbery jumps a zombified feline thingy, Kiyo and Zatch know it, it's Nya!)

TIA: *shock* Hyah! What's that! (grossed) How could he do that to a mamodo, guys?

SHION: Xig-lem promised me to bring back Nya... in exchange of my energy. But then he did that to her...

MIKE: Hadn't you learnt your lesson, Shion? You were tricked once! You shouldn't be so weak willed!

XIGLEM: She is prettier when silent, though. (crystallizes her) (SHION: Kyah! *crec*) I'll extract her energy this way. Come on, if you want to save her, you are free to go, I won't move a muscle. (KIYO: There has to be a catch, I don't trust him.)

MIKE: There is always one. But now we should focus on doing something drastic to help those two.

KIYO: _It's horrible, she took her out of the Mamodo World the same way you would defile a tomb, that's why Brago said 'in an incomplete fashion'... Anyway, this is no way to recover a lost friend, Shion has to understand it. _Pay attention! **Zaker**!

(He fires the discharge, but the kittie blocks it with **Baizan**: she inflates and rebounds it. Then jumps at them.)

ZATCH: (0_0) Ack, she's gonna run us over! (MEGU: **Ma Seshield**!) (TIA: Take this!)

(The girlie's pink shield stops the rolling belly, so the brunette boy tries to use that run-up to his benefit.)

KIYO: **Zakeruga**! (bzzz... FOOM!) (NYA: *growls*) (MIKE: That was a bull's eye.)

(Now the zombie follows with **Iadopan,** scratching fiercely, the blonde kid unleashes his **Jikedor.**)

MEGU: Ein? (?_?) I don't get it. There is nothing metallic here. (MIKE: And what is this, a licorice stick?)

(The spell magnetizes the beast and attracts Glasses Boy's sword, which skewers her belly through.)

NYA: Grrr! *pain* (MIKE: I am going to recover it... Tia, lend me a hand!) (MEGU: **Saisu**!) *zas!*

(The beam boomerang clashes against the rival and distracts her, enough for Mike to retake his sword.)

ZATCH: Oh, dang... (0_0) That pose of hers, she's going to shoot needles! Kiyomaro, raise a shield!

KIYO: _That's her __**Perut**__ spell... but my __**Rashield**__ will only block the ones coming from the front. No good!_

MEGU: Kiyomaro, don't forget I am playing this match too. Tia, come back! **Seoshi**!

(She raises the dome shield, but the zombie inflates again and tries to crush it, it is only a matter of time.)

KIYO: It's gonna break... (MIKE: Did you say break? That's my specialty.) Megumi, disable the barrier!

(The boy uses his Cosmo Break, shocking everyone, but not enough as to make Kiyo forget about...)

KIYO: **Zaker**! (bzzz... FOOM!) (MEGU: **Saisu**!) *raaas!* (MIKE: I still have battery left on this thing.)

LINDA: Don't you find weird that Nya can use spells without her partner? (checks) Eh, she actually IS casting!

KIYO: _Shion? She is moving her lips inside that crystal cage. Then she really is helping her! Why would she? _Shion, this is not the way! If we don't beat your mamodo now, we won't be able to free you from that trap!

SHION: You don't understand! You can't understand... Nya's looks may have changed, but shes still herself... and now that I got her back I don't care about anything else! You can't hope to understand the pain of losing everything you loved...

LINDA: Shion, I do understand you. When Mike found me, I had nothing left in the world. But I have learnt to appreciate the memories I'm making along him! If you want to be free from that anguish, you must overcome your troubles and look towards the future!

SHION: I don't wanna! (sobs) If you break this cage... my energy will stop flowing to Nya and she will vanish. To release me, you would kill her! I can't let you beat her... **Paperuto**!

(She's right, the move traps the people present, and makes them dance until fainting... but didn't reach HIM.)

SHERRY: (branches) **Gravireis**! (NYA: Grrr! *paralyzed*) (BRAGO: Thank goodness we were waiting here.)

ZATCH: Brago? (^_^) Yay, if not for him we would have been smashed! (TIA: I still don't trust him...)

XIGLEM: My my, I didn't count on that. But the dilemma is still there, heroes. How are you gonna solve it?

SHERRY: I heard everything, kid. Your story is tear-jerking, but sweet talk won't work on me. **Gigano Reis**!

(She thrashes Nya, but Brago tries not to go for the overkill. Now they'll get the hostage out of her cage.)

KIYO: Sorry Shion, it's for your own good. **Bao Zakeruga**! (SHERRY: This will teach you: **Ion Gravireis**!)

(The crystal cage bursts open, Nya is dematerialized, and Shion faints. Xig-lem... escapes.)

XIGLEM: And yet, today's my win, suckers. I have enough energy to try to put my plan into motion...

KIYO: It's over... Sherry, I never thought I'd say this, but thanks. (SHERRY: Brago, we are done here.)

(They rest for a bit and carry the child to the genius' house. She awakens, but her kittie mamodo is not with her... poor kid cries herself to sleep. Night arrives, and Mike enters the room she's in by tip-toeing around towards her bed.)

MIKE: Shion, are you here? (SHION: Of course, silly.) Really, it was no one's fault... no one's but the accursed Xig-lem. He promised you something he wasn't planning to fulfil, but you helped Linda and me, although you can't know how. That's why we've agreed on giving you a seeing-off present. Tomorrow we have to return to Mister Takamine's side.

(The grownup takes her in his arms and waits for her crying fit to end, and when that happens... he uses Instant Transmission to locate the Mamodo World, and the girl's only friend. She is there, unharmed. What a dramatic reunion.)

SHION: NYA! You really returned here... you didn't die! So this is your world... I would like to stay here...

MIKE: You can't, Shion. Take this as a see-off present for a nice girl... but you must go back to rebuild your life.

(The kid promises him... and the knight returns her funny hat. That way she will always remember her partner.)

LINDA: (see-off) Shion was radiant this morning. What did you tell her? (SHONENJI: Yes, she's better.)

MIKE: 'That is a secret-desu'. _Whoa, I am saying a lot of things I always wanted to!_


	21. Number 5: Rozen Maiden

_DEN KÖNIGIN [THE QUEEN]_

By entering the new planet, Linda noticed that her rosary had recovered its shine, unlike her friend's sword that lost it again... and not knowing how to feel, she chose to feel sad. And not for their weapons, but because of something she had noticed in such strange galaxy: she had witnessed many battles, friendly or not, but what was making her feel depressed was the attitude around them: sore losers, the people who would do anything to come on top, games that decided the fate of the world... the boy tried to comfort her.

MIKE: Look, while we wait for the music to play, I'll see if I find a library in this city.

LINDA: I don't get what you are plotting... but well. At least we landed on a civilized place again.

(Turning the corner they saw a high school, not very well guarded, so they slipped in to find the library.)

MIKE: I have some unrelated books here, but they are to kill some time. Want to read them?

LINDA: Psst, okay. Lesee: 'Classic fairy tales'. Geez boy, I'm not one of the little girls we are looking for.

SHONENJI: Ah, he left again... the boys fast when it matters the less. Are you enjoying, Lady Linda?

LINDA: Somewhat... as my brain was erased, reading these tales is like knowing them for the first time.

(She reads a bunch, after a short while the boy in glasses returns with some interesting printed documents.)

MIKE: Here is what you wanted to understand, but I can't promise that reading this will solve your doubts.

LINDA: 'Player Archetypes: Real Men, Roleplayers, Loonies and Munchkins. Playing to sweat, to learn, to have fun or to WIN'. But this is almost like the dictionary entry for the Jobar School founders! Without the 'almost'.

MIKE: That's why you were depressed... most of the characters we have seen were foul Munchkins, get it?

LINDA: I guess so... (hugs) You have taught me that having fun is the right way to play anything... and we will finish this quest. Together you and me. And we'll like it! Say, our home world can't be that far away by now...

(Someone was peeking on them, and listening the last sentence, dropped something and gave itself away.)

LASS: Erm, excuse me... did you say you are not from this world? (MIKE: Hum? She's Tomoe Kashiwaba!)

(At the same moment music starts playing: Rozen Maiden first op: 'Forbidden Game'.)

LINDA: (¬_¬) One would say you know all of these worlds' girls by name. (TOMOE: I am sorry for peeking.)

MIKE: Nah, don't worry... she is usually pretty passionate. Most of the time. (LINDA: You're asking for it!)

TOMOE: I have a friend interested in supernatural stuff... maybe you could go to his place and cheer him up.

MIKE: Ah, yes, I know the rumors. Jun 'hikikomori' Sakurada, said to have acquired a living doll collection.

TOMOE: Then you know about Rozen's dolls? I suppose that places us on the same boat...

(Before Redhead's befuddled face, they explain the situation and go to the other boy-in-glasses' house.)

MIKE: In our world, yours is only fiction, a kid's fairy tale... much like these ones here.

LINDA: (reads) They are interesting! (^_^) Every kid should know about Little Mermaid or Red Riding Hood...

TOMOE: Yeah... so you are saying we emerged from 'Pinocchio' by Carlo Collodi and 'Alice' by Lewis Carrol.

While they talk, they walk past Enju's shop and Otaku Boy decides to ignore the place. Wish he hadn't done that... because inside the shop, the Aburame clan fanboy is having a look at the Super Dollfies' catalogue.

SHOPKEEPER: Are you done choosing, mister? *smile* If you want, you can ask the Master for a custom one.

MAN: Nah, don't bother him... this one is perfect. (points) I will have to pay for her this Monday, now I can't.

SHOPKEEPER: Ah, well, we will get her dressed and packed by then. Don't forget the money, mister.

(The shopkeeper, actually Laplace, goes to the backroom, checks on a busy Enju and a bored Barasuisho, and leaves for the N Field, meanwhile the travellers have arrived at Jun's place and see the usual trespasser doing her thing.)

KANARIA: (spies) Ho ho ho, today victory will be all mine, I devised the perfect plan-kashira. Those fools have nothing on me-kashira. I will take their Rosae Mystica, cause I am the most smartest Rozen Doll in existence-kashira!

MIKE: (¬_¬) Ahem. So this is Rozen's Second Doll, Kanaria. (LINDA: (*v*) So cute!)

TOMOE: Kana-chan, right? Do you want to enter with us and visit Hina and the others? I bring visitors.

KANARIA: (shock) _Curses, they busted me! I need to lay low for now, I will visit that crybaby Hinaichigo._

(Then they knock, and the inmate's sister opens the door, she is glad of having so many people visit him.)

NORI: Yes, he will be here at once. He can't refuse having tea here if you are the one asking, Tomo-chan.

HINA: (jumps) Tomoe! (hugs) Thanks for coming! (TOMOE: He he, calm down Hina, don't make a fuss.)

(Finally they are all gathered, the brunette boy is slightly interested in the two travellers supernatural shit.)

JUN: You are telling me that in the world you came from, ours is actually an old wives' tale. I find it a bit hard to buy. (MIKE: We find the existence of living dolls just as weird, so I rest my case.) Dang, I have to give him that...

SHINKU: And yet, we exist. Father made us, and he would get angry knowing you're denying his work.

SUISESEKI: Looks like Chibi-human Mk2 doesn't know a thing-desu. He compares our lives with... this-desu! (wields book) Who would baptize his dear son 'Pinocchio'? If it was me, I would be looking for him to correct such atrocity-desu!

SHINKU: Suiseseki, you can't deny that if our world is indeed fictional, our state of affairs is too similar to that wooden doll's. And the other book, about Alice, it's a bit of a stretch saying it has no relation to the girl Father wished to create.

HINA: Aw, this is a mess-nano... (KANARIA: That's because you are not as smart as me-kashira.) Eh!

LINDA: But according to what you said, you must fight each other to earn the right to be... 'a real girl'.

SOUSESEKI: That, no one knows... if Father's wish will be realized when this is over, or what will happen.

LINDA: Why do you fight? (ALL: Hum?) I mean, why do you partake in the Alice Game?

MIKE: Erm, excuse her, she is a bit jumpy about the matter as of late... so alongside that 'other-worlder' stuff, theres the mission we need to fulfil. (JUN: I see that not even you are free from fate's quirks.) You can swear it, lad. I was saying... we must gather lolicon energy and revive the Goddess, who will send us home.

(He explains the pact-making, and the dolls become eager to be the one chosen for the magic ritual.)

HINA: I am the cutest, you can't deny it! (KANARIA: But I am the smartest, I'll do it.) (SUISESEKI: Bah! You both are pushovers compared to me-desu... I am the epitome of beauty-desu!) (SOUSESEKI: Please, stop this...)

SHINKU: I don't want to rub anything in, but I am the most adequate choice. (drinks) And you know it.

SUISESEKI: (¬_¬) Shinku, don't take us for dumb-desu. Only because you hoard your servant's attention, you think you are the hottest-desu. Chibi-ichigo and you were made after my sister and me, but it wasn't much of a noticeable upgrade... desu.

JUN: I am no servant! (HINA: She's calling me ugly!) (SHINKU: Weren't you trying to harass him back then?)

SUISESEKI: It's not harassing! *blush* He's my medium too, in case you forgot. Don't talk back, you Chibis!

HINA: Bah, Tomoe has left and you are only insulting me-nano. I will be in the garden. And calm down-nano!

NORI: She left... Suiseseki, you shouldn't have been so rude. (KANARIA: She will get over it soon-kashira.)

SHINKU: But it's true, we shouldn't argue like plebians knowing there is a great danger around the corner.

MIKE: The mysterious doll... (SOUSESEKI: She has been inactive too much time, it is very suspicious.)

LINDA: Why does she fight? (is explained) What! Then she is a Munchkin! That's bad, I want to spank her!

SHONENJI: Lady Linda, let's leave that dialogue tree already, it's not going anywhere...

(The others are flipping with the dragon baby, but less than before. He tries to sense the Lolita essence.)

SHONENJI: Definitely, the essence is not inside any of those present... and I hope you calmed down.

SHINKU: There is still the mysterious doll left, and despite my bias, Suigintou. And of course, Hinaichigo.

SUISESEKI: Her? Hah, if it happens to be her, I'll eat my headdress-desu. Where is this silliness going to?

MIKE: Outside! (ALL: *perplexed looks*) (Meanwhile, the curly blonde was huffing...)

HINA: Mouuu, everything went downhill for me-nano... I lost Tomoe, I lost the Alice Game, Shinku is too bossy, and Suiseseki is a bully-nano... she's even called me ugly. Why can't I be the one to help that cool human boy-nano? Nori is the only one who has comforted me, but I am sure she did it because she thinks I am a weak crybaby-nano...

In that moment, she raises her head and sees a human girl, wearing a sky blue dress and blonde curls just like hers. The doll can't help but ask the kid for her name, so she enters the Sakuradas' front garden to answer.

CHILD: My name's Alicia. I love that name, because my father chose it. He is the one I love the most.

HINA: Oh, just like the girl in the book... I love Jun very much, and Tomoe... and Nori!

ALICIA: You have lots of people who love you. Why were you here all alone, crying?

HINA: Ah, that's because of Suiseseki. She is my doll sister... she treats me as trash, but no one notices!

ALICIA: What a bad girl. Let's go play, you and me. I don't like the people that act like that Suiseseki gal...

(They exit through the fence gates, and after crossing the street, they fall into an N Field hole... Alicia seems to know what they are. The others have come out of the living room and look for the kiddie doll, while some black feathers flood the ground.)

GIN: This is strange... the N Field hole that was here has vanished. (looks) Eh, those are Shinku and company!

SHINKU: I should have guessed it was you! Not only you want to defeat us... now you resort to kidnapping!

GIN: I don't know what you're babbling, Shinku-idiot. And you aren't the center of the universe, so piss off!

LINDA: I will make her talk. (MIKE: What didja say!) I want to know why she fights, and I'll find out.

SUISESEKI: Suigintou, you are gonna tell us where you hid Chibi-ichigo-desu! Even if I don't care-desu.

GIN: I said I don't know! And if you keep bothering me, I will have to sweat you off by beating you down!

SOUSESEKI: Sounds like a deal to me... (Lempika!) Anyway, I was eager to face you one of these days.

NORI: Come on Kana-chan! You have to help them! (KANARIA: Er, I just wanted to pay you a visit...)

But Linda is going to be more than enough. She calls upon her elemental pearls, starts with the physical ones like Slash and Explosion, and the albino covers the blows with her black wings. The human drills through them with fire, and destabilizes her with gusts of wind. As her feathers aren't cutting it, Gin summons her wing-dragons, but the girl's vines tie them up, then freeze them solid. That way, stuck with two huge ice boulders on her back, she can't fly and plummets down face first.

LINDA: Now tell me why you fight. If I don't like the answer, I won't forgive you for what you did to Hina.

GIN: (collar) Agh, you have no right to interrogate me, human... I know nothing about where that doll is, and it's true. But if I ever stumble upon her, her Rosa Mystica will be mine. Megu will die if I don't gather them... SHE will be Alice!

(That last part, and the ensuing explanation, is whispered, because of nearby gossipers. Redhead lets her go.)

LINDA: She knows nothing. We accused her with no motives. But she has a good one, so now I like her. (^_^)

SHINKU: I guess we should explain her our case... the fact is, Hinaichigo has vanished without a trace.

JUN: If Suigintou knows nothing, the culprit has to be that strange doll, I am most positive!

GIN: I don't care. There was an N Field hole here a short while ago, if that tells you something.

SOUSESEKI: Of course, we didn't consider her being in an N Field! She would have the advantage there...

KANARI: Doesn't it depend on the type of field-kashira? (SUISESEKI: Let's send our artificial spirits-desu.)

(They unleash Holly, Sweet Dream, Lempika and Pizzicato to look inside the N Fields, and they stay out.)

MIKE: And yet, there is no proof that the kidnapper was her. Who could be? (SHINKU: This is a job for...)

(She wears her beloved Kun-kun's cosplay and wields a pipe. The others emit a large sweatdrop. After that the injured Gin has flown towards the hospital room where her ever-rotting medium was peacefully resting.)

MEGU: Angel-san... I know I will die soon. I've seen another one like you... your white winged sister...

GIN: _White wings? Maybe there is another living doll we Rozen Dolls know nothing about...?_

MEGU: When you gather together, you'll carry me away, right? Youll free me from my suffering... Death is something natural, something good... in the past, there were many more deaths... people made the most of their lives. That's why we need a Death...

GIN: (¬_¬) _I know I never dared to badmouth her, but the poor girl is crazy... if I could save her right now..._

(Somewhere in the N Field, the two curly blondes are picnic-ing in a weird place... the sky is a reflection of the ground, but while the former is lush and colourful, the mirrored version shows the same landscape being dry, rotten and dirty.)

ALICIA: Do you like my lunch? (^_^) I never thought I would find someone to bring to this special place.

HINA: Er, yes... (0_0) This is tasty, but I don't like to look upwards-nano. It is starting to creep me-nano.

ALICIA: It's my father's favourite place... the place that reflects his heart. He says he created me here.

(Little Strawberry doesn't know what to say, if her father is that screwed, how come his girl is not any less?)

HOLLY: (floats) Bzzz. (SHINKU: News flash, guys. My spirit has found some clues in a certain N Field.)

JUN: I guess I'll have to tag along? (SUISESEKI: But of course, you are medium to us two, Chibi-human.)

SOUSESEKI: Bah, and we were wasting time roaming the streets... no matter, now we know what's ahead.

SHINKU: The Seventh Sister... if we find her again, I would like to make her see reason.

SUISESEKI: That won't do, Shinku! You'll have to save your servant by stealing her back from BAKA-suisho.

MIKE: I have to agree on that! (KANARIA: Me too, she is evil!) Linda is gonna come with us too.

SHINKU: She's very resourceful for a human... okay, maybe numbers will give us more of a chance to win.

(By mentioning the one-eyed doll, she has arrived at the prairie where the other two are having a picnic.)

ALICIA: My my, who are you? (BARA: Who are you.) Oh, I am Alicia... this field is where I was born.

HINA: She didn't mean that. And she's Barasuisho, she's evil-nano! She wants to kill the Rozen Dolls-nano!

ALICIA: I won't let her. My father created this for me... and Hina is my friend. No one will harm them, ever!

(She gains a shadowy expression, and the second albino in this story rushes, crystals in hand, towards the newcomer... but then realizes she can't be a living girl: something in her body shone and blocked the thrust. Bara gets shocked.)

BARA: She is not human. Not even like me. Yet, she has Father's smell... and another one I've never felt.

(We cut the scene, and when the others arrive there, they get as shocked as Strawberry Girl was just before. Of course, special credit goes to the remains of a battle... crystal shards of TWO different colors, as well as thorns and leaves.)

JUN: What the heck? Looks like a fiercely pitched battle took place! But who could have done this?

SHINKU: These thorns are too large to be Hina's... and the leaves don't look like hers either.

SUISESEKI: I see the Kun-Kun reruns have been productive, Shinku. The crystals must be Barasuisho's!

MIKE: Don't think so. (SOUSESEKI: What do you mean?) I don't know that doll quite as well as you, but if you look closely, these shards are different. (visor) One scratches the other, it means these are common glass, but those are pure diamond.

SHINKU: Magnificent deduction! You are being much more useful than my servant... (JUN: HEY!)

VOICE: A spotless detective job, I say. But are all the known suspects even here?

SOUSESEKI: It's the Laplace rabbit! (KANARIA: Why do you always have to barge in our business?)

LAPLACE: A good detective knows he can't take anything as granted. He needs proof. How is the strawberry doll search going? Only when you put all misleading clues apart the truth will come to you, clearer than crystal.

SHINKU: I know that, usagi-san. But he is right: we can't make wild guesses about the kidnaper's identity.

LAPLACE: Toys that live thanks to a borrowed soul, to the Rosae Mystica... you need no longer to look for Alice, for she is among us. The perfect girl actually exists, but she is neither of you. If you follow that path, you will finally meet her.

SOUSESEKI: You mean that all this rivalry was for nothing? Father did not even have to build us sisters?

LAPLACE: All souls come to this world for a purpose, even artificial ones, like yours.

LINDA: I think he is saying that Alice is another girl we currently don't know. Or doll, or whatever... and she was the one who caused this. (MIKE: And that she seized Hina!) And moreover, there is not a single useless soul... nobody's, at all.

SUISESEKI: So let's meet that Alice girl and ask her for an explanation-desu! No one will deny my existence!

(They keep looking, convinced that they were born for a reason, so if Rozen didn't tell them, Alice will.)

SHINKU: This is the higher part of this N Field... the mirror's back side. A quite creepy place indeed.

JUN: But whose is this N Field? Can it be Alice's? The perfect girl shouldn't have any impurity in her heart!

SOUSESEKI: No, it's someone else's, I'm sure. (KANARIA: Someone's there-kashira! Must be its owner!)

(From a ruined building's front gate appears Lord Xig-lem, it was about time he arrived to ruin this picnic.)

MIKE: Lord Xig-lem! Now it all makes sense. He would have abducted Hina using that Alice girl as bait!

XIGLEM: Whoa, you are getting sharper by the day. You could say you know me more each day it passes.

JUN: Is he an acquaintance? (LINDA: He is a criminal who wants to collect little girls to build a harem.)

MIKE: Is this your N Field, scum? I wouldn't be surprised, except for that sunny and blissful half.

XIGLEM: It isn't mine, my buddy... in fact, this is YOUR heart. Surely you were not expecting this twist!

SHINKU: Mike is a kind and caring human. I am sure this darkened area is an illusion trick of yours.

XIGLEM: Heh, you almost nailed it... but yes, I admit I did something here: I used this heart for my girl...

(From another corner emerges Alicia, holding Hina by an arm. The pink one has a face of shock and denial.)

ALICIA: Hi, I am Alicia. (^_^) And he is my father. I love him very much, and he loves me, isn't it right?

HINA: Shinku! This doll is not like us-nano... she is very strong, she managed to crush Barasuisho-nano!

KANARIA: Kyaaah! (0_0) If she did that, what will she do to us! (SOUSESEKI: Don't be a crybaby now!)

XIGLEM: You heard her, sweeties. My darling wants to befriend the Rozen Dolls, give her some slack.

SOUSESEKI: It can't be, Alicia. Your father has evil plans, if you truly love him, you must stop him!

ALICIA: *sadness* You don't want to be my friends... my father warned me. You don't want to deal with anyone different from you. You will only care about the Alice Game... (shadowy eyes) You don't want to admit that Alice already exists... and it is ME!

(Now she will show what she can do: she throws diamond spears of the brand they were studying, while an ace-of-diamonds mark shines on her forehead. The good guys know more or less how to face such combat style, so they do.)

SHINKU: Her fight patterns are a lot like Barasuisho's... we have a chance. Suiseseki, use your contract!

SUISESEKI: Sweet Dream! (foom!) Stuff it, interloper girl-desu. No one messes with the Alice Game-desu!

(The twins use their vines and shears to overpower the diamonds, although it is sturdier than regular glass.)

KANARIA: It will never end at this rate. Pizzicato! (violin) If I can make a strong noise I will shatter them.

(The big-foreheaded doll shatters the mineral coming from the front, while the tomboy jumps at her back.)

SOUSESEKI: Let Hina go or I'll gut you! (shears) (ALICIA: No, she will be my friend! Gnnn! *spasm*)

(A spade-suit mark shines on her back, then turns it into a sea of long, prickly needles.)

SOUSESEKI: Arg! (jabbed) (HINA: I don't like what you are doing-nano! They are all my sisters-nano!)

ALICIA: They are bad girls... they were bullying you... they dumped you and left you alone, just like I am...

(A clover mark shines in her hands and makes vines grow, much like Strawberry's own. The others jump off.)

KANARIA: Kyaaah, they say plants grow faster with music! If I keep prancing around I'll be smashed...

SHINKU: (tied up) Arg... Holly! (foom!) This has gone too far, I will force you to hand Hina over to us.

MIKE: Hina-chan! You have to show some guts, or Alicia will never understand what we are trying to say!

HINA: _He is right, if I don't impose myself, I'll always be mistreated! _Enough! Berry Bell!

(The spirit lashes at the evil blonde and she releases the Sixth Doll, she goes to reunite with her partners.)

HINA: Alicia, you were so kind to me, don't obey that evil guy-nano! You can become one of us-nano!

ALICIA: I can't do that... he is my father. I can't oppose my father, and neither can you!

SOUSESEKI: _Is she right? We are doing all this only for Father's sake? Isn't there any other solution?_

(Souseseki is already brewing the feelings that will mean her destruction, but not today.)

LINDA: Alicia, if that's why you are fighting for, I can't blame you... but your ways aren't adequate, that's why I must punish you. (ALICIA: Don't mess with me!) If I can't make you see reason, I won't be able to feel the Power of Creation!

SHONENJI: That means... Lady Linda wants to feel what is creating something, same as Xig-lem did... and even you, Lord Mike? AH! (MIKE: What happens?) That doll has TWO Genderiel eggs inside her! Surely, Shojonoe...!

(Yes, and the one remaining. They can escape from this galaxy if they try hard enough. But Redhead acts.)

LINDA: If you don't learn to split your will, your own wishes from your father's, you will never be free...

ALICIA: I don't wanna! I only have him, he is the only one I trust. You didn't let me be your friend!

(The fake girl makes her heart-mark shine in her ditto. Linda summons both Gotchi and Rita's support.)

LINDA: Even if I forgot them, I always honoured my parents. But my life is only mine.

ALICIA: (flames) I'll never abandon him! His happiness is also mine... we're two souls working as one...

(Linda's magic waterfall douses down the enemy's blaze, and a terrible thunder strikes and thrashes her.)

ALICIA: Father... *crumbles* The whole world hated me... why did you bring me to such a place...

XIGLEM: Not even I know that... we can't live anywhere, darling. We'll have to hide away.

(He cracks her head open, in a rather morbid way for the dolls watching him, and pulls out Shojonoe's egg, that gave her a soul. The villain escapes. The good guys approach the broken golem, the dolls still have the shock fresh in their minds.)

JUN: She chose to die and depart with his father... rather than admitting that her freedom ended where the others' started. (SHINKU: It was cruel... but I am happy of the choice I took... between living with my sisters, or meeting Father again.)

SUISESEKI: Souseseki? Cheer up, we are all okay-desu. Chibi-ichigo was very brave, surprisingly-desu.

HINA: And Mike told me I would be doing his magic trick! (^_^) He really is a cool human.

(The gardener jumps in anger, because now she must eat her headdress. After the pact, they check the egg.)

MIKE: The last Genderiel. Where will it take us to? (LINDA: I am beat... and Nori said she will be doing Hana Burgers.) Oh, what the hell. Let's have dinner there, surely she won't mind us! Everyone agree?

HINA: Yaaay! (SHINKU: I see no problem.) (JUN: Hey, the house isn't yours!) (SUISESEKI: _The other chibi-human was so brave... _*heartbeat* _Ah, I must stop these thoughts! But I want to find someone who loves me as much as Father... is that even possible?_

(After the dinner, the travellers must say goodbye and leave the house to check what the Genderiel looks like.)


	22. Virtual 1: Twilight Princess

LINK: [/\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\] PLAYTIME: 3:13:37

This time, by manipulating the Genderiel egg, the two friends caused a blinding flash that transported each of them to an individual flashback scene... we can only see Mike's (because this is his story) so we bring the camera inside his brain and the boy in glasses is lost in a forest of bushy trees, but he quickly discovers another boy lying face down on the ground. He wears the same clothes as him, but couldn't see his face... a colourful flash marks the entrance of Shojonoe, who is visiting the galaxy. She dones a shocked face and picks up the human, after growing a bit to be able to. Her face then changes to 'outburst of happiness' and leaves flying. The dream is over.

SHONENJI: I see you both are back... do you want to speak first, Lord Mike?

MIKE: What a weird scene... I seemed to dream about the stupid Shojonoe taking me in her arms and leaving the forest by flying. But then, why did she later dump me in that same forest for you to find me?

SHONENJI: This is something we can't aspire to know. Maybe she found Xig-lem just after you, and believed he was a better catch. (MIKE: Heartless bitch!) All said and done, she is the Genderiel of Shojo, she needs to love someone to survive.

LINDA: This is good and all, but this Genderiel is scaring me... he is saying I am the Goddess of Lolicon!

(After a noisy WHAAAT!, that almost deafened her, they can't help but discuss such crazy theory.)

DIGIDUDE: I am Digidude-beep, Genderiel of the Virtual Galaxy-beep. I rule all the planets that have to do with 'the Anime of the Game', beep. And yes, she is actually the Goddess of Lolicon, my scanner shows a 97,8% of similarity-beep.

LINDA: But it can't be true... when the light engulfed me, I remembered everything, all things my brain had lost. I finally know who I am, and why I went to your town, Mike. I am Goddess of nothing, you have to believe me!

MIKE: (hugs) Calm down... if it is true and you aren't, we still need to hatch Shojonoe's egg, right?

SHONENJI: Aha, when all Genderiels are awake, this great gibberish will finally be solved.

LINDA: The loli goddess is supposed to be a little girl of great innocence and childish beauty, same as her spawns... but I am too old, my face is boring, heck, my BOOBS are too big! I couldn't be more different if I tried! This is insane...

SHONENJI: Regarding that, the Knight of Lolicon, the guardian of our goddess and all she rules over, should have been a big, adult man with mountainous muscles and great battle wisdom. This is not quite the description of Lord Mike, isn't it?

MIKE: Eh! Are you saying I am a wet noodle? Show a bit more respect for your apprentice.

DIGIDUDE: Beep, now I need to send you to my galaxy's innermost layer-beep, to fix its crisis-beep.

MIKE: Right, it's true. So then, take us to the first level, you... Wall-E's distant cousin.

(He is right, the bugger looks like a relative of the funky robot from the Pixar movie... but black colored.)

LINDA: Mike, I finally recovered my past... if when returning home, we were separated... look for me, please.

MIKE: Okay, I promise. (^_^) I'll figure out where you live, so I can tell you: 'I know where you live'.

(After making such solemn promise of looking for each other, they arrive at a village.)

MIKE: What the devil... this sign here says this is Ordon Village. We are in **Twilight Princess**' Hyrule! But I am positive this game franchise never had a serious anime series... really, this robot dude is missing a few screws.

DIGIDUDE: Not at all-beep. This saga has had official mangas since the old days of Ocarina of Time-beep. As such, it's completely possible they would appear in my domains-beep. Now I will enter your soul to rest-beep.

LINDA: He seems to be right... (looks the sky) If we go by that huge title sign up there.

(It looks like it, there it is: the title screen of the game, overwritten in the sky our friends are staring at.)

SHONENJI: Well, now you have the protection of two Genderiels each-beep. Ops, it is rubbing off him.

MIKE: Let's go find the gang. Linda, if it's true that you have a life outside this world...

LINDA: Yes, I'll help you go back! And you help me, ok? We made a vow... we'd lose our powers if broken.

(They first bump into Rusl, the warrior. He sums for them what happened since Hyrule was saved.)

RUSL: Effectively guys, you arrived just in time. Not much ago the land of Hyrule was saved from quite the big disaster. A crystal dome covered the castle of our queen Zelda, who was just the princess back then.

MIKE: And I guess someone embarked on a quest to right what once was wrong. *wink*

RUSL: Heh, of course. My partners back at the castle town and my friend Link formed a help party. We expelled the monsters that were hiding there after Link broke the dome open, but shortly after the castle exploded...

(He finishes relating the story, about how Link took Zelda to a safe place, and the later reconstruction.)

RUSL: Repairs were finished just yesterday, and the Ordon villagers have been invited to the opening party.

MAYOR: Ah, it's you, Rusl. I didn't know who you were talking to. Are they from the castle town?

RUSL: Doesn't look like it, mayor, but they do claim to know our intrepid hero, Link. Should we take them?

MAYOR: Ha ha, of course! If they are friends of the boy, they have to be good people, why wouldn't we?

LINDA: Er, we'd like to know where he is now. (RUSL: Oh, I think he is in the pond, with Ilia and Epona.)

(Here they go, to the Spirit of Light Ordona's pond, and the blonde and farmer girl are tending to the horse.)

LINK: (0_0)... (ILIA: What's wrong? Oh, some foreigners have come! Do you know them, Link?)

MIKE: Good morning... we actually know this boy, but I am sure he doesn't know us. So, may I?

Looks like he is as mute as in the games, or just as illiterate, because the method he uses to talk is strange: he thinks his sentences, and the rest of speakers naturally understand him. The two travellers are gonna tell them their goals.

MIKE: Truth is... Link, tell me if during your journey you ever sensed someone inside you. Someone who guided your every step, who fought alongside you... and sometimes made you make silly mistakes, I won't deny it. So, did, you?

LINK: *nods* (ILIA: It is true? You had a ghost inside you? You are scaring me!)

MIKE: Well, it wasn't a ghost... it actually was me. (ALL: WHAT!) Let me explain, geez!

(He tells them how the myth of the goddesses is not quite exact: they exist, but there is something more.)

MIKE: We have come from a higher plane than yours... and we can't leave until we are done helping you.

LINDA: We need to restore our own goddess, and that will only be possible by getting the energy hidden inside 'girls of great innocence and childish beauty', but a villain is looking for them as well... to complete his own selfish goals.

LINK: *decided* (MIKE: I know we are asking for too much, but I think it's fair for the help I lent you.)

ILIA: Seems like you are kind spirits, as the ones who protect our lands... I say we should help them!

LINK: *happy* (LINDA: It grieves us having to do it like this... we usually help people in need and then ask for their girls' energy. But Mike promises he'll keep helping you in your quests if you get us out of this one.) (^_^)

ILIA: Well, according to you, no one in our village has such energy... I'll ask my father when are we leaving.

(As said, they are gonna keep searching in the castle town, but aren't going to miss the tavern's party.)

TALO: Did you listen? The two outsiders who signed up for our party are also heroes, like Link and your dad! (COLIN: I want to be as strong as them, maybe they can teach me.) (BETH: And both of them are pretty good looking...)

MALO: _They also said they were ghosts. You would have to be a retard to believe such cracked-up stupidity._

(This kid would get along with Stewie Griffin... or not, depends. The tubby Telma gives them a welcoming.)

TELMA: Welcome again, gentlemen! Rusl, the others are in the usual table. You know, Auru, Ashei and Shad. Heavens, who is this hot chunk of a lad! I am getting eager to go out and find some for myself!

LINDA: Erm, we are Link and Ilia's guests, milady. You busted us, I see you figured out our little affair.

TELMA: Ho, ho, you have it written all over your faces, lovebirds! You can sit in here, and the kids there.

(The four youngsters sit together, the kids in another table, and the races' leaders arrive at the place.)

GORCORON: Ah, I see the event has started early, Miss Telma... (DARBUS: Let's get started, then.)

RALIS: I wanted to sit with the children, but my rank demands me to be with you all... (IMPAZ: Worry not, majesty. (^_^) We will try not to talk only about old folks' stuff.) Heh, I see you really understand us, Miss Impaz.

TELMA: Don't sweat it, boy, enjoy your young days now, because later the adulthood troubles get nasty.

(When they had spent feasting a good while, the boy in glasses notices the absence of a special someone...)

MIKE: I am having fun, yes, but I think not everyone who should be is here, you catch my drift?

ILIA: Link, do you know someone else in the castle town? You should have told us, it's unfair to miss this.

LINK: *ponders* (MIKE: I'll go with you to bring her here. Ilia, Linda, keep our seats, we won't take long.)

(After a while, the two boys come back holding hands with a girl: it's Agitha, Princess of the Bug Kingdom!)

ILIA: I had never met her. (0_0) Did she really help you in your castle-saving journey?

AGITHA: Agitha Maripola, glad to meet ya. (^_^) I see my green prince is in very good company today.

LINDA: How did they meet? (MIKE: Let's say that she gave him money in exchange of some favours.)

(The lasses get shocked, but he hastily explains it all: and then they can't help but flatter the ponytailed one.)

AGITHA: Since ever, I have had that big fortune and even bigger love for bugs. (^_^) I didn't mind giving some rupees away to recover my real treasures. And my green prince used them to save Hyrule, so I am happy they served a purpose.

MIKE: Wow, I can't understand how you could be living alone and yet, be so kind and cute and lolicious.

LINDA: (?_?) What thing? (whisper) _Ah, so she has the loli essence... I was suspecting it... _

LINK: *blush* (ILIA: Oh, right, a marvellous child. Just marry her already!) *shocked*

AGITHA: I can't do that. *sadness* I am indebted to my green prince, but my heart has an owner already...

(She explains, her mother said she would only give herself away to whoever brought her the King of Bugs.)

MIKE: Okay, we can't aspire to be your husband (GIRLS: AHEM!) but at least you can give us a hug.

(With such a trick Mike extracts her essence, and the blonde boy gives her a sincere hug for being so cute.)

MIKE: Well, let's resume partying! I didn't want such nice, sweet girl to miss this feast!

BETH: (comes) Ooooh, she is so pretty. (TALO: Do you want to play with us? You can be the princess.)

(They take her to their table, but Impaz had a face of surprise and then of suspiciousness when she saw her.)

MIKE: Whats wrong? Link, Miss Impaz looks upset, let's see if something's the matter. (LINK *affirms*)

(They hope the girls can keep their jealousy towards the bug princess on check, while they ask the old lady.)

IMPAZ: Link... and you are Mike, right? You have brought a very interesting guest. She looks so strange...

MIKE: Of course not, madam, she only seems a bit crazy, I mean, who would love bugs as much as her?

IMPAZ: In the old Kakariko existed a rumour until a few years ago, before I became its last inhabitant. A disturbing story you could grade as out of a fairy tale, but even so, my late fellows would swear it actually happened...

(Some flashback images to accompany the old lady's tale, which is indeed a creepy one.)

_IMPAZ: An old couple living in the castle town wanted a child, but they were too old to have one. One night the Mothula Queen entered their house and ate the dinner they had prepared. As they didn't shoo her away –more because of fear than because of respect- she granted them her magic juice to fulfil their wish, but they were not to cause harm to any bug ever again. A year later a baby girl was born to them, but deadly wounding her mother. The father exploded in anger for having been deceived, and the Mothula queen explained that they are born that way: there can only be one queen at a time. He tried to expel her from his house, but the bug took the baby away with her. The father never met them again, and he too ended up fading in the darkness of oblivion..._

MIKE: Whoa, so scary. (0_0) And you suspect this funny girl to be the same one of the legend you've told.

IMPAZ: The Queen kept using magic sap to raise her, and when she is old enough, she will take her away...

MIKE: Isn't there a way to save her? She said that if someone finds the King of Bugs...

IMPAZ: Yes, he'll become her husband. It's the only way of untying her fate from the Mothula Queen's.

LINK: *gesture* (MIKE: Ah, yes. Where did she get her fortune? It's not normal for an orphan to be that rich.)

IMPAZ: The mothula robbed the father of his fortune for having tried to harm her, some 'Jovani' character...

MIKE: (0_0) But he's an acquaintance of ours too! We lifted his curse, didn't we, Link? (LINK: *Yes*)

(While they comment on how the world is so small, some crumbling noises alert them.)

TELMA: Everyone get out! Don't step on the cracks, and get the kids out in first place!

(Out in the alley, they witness a horrible scene: the people run away from a huge moth, ridden by...)

XIGLEM: What did I tell you, my queen? There she is. Your whimsical girlie has been living among humans!

MOTHULA: (rasp) Agitha Maripola, Princess of Bugs, you haven't fulfilled your part of our deal.

AGITHA: But it wasn't fair! How anyone who ignores my background could be able to find the King of Bugs? You gave me this nut medallion to lend it to whoever wanted to try their luck, but no one ever took me seriously...

MOTHULA: Your deadline is tomorrow at dawn. And I doubt you could find someone with so little time.

MIKE: Lord Xig-lem! Now I understand who let the cat out of the bag. (XIGLEM: Oh, I was just passing by.)

(The moth grabs the girl with her claws and flies away, the poor kid has time to throw her medallion down.)

AGITHA: Find him, my green prince! Only the King of Bugs can save me of this mess!

LINK: *grabs it* (LINDA: We couldn't do anything to help... but I'm sure Link will do something!) *Yes*

ILIA: Can you explain me what all this is about? The girl with the funny wings owes us a good explanation.

(Therefore, she is given one. The kids are worried about their new friend's cruel fate.)

RUSL: Let's do this, guys. My team will stay here to look after the kids while those two outsiders, Link and myself deal with the girl's rescuing. It isn't likely to find the ransom they ask for before the deadline, so...

MIKE: Yes, we need to go for the villain head on. We know him... he didn't come here just to tell on the queen.

DARBUS: I'll go with you! I couldn't do a thing during our princess' crisis, so I want to be of service!

TELMA: Miss Impaz, you could have told us about that girl's pesky relatives sooner...

IMPAZ: It was just a legend, Telma... but it seems that even the most unlikely tales can become a reality.

(As said, they can't go find the King of Bugs with so little time, so they'll look for the kidnaper. Night falls.)

LINK: *frustration* (LINDA: I know what you are thinking, but that creep will only be felled by force.)

MIKE: I knew you'd rather search the King of Bugs, but we haven't got a single clue and too little time.

(He angrily clutches the Deku Nut shaped medallion the princess gave him, he has not calmed yet. They go to the prairie in the Farone region, south of the city. A moth so big can't be hidden even in the darkest night, so...)

MOTHULA: You didn't bring the King, right? Then get lost, humans. (XIGLEM: I will teach them a lesson.)

MIKE: What trick are you gonna pull on us, knave? I warn you, in this galaxy we have full use of our power.

(Oh, a classic of his: uses black slime to power up a creature that was fearsome by itself, the Gohma Queen.)

LINK: *scare* (MIKE: That thing should have died centuries ago! It's the same one of the Temple of Time...)

LINDA: It's only an obese spider, we can crush it. (RUSL: It seems like you don't fear any bugs, milady.)

(No, she only fears angry tyrannosaurs. Link unsheats his bow and aims for the eye, so Mike uses clones.)

MIKE: The laser's coming! (bzzz... poof!) We need something stronger to block such a concentrated blow.

(Linda suggests her ice walls. Between the green clad boy and his warrior mentor, they deal with the larvae.)

RUSL: According to my pal, the last time he fought this monster, some statues crushed it with its might...

DARBUS: We have nothing of the sort today. Leave it to me, I am eager to practice my Goron Crush.

(He runs up a hill while everyone else is distracted, Linda uses vines to tie up the spider monstrosity.)

MIKE: Darbus, you must aim for the eye! (DARBUS: Goron Cruuush!) *PLAM!* And now, Cosmo Break!

(After the hard crushing by the rock-eaters' leader, the slash that splits galaxies leaves it extra thrashed.)

MOTHULA: You killed my arachnid fellow! It's an offence I can't forgive. You'll die!

AGITHA: Mom, no! They came looking for me because they care about me... I finally made true friends!

XIGLEM: Shut up, dumb brat. They didn't keep their part of the deal, so now they will pay the consequences.

(He sprays more black slime at the moth, and turns her even fatter and angrier. The girl is terrified at her.)

AGITHA: No, don't kill her! Even if she is like that, she is still my mother... I have no one else to love!

MIKE: You are wrong, sweetie! (winks) When this is over, I'll have the honour to take you to your father!

AGITHA: (?_?) Huh? (LINDA: But if we can't harm her, all that's left if summoning the King of Bugs!)

LINK: *gestures* (RUSL: Wow, lads, that kid's medallion is doing something weird...)

(Effectively, from its cleft emerges a Herc Beetle, shining like gold. Link tries to touch it and then...)

MIKE: _Ooooh, it is the Triforce of Courage! I didn't know this Link had access to it..._

(The beetle grows to the same size as the moth, and roars due to all the courage it has burning inside.)

AGITHA: It's the King of Bugs! (^_^) They kept their promise, and just in time. Now I am free, correct?

XIGLEM: Not if I have something to say about it. (grabs!) You will come with me, to become my doll...

DARBUS: That guy was not just a spectator, as I see... we must smash him as well!

(The bad guy snagged the blonde, and the dark moth begins its attack against Hyrule's heroes. The golden beetle defends them with the purest Mushiking style, but it needs a guide who infuses him with even more courage.)

LINK: *pendant* (BEETLE: Gruuur!) (MIKE: Whoa, dudes, this is looking right out of a Mushiking fight.)

RUSL: We aren't here just for show, lads. Sir Darbus! Could you do again that jump-to-crush maneouver?

(He repeats it, and crushes the moth, the royal beetle takes a run-up and rams into her to KO her silly.)

RUSL: Link, both at a time! (LINK: *nods*) Shoot arrows to her wings, we need to pin her down.

(They do, Linda uses more vines to entrap the bugger, right after, a dose of Healing Pearl.)

MIKE: The queen won't be a bother anymore. You are mine, scum! COSMO BREAK! (XIGLEM: Stupid...)

(He only needs to use Eternal Comeback to rebound it, but has to let go of the girl and Darbus catches her.)

XIGLEM: Rats, he tricked me! But this war is still ongoing, Knight of Lolicon... And I will win it! *escape*

AGITHA: He saved me... (^_^) My green prince, and the King of Bugs, they made it possible... together.

LINK: *blush* (RUSL: We know about your story, missy. We will try to help you with your problems.)

LINDA: The Mothula is healed, but it's better to leave her here. I wouldn't want her to bother you again!

AGITHA: But still, she was my mother... though, now that my green prince fulfilled the queen's deal...

(They take her to the castle town and finally ends the sentence: Link can marry her, but Ilia huffs and puffs.)

LINK: *implores* (ILIA: I knew something was brewing... well, be happy, dearies, I don't want to see you!)

MIKE: Er, he doesn't mean that... now that the girl is free, she can marry whoever she wants.

AGITHA: True, when I repair Telma's bar with my fortune, I will part to look for my father. (^_^)

TALO: Will you play with us again? (COLIN: I'd like to.) (BETH: I see you have the eye on Ralis!)

MALO: _She intends to hook up with him? (¬_¬) This family's reunions would be quite the freak show._

MIKE: We have to go... Link, keep going like this and your adventures will become a legend, I am sure.

SHONENJI: If they aren't already, Lord Mike. (LINDA: Do you think ours will be too?) We can hope, milady.


	23. Virtual 2: Star Ocean

_NAVIGATION 11: THE INVENTION GIRL._

After having learned something new, the two friends arrive at the next level of what is called 'the videogame galaxy'. A mysterious sky, full of stars, gives way to the game's title, which Mike hopes to be able to link with its anime version. At the right moment, the Virtual Genderiel gives him the necessary data to keep going.

DIGIDUDE: Star Ocean EX, 26 episodes, made by Studio Deen in 2001... beep.

LINDA: Whoa, he is even more of a know-it-all than yourself, Mike. We need to thank him, if we survive.

MIKE: Now we should locate the main characters. I have a vague idea about who can be our loli.

(He thinks about the gadgeteer girl, Precis Neumann, who is right now with his loved Claude Kenni.)

PRECIS: My name is Precis Neumann, my stone is the amethyst and my finger size is 55! (*v*)

CLAUDE: Er, I am Claude Kenni. (PRECIS: *lovestruck*) (CELINE: Excuse me, that thing is getting away.)

(The brown haired keeps pursuing her Bobot, the others leave the place while Ashton is still dumbfounded.)

CLAUDE: Let's look for an inn. Celine has gone to the university to see what she can discover about the book.

RENA: Every inn we have checked was full... (checks) This one too! We aren't going to make it today...

CLAUDE: What are those two doing? (RENA: Who?) The redhead and brunette pair, at the market square...

(The knight had started to cut the weeds from the market's backside without permission.)

LINDA: Mike, please! These flower beds aren't yours! (MIKE: I hate weeds, even more than eating beans!)

(He unsheathed his light blade and mowed them all, the shopkeepers done a sweatdrop, but thank him.)

RENA: It's him! (CLAUDE: Wha?) It's the Warrior of Light! Now there's no doubt, he has come to Expel!

(While the lass gets starry eyed, the blonde can't trust her: she was already wrong once, regarding himself.)

RENA: Eh, mister! You must be the one sent here to end all the troubles caused by the Sorcery Globe.

MIKE: _Goshdarnittoheck! I forgot that I am the spiting image of the warrior Rena was anxiously waiting for..._

LINDA: Heya sweetie, he is no envoy, he is my friend... we are travellers looking for a place to sleep.

CLAUDE: Heh, the same as us, it seems. Excuse Rena, the Warrior of Light business is a delicate topic for her. We are also travelling, to solve the monstrous problems caused by that alien artefact. What about you?

MIKE: Okay, I'll say it: we travel to find a way to revive our goddess. (pause) Don't make me that face! And we need to gather special energy only found in girls of short age, great innocence and childish beauty. That's it.

(While they decide where to camp, three people run past them on the background: Ashton, Precis and Xig-lem!)

PRECIS: (ribbon) It's getting away! (ASHTON: I know, Ururun, get it!) (URURUN: Groarg.)

(Ashton's ice dragon spews ditto and freezes the river, so they can continue the chase.)

PRECIS: (grabs) It's amazing! What sort of machinery is used in this artefact? (ASHTON: He's no artefact!)

XIGLEM: I am afraid Sir Ashton's dragons are very much living creatures, little miss.

PRECIS: (lets go) They don't detach? (ASHTON: No they don't!) Tsk, what a drag then.

XIGLEM: Let's keep searching for that other girl's ribbon, but you know you have to pay me for it later.

PRECIS: But I have no money. (ASHTON: And Claude and the others have mine, so...)

XIGLEM: Don't worry, I won't ask for it. I only need you to lend me the materials for a certain experiment.

(Pssst, that's suspicious... why doesn't he abduct the girl is she is within perfect range? That's unlike him...)

PRECIS: I saw it! (carriage) And just in time, look who has caught up to us... *Bobot*

(The girl tinkers with the robot and turns it into a hoverboard, they ride it and get their prize, but...)

ASHTON: Precis, look at the road! AAARG! (rockslide) (PRECIS: But in the end I got the ribbon!) (^_^)

XIGLEM: Whew, I finally catch up to you. I see you did it without my help, but we had a deal nonetheless.

ASHTON: Er, yes... we should pay him for his good advice. But what can we give him?

XIGLEM: I want the girl's Bobot, it's a very interesting mechaniloid. (PRECIS: Well, I can always build another.) From the warrior, I'd like his dragons. (ASHTON: Hey, but I said I can't detach them!) You can, if we use this...

(He shows the bottled tears of the demon bird Xine, essential to purify Mister Anchors.)

XIGLEM: That demon didn't tell you the whole truth, but I coaxed it out of him. I am a pretty capable guy.

ASHTON: Good, then you could separate Gyoro and Ururun without them dying! I was getting fond of them.

XIGLEM: When my experiment is over, I will return your things, until then, here, have a compensation.

(To alleviate the waiting, he gives them a BARREL! And it's full of SCRAP PARTS!)

ASHTON: Wooow, the best thing in the world! (PRECIS: Stuffed with the second best thing in the world!)

(The villain leaves, and he didn't do any villainy... the warrior is worried about his mates.)

ASHTON: Well, time to go back to my friends... they are gonna get surprised at Gyoro and Ururun's absence.

(They return the ribbon to Eleanor, and give her a deserved scolding, but the little quest has cheered her up a bit. Her inventor friend is sure she will be cured. Both go outdoors and Precis thanks him for the sacrifice.)

PRECIS: You look more handsome without them... to be honest. (ASHTON: *blush*) KYAH! It's my man!

(She jumps at the boy's back, only to latch onto Mike. What a slip, she wanted to hug Claude.)

LINDA: Eh, let him go! (ò_ó.#) He isn't yours! (pushes) (PRECIS: Okay, I just wanted my lovely Claude!)

(Redhead and Blue Head –what a pair- fume because of the girl, but then quickly regain composure.)

CELINE: How funny, looks like we've put together two ladies' men and a precocious girl, right guys?

ASHTON: _Geez, not fair..._ (MIKE: Ashton! Your dragons!) Ah, yes, a nice man sort of ripped them off...

RENA: He ripped them off? (0_0) But it was undoable! (PRECIS: But he did, you see.)

ASHTON: We were looking for a way to split them from me without killing them. Are you not happy then?

RENA: You are an ungrateful jerk. *tears* Gyoro and Ururun had helped you till now, and you dumped them!

ASHTON: Not at all! He will give them back... and meanwhile, he gave us this. (barrel) Guy knows my likings!

(While the warrior is in Fanboy mode, Brown Hair Lass supports him with her softened version of the facts.)

CELINE: Calm down already! Now we need someone to decipher this book, in case you had forgotten.

PRECIS: Oh, that's cake. I know the smartest person in all of Linga. Let's go there!

(They go to Doctor Bowman's place, but he can't read a single line of the accursed scroll.)

BOWMAN: I am sorry, it's not my field's specialty. But I have a colleague who most likely can, tomorrow...

LADY: (interrupts) Doctor Bowman! You must come, it's Eleanor! (MIKE: _Shucks, that's the sick girl..._)

(Yep, the boy in glasses knows about her, though not much. They check her and the doc announces the cure.)

MIKE: The Metox herb, correct? (BOWMAN: How can you know that?) Let's say I too have my studies...

LINDA: Mike told me that some of those herbs are sure to be in the Sanctuary of Linga, to the east of here.

BOWMAN: He spoke the truth. But it's impossible to go there now, the Sorcery Globe filled it with monsters.

ASHTON: I will go! (CLAUDE: Ashton?) I want to save this kid, and I will show her a vast world... much bigger than the one she can glance at through her window. Even if I don't have Gyoro and Ururun with me, I am not defenseless!

(Precis has overheard that, and gets sad for having caused Ashton to sacrifice, so she is going to change her strategy.)

PRECIS: _He has lost his scaly friends because of me. I know this can't compensate him, but it will help a lot._

(She uses the scrap parts inside the barrel and hastily builds something, then leaves the clinic.)

LINDA: What's up? You have had that nervous face since a while ago. (MIKE: Ashton should have had his dragons until the end of this story. Someone has changed it!) Then someone wanted to leave him at a disadvantage! Right?

(Mike is sure Lord Xig-lem was behind all this, and most probably wants to nab Precis.)

MIKE: It's the best chance he'll have... now that she is gone. (LADY: Doctor, Precis is gone!) Just on cue...

(But what he didn't predict was the note she left besides Ashton's barrel, which uses to apologize to him.)

ASHTON: (reads) 'Ashton, forgive me, it's my fault you lost your dragons, surely they were good friends. I had no fondness for Bobot, so I didn't mind that much, but we are not sure when these three will be returned to us...'

(He looks the barrel and lifts it, sees it has not scrap parts anymore, but a full machine.)

ASHTON: 'I have built a present for you, if you want to save Eleanor it will help you, but don't open it until reuniting with me. I haven't tested it yet! I am going to find the Metox and save her life... don't be late!'

CLAUDE: Well, we know Precis did go to the Sanctuary of Linga, but not how far in she went through...

RENA: You read it, Ashton, don't open it if not in front of her. Looks like she cares about you. (^_^)

ASHTON: *blush* Okay, let's move already! (BOWMAN: Get the Metox, guys... and get it fast.)

(The matter is dire, effectively. While the heroes step into the wilderness near Linga, Precis investigates.)

PRECIS: Don't worry... I have my mechanical hands, whoever tries to bite me is in for a punchy surprise.

(You think so? Here comes the demon bird, Xine! He looks darker than usual, as are all victims of...)

XIGLEM: We meet again, little miss. If you came looking for your tin can, I'd say that I still need it.

PRECIS: What are you doing? (zas!) Augh! The bird has mistaken me for some kind of bread loaf! (PAF!)

(She attacks with her robot hands, but they are too weak to prevent the feathered bugger from capturing her.)

PRECIS: *struggle* Let go! (XIGLEM: I decided to improve my part of the deal: now I want you, whole!)

(The girl protests because of her sick friend, then Xig-lem makes her shut up showing a Metox sapling...)

LINDA: Repeat it again. (MIKE: Blah, okay... Ashton shouldn't have lost his dragons, this is a... plot irregularity.) Could it be caused by you-know-who? Then we must take them back, and the sooner the better!

CLAUDE: What are you talking, you two? (CELINE: Claude, sweetie, something ugly is coming at us!)

(Yes, the black slimy worms from the Linga caves have arrived. They fight to remove them from sight.)

CLAUDE: Rena, stay back with Celine. Linda, you said to be able to use Heraldry, so help them too.

ASHTON: Heh, I am gonna show you the Heraldic style of Expel's warriors! (MIKE: Is he gonna do it?)

(Yes, he does, he uses his Leaf Slash or whatever is called, vanishes in a leaf storm and strikes back.)

ASHTON: Hu hu, they don't know what is hitting them. ARG! *eaten* (CLAUDE: I told him not to rush...)

(The blonde jumps at the worm that chomped Ashton with Burning Knuckle, and makes it puke him out.)

MIKE: Linda, do your electric trick. Rena, come here to heal this Leeroy, please! Then we strike, Claude.

(And his girl partner does the trick: a monster made of high voltage devours the worms, a la Bao Zakeruga.)

CELINE: Cool trick, Linda sweetie. You have to teach it to me. (LINDA: I don't think you could pull it off...)

ASHTON: The barrel is still okay? (RENA: Still pristine, yes. I see you care about it, Ashton.) (^_^)

(After the warrior blushes they finally reach the zone's highest hill, out in the sun. Well, it's a figure of speech.)

CLAUDE: Those black clouds are giving me bad vibes... (MIKE: And that beast here is giving me worse ones!)

(The demonic bird has the brown haired gal on his talons, and throws her to the villain's arms, he laughs.)

XIGLEM: I see my rival has brought Captain Ronyxis Kenni's son, this will make it more fun...

CLAUDE: Don't call me that, bastard! I am Claude Kenni, and I am going to deserve my own fame!

RENA: _Claude is still jumpy about that... please, focus, the lives of TWO girls are at stake now..._

ASHTON: Let Precis go or you will answer to me! How could I have thought you were a nice, selfless guy...

MIKE: Be careful! Surely the demon bird is not his only mook... he always leaves the worst pain for last!

XIGLEM: Or maybe not, knightie. See these dragons? (CELINE: They are Ashton's!) Look at this!

(Gyoro and Ururun's heads sprout out of Xine's back, and Bobot is encased in its chest.)

XIGLEM: The pieces are in place. Now I'll create the strongest beast in this planet, the Dragon Tyrant!

(They decompose and recompose to form the scaly beast, a relative of the one they'll tame, the Synard.)

DRAGON: Gruuur! (PRECIS: Bobot! *tears* Ashton, you must use the machine I have made for you!)

(He complies, and from the barrel emerges a mechanical-hand backpack shaped like the two headed dragon.)

RENA: (0_0) She has reproduced them perfectly... what a skilful girl. (ASHTON: How do I use them?)

PRECIS: They're the Two-headed Fists! *wink* Put them on your back and press those levers. Best of luck!

CLAUDE: Right, they weren't tested, she said... take your positions, same as back with the worms!

But his strategy will not work on something as big and brutish: it swipes at the meleers and pushes them back, and burns the girls in the back with a concentrated fireblast, who were trying a combined spell. Matters don't look good.

MIKE: _I must think of something... how to get near and hurt that thing. But not much, they are hostages..._

CLAUDE: Make it attack us! (ASHTON: Ah, yes...) It can't evade damage from BOTH of its sides!

(The boys trap the beast between an ice beam, a Cosmo Break and a violent Kuuhazan.)

CELINE: That's our cue, sweeties. **Energy Arrow**! (RENA: **Gravity Press**!) (LINDA: Spirits of wind!)

(The spells put some big ouchies in the reptile, the blonde is going to try a risky move.)

CLAUDE: **Tear into pieces**! (craaack!) (MIKE: _Since when did the Ripper Blast was able to do that?_)

(A stalagmite made by the Kenni boy flies to the monster's belly and causes it an ulcer.)

ASHTON: A hole! I am getting an idea, let's see, Gyoro's head is this lever... HAAAH!

(He uses the invention's flamethrower to burn the beast's ulcer, now that it is bigger, it is the Knight's turn.)

MIKE: I was eager to throw this at someone… PURPLE COMET! (fooom!) Hah, eat my shorts!

(More like 'suck on my [ki] balls', really: the mass of purple energy splits the bugger in two clean parts.)

RENA: Here are Gyoro and Ururun! (CELINE: And that kid's robot...) Linda, cast a big spell, and fast!

LINDA: I was eager too, to use again this beauty: Dawn of Despair! (fsssh!) It's gonna swallow it whole...

(It finishes eating and disintegrating the demonic Xine, while a red and blue light flies to Ashton's body.)

GYORO/URURUN: Gyo! / Rur! (ASHTON: Guys, you are back! *tear rivers* Don't ever leave me again...)

CLAUDE: That was half the battle. Now release Precis, scum! Or I will make you to!

(He uses another Kuuhazan, but it is stopped by the Shadow Mirror, the bad guy is so tired he frees her.)

XIGLEM: This was going nowhere after all. But someday you will run out of One-ups, Knight of Lolicon!

PRECIS: (hugs) Claude! (^_^) Bobot! Finally, this mess was over... let's go and save Eleanor, come on!

ASHTON: *ignored* But we have no Metox herbs... (MIKE: She has!) Yeah? Hey...! Where did you get it?

PRECIS: That bad guy put it in my pocket, looks like he was trying to cure Eleanor's disease as well...

RENA: Maybe he was not so evil? (MIKE: Bah, that's because if she were to die, he'd have one less loli.)

CELINE: No matter if that man was nice deep inside, he committed a crime and I won't ever forgive him.

SHONENJI: Eh, I have had no lines in this chapter! Lord Mike, the one holding the loli essence is Precis.

MIKE: Thanks, Captain Obvious. (¬_¬) See, Miss Neumann, if you don't mind giving me a small hug...

PRECIS: He he, of course. (pacts) Au, it stings. I should put off my two headed device while hugging.

ASHTON: Geez, I also fought for your sake. (LINDA: Then have her hug you too. And don't forget Claude.)

(As they are in the mood, everyone does a collective hug and laugh for a while. Brown Haired carries her gizmo in her back and they go back to Linga. Eleanor is treated, and the foreigners must depart before they are given the Big Bad News.)

MIKE: I am sorry Rena, I am not the one you wanted... but all will be okay, your knight will appear soon.

RENA: No, it was my fault... if I want to save Expel, I'll do it myself, with my friends. I won't wait for miracles!

LINDA: That's the spirit, honey. We too have a mission, and we will fulfil it, together. (SHONENJI: Your friends fight along you, even if they are far from you.) *raises fist* We'll find the answer to this quest, at the end of the road!


	24. Virtual 3: Xenosaga V

_# 1 THE FIRST AND THE LAST. [Fei] [Citan] [Emeralda] 65: 37: 17 _

Once again the bad guy had escaped, and the two friends get desperate. They wonder if they will run out of planets before catching him... they couldn't keep that rhythm. After landing in the next one with the Instant Transmission, always in the look for the lolicon essences, they ended up in a ghost city... yet some lights were still on, which gave it an eerie look. The weirdest part was, they looked around and the city seemed to be buried in a cavern. Some sort of ancient ruins!

MIKE: It's disturbing... a city identical to our own world's... but there are no traces of life anywhere.

SHONENJI: Those creatures seem to disagree with you, Lord Mike. (LINDA: Kyaaah! They are monsters!)

(Yes, some ugly critters roam the place, akin to hippogriffs. They try to fight them off and flee from there.)

MIKE: Cosmo Break! (boooom!) (LINDA: Flame on! And thunder! Explode away!)

(After some slashes, arsons and sparks, the first one falls, and Redhead makes it explode.)

LINDA: I should use the Explosion Pearl more often, it's collecting dust. (MIKE: Rats, there are more.)

(Then they got the idea of looking at the 'sky' and managed to see the game's title screen.)

MIKE: 'Episode V' it says... but as I know, only the first has an anime. Then this is the prequel, Xenogears!

(As if it was summoned, the god of mechas, the Gear to rule them all, comes to save their hides.)

XENOGEAR: What the fuzz? Why are there humans here apart from us? Get out of the way!

(His partners are Fenrir and Crescens, the most adequate ones to investigate the ruins of the Zeboim era.)

FEI: (gets off) I don't like to go on foot through here. We need to fit you in, Emeralda could carry you...

EMI: I am now an adult, Fei-Kim. I will help you in any way I can. (gazes) Is she Elly?

FEI: Is it possible? ELLY! (grabs her) Ah, no, she isn't... (CITAN: Certainly, they are dashingly similar.)

MIKE: No, her name's Linda! Look, they aren't alike. Her hair is crimson red, and she is quite younger.

LINDA: I can explain myself, thanks. Hey, Asian guy, we don't know how we ended in here, but want to leave!

CITAN: That's easy to do, boys. After checking these ruins, we had to report to Master Bart's Yggdrassil cruiser. The other members in the team are checking how the world's shape was left in other areas of this planet.

FEI: As I was saying... you have to hop in Emeralda's Gear, because ours would get confused with brain waves not from their pilots. We will see if you can be lent some to work with in the Snowfield's Hideout.

MIKE: The hideout, eh... Shonenji, return quietly to your galaxy and bring my truck to these coordinates...

SHONENJI: At least, this time is quite nearer. I won't waste energy so stupidly... (¬_¬)

(He obeys and the two travellers are directed to the refuge, which was the floating city of Shevat back then.)

LINDA: We are finally here... (ponders) Well, you didn't tell me what are those things called 'Gears'.

BART: Heh, not even we know exactly. Some day, people started stumbling upon them in the underground while they excavated it, and learned to restore them and even build new ones from scratch. Mine is my ancestor's treasured relic.

LINDA: You pull them out of the ground? (0_0) Like they were potatoes? And how are these any different?

BILLY: Ah, Omnigears are Gears which were powered up with an Anima Relic to their full capabilities.

RICO: There are only twelve of these things in the whole world, they were made by that huge eyesore, Deus.

MIKE: The one who modified this planet, right? (CITAN: How can you know that?) I'll tell you something: we aren't from this planet... when you found us we were leaving our 'special vehicle'. We came here to take on a mission.

(The boy comments on his cosmic quest, and the rebels will try to help him to the best of their abilities.)

MARIA: Will I do? I want to be useful, like Emeralda. We are not the best fighters, but we do our best... If we lend you that energy, will you help us against that monstrosity? We are short of capable soldiers here...

MIKE: I can't meddle much in extra-planetary business, my code says such... but well.

(They do the power-up ritual and Shonenji arrives at just that moment, carrying the boy's old Transtector.)

CITAN: He is an interesting specimen, like the Chuchu race, that lived in this planet an awful while ago.

MARGIE: Yet he is as cute as them. (^_^) (SHONENJI: Er, okay, if you would let me...)

MIKE: Let's give them a show! **Master Force**! (foom!) **Transform, Power on**! (clunc!)

BILLY: It's a transformable, like my father's Gear! (0_0) We could upgrade it with the Xenogears' data.

EMI: I'll do it. (FEI: Emeralda?) I am a nanomachine colony, I can do the fix in a short time. Same way as we granted Omnigear-like capability to our Gears, I can modify this vehicle with my assemblers to get the same results.

LINDA: That's cool and all, but I wouldn't want to resort to use magic (CITAN: Ether.) out there. Yes, doc?

CITAN: Sorry for the intrusion, but the concept of Ether is defined by the living beings' capacity to alter possible phenomena via their willpower, sometimes surpassing what is humanly possible with the usual five senses. Or as you named it, 'magic'.

RICO: Hey, the lass is asking why would she be forced to fry buggers with Ether if we have spare Gears.

BART: Ah, he's right... but we only have some Desert Pirate models around here, they won't make the cut.

BILLY: We could lend her... the Regurus. (FEI: What!) Elly would have wanted us to use it to save her!

MARIA: I don't like the idea of giving away a recently dead woman's Gear, but I think it's the best choice.

FEI: She is not dead! She was merely absorbed by Deus... we are fighting to get her out, don't ever forget!

CITAN: Fei, don't shout at the kid. But it's true... no matter if Elly is dead or alive, her Gear serves no purpose if stored in the hangar. If this lady can get it to move again, she is welcome. She has great ether potential, right?

LINDA: Etto, yes, I am good a doing magic tricks. (MIKE: Hey, the green haired one's finished the pimping!)

(Yes she did, Mike's truck was attached to an external trailer to form the Thrash Convoy!)

MIKE: Now this is size! I'll be able to call any monsters Deus throws my way on a first name basis, he he.

LINDA: _Fei gets enraged when someone badmouths that Elly girl... will Mike go crazy too because of me?_

MARIA: We should be informing Queen Zephyr of our findings. (CITAN: Indeed, let's go to her throne.)

(They go to the ever tired queen's throne room, who hardly can cope with the situation, to give her hope.)

ZEPHYR: If what you say is true, perhaps the scales have been slightly moved to our favour, my friends...

CITAN: They are quite a discovery, I won't deny it. A human who's free from Solaris' genetic limiter, but further more, a woman not bound by the Miang Gene! We had lost the hopes of finding people similar to them...

MIKE: Only one more thing, majesty! Along with us, it is possible that another human just like us is roaming around this planet. But he is using his power to fulfil his selfish dreams! We bumped into him several times, and he is dangerous.

LINDA: Young and cute girls are his favourite preys, and we think he will target either Maria or Emi.

ZEPHYR: I knew not all was going to be so easy... (noise) And the devil uses to come when mentioned...

(They go to the outer area and see a menace who they thought forgotten: Drake-borg. Xig-lem is going all out.)

XIGLEM: Wa ha ha, it was hard to clean the rust from this junk, but it will be worth it!

FEI: No one will make me lose more loved ones! Let's kick him outta here, if he is not with us, he is against!

BART: Sigurd, bring me my iron buddy, I am in! (MAISON: Don't take unnecessary risks, young master.)

(Everyone calls their Gears and Mike puts Thrash-Talker in Convoy mode: a can of ass kicking will be open.)

MIKE: I hope you don't intend on going toe-to-toe with the god of robots, Xenogears! Fei, start from afar!

FEI: Okay, you know him better than I do... so, Billy, Rico, throw everything you can!

(El Renmazuo and El Stier fire both Ether and regular bullets, respectively. Linda and Emi prepare spells.)

LINDA: Emi, do your best trick, I will do mine. (EMI: I will try unleashing Lightning elemental Ether.)

(The girls shoot an amplified thunderstorm that greatly slows Drake-borg's movement.)

FEI: Our turn, yes? (MIKE: Right on!) Okay, doc, come help us with your katanas!

(Now the brunette –no, the asian one- fights with kung-fu, doc with iai-do, and Glasses Boy just slashes.)

CITAN: He is holding back... why is he only defending? (FEI: Keep at it, we are three to one!) No, stop!

(They didn't realize the trap: the enemy uses all punishment received and unleashes it as Gravity Ether.)

CITAN: Agh, I was suspecting it! It's the same tactic Miang's Omnigear used to almost defeat our group!

XIGLEM: Ho, ho, very smart, Uzuki, but too late! Now, you only have one way to get out of this mess...

BART: Maria, you have your hands free, so fire your Graviton Cannon! I will whip this fat bastard good.

(El Andvari wields his whip and entangles the dragon, the girl complies and uses her gravity to undo his.)

MARIA: Come on Seibzehn, you can do it... (foom!) (XIGLEM: Ha, it's all prepared, now is my turn!)

(The bad guy takes advantage of the heroes crushed by gravity and transforms his Drake-borg in robot mode, gives Seibzehn a furious beating and the Balthasar girl falls from his head... she gets a nasty leg wound.)

XIGLEM: Your Gear is out of play, and you are useless without him. This was a most easy prey, I say.

MARIA: Damn you... *pain* If my father hadn't been destroyed... he would rip you a new navel...

(The robot starts an alarm warning through a loudspeaker, thing it had never done, the pilots get surprised.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Pilot's life signs: under 50%, activate the emergency 'Claudia' system.

XIGLEM: I won't let her escape! That fat junk heap is not taking away my new, hard earned doll.

(But it does: a mechanical arm made of many joints, like a long, metallic snake, grabs the little girl and puts her inside the cockpit, which no one had figured out how to open until now... immediately after, it falls down a snowy chasm.)

FEI: She is going to fall down the pit! (EMI: Linda, we must grab them!) (LINDA: I'm coming, hafta jump...!)

(Regurus tries to grab the obese Seibzehn, but it's too heavy for her... and Crescens has no frikkin arms.)

MIKE: NO! MARIA! (XIGLEM: Shucks, she fell down. No matter, I know how I am going to catch her.)

(But instead of jumping down the cliffs, he heads for the good guy's refuge and rips its ceiling open.)

XIGLEM: Good evening, Queen Zephyr. I won't rob you much time, I just came to get a certain memento.

RAMSUS: What in hell are you doing, intruder! (sword) Elements, fetch my Vendetta, I'll take on him!

(The artificial Contact's followers obey the order, but the villain snags the general and carries him out.)

XIGLEM: I hope you don't mind a little barter, Fei. If you want to recover Kahr, you will bring Maria to me.

MIKE: We don't negotiate with kidnapers, vermin! Cosmo Break! (LINDA: Pearl of Explosions!)

(Although their attacks were good intentioned, they only served to push the kidnaper farther away.)

FEI: *despair* She is dead! I said I won't be losing anymore friends... but I couldn't! I couldn't save her!

CITAN: Fei, please, you aren't thinking straight. You said yourself that Elly was not dead, but imprisoned.

BART: Doc is right, pal... the girl was inside her Gear when it fell down the abyss, she will be unharmed.

FEI: You make it sound okay, but he took Ramsus away! Even if we rescue Old Bal's granddaughter, Kahr is not going to be happy about having to be saved by me... He is obsessed about beating me, I am sure he didn't get over that.

BILLY: Perhaps, yes, but he will be fine by himself until we arrive. The guy was the Contact fabricated before finding you, he has to be strong. (RICO: And if not, he will have to suck it up, because we will save both!)

ZEPHYR: I have faith that you will solve this dreadful case, friends... you can use my city's resources.

CITAN: Then we need to think up a plan, how to recover Maria and her Gear and how to rescue Ramsus.

EMI: I'll look for Maria. (LINDA: Are you sure?) Yes, it seems her Gear malfunctioned and she got trapped.

MIKE: She's right, her nanomachines will be able to fix the circuits, quickly and easily.

BART: Someone knows where his fangirls are? Their skills are wonderful, they could have helped us.

ZEPHYR: I don't know where they went after the incident, but I can't trust them: they were Solaris warriors. (FEI: Highness, with all my respects, countries are no more, there is no Aveh or Kislev, only humans... and Deus.)

CITAN: Very true. We'll try to gather all our assets together, but I wonder how's Maria doing right now...

(We connect with the snowy gulf where the poor girl fell. She is injured and trapped in her Gear's cockpit.)

MARIA: Aww, it hurts... is this Seibzehn's cockpit? Never any technician had managed to enter here...

LOUDSPEAKER: Emergency system, processing. Filling cockpit with LCL. Oxygenating the tank... done.

(The cockpit is filled with orange liquid, the girl notices how her ragged clothing starts dissolving away.)

MARIA: This liquid has melted my dress! Thank goodness there is no one here, I will die of embarrassment.

LOUDSPEAKER: I am here, my girl. (she hops) It's me, your mom. Claudia Balthasar. I came to heal you...

MARIA: Mom? But I know you died! When papa brought me out of Solaris, you had already died, right?

LOUDSPEAKER: I didn't die, honey... when your father and I were captured... I asked him to install my living brain in your Gear if something ever happened to me... in your iron guardian, Seibzehn. That way I would always be with you...

MARIA: But this is an atrocity! It's the same as what he was forced to do, to become a robotic monster...

LOUDSPEAKER: Not the same, dearie... I have seen and felt everything Seibzehn has done along you...

(She tells her version of the event where Achtben rebelled and later granted Seibzehn his Graviton cannon.)

LOUDSPEAKER: When your father activated such weapon, the program where I was stored awakened too. Now I needed no longer to limit myself to watch you and suffer, now I can control Seibzehn and grant you my help... and love.

MARIA: Deep inside... I wanted to see you again. This is a weird place, I am wet and naked, but I like it...

LOUDSPEAKER: Worry not, my child, you are in my womb again... I'll take care of you, just sleep...

(That way, the girl sleeps inside her giant, metallic mother... floating naked inside the LCL, she will sleep until healing totally. And until the robot's engines are repaired and can escape from the hole, but it will take days to finish it...)

FEI: (flying) There is the continent Deus chose to settle his nest. If it weren't for doc's plan back then...

CITAN: Right, we wouldn't have been able to even get near him. We had to sacrifice the Yggdrassil IV.

MIKE: And now that rat has chosen it as the date's place. I hope Emeralda fulfils her promise, and soon.

BART: Eh, the girl is now an adult beauty, shame I missed her spurt... but she will do her part, I am sure.

LINDA: Won't Xig-lem be scheming something? He is able to throw Ramsus at us as an enemy, I feel it...

RICO: Wasn't that asshole on our side already? He better make up his mind, damn it! (BILLY: It's not his fault, Rico. Today's enemy possesses a strong form of hypnosis.) Bah, again that idiocy... I will bash his skull to wake him up!

CITAN: If your rival is as cunning as you make him to be, Mike, he will probably try it. But I want you to know something I told Fei: everyone needs their Nemesis, because it is what drives us to improve. If not for them, we would be stuck.

MIKE: I would like to say that I'd want to fight with him fairly, with no tricks, but he would never accept...

(They arrive at the indicated place, and just as they thought, the villain has given Kahr his Amphysvena back.)

XIGLEM: You are a handful of insolent kids, but that was something I was expecting from a rebel group. The deal I forced on you was a bit hard to fulfil on you side, so I don't blame you for forsaking the girl and coming here to die...

FEI: We didn't forsake anyone! Emeralda is rescuing Maria as we speak, and we'll do the same with Kahr!

RAMSUS: Fei! Fei Fon Wong! I have been waiting for this moment... you wanted to fight against me: just you and me, with no outside forces which mattered... well, here you have it! Today I'll see if the Contact has what's needed to beat me...

CITAN: Kahr, it's a trap! The power you were lent is fake and unreliable... don't get blind with rage!

XIGLEM: Don't you dare put my dark power on the same level as that Grahf cretin's Ether energy. Ever!

(He isn't kidding, he unleashes some devils only found inside Deus' guts, they're gonna do a massacre.)

RAMSUS: No one will interfere. Even if you have the power of the Zohar Modifier, I intend on winning!

LINDA: Our turn then... come on Mike, let's see what this thing can do! (MIKE: Let's get them, guys!)

(Yes, the common Omnigears take care of the devils, despite being a lot and fierce, just like they are.)

EMI: (flying) This is the gulf where Maria fell down... the scanners detect a slight trace of brain activity.

(Well, it's because the kid is sleeping! Green Haired descends down the cliffs and gets out of her Gear.)

MARIA: *awake* There were engine noises out there... they found me, they are going to rescue me! (^_^)

(But right away she gets sad, because no one knows how to open Seibzehn's cockpit... Emi needs no doors!)

EMI: (phases in) Maria Balthasar. I'll finally get you out of here and fulfil my promise to Fei-Kim...

MARIA: Whoa, I didn't think of that. (0_0) As she is made of nanomachines, she was able to enter my Gear reassembling herself. (LOUDSPEAKER: Who is it, my girl?) It's my friend, mama! (^_^) She came to get me out of the chasm!

EMI: My nano-assemblers are speeding the Gear's repair process, it will only take two minutes to finish.

LOUDSPEAKER: You can't, dearie! You aren't healed yet. If you are hurt, you'll die, I can't let you go.

(Seibzehn circuits try to resist the assemblers, but Emeralda is a goddess at mechanical matters, you know.)

MARIA: Mama, I must go! My friends have to save the world, if we let it be that Deus monster will devour everything in this planet... me included. Papa built this Gear for me to protect the people at Shevat, don't you remember?

LOUDSPEAKER: You are all I have left, honey... I lost my life, my body, but I don't want to lose the last thing I ever loved. (EMI: Mrs. Balthasar, she wants to become an adult, just like I did. If you want her to grow up, you must let her go.)

(There is no reply to such an argument, so the lady switches off the LCL system and opens the door.)

MARIA: (x_x) BRRR, SO COLD! (LOUDSPEAKER: Sorry, dearie, I forgot you were wet and naked!)

(Her friend uses a bang of hair to nano-assemble an emerald green plug-suit, processed in matter of seconds.)

MARIA: Ugh, thanks... it is a bit tight, but well. Now we must go help Fei and the new guy, Mike!

EMI: General Ramsus was abducted. They wanted you as ransom for his rescue. That is inadmissible!

(The two girls start up their engines and fly towards the battle field to lend a hand to the good guys.)

BART: Incredible, pals! The ladies have escaped that mess by themselves! I love them even more now.

BILLY: If your cousin heard that, she would behead you. (CITAN: Don't get distracted, the enemies aren't!)

The poor Wong boy has reached Hypermode several times, but had to use it to fix-frame his Gear instead of attacking and fulminating the opposition, because of Ramsus and his 'HP to one' special. This guy is so cheap.

LINDA: Emi, finally! (^_^) Let's show that mule pack what are the girls capable of. Let the Ether flow!

(They shoot Lightning ether everywhere, the ones who resist it fall to a magic fire blast. They are saved!)

XIGLEM: I see you brought my prize. You can still change her for the general, though I doubt he'll agree.

MIKE: Dream on! When I make Kahr see reason you won't have the upper hand on this anymore, you pest!

(He takes the Spirit Bomb stance, to fire his Purple Comet, amplified by his Transtector.)

RICO: Great, mateys! The boy has blasted dead the few devils still remaining, it's piece of cake from now on!

RAMSUS: I gave you no permission to interlope! (all to 1 HP) This moment is just for Fei and me...

MARIA: I can't let you do anything crazy, general. Mama, fire the Graviton Cannon!

(She targets the test tube man, but his resolve is such that he escapes it and manages to injure Xenogears.)

FEI: Kahr, this is going nowhere... you aren't showing your supremacy over me, only your lust for attention.

RAMSUS: That outsider opened my eyes again, Fei. If I didn't get rid of my humanity, I would lose.

VOICE: It's not like you, sir! Please, wake up! (CITAN Hum? It's the G-Element! How did they find us?)

(The combined mecha that towers over all the rest goes for the Amphysvena and gives it a hard bitchslap.)

DOMINIA: (grabs) We won't let you go, sir. Not until you see reason and leave Fei and his friends alone.

KELVENA: Did you forget, sir? This war is not between Fei and you, but against that monstrosity, Deus.

RAMSUS: Why are you interfering? This was my chance to come on top of the hateful Contact... rats!

CITAN: They are right, Kahr. We have a planet to rescue. Did you forget what the girls thought of you?

_(Flashback scene taken directly from the game, from Shevat's refuge's nurse office.)_

_RAMSUS: I am just thrash... a reject... (paaaf!) *slapped by Citan*_

_CITAN: Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and pull yourself together! (SIGURD: Hyuga!) Thrash, or reject... you can take pity and call yourself all what you want, but what about them? *zoom out* Are these women stupid, or thrash or rejects for believing in you? The reason why you helped them may not have been noble... but in spite of that, they stuck with you. Do you know why? They know you better than anyone else. They know true kindness exists in your heart. They know, because they want to be loved..._

(We come back to the present, Xenogears has recovered thanks to the time G-Element bought for him.)

RAMSUS: I can't dump them like that... if we don't stop Krelian's plan, there won't be a home to go back...

LINDA: Got him. Pearl of Healing, do your thing! (fsssh!) (TOLONE: The commander fell unconscious...)

FEI: The Ramsus Case has been solved, and as I see, Maria's was too. That villain is all that's left now!

XIGLEM: Idiots, there's still the meat and potatoes left. You can't hope to beat Drake-borg! **Power on**! (clunc!)

(The Knight of Lolicon immediately understands that this fight won't be winnable just by striking head on.)

MIKE: _The only thing able to pierce the Shadow Mirror is the Feminist Fist, but Linda can't use it now... arg, we have gone too far in our quest, he can't just get away for the millionth time! He is a madman, a child abuser! _

(He is thinking too much about it, and due to the stress, remembers the bad guy's quote about their relation.)

_XIGLEM: You are the same as everyone... you just won't admit that when the moment arises, you'd DO it._

MIKE: NO! IM NOT LIKE YOU, ILL NEVER BE! *explosion* (SERAPHITA: Gals, that Gear went nuts!)

LINDA: _Not again... just like when he wanted to use the Wind Scar, no one knows what will happen now..._

(Effectively, he causes destruction on par with the Demon of Elru... the commander is shocked at this vision.)

XIGLEM: My robot has not the resilience it had back then... you're free to go, suckers! Only for today...

LINDA: Mike? Wake up! (MIKE: Ag, I'm dizzy... what happened?) (FEI: Is it possible that he too is...?)

CITAN: _Such devastation has required a power on par with ID's, just for it to be even feasible. I don't know how Mike was raised in his home planet, but I'm glad he cleaned his own mess. I will see if I can ask the Elements to escort him..._

BART: We have Deus' stinky mouth at range, guys! We should enter and end this war now that we can.

CITAN: Linda, ask the Elements to escort you and Kahr on your way back, we have a pending score to settle with that parasite. (LINDA: Er, okay...) (RAMSUS: Girls, we are to return to the refuge right now. This is the end of the line...)

(While the heroes set forwards to end their game, the fake Contact's cronies give them their congratulations.)

DOMINIA: Etto... you tell them, Kelve. (KELVENA: We want to thank you for your help, and having returned our sir Ramsus to his senses. We will fix your special vehicle if that is your wish, it's not fair for you to fight in a war you didn't start.)

MIKE: Oh, well, it doesn't matter, we were on our way off anyways. _My head aches..._

LINDA: _I hope Mike isn't invaded by the evil chakra or whatever is called... we are so close to the end..._

SHONENJI: I have sensed a ludicrous mass of loli energy! Lord Mike, they are all on a nearby planet!

MIKE: Let's go then! How many lolis would there be? Hope I can manage them, he he. (LINDA: Ahem.)


	25. Virtual 4: Tales of

_TALES OF THE WORLD: THE ANIMATION._

The hero boy was getting fed up with this galaxy because of all the nervous outbreaks it was causing him, even if his girl partner tried to calm him, she knows the reason: same way Xig-lem has a kind side that rarely shows to anyone, the boy in glasses has a darker side that's recently escaping his control. They hope their travels finish soon, or they are going to need therapy on the way back...

MIKE: We have landed... the landscape is more colourful than usual. I will use my visor's GPS.

(He gazes at the scenery from the skies, and the further he zooms out, the more familiar the map becomes.)

MIKE: Let's seee... (LINDA: Any clue?) Yes, I think. This city has a coliseum, so it has to be Meltokio!

(Aha, a good deduction. But that doesn't explain why it couldn't be any other Tales-of city with a coliseum.)

MIKE: Well, the Cel-shaded graphics, the Tethealla world map music, the fauna and flora... and THAT.

(The girl in leather jacket looks at the sky and gazes at the title screen, even if it says nothing to her.)

SHONENJI: Okay, that sign... 'Welcome to Meltolkio, today: the Mana Tree's Fair'. That joke is old.

LINDA: I don't think the authorities will listen to us regarding our quest in look for the Genderiels, so...

MIKE: Worry not, hunny, we can recur to the only authority higher than the king's: the Chosen One, Zelos!

(That said, they go to the nobles' district, not before chanting both **Master Force**!, and **Magical Chang-e**!)

MIKE: Believe me when I say we'll stick out a lot less in our transformed forms. Now on to business!

LADIES: Look at their clothes! Must be from the country... or some of those barbarians who fight in the arena.

LINDA: I am considering frying their butts. (¬_¬) Matter of fact, the Explosion Pearl is gathering dust...

(She raises her hand to give them an explosive slap, when someone grabs it from behind and stops her.)

LINDA: Mike, this time they were asking for it! Eh? (looks) (GUY: Don't be jealous of each other, ladies.)

(The redhead magic knight has arrived! He spins the mage girl just as he did to Marta Lualdi back then.)

ZELOS: What do we have here? I had never seen your shade of red, apart from when I gaze at my fireplace. And those sapphires nested in your face, not even the most skilled dwarf has managed to rip them off our Mother Earth. A truly mesmerizing image.

MIKE: Ahem. (LINDA: Is he Zelos? I didn't expect this.) Yeah, he is unmistakable, or better said, his style is.

ZELOS: Heh, looks like I recovered my charm! A few months ago, no one remembered Tethealla's Chosen.

MIKE: Months ago? What happened? No, don't tell me... the Centurion cores, I'm sure.

ZELOS: Ah, I see the lad has been well informed... let's go to my humble shack, there I will ask you more.

(In Zelos' 'shack', the butler brings them some pastries while the house master explains the situation.)

ZELOS: Eat to your heart's content, those were made by the half-elf brat, so I know they are guaranteed.

MIKE: You know, we were visiting Meltokio... it has some, let's say, pretty interesting places, Wilder.

LINDA: Do you know where can we meet prominent people? _Of course, I mean all the main characters..._

ZELOS: Sure, if I know my buddy and his friends, he'll be eager to see the World Wide Tournament.

SEBASTIAN: Sir Bud and his school mates are going to attend the contest, according to their latest letter.

MIKE: (reads) Oh, so this event 'has already attracted many famous characters from all sorts of countries'.

LINDA: (whisper) Can we expect to find any loli girl among them? We've only found those pesky women...

(Mike assures her, after that they see the warrior off and go to the fair zone, it circles the coliseum area.)

LINDA: Whoa, according to you, these shops weren't here before. (VOICE: Hey, boys, want to try one?)

(They approach the one speaking, a lady of brunette pigtails and nerd glasses: Stevia!)

STEVIA: The very moment I put my eyes on you, I knew you would look great in my designs. You can get a custom one too, if you wish. If you bring me an adequate cloth accessory, you will be given a free cosplay sample. Don't miss on it!

MIKE: *thrilled* Ah, yes! Would you wait for a minute? We'll bring something before the festival is over.

(They say bye to the tailor and the boy explains her sidekick about the awesomely cool Narikirishi clothes.)

MIKE: When they cosplay as something, it is as if they had always been that character. The ultimate copycats!

LINDA: (0_0) Sounds useful. See if we can find a strong fighter among the ones who are fighting today!

(They look around the fighters' waiting room, and it's full of Tales characters! Truly a marvellous source.)

MIKE: Man, I feel like a kid in... some kind of shop. Temptation is getting strong, you can't deny it.

LINDA: _They are all very beautiful... and some are lolis, good! Why it has to be me the one obsessing over it?_

MIKE: *ecstatic* I got it! I can't know why he forgot it lying over there, but this scarf is for me, ho, ho...

LINDA: This locker was halfway open... you shouldn't steal! But these hairpins are too pretty to ignore...

(They had just snagged Emil's scarf and Marta's flowery hairpins. They get back to the pigtailed tailor.)

STEVIA: These are fine materials, sirs, I can make two amazing costumes with them... wait a minute.

(They hear sewing machine noises and after a while, the lady in glasses gives them the finished costumes.)

MIKE: We'll wear them later... it would be uncomfortable doing it here. Glad to meet you, Stevia!

(Then they go to a dark alley to put on the costumes, and except for the faces, they ARE Emil and Marta.)

MIKE: I couldn't hide my visor, what a pity. Wait, I'll do the ponytails for you... (does) Yes, perfect!

LINDA: *blush* Don't I look too old to be that Marta girl? Surely she has a small chest compared to mine.

MIKE: I told you, don't be ashamed of your body, hunny. But yes, the poor girl is surf-board level flat.

SHONENJI: Are you finished playing? We should be following the trace of all the loli essences I detected.

MIKE: Bah, shut up, you spoilersport. I am thinking about paint-spraying you black to have a Tenebrae too.

(They go to the ticket selling booth and bump into Iselia's full student body, they really are a good lot.)

LLOYD: (^_^) Emil, dude! I thought I wouldn't see you here! (COLETTE: I see Marta finally convinced you.)

MIKE: Ops, they really think we are them... it's the power of the Narikirishi. (LINDA: We need to lay low.)

RAINE: We brought the class to see the tournament, boys. They will later have to write a 10 page essay.

LLOYD: Gee, professor, won't there be a single day without homework? (GENIS: You are too lazy, Lloyd.)

(After a quick snap back from the brown haired, they buy the tickets and get a fast look at the candy dealer.)

MIKE: Yo, Paella Man! Wing one up here! (gazes) Hum? It's Ozette's axe girl, Presea! Why do you do this?

PRESEA: Emil? I am glad to see you... if I do this is for the salary, the wood business is not going well...

LINDA: So Duke Regal offered you the job... worry not, your big sis is rooting for you. (^_^) You do the same!

(Mike cuts her sentence saying they are not there to participate, but the Irving boy has a different idea.)

LLOYD: Emil, last time we couldn't measure our strengths properly, due to all the stuff about Centurion cores and such. If you give me the chance, we'll face each other in the tourney and see which of us became the best. How about it?

COLETTER: But Lloyd, this is a mixed doubles contest! I'm sure Emil will take Marta, but you need a girl.

(She gets googly eyed, thinking she will be chosen, but her dumb friend takes the small lady's hand.)

LLOYD: Come on Presea, you will do fine. We'll show those mages that real men win battles by putting the 'pointy end' on their faces, he he. (GENIS: HEY! Are you saying I am not manly enough or something?)

PRESEA: (¬_¬) But I'm a woman. (COLETTE: *sadness* Well, good luck to you two, I'll root for both.)

RAINE: Marta, before you leave, may I ask you something personal? (LINDA: _Dang, she busted us!_) What, well, what cup do you use know? (LINDA: Enough talking about my boobs!) Calm down, it was scientific curiosity...

(They are in the qualifying rounds area, they see many Tales characters who have been elected already.)

MIKE: This is going to be tricky... I am forced to use Emil's artes instead of mine.

LOUDSPEAKER: Team Aselia qualifies! Team Craymel qualifies! Team Phandaria qualifies!

LLOYD: They have an Eternal Sword? But there can only be one! (PRESEA: That girl, I've seen her before...)

(They refer to Cless and his sword, and Pink Hair refers to Meredy, who had been in the Meltokio arena before.)

MIKE: Yep, and the albino guy too. But why is his girl partner also an archer? What an inefficient combo...

(After qualifying, they go see the match between Reid/Meredy and Cless/Arche, ends like in Tales of Eternia.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Team Craymel passes to the next round! (REID: I'd rather have used 'Team Aurora'...)

MEREDY: You bet! (^_^) I said I would help you, Reid. But surely Farah is still angry at me, what a drag.

(After that, they watch their Symphonian friends' battle, against Phandaria's archers: Garr and Chelsea.)

LLOYD: Blarg, they were hard as nails! Mister Kelvin got distracted because of his girl partner, thankfully.

(The young Torn isn't upset, she got to have fun for a while along her loved Garr-sama. Goes starry eyed.)

PRESEA: Lloyd, we have passed to the final round. If Emil and Marta win now, they'll be our opponents.

LLOYD: Let's root for them. I would not like to postpone out match until next year!

(Then the adventurers look at their rivals before the final round... and almost got a heart killing shock.)

MIKE: They are... US! (LINDA: Do I really look that short?) No, it's because they are Narikirishi too!

(But who could have been... Stevia is in the stands, arms crossed, and gazes at her duo of costume players.)

STEVIA: Team Anasui... is going to give us a surprise today. (^_^) I must thank those two kids later...

LINDA: But the question is still there: who are they? (LOUDSPEAKER: Team Anasui versus Team Ratatosk!)

MIKE: There is your answer... they are two Narikirishi who were friends with the Tales team: Firio and Kyaro.

(They can't be any others, after Stevia made them hand down their personal accessories as payment.)

LINDA: That's why she made us give her our belongings! She expanded her catalogue. I am impressed...

(They are facing a tough trial, they have to beat two kids with powers stolen from them.)

LOUDSPEAKER: Let the fight begin! *battle music* (MIKE: Well, alea jacta est, or however is spelled.)

(Mike devises the strategy: they will aim for Kyaro first, since she heals, while evading Firio's attacks.)

MIKE: Focus on her, I'll do it too. We need to reduce this to a 2 vs 1 before they get a hold of their powers.

FIRIO: Here goes! **Demon Fang**! (jump) **Hell Pyre**! (KYARO: **Spread**! *geyser* now, **Thunder Blade**!)

LINDA: Agh! *sparked* As I see, they are limited by their world's artes, they don't use their full capacity.

MIKE: Too bad for them. **Raining Fangs**! (gets Kyaro) **Heavenly Tempest**! (rrraassh!) **Dual death**!

LINDA: Wait for me! Must make this body work... come on, remember Marta's artes...

(She finally pulls off some spells and helps the boy, though she doesn't feel good using another girl's techs.)

LINDA: **Oh healing power**... **Cure**! _Buf, I recovered. _This girl only has Light magic... it will have to suffice.

(She chain-casts some **Photon** against her impersonator, that make her think twice bout counterattacking.)

MIKE: Bring out your inner strength, Marta! (LINDA: _He is really into this..._) Lesee: **Fiend Fusion**!

(Redhead supports him with a **Prism Sword**, that finishes off the rival girl and leaves the boy tumbling.)

FIRIO: I won't let you win. **Sword Rain Alpha**! (rasrasras!) **Demonic Tiger Blade**! (MIKE: Ag! *pain*)

(This has gone too far. Emil's phoney needs to chain an arcane arte into his Mystic.)

MIKE: Let's try this one. ¡**Converging Fury**! (raaas!) (clinc) *darkness* **Playtime's over**... ¡Aaaah! (PLAM!) (chaschaschas!) ¡**It's the final strike**! (PLAM! Fsssh... ras rasras!) *laughter* Mwa ha ha ha... ¡**Darkness devours**: **AIN SOPH AUR**!

GENIS: What in blazes? (0_0) He wasn't supposed to remember that! (RAINE: _Has he suffered a relapse?_)

(Before his partner horrified eyes, the hero overcomes his insanity and is glad he hasn't caused casualties.)

FIRIO: *pain* Augh... hum? What's this power? (KYARO: Our weapons are shining, this is weird...)

SHONEJI: _Shucks... Now the Arms of the Pact will protect their owners giving them a free Super Move..._

(They do, a combo of Purple Comet and Dawn of Despair demolish their true owners.)

LINDA: I knew this had to happen. Bah, let's finish this already. **God of healing, bless those that stand before you…** **Give us the righteous power to banish Evil**! (jumps) **RADIANT-ROAR**! *fsssh!* (healing)

LOUDSPEAKER: Team Anasui is kissing the dirt, Team Ratatosk is fresh as new, so they pass this round!

LLOYD: Whew... I was thinking we would miss our friendly match. (PRESEA: They pushed their luck.)

(But someone with mischievous intentions drops a boulder in midst of the stands, and breaks them.)

XIGLEM: (floats) Ops, my bad. I just wanted to crush those two rascals who serve the Goddess of Lolicon.

MIKE: Lord Xig-lem! The swine has waited until we were exhausted to put his plan into motion...

FIRIO: Hey mobster, if you wanted to fight, you should have bought a ticket like all of us! Take this!

(He does a Cosmo Break, looks like the costume shares his owner's feelings of hatred.)

KYARO: (?_?) A voice is talking from inside my dress... it says to use this against him. Haaah! Feminist Fist!

(CRAAACK! The bad guy was distracted after the previous attack, the Shadow Mirror suffers his mistake.)

MIKE: Can't believe it! (0_0) Temptation is too big... but I would be involving Emil... Bah. **Phoenix Rush**!

(Jumps skywards and gets a good shot at his enemy, that leaves him giggling like a kid.)

MIKE: Fi-cking-nally! First time I score one on him, the bastard! (LINDA: Emil, you must lay low!)

XIGLEM: You made me get angry, kiddos. As a reprisal, I will take away a bunch of your little girls!

(Uses his neglected powers of the Woody Woody Fruit and ties their Tales girls with living flytraps.)

ARCHE/MEREDY/CHELSEA/PRESEA: Cless, honey, he's taking me! (Baiba!) (Ah, Garr-sama!) (*grunt*)

MIKE: He had a Devil Fruit? Why didn't we ever try to douse him? Ah, yes, it needs to be salt water...

LINDA: He got away... Emil, that was an imprudence! (LLOYD: I must agree with her on that, dude.)

MIKE: Okay, sorry. (CLESS: We must save them, think of something!) (REID: Where could have he gone?)

GARR: I will not abandon my master's grand daughter. _Even if you aren't even awake, help me, Igtenos..._

LINDA: You two, it's better if you'd stay. (FIRIO: And why?) It's better for us... we'll get him by surprise.

KYARO: Do you have something against our presence? (MIKE: Please... let us handle this, I am serious.)

ZELOS: (arrives) Just do as they say, hunny. (ALL: The Chosen!) Man, you are going to wear out my title.

LINDA: Zelos, please convince them. This offence was against Martel's followers, not against any strangers.

MIKE: True, it's not fair for them to involve other countries' passers-by in our business.

ZELOS: You heard him, boys. I know we met very recently (FIRIO: Huh?) but leave it in the hands of the great Ratatosk and his lackeys. Everyone else agrees with me, right? (REID: Yes!) (CLESS: But of course!)

(All is decided, the warriors will use a pack of Rheairds to reach the kidnaper, but Zelos makes a question.)

ZELOS: Tell me, hunnies... (gazes at Linda and Kyaro) Marta, dear, did you steal her... cup size, by chance?

LINDA: (ò_ó.#) SHUT UP! *fumes* (KYARO: (?_?) What was that about? *puzzled*)

(The Regunia girl ignores she has taken the shape of a cow-level busty babe, which she unmistakably lacks.)

LLOYD: (piloting) Then you already knew about Rheairds, Cless? (CLESS: Yes, they are magitech devices.)

GARR: Mates, the kidnaper is waiting down there, let's hurry. (REID: Shame I can't eat this one vermin.)

MIKE: There? Thats the door to the Ginungagap. We can't leave it open! (LLOYD: The demons will escape!)

(The villain is waiting for them, but doesn't see the ones he wants, so gets disappointed.)

XIGLEM: I see that the Knight of Lolicon and his annoying friend have not reared their noses, it's too bad.

MIKE: The Kharlan Tree Summon Spirit will deal with you! (LINDA: And his bride!) Er, yes, her too...

XIGLEM: I'll use a trick I learned on Meltokio's festival... but later, now it's their turn to have fun.

(He pulls black slime out of his mirror and it takes the shape of Derris Kharlan's angelic invader, Dhaos.)

CLES: It can't be! Damned invader, I thought I had thrown you to the farthest reaches of time and space!

DHAOS: There are a lot of things you ignore, Cless Alvein. I am not really here, but if you really insist...

XIGLEM: I'll unleash your worst fears, one by one, dear 'heroes'... until there is none of you remaining!

CLESS: Please let me handle him... that undesirable has done too much damage in the name of his people.

DHAOS: Being the 'good guy' doesn't mean you are automatically right, Cless Alvein. When in war, there will always be someone who gets the short end of the deal. A nation can only survive by devouring others... like yours was devouring our mana.

CLESS: Less chatting, Dhaos! Your people lost their mana, but mine lost thousands of innocent lives!

He starts with **Rising Phoenix**, so he bounces off after damaging him, but Long Haired responds with **Dhaos Laser**, and he won't let Cless repeat it. Cless gets near with **Light Spear** but the evil angel sweats him off with **Dhaos Corridor**.

CLESS: Arg, I can't get close. I'll have to use the Eternal Sword's power. Here goes! (LLOYD: So true!)

(Dhaos gets impatient and starts his **Tetra Assault** on the blonde, but he wised up and uses **Chaos Blade**.)

DHAOS: That move has hurt you more than me. I am finishing this! (CLESS: Dream on, Dhaos.)

(He knows what really grinds his gears, so he equips the Volt ring borrowed from his scholar pal, Klarth.)

CLESS: Let's give you a ration of high voltage. Haaah! (jump) **Lighting Tiger Blade**!

(Yes, the thunder element is lethal for Derris Kharlan's angels, and he falls like a sack of bricks.)

DHAOS: As long as you own that sword... you will be charged with overseeing time and space... (poof!)

XIGLEM: This is not the last visitor from Kharlan's comet, wusses. Here you go, meet Phandaria's bane!

(Then appears the tyrant who robbed the Swordian Igtenos, Greybum. Of course, Garr volunteers to step in.)

GARR: I thought he would be suffering his punishment in Hell... but I see weeds aren't dealt with easily.

GREYBUM: This will be our revenge match, prince. You took the power of the Eye of Atamoni from me, a power you can't even aspire to control... the ancient power of the Swordians should have been mine to rule the world!

GARR: Today you can't use my royal treasure, Igtenos. What makes you think you can win, scoundrel?

GREYBUM: Your metallic friend has the power of Wind, but I know who can beat it...

(He unsheathes something unexpected: the Earth Swordian, Chaltier! He had to steal it from Stahn and co!)

GARR: A thief until your last breath, Greybum. That Swordian was General Lion's... you have no right!

GREYBUM: These toys are too much for you. I am sick of watching you waste such a great potential!

(He fires a **Stone Blast,** the prince is not going to just take the flying rocks and replies with **Air Thrust**.)

GARR: Today Im using a toy of my own box, Greybum. A present from the kidnapped Chelsea's grandpa!

(Shoots a **Gale Shot**, the tyrant protects himself with **Stone Wall** and tries to flatten the albino with it.)

GARR: **Severing Wind**! (craaack!) (GREYBUM: I am not finished, Kelvin! Let's see how you take this.)

(Unleashes his best move, **Ground Dasher**, but same as before, the prince is able to see it and counter.)

GREYBUM: Die under the debris, and Phandaria will be mine again! (GARR: _Igtenos, please wake up..._)

(Something weird happened, the Wind Swordian shone for a second and created a huge **Cyclone.**)

GREYBUM: Aaaarg! *debris* (crack!) (GARR: I guess it's too soft of a punishment... on my master's behalf!)

(Coup de grace with another **Gale Shot** that leaves the dictator from the snowy country full of holes.)

MIKE: Two to zero, you creep. You aren't doing exactly well. I can't wait for my turn!

XIGLEM: That honour won't be yours, Emil. It's time for the ladies to step forward... the female touch!

(Out from a black puddle emerges the mother of the Celestian girl, the possessed ruler Shizel!)

REID: It's her! But she should be safe back at Celestia... then it means Nereid is again controlling her mind!

SHIZEL: I couldn't have resumed it better, kid... as long as the power of Fibril exists, Seifert's chosen one will have to battle Nereid's, until the very end of the universe... his power bonds you to the Dark Aurora's, forever and ever!

REID: Rassius tried to face you... and was left as a husk of his former self. Guys, this hag is all mine!

(The queen starts with **Eruption**, the redhead evades it and uses that much fire to help his **Burning Phoenix**. The sorceress is surprised, and fires a **Spark Wave** to entrap him in, but Reid gets out with his **Tempest Strike**.)

REID: Whoa, she almost got me... but I know your tricks by heart. (SHIZEL: I can keep this pace all day!)

(Repeats her ally's **Ground Dasher**, but the lad is smart and a **Sonic Chaos** leaves him in front of her.)

REID: **Megasonic Thrust**! (chas!) (SHIZEL: ARG!) Wake up already or I will have to force you, damn it!

(She has gotten fed up with him: she will cast her Mystic Arte, Reid has used too much TP to try and block it.)

SHIZEL: **Gate to the eternal void, show us your passage**... *Eternal Finality* (REID: I need a gel, fast!)

(Eats an orange gel and recovers TP, enough to unleash his own Mystic: **Aurora Wall**.)

REID: Didn't you know items were allowed, majesty? That was your downfall. So now, **Omega Demon Chaos**!

SHIZEL: Aaaarg! *de-materialize* You can't destroy a god... I will come back for you, with a new body...

LINDA: So then it's finally our turn? (MIKE: I guess, this guy is running out of pawns.)

XIGLEM: You did great, suckers. But now I will take part in this little game personally.

(He turns his back, and like that, shows a golden egg which is slowly turning pale blue.)

XIGLEM: I paid a visit to Stevia's shop too. But the dress was not for me, you know... but for Shojonoe.

(She appears there with Centurion Aqua's body, and a sleepy face, but still keeps her Genderiel wings.)

SHOJONOE: *yawn* Ah, what's going on... master Xig-lem, this isn't me... what did you do to me?

XIGLEM: It's your new body, Shojonoe... and by using it you will help me finish off the Knight of Lolicon.

MIKE: Did you know? (LLOYD: What did he say?) He said I'm not Emil, and he's mostly right... beware!)

(In a drunken fashion, Shojonoe shoots water blobs hoping to get her and her master's revenge.)

CLESS: Lloyd, Emil! Want our help? (THEM: Please!) (GARR: I'll cover your backs.)

(Reid stands up and joins the fray as well. Between all of them they manage to beat the sea spirit to a pulp.)

XIGLEM: Don't you dare touch her! ETERNAL COMEBACK! (foom!) (ALL: *pain*) I'll cure you, I swear...

VOICE: **Thy faithful servant asks for thy blessing, honor us with the splendour of**... Ag, I messed up. (foom!)

(A holy light buffs the warriors and purifying arrows raze the enemy, it's the infamous **Holy Judgement**.)

ZELOS: (lands) And that was Colette's Mystic Arte. Geez, I knew I should have been the one who started.

LLOYD: Zelos... and Colette! (0_0) They came flying with their Cruxis Crystal wings, how witty of them...

COLETTE: We are sorry for coming here alone, but Professor Sage and Genis are now helping the injured.

MIKE: There is no time to chat. Marta, take positions! (to the rest) Aim for the horn!

ZELOS: **I'll show you what I'm made of**. **SHINING BIND**! (LLOYD: **I'll show you DIVINE JUSTICE**!)

(The two mystics end up demolishing the opposition, the dark lord blasts off, but not his female ally.)

LLOYD: Then she wasn't really Aqua, nor you were Emil and Marta? That's confusing...

COLETTE: If I tell the truth, we aren't ourselves either. (poof!) *Kyaro* We wanted to come here at any cost.

LLOYD: Don't give me those shocks! Then Zelos... (ZELOS: (poof!) *Firio* We're the Narikirishi warriors.)

SHONENJI: Gentlemen, if I may interrupt, Shojonoe holds the souls of the kidnapped inside her own. Let's bring her to Meltokio. There you'll recover your girl partners and we will finally revive the goddess with the Genderiels' might.

They do so, lying on the back yard of a noble mansion, Shojonoe expels the kidnapped ones out of her body, returns to be an egg, and the Goddess' servants hold two each in their hands. The Tales characters witness the ritual: Shonenji and his peers shoot a light to the skies... that comes back and bathes Linda!

MIKE: What's happening? *light* (SHONENJI: It was true. Lady Linda is actually our Goddess!) WHAT? She told me very clearly, she managed to remember her past! What do you know about her, Shonenji? Tell me once and for all!

LINDA: (mutates) Mike... don't get angry at him... it was my fault. (poof!) *Goddess*

SHONENJI: It was true that I already knew about our Goddess taking a human disguise to call upon our saviour, but I never knew how she was going to look like. And none of the Genderiels either. (she convulses in pain)

LLOYD: What is making her be in pain? (SHONENJI: We awakened our mistress, that is for sure, but we didn't gather enough lolicon energy to support her powers. We need more, and a lot of it! Sirs, would you do us this favour?)

GARR: Gladly, my friends. Chelsea, please... (CLESS: Arche, help them too.) (REID: Meredy?)

(The lolis approach her and hold her hands, who looks exactly as she appeared back in Shojonoe's dream.)

SHONENJI: I found a vein of loli energy in a nearby planet. Lord Mike, I ask you, as our Toon World's saviour, to gather those lolis and bring back our mistress to her right place once and for all.

MIKE: Linda... I know you are somewhere in there... I'll do it, for her sake... and we'll come back together!


	26. Virtual 5: Final fantasy

_**DISSIDIA: FINAL FANTASY  
**__New Game  
Load Game  
Data Install_

For better or worse, the adventure was reaching the end of the line. The hero boy had got the goddess in his arms and transported her with Instant Transmission wherever it was that the Genderiel of Shonen pointed him... and the landing site was a place bathed in green eerie light, with a layer of water that didn't reach his ankles. Crowning the area he could see a marble throne, currently empty. Mike took a chance to lay down the one who had been his travelling partner during all those days, and let her rest.

MIKE: It's incredible... the place where you had detected so much lolicon energy is... the Order Sanctuary, owned by the Goddess of Harmony, Cosmos. The eleventh Final Fantasy world! Where can the others be?

SHONENJI: What do you mean 'others'? Were you expecting a welcoming committee or something?

MIKE: Of course not, but at least Cosmos should be around here... well, while we wait, tell me... my Goddess.

GODDESS: You'll have a lot of questions, my knight, and is only logical that I would answer them all.

MIKE: Then, tell me everything. From the day you lost your place as a goddess... to the current day, please.

GODDESS: I'll confess... when a chaotic, vicious dark stream flowed from your world to mine, my power vanished and I had to adopt another body to reach its source and be able to look for a saviour... someone to bring here, to help me.

MIKE: That's why you transformed into Linda... which is not even her true name, is the one I gave her.

GODDESS: Right... my true name is Dolores: Dolores Haze. The primary Lolita where all others stemmed from. When I died and fell inside this Toon World I recovered my childhood's appearance, and my reign would start.

MIKE: The letter was a fake then... something to give us the hope that Linda had a past to remember...

GODDESS: It's not that. I wanted our saviour to be free of prejudice, pure of heart and mind. That's why my new body had to start from scratch, to develop her own likes, her own fears and feelings... together with you.

MIKE: Bah, all would have gone a lot smoother if not for Xig-lem following our steps.

GODDESS: That being... is something I can't quite describe. He has a human essence... but no identity at all.

SHONENJI: Now I can tell you: he is chock full of the same chaotic substance that is destroying this world. The blackness that flows from yours is strong, Mike, but he is a danger we can't overlook or let go easily.

GODDESS: Now that I am back, I only need lolicon energy and by healing myself, I'll help heal my world.

MIKE: Even so, Lord Xig-lem is a thorn on your side we should be getting rid of, so as to prevent your world from falling into crisis again. He is the worst exponent of Lolicon as disease, HE is the energy which was rotting you.

(The blonde lets off a scream and bends over, the glassed boy has her lean on the throne and hears noises.)

MIKE: Well, finally some signs of life! Maybe the Final Fantastic heroes could tell me where is Cosmos.

(The mains from the Final Fantasy saga gather around the throne, Warrior of Light will be the spokesman.)

WOL: I will speak in name of my partners. Who are you? Why did you invade Cosmos' private sanctuary?

MIKE: Ah, yes, we owe you an explanation. We came from a distant place, same as all of you, taking on a mission for a higher being's sake: the Goddess of Lolicon, present here. We have to gather Lolicon energy, which we detected here.

SHONENJI: I deduce that your goddess has politely lent her throne to ours for the time being, if that is true, I would like you to put your skill to her service too so we can solve this crisis as soon as possible. What about it?

WOL: Even though Cosmos just brought us here to beat the God of Dischord, Chaos... I guess this is just another trial to pass. All of us have the magic crystal she ordered us to look for, so I guess we will be able to help in this new quest.

MIKE: A dangerous villain called Xig-lem looms around all corners. He is looking for girls of great innocence and beauty to fulfil his depraved wishes, who are the ones we are searching for. Where can they be, anyway?

VOICE: I can answer that! (MIKE: Wow, it's Cosmos old guardian, professor Shantotto!)

(The sorceress from the Tarutaru clan pompously moves her hips to approach the group of heroes.)

SHANTOTTO: The boy is right, my friend, I had to protect Cosmos in the old war from start to end.

WOL: Tell me, professor... if we find those chosen girls, our primary quest will return to its own course?

SHANTOTTO: I am most positive, young knight, Cosmos would have wanted to help them in their fight.

MIKE: I will go with you! I want to give that bully a piece of me. Mistress, just tell us where to head to!

GODDESS: In each of the worlds of the Final Fantasy... there exists a Lolita with a big amount of energy. If each of these gentlemen can find her and help my knight to bound with her, their strength will bring me my life back.

SHANTOTTO: Time is a wasting, senores! This is the quest that will save the life of a goddess, Dolores.

SHONENJI: Professor, you should stay here to take care of my lady. If the wicked Lord Xig-lem attacks us, she would be defenseless. That being is made of pure perverted and vicious power. His existence is a venom for her...

SHANTOTTO: Go on, chosen ones, have no fear! Too bad for you I have to stay here... ho ho ho!

(Once again on the road, the boy clad in glowing glasses tries to break the ice with his travelling partners.)

MIKE: Etto... hello there. Do you have a name, or I must call you 'Warrior of Light'?

FIRION: Oh, well, we don't know him that much, but he doesn't mind that... title. (WOL: It's true.)

O-K: Heh, I thought you'd never bring up the topic. You can call me Luneth, the town's wise man named me.

CECIL: Cecil Harvey, Paladin of the Mysidia Order. I am such thanks to some friends I hope to meet again...

BARTZ: I would like to travel again along the princesses of Tycoon! We have a lot of fun roaming around.

TERRA: I know I have someone to return to... a whole village. But I can't remember anyone's faces...

CLOUD: You are not the only one with memory problems. But if you have allies, they help you remember.

SQUALL: Allies, hum... one should weave his own destiny. But because the land is so limited, everyone's paths end up crossing. I work better alone, but despite that, I know I have friends somewhere, and that's enough.

ZIDANE: You still remember that, lion boy? *wink* Your faith has to be what made me arrive so timely.

TIDUS: Eh, I don't want to see long faces. I don't have such a praise-worthy dream like you, but I do my best!

MIKE: You are fired up, I am glad. (^_^) Look, an entrance to the Cleft of Dimensions!

(This is going to be the way they'll use to travel to the different places of the Fantastic Dissidia world.)

WOL: I will go first. According to our data, there is a loli for each of us inside each of these shrines.

(That way, much like Saint Seiya's sanctuary arc, they are going to recruit them before the villain arrives.)

WOL: The others have gone ahead... if I could know just who I am going to meet. I am alone in this tale...

(He knows that lacking his old memories, the loli who he finds will be a surprise. Well, if there are two!)

GIRL: Who are you? A strange magic brought us here from Aunt Stella's farm. Speak!

GIRL2: Don't be rude, sis! This man looks trustworthy, so please, let's listen to him.

(Let's not beat around the bush: they are Kuroma and Shiroma, the mage sisters from Chocobo Dungeon.)

WOL: Effectively, I am here to help. We need to leave this place before an evil guy can find you... EH?

(A loud noise marks the entrance of the enemy: it's the Destroyer, feared in the town of Lostime: Rafaello.)

RAFAELLO: Shiroma... I could not keep my promise... the Destroyer has invaded my body yet again...

SHIROMA: Rafaello! (KUROMA: Step back... he is not the same. Fire!) (WOL: Don't rush him, lass!)

(The boy turns totally evil and grotesque looking. The Warrior takes a fight stance, but Shiroma fell.)

SHIROMA: Agh! *grabbed* (RAFAELLO: I need memories... I feed on painful memories... give them!)

He adopts his first form, and throws wind blades at the Warrior... from afar, if he tries to approach, he uses his blood sword to eat his mana. The hero gets by with swordplay and his endless supply of magic items, Kuroma wants to help and cast a Flare to scorch him, but her sisters suffers as well. The bad guy stomps on the brunette and leaves her out of play, then adopts his perfect form: goes berserk and swipes with his iron claws, but the good guy has a cool shield to stop them and fire a stream of purifying light.

RAFAELLO: I don't get it... the memories make me strong... I should have been able to trounce that intruder...

WOL: That was your undoing, vile critter... I have no memories for you to devour. Your tactic didn't work!

(He ends the work with a Shield of Light at point blank, the boy is cured from evilness, Kuroma stands up.)

SHIROMA: Rafaello! Don't leave us... we miss you a lot. (KUROMA: Shiroma's been very sad, you know.)

RAFAELLO: I can't... I must go! Until I get rid of the Destroyer in me, I can't go back to you both...

(The lad flees through a crack in the wall, and the sisters see how he escapes in Cid's air ship.)

SHIROMA: He has taken off... I would have liked to bring him home. With Aunt Stella, Freija, Meja and all...

KUROMA: I know, the boy has a place to return to... but not until he achieves his goal.

WOL: However, I can achieve mine right now. Girls, if you follow me, you'll soon be back home, I promise.

(The Warrior of Light leaves from there with his goal completed, while Firion enters his shrine.)

FIRION: I must act cautiously. My partners have wondrous powers, but I only have a bunch of weaponry...

(That way, carrying a shop worth of them, bumps into the dead Joseph's daughter, Nelly.)

FIRION: Nelly! What are you doing here? Well, I don't know why I even ask anymore. This is dangerous!

NELLY: No... my papa died, he left me alone... it was your fault! I don't want to talk to you, you are bad!

FIRION: Sweetie, please, your papa was very brave. If not for him, our rebel group will not exist today.

VOICE: Firion, it's useless. (FIRION: Huh?) Your voice won't reach her heart: you've hurt it too much.

(From around a corner enters Leon, Maria's brother. He keeps his Dark Knight armor.)

LEON: We all have lost something in this war. But the pain of losing a loved one's life is unlike any other. We lost our own parents as well, Firion, but at least we were able to stand up and keep onward... she hasn't got that much strength. She is only a kid. I came to keep her away from you, away from every person that brings her bad memories!

FIRION: I can't believe you, Leon. You think that the way of getting that strength is by forgetting what happened? You won't let her become an adult! You will only manage to make her lose the little faith she had on salvation. You won't take her!

LEON: I was eager to do this, Firion. Since before this war started, and however it ends, I was eager to measure our strength. This battle won't be won by the most violent, but by the one who possesses the most unbreakable willpower!

And the fight starts. The enemy has a Blood Sword, so Firion has it rough if he cannot stand on equal footing. Tries to nail him with arrows, but they do pitiful damage. After that, he throws his axe and gets an opening to approach, but eats a Flare face first. The enemy has spells! Firion can't even use his, they are too weak to pierce such a resilient armor. He throws sparkling knives and stuns the rival long enough to start his own lance combo. Leon sweats him off and unleashes Ultima, which the rebel was not ready to block.

LEON: Thanks for bringing me on a silver platter the secrets of the strongest spell, Ultima... your mistake!

FIRION: I can't lose... I have a mission, something more crucial than a mere war among humans... Haah!

(Stops the black knight's murderous slash with his hidden shield, then all his weapons fly at him.)

LEON: Aaaarg! *pain* I have failed... I let myself be guided by the darkness again, and I have paid for it...

FIRION: You had said this battle would be won by the side which had more faith, right? Each of these weapons holds the hopes of all their previous owners, who died fighting... they are my partners in this war, and I will end it... by winning!

(The purple haired girl's brother de-materializes and the little one still has a shock face stamped on her.)

NELLY: You are all the same... you fix all your problems by fighting. I can't live like this... it isn't fair!

FIRION: Nelly, please, look this. (rose) You see this flower? I have had it since Hilda entrusted me her secret. She gave us the hope that someday we will be able to end this dictatorship... to make a world full of roses, and happiness.

NELLY: Lady Hilda wants that? (pause) There is someone nice in this war... she suffers when fighting, right?

(Firion ends up convincing her, and assures her that Lady Hilda will make a free world for everyone to enjoy.)

FIRION: I swear, your father was a hero. It's only fair that you followed his example an supported Lady Hilda.

(After saying that, another kid is entering the place of his own trial... and was even more terrified than her.)

ONION-K: I am not scared... I got my crystal, I can put up with anything. I am going to win, I am sure!

(Reaffirming his opinion, enters the insides of the temple and finds a good acquaintance: the feisty Refia.)

ONION-K: Refia? How did you enter this place? Oh wait, it's true: I was told you were going to be here.

REFIA: What do you mean 'were told'? Tell me what's going on! This is so weird... you vanished on us!

ONIONK: See, I was summoned to take on a quest, you wouldn't understand. But I had to do it by myself.

REFIA: You could have told us! The others were worried, the darkness is looming over our world...

VOICE: I am afraid the darkness has taken root in HIS soul. (REFIA: Ingus, you came!)

(The friends are reunited, and Luneth notices something: the girl is using the Thief job, Ingus, Red Mage's.)

INGUS: No, you aren't going crazy, Lun. See, this world reflects what is in your heart, Refia is not sincere with herself (REFIA: EH!) that's why she wears that outfit. About me, I needed to be strong for Sara's sake, so I am what you see.

LUNETH: Hey, don't pick on her. My mission requires that I bring her to a goddess, so if you don't mind...

INGUS: I didn't came to help you, moron, but to test you! You're the perfect image for the Dumb Luck dictionary entry. Your sweet tongue won't save you forever! You were rude to my princess, so now I will take your girl away.

REFIA: I am not anyone's girl! Stop being idiots, we must return home as soon as possible.

INGUS: If you keep the act, girl, that dress will never leave you: the dress of the biggest master of deception.

The albino faces Sasune's soldier to convince him. The onion knight starts with a pair of fast spells, but his rival can block them with a hand and fire them with the other, via his Double Cast. Luneth moves sneakily to try and stab him in the butt, but the knight has a thick sword: truth be told, Red Mage is indeed the most versatile job. He tries to spam Comet, but only a few scratch him. He sees that using this job won't do him any good, and looks for a way to put some obstacle between him and the blonde.

INGUS: Don't hide, you are making it worse! There is a moment in a man's live when he has to face reality!

LUNETH: I am here. (shush!) *ninja* You said that this world is based on perceptions. I have a goal to achieve! Ninjas risk their lives for the mission... (poof!) *sage* But the intelligent option is not always the easiest.

INGUS: You learnt your lesson, huh... no matter, Refia will come with me, you don't deserve her affection.

REFIA: I am not his girl!

LUNETH: The heart is not something static, Ingus. When in need, it grows in courage, that I will use now!

(Switches to ninja and throws a shuriken, the red mage blocks it and turns around to get the albino by surprise, but he attacks from the front! He thanks him for politely lowering his guard and switches to sage to cast something fierce.)

LUNETH: Ingus, you should have met Terra. I gave her strength to keep on, when she couldn't find her own courage! Power is a difficult thing to manage, but it is necessary to change your future for the better!

(Throws a Holy at the blonde, who tries to resist, but the real hit comes from a big ass Meteor.)

INGUS: *breaths* You deserved it, kid. Refia is now in your hands. Do whatever you want with her...

(Ends up vanishing, and the girl worries about him, but his friend assures her he is going to be okay.)

REFIA: I am not your girl. I'm not! But after watching Aria dying... I would like to, but I am scared...

LUNETH: Don't worry, I can't keep being tied to the past. If we fix this mess... you'll never be scared again.

(After smiling at her, they go to the meting point, while Paladin Cecil enters his shrine.)

CECIL: My brother helped me with the crystal quest, I think it was a bit of cheating on my part... the others had to face their worst enemies. I had it easy when I think about it, I don't know if I deserve to continue this adventure...

(Glances around the room, and sees a shiny red item... suddenly it explodes and throws him to the wall.)

CECIL: (smoke) Agh, what's this... whoever it was, it wasn't funny... a Bomb like that could have...!

(... destroyed an entire village. The lunarian sees that the landscape is now the burning village of Mist.)

CECIL: It isn't possible... it's like that time... that nightmare... wait, I figured out just who I will need!

(He scouts the place looking for the young green haired, Rydia. But his partner in that crime found her.)

CECIL: _Are they even real? Rydia had grown up a lot because of the Land of Summons. And Kain, will he recognize me? I haven't seen him since we had to defeat my brother, but if this is the past..._

RYDIA: My mother's dragon died... and because of that, my mother died too... *cries*

KAIN: I have heard of people with the power to summon monsters... Summoners, they are called.

CECIL: _There is no doubt now... I have returned to that accursed day, when I still was a Dark Knight... _

RYDIA: You killed my mom's dragon? (KAIN: So that was the king's wish: annihilate every summoner in this village. I am also afraid we are going to have to get rid of this girl to complete the job... if not, we will be punished.)

CECIL: Are you saying we must kill her... just like that, in cold blood? I won't! You don't even suspect it, but the king of Baron is a monster in disguise. And this girl will be important for the future of our world. I must take her with me!

KAIN: I won't let you. *shadowy* I always knew you were too nice for this rank... so unsheathe your weapon.

CECIL: Open your eyes, you'll see it's true! Are you gonna obey orders blindly? You leave me no options!

(The girl, in her rage, summons Titan and the quake he causes opens a rocky valley... the crystal our warrior got for Cosmos protects her and deposits her in the bottom, so the two friends are going to fight like never before.)

KAIN: Now I will see if you bite as much as you bark. If you lose, you'll have to leave Rosa, no arguing!

There are two women at stake now, the Harvey boy mustn't pull any stops... the rival's weapon is longer and sharper, but Cecil has learned to throw his and make it come back, apart from infusing it with dark energy. Kain attacks from afar with his Lancer power, and drains some of the albino's mana. Jumps around the cliffs to make the counterattack but the lunarian casts Gravity and makes him kiss the dirt. Finally, he has an opening to shoot his Dark Wave tech, which engulfs him and leaves him thrashed.

KAIN: Agh... I see you have strength to back up your words. If you keep like this... not even the king of Baron will be able to continue his insanity for much more time. (CECIL: Then you weren't gonna obey him?) Eh, I am not that cold hearted!

(They look at the girl and she awakens, now the defunct Mist Dragon comes to help her and make Kain fall.)

KAIN: Rats! (grabs edge) Cecil, whatever happens, don't give up. You have the heart of a true Paladin...

(The dragon knight ends up falling down and being lost inside the chasm, but his friend knows what to do.)

CECIL: Rydia... please wake up. (RYDIA: How do you know my name?) I am sorry for the dragon fiasco... but as you can see, it wasn't dead for long. Your mama is still with you, inside her beast. I want to help you... will you let me, honey?

RYDIA: You are not evil then... what do you want from me? I have no one left... I don't want to be alone...

CECIL: I'll take you to my friends, and to more girls. You won't be alone, I swear, all's going to be okay.

(While this happens, the traveller of the Wind roams around his temple, and soon meets a friendly face.)

BARTZ: Bah, I am always entering places that give me Chocobo pimples... (VOICE: Boo!)

(The boy jumps in shock and turns around, and sees that Bal's little princess, Krile, has given him a scare.)

BARTZ: Krile! What are you doing here? No, more like 'how did you get here'... did you flee the castle?

KRILE: *giggle* Hello. (^_^) I was getting bored by myself, so I left the castle and then I... appeared here.

BARTZ: Are Lenna or Faris with you...? (KRILE: You should choose one already, big boy.) Geez, don't get me started! I mean, I have to take a girl to an important person and I have only found you. (KRILE: Hey, are you saying I won't do?)

(She backhands him for not being polite to ladies, the boy self-controls and prefers to change the topic.)

BARTZ: Yes, right, you are perfectly valid. Let's go together, like back then. Should I show you a cool trick?

(The mime shows her his partners' eight weapons, he can kick butts with, but they are rudely interrupted.)

VOICE: Wa ha ha! Those swords are very interesting, I want them for my collection! Bartz, it's been a while!

BARTZ: It's Gilgamesh...! (KRILE: He got out of the Void!) Well, just like all of us did, really...

GILGAMESH: I was eager to find you, lad. And to fight with you, mano-a-mano, you know what I mean.

BARTZ: See, I am glad you didn't die, but I am in a hurry: I must bring Krile to some Goddess character...

GILGAMESH: Don't give me that crap, Bart-ner. I have been looking for you an awful lot of time, for you and your friends, I mean... and now you want to scour away? Come here, cutie! (KRILE: Aug, let go!) I am sure you are going to stay, now!

BARTZ: I thought you were reformed! Leave her alone, you'll have your fight, but dont lay a finger on her!

(The multi-armed warrior pulls out his weapons and the boy will suffice with the Buster Sword and Revolver.)

GILGAMESH: Ho, ho, that's how I like it! We'll fight like men, who dress as women... you know the drill.

And so, they fight. The rival has many arms and fully uses them, but the youngster has a Ranger/Ninja combo: Two Handed Rapid-Fire. When the ugly guy is losing, switches to his super-form, still more brutish. As he is an easy target, Bartolo fires many Holy balls, and chains them to Flood. Looks like the monstrous warrior is done for, but casts three spells at a time: Shell, Barrier and Haste –Did he use the Big Guard skill?- and keeps at rocking his socks. As he doesn't want to waste anymore time, the traveller unleashes his best move: Spellblade with his friends' eight weapons.

BARTZ: **For a shining world**! (RAS!) (GILGAMESH: Arg! Eight beauties nailed through my heart...!)

KRILE: Bartz, thanks! This guy is a meanie. You shouldn't have stayed, I would have beaten him myself.

GILGAMESH: I don't doubt it, missy. *pain* When you fight seriously, being a girl or a child doesn't matter.

BARTZ: Sorry, man, but I gotta go! Maybe one day we will be able to battle seriously. Yes, someday.

KRILE: Come on Bartz! (^_^) Truth is, I wanted to be alone with you. Lenna and Faris distract you too much.

(While he asks again to change the topic, the green haired lady looks in her mind who is the one she needs.)

TERRA: I need a young cute girl... I feel bad having to endanger someone I know, but I don't think...

(Turns around and from behind a column, another Terra winks at her... she approaches, and is slapped!)

TERRA: What the! (poof!) She wasn't real. Who has done this? Come out! (VOICE: I see you never learn.)

(From behind the same pillar, the blonde artist Relm enters the stage! She has used her Pictomancy skills.)

RELM: Seriously, gal... don't burn your brains, just do whatever can be done. You must learn to chill out.

TERRA: Look, dear, I can' relax now. I must find someone similar to you... would you want to come?

RELM: I could... a weird light entrapped Shadow and me, and his cute dog, we could go find them together.

VOICE: It won't be necessary. (TERRA: It's him! Then we can leave this place.) (RELM: (^_^) Yay!)

(The ninja hasn't found his dog yet. Not saying a word, grabs the girl and tries to leave just like that.)

SHADOW: My girl, I have to bring you to someone... who offered me money in exchange.

RELM: *scare* What are you doing? I thought you had changed! You can't do this to me! PAPA!

TERRA: _Is he her father? *dizzy* But how... the dog, and the pendant... now it all fits!_

SHADOW: People doesn't change so abruptly, my girl... I dumped my emotions to get more power...

TERRA: You can't do it! (THEM: Eh?) People can change, Shadow. You just need will power. I achieved a great level of power, but later I found out that my feelings were still there... and learned to use them for everyone's good. Let her go!

The ninja knows she will present a hard battle, so he ties up his daughter and starts the showdown. For a while, they exchange lots of shurikens and Holy spells, the lady thinks about approaching just after landing a Gravity. The rival sweats her off and slashes her, she replies with lots of Holy balls chained to Flares, that leave him exhausted. To break free he throws his katana at her, but is blocked by a Meteor... his dog grabs its owner by the collar and puts him far from the crashing area, after which Terra goes Trance on him to finish asap. Throws fulminating thunders chained to a Tornado, and makes him give up.

SHADOW: I thought this mission was a test from Heaven... and between us, you have won. I was a fool...

TERRA: I am glad to see you weren't going to actually sacrifice her... Relm is going to save someone's life.

RELM: Papa, don't push yourself now... when we are done, we'll bring you home... and don't be reckless!

(But the hooded guy vanishes, leaving them with dumbfounded faces... meanwhile, with the ex-SOLDIER...)

CLOUD: I am always jumping from one fight to another... and not even knowing why... bah, what a drag.

(He looks for the girl he is supposed to bring to the goddess' presence, but sees some Sephiroth clones.)

CLONES: Sephiroooth... (CLOUD: Dang, they are harassing someone! I must save that person, and fast!)

(Slashes away at them, and sees who the clones were manhandling: Marlene, Barret's only 'daughter'.)

MARLENE: Cloud? Thank you... those men wanted to kidnap me. I am scared, I don't know where is papa...

CLOUD: Calm down, I won't lose anyone else... I will defend you. If not, your father is gonna kill me. *noise*

(He turns around and covers the child, the one who made the noise is Shinra's president, Rufus... this is bad.)

RUFUS: Oh, look who is here. SOLDIER's most brilliant member... AVALANCHE's most famous terrorist, and now some VIP lady's lap dog... you are always following the flock, Strife, there is always someone ordering you around.

CLOUD: I'm not ordered, Rufus. I chose to do this quest. I am going to save the planet, unlike you!

RUFUS: That sounds cool, Tin Soldier, but I don't think that girl can survive at your side. Hand her to me.

MARLENE: He is evil! Papa hates him! (CLOUD: This girl IS my mission, Rufus. But even if I wasn't ordered to, I would still protect her. I have my own judgement, and it is telling me that I won't abandon a defenseless child! So scram!)

RUFUS: Ah, I knew you would be saying that... a puppet who tries to steal his strings from his master.

That son of a president has gotten better since last time... his shotgun does considerable damage, even if he just uses it to smack him with the handle. He has basic materias like our spiky haired hero, but at level 2... his dog is nowhere to be found, but Cloud matters little: his sword cleaves his flesh just the same. The hero fires a spell and approaches to skewer the other blondie, but pulls out his ace card: a Bio materia. The soldier suffers because of the poison, and the girl because of him... the battle gets even rougher. After some cut and thrust between them, the good guy makes his Mako blood boil and regenerates health, at the same time he unsheathes his Ultima Weapon... and finishes him off!

CLOUD: This is over, papa boy. Be thankful that I didn't Omnislash your ugly butt off. Come on, Marlene.

RUFUS: You can say what you want... *pain* but I don't obey orders, I give them! To people like you...

CLOUD: I wanted to enter SOLDIER... but after knowing what you did with them, I wanted to find my own strength. You've said I only know how to obey orders, but my mates also chose this... and they chose right!

RUFUS: You carry Jenova's cells, Strife... just like those clones, you mind is weak... that will be your doom.

(The bad guy leaves and the poor girl hugs the boy... while another lone wolf looks for his objective.)

SQUALL: That Bartz guy was too ditzy... and that Zidane guy was too careless. This quest is not a frikkin race, damn it! But they got by just fine... maybe I should trust my amulet a bit more. Even knowing what was it used for...

(He glances at his Griever pendant, knowing that the sorceress used it against him still grinds his gears.)

SQUALL: Where can the others be? I haven't had any news about them since, well... Time uncompressed.

(Because of his big mouth, the crystal he found shines, and hears a beep in his head... the SeeD shivers.)

SQUALL: Agh! *beeeep* Ellone! It has to be her... where am I going to now? Or better said, when?

(After quoting Emmeth Brown, the mercenary finds himself in Winhill, but he is not in Laguna's body.)

SQUALL: What in blazes? I am still myself. Maybe Cosmos' crystal had something to do with... he's there!

(Effectively, the klutz and carefree guy, who Squall loves to insult, is now scolding his cute little niece.)

LAGUNA: I told you many times, young lady: monsters love to eat little girls' sweet and juicy flesh.

ELLONE: But I wanted to see you, Uncle Laguna. Raine said things about you she was not thinking through...

LAGUNA: (?_?) What did ya say? (SQUALL: Lagunaaa!) Oops, looks like we have a sudden visitor...

(He will have to ask Raine later, because the foreigner has pulled out the Revolver and is scaring her.)

SQUALL Laguna Loire... don't ask me why I know you, nor how I arrived here... but I must take this girl.

LAGUNA: Heh, the boy looks familiar, you know... but he wants to take you, Ellone, and I can't let him.

SQUALL: Believe me, I am no follower of the sorceress, I just need her to solve a very important crisis...

LAGUNA: And this is the other danger that awaits you out of the town, dear: soldiers wanting to use you.

(They know about Esthar's mooks, so she needs no further explanations. The man nabs the girl and flees.)

ELLONE: (¬_¬) Are you escaping, Uncle Laguna? (LAGUNA: I'm not, just looking for a better strategy!)

They go out to the fields where he trained with Kiros, and the mercenary is thankful that he isn't present today. Playboy lets the girl on the ground and pulls out his machine gun. His future son casts some basic spells, which make his father suspect about his relation to some sorceress. The ex-soldier fires carefully, and Lion Boy has to deflect the bullets with Fated Circle. The father uses his Limit, Desperado –even if he isn't that much- and of course the SeeD needs to reply to the lethal rain by Renzokuk'ing his weapon off of his hands, after which he seathes the blade and hugs the child.

ELLONE: *shock* (SQUALL: Don't worry... I only need you to do me a favour... then you will be free.)

LAGUNA: Seems like the lad is not so evil after all. (SQUALL: When did you figure it out?) Well, a evil guy would have gone for Elle the instant it caught a clearing, and you were only blocking my shots without retaliating: I saw you wanted to cast Sleep on me and get away. Of course, what sort of villain has feelings for his victim?

SQUALL: I know what is like to lose someone, too. I will bring her back safely, I swear.

LAGUNA: Do you want to go with him, Ellone? (ELLONE: Somehow, there is something soothing in him...)

SQUALL: When this is over, you will be a happy family again. _At least until the Esthar war... _come on, Elle.

LAGUNA: Maybe this boy knows about those 'faeries'? The feeling was vaguely familiar...

(The girl knows she can trust the leather-jacket boy, and they depart for the future... all while Monkey Boy has entered the place of his trial, and gets suspicious... he is trying to figure out which girl fate will throw his way.)

ZIDANE: Oh god, I hope it's not HER... poor girl is so cute, but has a clingy jealous demon inside her.

(Because of his big mouth, Madain's last summoner appears there chasing her moogle, who was floating.)

EIKO: Mog, stay put, darn it! We need to get back to town! (looks) Hey, if it's Zidane. (0_0) _He is so hot!_

ZIDANE: Erm, hi... I know it wasn't nice of me to return to the Iifa Tree without telling anyone. (MOG: Kupo!)

EIKO: We thought you were lost! Don't give us a scare like this again... Garnet was so worried. Me too!

ZIDAN: Ah, right... look, don't tell her, ok? I want to surprise her in the next play of I Want To Be Your Canary.

EIKO: But you must promise me this. (^_^) You will tag along with me until we return to Alexandria, he he!

ZIDANE: That's fancy, I was about to tell you the same. (Eiko jumps) Yes, I need you on my mission!

EIKO: _Ooooh, he finally noticed my female charms. (^_^) And sooner than I thought..._

(She thought she was going to take another ten years to impress the boy... they leave, but are called on.)

VOICE: Stop there monkey boy! You won't go anywhere until I tell you to. And neither will the brat!

ZIDANE: It's Scarlet-Hair Amarant! You come handy, dude, want to come with Eiko and me?

AMARANT: You owe me one, tumbler kid, and I will take it right now. How about I steal this missy here?

EIKO: (grabbed) Eh, let go! I thought we agreed on forgetting about personal grudges, you meanie brute!

AMARANT: Without her you can't do your job, just like you prevented me from doing mine back in Treno.

ZIDANE: You are still thinking about that? I couldn't let myself be caught. You were in the wrong place!

AMARANT: According to you, your friends give you strength. Let's see how you fare when going solo...

Geez, he is serious... he casts Aura on himself and jumps at his neck, the monkey jumps and gets outta the way then fires a Tidal Flame. He finally lets the brat free, but throws a chakram that pins her on a column: again hanging from a ledge... the rival follows it with Demi Shock, and after resisting it, the simian blinds the redhead with his weapon's special effect. As he can't see, some Solution 9 balls pierce him. The ninja uses Chakra and heals some damage, he jumps at the thief but Shift Break stops and electrifies him. He should have fallen, but Aura revives him. And just in time, because both him and the genome go Trance. The last clash is between No Mercy and Grand Lethal.

BOTH: Aaaarg! *explosion* (EIKO: And me hanging here like a vulgar Parma ham! AAAH!)

(Everyone is thrashed, the bounty hunter awakens in first place and uses Revive on the summoner, then flees.)

ZIDANE: Augh, this is gonna hurt tomorrow. Eiko? You are okay...! Amarant should have healed you.

EIKO: He is gone... but he isn't bad, right? He cared about me, and didn't kill you when he had the chance.

ZIDANE: Guy is just like that... geez, I'll never understand him. Well, he vented, so let us leave already.

EIKO: Yes, just you and me! _This is embarrassing... we are alone, the two of us!_ Mog, come here, girl!

(After that, the Knight of Lolicon has left his last partner to his own devices while he goes to investigate.)

TIDUS: So that Mike boy has to find Lord Xig-lem... and I should be finding my old man too, once and for all. It's the destiny reserved for a ghost, after all... someone who is made of pyreflies. An unparalleled loneliness...

(He remembers everything he and Yuna went through, and wangsts for a while, like in his own game.)

TIDUS: Hum? A summon stone... with this, one can call upon the Aeons. But will it work with me? (pause) Someone there? *flash* Whoa, the one with the cool shades is Auron, guys! You almost made me buy new retins!

VOICES: Glad to meet you, boy... we are the Magus Sisters. I am Sandy. (Cindy!) (And Mindy!)

(The summonable ladies arrive after the flash, with their insect dresses. The blonde is interested in them.)

TIDUS: You have fallen from Heaven! Most literally. Tell me, would you go with me to meet a goddess?

SANDY: We know what is going on, she brought us to this plane. (CINDY: And we must help our summoner, what else could we do?) Can we accompany our little sis for this ride? (MINDY: Bah, so it's true I am the loli...)

(She fumes because they treat her as a little girl, her, a millennia old spirit and the strongest of the three!)

TIDUS: Don't get mad, kid. *sweats* Want some candy? (murder glance) Erm, sorry... it's just that I saw your dress and... (MINDY: You need more than that to impress me!) Look, I will show you a cool stunt, okay?

(Same as Bartz, he tries to impress her as a sportsman, and performs the Blitz Ace, but the ball bursts.)

TIDUS: That sounded like a pricking... eh, don't try to hide, smartass! You busted my favourite Blitzball!

VOICE: If that is the only thing you get busted today you can consider yourself lucky, Zanarkand Abes star.

(The spirit of the samurai arrives there, Yojimbo. The ones present don't know if they should be happy.)

YOJI: The ball issue was an accident, but the man who summoned me gave me a clear order: to bring my Aeon partners to his presence. Or at least, the one called Mindy. And I always take my orders seriously.

MINDY: You picking a fight, big boy? (TIDUS: Eh, wait, first I need to ask something to this warrior.)

But as he isn't in the mood of talking, he'll have to beat him first. He is not going to use Zanmato right off the bat, so uses his regular katana and orders his dog to stay put. The Blitzball player starts with Haste, and prepares his Brotherhood sword. His rival is very strong, but the blonde is sneaky and punishes the samurai's slowness. So he gets fed up and throws daggers at the sportsman, but are shattered with Energy Rain. He is actually going to use Zanmato now, but he has nothing to cut: the ghostly boy has jumped to his back and jabs at him, after which he jumps and readies his Jetch Shot: with a boulder!

TIDUS: As I don't have a ball, I'll have to use this. Aims for the goalmouth aaand...! (PLAM!) Scores!

YOJI: ARG! *pain* Beaten by a wet noodle like him... I don't know if I deserve to be a samurai anymore...

TIDUS: Now give me my defunct ball and answer this. (whispers) It is important to me...

YOJI: Heh, that should be asked to Zanarkand's Fayth... it's them the ones who decide your fate, kiddo.

TIDUS: Bah, I knew it couldn't be that easy... Yuna and the others will have to get by without me a little longer. (MINDY: Give me the ball... *blush* I will sew it for you.) Can you do it? (MINDY: Let's say I am knowledgeable about needles.)

(He thanks her for her efforts and goes to meet with his friends, but they say Mike is still exploring.)

SHONENJI: Thanks for bothering with our quest, sirs. All these lolis surely will help my lady.

(She is cured, stands up, fixes her tunic and rides Shonenji, the only Genderiel currently out of her soul.)

SHANTOTTO: We are free to leave this place, let's go meet your Knight and see his delighted face!

(The heroes stay there to wait for Cosmos and end their own adventure, while the boy in glasses screams)

MIKE: Where is he? Where in hell! I have combed all the Final Fantasy worlds and he is nowhere!

He is struck by a horrible hunch... turns back and heads for the Order Sanctuary, and his fears are confirmed: the villain has intercepted the girls! There is only a rag doll left of Shantotto, and to rub on the wound, he cackles evilly.

XIGLEM: What do we have here... you have forsaken your goddess, knightie. Too bad, minus 50 points for you.

(The exciting conclusion! But then again, where is Redhead? Since quite a while ago?)

LINDA: *darkness* Where am I... where is everyone? What is going on! *despair*


	27. End of the line

'_A teacher is one who lectures. __A teacher is one who devotes oneself. This is a story about super powered battles between a career-less teacher... and the one who get in the way of his dreams'._

It really was over... all his journey had been reduced to just this one moment. The Knight of Lolicon, his mortal enemy... and the woman who started it all. Though not exactly, heh.. There were no more distractions, no more quests and no more pawns who got in his way. The stage didn't matter, because there could only remain one.

MIKE: Finally. Something in me was waiting this moment. You can't run, vermin, only one will survive.

XIGLEM: Maybe you are right, lad... this wretch has consumed all the energy those ten warriors gathered for her... only to resist my attack. Whatever happens to us, she won't make it. It's only you and me now...

MIKE: That's it, you made me mad! Until now I had to put up with making you flee because I couldn't slay you. But I know there is a way, you're a human with a Pact, the same as me. And I am not invincible by any strech!

XIGLEM: You can try if you want. But the same way everything died to your sword, nothing could touch me!

He leaves the goddess girl far from them, the mirror puts her on the floor. The last clash begins. And the White Player moves first. The glassed boy uses Cosmo Break, and the villain pukes a black slime that reshapes as his first monster, Black Boo. After blocking, he tries to electrify him. Mike gathers energy to fire a Purple Comet, and deforms him... to be reshaped into Dark Sasuke. The hero isn't going to waste time, so he goes with his fusion-dance-with-shadow-clone trick to give himself a boost. Then Xig-lem will try to behead him... with the Woody Woody Fruit, but the knight lights his sword and rips apart the carnivorous vines. It's time for bigger words: the enemy pulls out Drake-borg, and Dolores' servant his Thrash-talker, Convoy mode... after a violent crash, the powerful garbage truck activates that kind of System ID that invaded him some chapters ago and drills the dragon's thick hide. The bad guy confirms his theory, so he focuses his mirror to absorb the two Transtectors and be left at square one.

XIGLEM: I was right... seems like, even if it's little, there's darkness in every human's heart, ho, ho...

MIKE: Don't start raving! I don't know why you did that, you are only slowing your inevitable demise!

XIGLEM: That's my line, smartypants. But well, just with our Shonen powers, this is going nowhere, right.

(The villain spits another black blob, but this one takes the shape of Dusknoir. So Mike doesn't know shit.)

MIKE: This is a fix! If I don't have the Poke-watch, I can't aspire to fight a Pokemon mummy like this!

(Answering his plea, the goddess' tiny body shines for a second, and Mike's arm too.)

XIGLEM: Rats... the goddess should have given him power with her last breath. Dusknoir, don't stop now!

Looks like the Poke-watch came with the Master Control on, because Electivire shoots terrific thunders at the ghost and switches to Lucario, to smash an Aura Sphere smack in his face. With him out, Machamp hits the mirror and manages to crack it... and after that Tyranitar uses sharp rocks to prickle the bad guy and switches to Flygon to take the figh to the skies. There, Feraligart pulls out his frozen bubble stunt and crashes into him.

XIGLEM: That gizmo is all-powerful, yes. I should know, I stole it from Giovani. Let's see how you handle this!

Spits more black slime and takes the shape of Kimeramon. The boy feels the call of his creation and after a flash from the Poke-watch... Minimon has arrived there, digivolved to Geardramon. They leave those two fight each other, and Xig-lem calls forth his own creation: the blondie Alicia. The doll's strikes can do absurd damage, so the Poke-watch beeps again to bring the Rozen Dolls' spirits to stage, and help the hero with his skills... after stopping the fake doll's efforts, they're left alone again... with a Duel disk in hand.

MIKE: The Genderiels' energy is flowing to me from this device... I should thank them!

XIGLEM: This duel is a test of skill, knightie. To beat me you must be smarter than me!

They draw from their decks one card after another: Vorse Raider vs Lajinn, Gearfried vs Gemini Elves, Dunames Witch vs Slate Warrior... even Summon Skull vs Cyber Gator, all of them end up falling like flies.

MIKE: We are down to a handful of cards... this will be the last move, you black scum.

XIGLEM: You said it... and I plan on bringing this beast from the graveyard, so you can occupy his place!

Using Monster Reborn, the villain rescues the terrifying Dragon of Ra's body and uses its special effect to transfer points: now it has 3000 Atk, the turn goes to Mike. He does not know of anything in his deck that can beat this combo.

MIKE: The Genderiels' holy power is still active... give me a card that can end this duel!

(With all the Heart of Cards he can muster, the hero draws out a completely rare -and non existent- card.)

MIKE: Ultima Weapon? (read) 'This card has the same Atk and Def as his owner's LP'.

(That way, the card shaped like a broadsword jumps to the field and the boy brandishes it to slay the rival.)

XIGLEM: Impossible, that card doesn't even exist! You cheated, bastard! (MIKE: This card was ALWAYS in my deck, swine! Its the strength of all ones who supported me, guided me and are hoping me to end this war forever!)

(After a fulminating clash, the holo images have vanished and the two duelists are lying on the floor, without their head gears, the bad guy on top of the hero. As he is evil, takes the chance to punch him, but gets a sudden shock.)

XIGLEM: *awful shock*. (MIKE: *pushes* Now you will pay for your misdeeds!)

(The hero grabs the enemy by the neck and sees his true face... and ends up shocked too.)

MIKE: (0_0) Who are you... who the heck are you! (x_x) Someone tell me what is the meaning of this!

(While that happened, in the darkness where Linda floats, something weird is pulsing...)

LINDA: What now... that means I am not alone. Whoever it is, come out! I am getting mad!

Wish she hasn't opened her mouth: among the darkened landscape, the shapes of Black Lady, Mirror Sakura, Duchess Z and Cure Grey are becoming apparent... leading them a black, creepy, and hulking brute clad in Poseidon's Siren Cloth.

LINDA: Nooo! *despair* I can't deal with all of them by myself! *flash* Hum? It's the Rosary of Dawn...

(After having lost her hope, the rosary started to fire off spells by itself yet again.)

B-LADY: *burns* Arg! (MIRROR-C: *icicle* Kyah!) (DUCHESS: Ugh! *sparks*) (C- GREY: Gggh! *vines*)

LINDA: Only him left... but I can't beat him... *sobs* Mike, you said you would protect me forever!

(A group of five colourful lights arrives there to melt the darkness, and Redhead recognizes them: Genderiels!)

SIREN SAINT: Ugh! *de-materialize* (LINDA: Guys, you are all here! Oh, you too, Shojonoe... (¬_¬)

SHOJONOE: Linda, please don't make me that face... I just did what my heart told me. I needed to love, with no conditions... but now, my beloved is going to die. You must do something to stop their fight!

SHONENJI: That's the idea! Linda, pull off your Lolicon Goddess power, and send it to your knight, fast!

SHOJONOE: You don't understand! This fight mustn't end the way you think, because it's the eternal clash...

(... between Good and Evil... the girl obeys, that's how the Poke-watch and all its tricks arrived to the knight's arm. The fight kept on the same way we have read it, and reaches the part where both are horrified at the other's face.)

MIKE: Why do you have MY face? You won't deceive me, I will crush you right here!

XIGLEM: Stop for a sec, idiot, and think: how did you enter this world? Why do you think it happened?

MIKE: None of your business, but well: I saved Linda from a fall that could have killed her and took her home.

XIGLEM: But a luminous portal ended up swallowing you and both arrived at this world nonetheless, right?

MIKE: How do you know that? No one could have seen it, the house was empty except for us. Explain yourself!

XIGLEM: You are downright stupid. I have your face... because I am you. The universe where we came from is changed due to its inhabitants choices, as I could not save the girl... a Fry Hole was opened and gulped me, bringing me here to the Toon World, of which there can only be one... it's right, I lost everything...

MIKE: Your universe exploded... and the hole brought you to this one... then the visions were your memories!

XIGLEM: There exist two like you here: one did the right thing and came here to save the worlds, the other lost his home and focused on realizing his selfish dream... now that there was no one to stop him. And we ended up meeting.

MIKE: Wait, then Shojonoe found you, not me... and why did you have a Pact, you creep?

XIGLEM: In case you still don't get it, I am YOU, moron. Your pact gave you amazing strength, but at the same time it gave me an untouchable defense... the two halves of the famous tale about the Shield and the Spear.

MIKE: Now you are being a fool, see... because I can pierce your defenses if I do this!

(Amasses a ki ball and throws it at the goddess' body, still weak and battered. Explosion is blinding, yes.)

XIGLEM: You broke your vow! Now we will lose our power, we will die in this hole!

MIKE: No one will die. No more! You are me, it's time you came back to your rightful place.

(He chokes him, now that there is no mirror to stop him, and absorbs his essence and his memories... but the blackness that invaded the villain breaks free and speaks to Mike in a rasp, guttural voice, like the maleficent spirit that it is.)

BLACKNESS: You finished off my host... no matter, the humans' hearts always have a speck of darkness, even if it is small... I will bloat that darkness! And I will conquer this world using chaos and perversion!

MIKE: This black blob... is the Human World's negative energy, the Lolicon that turns into a disease!

BLACKNESS: You can't save this world, nor you can't help anyone... because we are many, we can't die!

(The black slime jumps at the boy and throws him into the dark void where Linda is also suffering.)

*****************  
_The Unconscious Space  
__**BELLBRIDGE**_  
*****************

(Lolwhat? Oh, yes, we are still in the Virtual Galaxy... let's see what is Linda thinking of all this.)

LINDA: Mike... I wanted to get out of here... and live like a normal girl, with you...

(In another corner of the black void, the boy is having his own thoughts about the matter.)

MIKE: We have come to this... in the end, I broke my vows myself... and Linda is going to vanish forever...

(A light appears in the distance, one for each, and somehow gives them their hope back.)

BOTH: This isn't over! The negative energy will consume the Toon World and nothing will be left...

LINDA: Somehow, the goddess is my mother... to save the world I came from, and the one I want to go to!

MIKE: I will reach that light, and melt away the darkness! I am my world's chosen, so now I must...!

BOTH: I must FLY!

The first notes of Dream Dreams, Instrumental version, start playing. Someone must have left the player on or else. The two friends fly towards their respective lighthouses while cleaning black blobs that take the shape of their worst enemies, yet again. Slashes done by the no-more-glassed boy and aura bursts by the busty girl explode the things... with their own bare hands, no powers involved. After some while, they're a stone throw away from each other, but a black wall separates them.

LINDA: Kyah! *shock* Why is that thing here? (MIKE: I can't let the darkness keep us apart...)

BLACKNESS: Ho, ho, the human heart is weak... when I make the darkness grow, all of them go crazy...

BOTH: Back off, monster! I have come too far, I won't leave without Mike/Linda!

The energy string from Linda's pact illuminates the rest of the path... while the bugger growls in pain and the vocal part of Dream Dreams starts. They fly around the dark blob attacking it with their hope and burning courage.

MIKE: The song is fading out... it means we are close to the end. EH! It's the goddess! Wasn't she Linda?

LINDA: No, I am here. (?_?) Whatever, let's pull the poor girl out of the black slime!

(They untie the brat off from the black tentacles, they don't notice the blackness has been closing on them...)

GODDESS: My boys... *pants* My dear girl, and my brave knight... you came to save me...

LINDA: Mama... (MIKE: It feels weird.) Yes, I know it seems the opposite, seen from afar. We'll heal you!

BLACKNESS: Fools, you can't solve a war among gods just like that... she hardly has half a century of age, but the heart's darkness is as old as the universe... because we are many, it means our eradication is impossible!

MIKE: You are wrong, venom. Because that's what you are, venom for her soul... if I have learnt something in this journey, it's that even in the deepest darkness... there will be a light, a light which never fades off!

We are in famous-quoting mode, it seems. As if they were summoned, the Genderiels' lights arrive there and restore their goddess, after which they cause the reapparition of the Arms of the Pact: the Sword of Light and the Mirror of Shadows.

GODDESS: Maybe you are now ready to wield your enemy's weapon in the name of justice... go on.

LINDA: (?_?) Etto, what do I need to do? (MIKE: Join your mother, give her strength in this last battle!)

Now for real, the last clash for the Toons freedom starts! The boy uses again the same tactic as in the first planet he visited: some kind of Hypermode... with the unstoppable attack, and the untouchable defense, he cuts away everything the black monster throws his way, in ever smaller pieces... when the blackness has lost much power, the grownup babe and the divine kid dualize and use their magical stardust to draw holes that absorb the black blobs. When the last one is offed... a terrifying growl deafens them, that marks the definite disappearance of the negative energy in the Toon World... at least, until next time...

GODDESS: Thanks, my girl... you were born to call upon our savior, but you managed to do much more...

MIKE: I guess this is over... I must ask you for your forgiveness... for breaking our vow so rudely...

GODDESS: It was the only way... but even if you lost your power, deep inside you still were... my knight.

MIKE: *flash* What's going on? The landscape blurs... the Fry Hole is opening again!

GODDESS: Good bye, my hero... your efforts have not been in vain... nor will they be ever forgotten...

(The hole shines and eats up the boy... when he realized it, he had left that world, and didn't even see HER off... he didn't fulfil his promise, he didn't take her with him... oh, well, let's put the ending credits already.)

**Voice Cast:  
**_MIKE: xxxxx xxxxx  
LINDA: xxxxx xxxxx  
SHONENJI: xxxxx xxxxx  
LORD XIGLEM: xxxxx xxxxx  
SHOJONOE: xxxxx xxxxx  
MAHORITA: xxxxx xxxxx  
GOTCHI: xxxxx xxxxx  
MINIMON: xxxxx xxxxx  
ALICIA: xxxxx xxxxx  
DIGIDUDE: xxxxx xxxxx _

**Character Designer:  
**Xxxxx xxx xxxxx

**Motion Capture Actors:  
**Xxxxx xxx xxxxx  
Xxxxx xxx xxxxx

**Script Writer:  
**Xxxxx xxxxx

**Lead Programmer:  
**Xxxxx xxx xxxxx

**Programmers:  
**Xxxxx xxx xxxxx  
Xxxxx xxx xxxxx  
Xxxxx xxx xxxxx  
Xxxxx xxx xxxxx

**Map Graphic designer:  
**Xxxxx xxxxx

**Character Graphic designer:  
**Xxxxx xxx xxxxx  
Xxxxx xxx xxxxx

**Sound Programmer:  
**Xxxxx xxxxx  
Xxxxx xxx xxxxx

**Music Composers:  
**Xxxxx xxx xxxxx  
Xxxxx xxx xxxxx

**Special thanks to:  
**_Akira Toriyama  
Takara Tomy / Hasbro  
Rumiko Takahashi  
Eichiro Oda  
Masashi Kishimoto  
Naoko Takenouchi  
CLAMP  
Craig McCracken / Hiroyuki Kakudou  
Toei Animation (Izumi Todo)  
Michiko Yokote / Pink Hanamori  
Kosuke Fujishima  
Ken Akamatsu  
GAINAX (Takami Akai, Masato Kato)  
Nagaru Tanigawa / Noizi Ito  
Satoshi Tajiri / Shigeru Miyamoto  
Akiyoshi Hongo  
Kazuki Takahashi  
Makoto Raiku  
PEACH-PIT  
Tri-ace / Enix  
Namco Bandai  
Squaresoft (Square ENIX)_

(After a quite long etc, the boy who was a hero awakens in his father's office chair.)

MIKE: Arg... I had to watch ALL the credits roll... eh? I am home! And the music still is playing...

(Looks at the computer, its playing Dream Dreams, Kids version. He can't know why.)

MIKE: Why is this song in my father's computer? Ah, well, I will get it out... and this other one too.

(He dresses, has breakfast, gets deloused and checks that no, the redhead didn't return with him... goes out.)

MIKE: (mp3) I guess this is the most adequate for this case... I can only hope not to get mopey after it...

(Plays 'Winning: the Victory Does not End', from the Phoenix Wright saga, and starts reminiscing.)

MIKE: How long has it been? Hardly a month, and however it's still Sunday... EH! (run) I must arrive on time!

(He speeds off to the bridge where it all began, the music hasn't stopped playing... nor him remembering.)

MIKE: _Shonenji... who would have thought a baby dragon had so much courage and street smarts. Mahorita, whose magic isn't learned on books, but by living it to its fullest... Shojonoe, the perfect proof that love makes you crazy..._

(By association, he remembers her master, the hateful Xig-lem... and suddenly, understood his name.)

MIKE: _I can't blame him... because I would have done the same. I mean, I DID... well, you get what I mean._

(And then... he looked up... and didn't believe what he saw. She was there, like nothing had ever happened.)

MIKE: There is only one way to know if it's really her. If she answers, then she has to remember. MARTA!

(Such a scream would have meant nothing to another girl, but his friend replied: EMIL!)

LINDA: Catch me, or you will destroy your world forever! (jump) (MIKE: What are ya doing, you biiitch...!)

(Jumps and grabs her, like back then... the joke wasn't funny, but as she stands up, tears adorn her face.)

LINDA: Mike... I could come... mama allowed me to live in your world, to be a real girl. What about you?

MIKE: If I could cry, I'd love to, hunny... but you know: the only time a lawyer can cry is when all is over.

LINDA: What? (?_?) I don't get it. But it doesn't matter! (letter) Ops, I still have it...

MIKE: Let's read it, here. (reads) 'Take care of her... for me'. Whoa, I am in a fine mess, hunny!

LINDA: Aren't you happy? (^_^) Now I can be whatever you want... your sis, cousin, or your... lover.

MIKE: Or I could wait some years and say you are my daughter. (LINDA: Eh!) Geez, it was a small joke.

(They laugh it off. They stand up, and leave... the letter flies with the wind, the seal breaks and it forms:)

THE END.


End file.
